Wow so sorry you ended up in this situation. I don't know to the degree it was your fault but I know that no one would ever choose to be in a situation like this. But wow what a tough spot.
I don't know if it's just my projection but I get a faint but noticable sense of optimsim from your post. If that's at all the case for you, I'd really try to explore where you feel that originating from.
I'm really no expert in the subject in life or parenting, so I don't think I can give any useful suggestions other than to listen and read a bunch of material on parenting and defer to the experts.