jester7707

Hi all, Thank you for stopping in to read. I've recently read a conversation between my partner and her childhood friend (Don). They were discussing among other things their friend that passed away 6 months ago. She asked Don if their deceased friend knew she loved him. I was already aware of that because she had told me about it before but, the conversation continues with Don saying that he doesn't think he knew she loved him and that Don and him both look at her like a little sister. She replied with something along the lines of " oh really? What about that one time we fooled around? You only see me as a sister?" I already knew that they had a past before our relationship. Don then told her yes and that it was a mistake to do so. Her reply was " If you only look at me as a friend then we can't do that anymore." Another comment she made later on that concernedv me was " I miss the good old days were you and said friend only talked to one girl. Me." When I initially read this I was sad and aggravated. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting b ecause I do haave jealousy issues I'm working on. I would really love to hear other's take on this. Thank you for taking the time to read.

Nchambers42, Nathan, Waster, and Livemike thank you all for taking your time out to read and giving me your input. I really appreciate it. Nchambers42, That sounds like a wise idea. Maybe if I sort out all the good and bad I'll see my relationship more from an outside perspective. In any case, it can't harm to do so. Nathan, I have told her and she does usually act in a positive manner by being very sweet and reasurring about her faithfulness. I question it allot and feel sorry for doing so afterwards. It's hard to trust again after she allowed herself to possibly develop feelings for another. I want nothing more than to get over it and not to be jealous anymore. Waster, I can say that lately it seems that there is more negative aspects then positive but, I feel that there is 2 main reasons for our relationship problems that can alleviate this constant tension between us. Maybe not make our relationship picture perfect but make it decently positive and headed in the right direction. One is my constant jealousy. The other is her being quick to anger when someone triggers it within her by reminding her of her past abuse she endured. For example, you or I could say something that seems pretty normal to us but it would irritate or anger her. What I like about my partner? I like that she can be for the most part sweet, caring, understanding, and like a best friend to me. That some of my views may be different from hers but she doesn’t attack me for having them. I like how she is good with kids and animals. I like that she wants to get married someday and have a family. I like how she enjoys making others happy. She told me that she loves that I'm caring, sweet, and gentle. She believes that I'm a good person. She loves that I'm passionate about my interest and that i can be playful. She likes that I'm good with children and animals and that she loves my mannerisms. Livemike, You do bring up a good point on one hand but, I do feel simular to how Alan Chapman explains it. It seems disrespectful to me by blatantly saying you are attracted to another while in a relationship. And in my opinion (witch may be false.) I feel like I'm lacking something that is mostly out of my control when she does this. In my opinion it seems like she is openly stating that she wished to have what I lacked by publicly showing that interest to another person. I don’t personally do that in my relationship. In the past I may have said that some woman is pretty but I never gawked over a woman in the entirety of all my relationships.

Thank you both for the quick replies. I agree with both of you on this. I do have a jealousy/insecurity problems so, I wan’t sure if my mind is just clouded with this. Dirt McGirt, I can think of some reasons. We went through a hard time in our relationship about 3 months ago. It's a long story but it probably help to know this. We were arguing allot (Almost everyday) and in a last resort type of conclusion to this I decided to move out of her house just for a month to be able to try to solve our problem with our relationship. I expressed that to her but she didn’t take it so well. She was very upset with it and I later found out she cried everyday that I was gone. The first week it didn’t really work all that well. I made a really bad mistake by telling her that I wanted to be with someone who was more sexually open to do different things and that I don’t know if I can continue to be with her if she doesn’t feel the same way. A couple days passed and I told her that I was very sorry for saying that to her and that it was a very wrong of me to say that. And that I regretted it. She said she really appreciates me saying that and said she needs to think about things and she needs time to herself. After I found that out I became very scared to lose her so I kept asking her what she needs to think about and if she is going to leave me for the next couple of days. I pushed her allot to answer these questions until she finally decided to leave me and just be friends for awhile. Which was my worst fear at the time. She expressed more over time of what was our problem in the relationship when we did go out. She said she felt as though I'd ignore her by playing on the computer or video-games most of the day and that I would get annoyed when she tried to talk to me about this. Also that she felt she was just a roommate with me and not a girlfriend. I personally felt she was mostly right. At the time this was going on I was working with a verbally abusive manager. I felt this contributed to my anti social behavior and sadness back then. I felt as though she didn’t try to make it perfectly clear that what I was doing was unacceptable and needs to be remedied in some way. She would just mention a problem and leave it at that. We would go on dates every now and then to rekindle our love for each-other. she revealed to me that she has been talking to a man off of xbox live about us and to get general advice from. She had been since before she broke up with me. She told me that everyone in her household believes she has feelings for this man and that she is not sure if she is really having feelings for him so she'll have to think on it for a couple days. I felt utterly heartbroken and betrayed to hear this. A few days had past and she told me that she only sees him as a little brother. (This still bothers me to this day.) A few weeks passed and she expressed she would like to go out to visit her xbox live friends across the country along with seeing the man she once thought she could have feelings for. Even made a comment that he has a really cool mans cave with a pool table ect. I told her I didn’t like the idea of her being with strangers across the country without me being present. She said she needs freedom to do what she wants and that all her previous relationships she was told what she can or cannot do and that made her lose allot of great opportunities with schooling. During this time I was in a deep depression. I was crying every night and couldn’t sleep all night most nights. I was sad and angry with how I treated her and felt heartbroken and betrayed by what she had done to me. (talking to this man she barely knew about us instead of me and then allowing herself to possibly developed feelings for him.) I would get jealous at the most insignificant things she posted on Facebook or talked about with her friends. she would continual say she needs to think about us and she needs her space away from me.Whenever I expressed my jealousy or concerns to her or my friend about this situation I was met with attacks on me about how I'm being too sensitive and jealous over what happened. I felt completely alone and begun to have suicidal thoughts. After dating awhile we agreed that we can be exclusive again. I realized that if she was going to cheat or lie there was nothing i could do to stop it and that my jealousy was just pushing her away. So, I then told her that she can hang out with anyone she want and go on trips to where ever she wants. I told her she is completely free but, if I find out she lied,cheated,or withheld information I should know about then I would leave her. And these would apply to me too. She took a complete 180. Come to find out she said that she wanted to travel around and visit friends and needed space from me was because she wanted to make me jealous and stir a response in me. I was angry when I herd this and I explained to her that what she did was partly the reason for my depression, jealousy and suicidal thoughts. By making me live through my worst fear and manipulating my feelings. She apologized to me and I decided to stay with her. We are moved in together again but with little improvement. We break up and get back together a couple of time now in the past 2 months. She has a bad tendency to snap at me when I say something she doesnt like and I have little patience to deal with her anger sometimes. I'm still pretty jealous of her and on the other hand I sometimes don’t see why I bother being here with her when we can't seem to make things work and I express that to her. She doesn’t want to break up and gets very upset every time I do bring it up. I told her I think much of our problems are due to past abuse we went through. We both want to now see a couples therapist when we can afford one.

My girlfriend expresses her attraction to other men while talking to friends (Joking around about a "hunk") or liking a photo or two on facebook. It's not everyday but probably I hear/see see her expressing that about once every month or two. When I do see this behaivior I feel sad and jelous. I feel silly for posting about this situation right now. Are these feelings in me justified when I see her expressing that? Am I just dealing with an underlying problem? Thank you for reading.

There is somthing that my ex recently has been doing on facebook that troubles me. She has made a facebook account for my son and added me as a friend. She updates the statuses about what he is doing everyday and it's her typing from his perspective. She then post on his wall sayinghow much she loves him and she needs him in her life ect. I feel both slightly happy because it's nice to know what he is up too and that he is being loved by many. I also feel anger tawords her (from what I believe to be)because it's like she's pretending to know how he feels and it's like saying "I'm happy without dad in my life." I'll share the link with you so you can see for yourself what she says ect. "https://www.facebook.com/haydon.nicholssmith?ref=ts&fref=ts" Another thing that I feel irritation tawords is that she hasnt added me as his father to the family list, even after I requested it. Again, thank you for reading.

I feel relieved and hopeful by both of your responses. Thank you for the imput. I'll take it to heart.

Hi everyone. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I have decidedto try to take the first few baby steps to make my life overall better. I’dfigured that a good way to start out with this is explaining the various pastand present situations I’ve went through to hear your general opinions on itand perhaps some advice on what I could do to better the situation and my life. I’ve been thinking of starting this journeyfor weeks now but have been afraid topost out of (what I believe) to be a fear of rejection. Well, I’m 24 with a 3 year old son that currently lives with his motherthat has been my ex for a year and a half now. Me and his mother’s pastrelationship was your typical teen relationship were it was good for the first6 months to a year then went down from there. I’m ashamed to say that therewere plenty of signs in the beginning of how we were not compatible together. She was open about her depressed state and open about why she was thatway. She told me she was pregnant with a previous boyfriend. Her mother wasvery upset and embarrassed by it and forced her to get an abortion. She wouldalways say she wanted a baby. Pretty much every day. In the beginning Iexpressed that I would like to wait until we were more financially stable. Ofcourse that made her sad and depressed. Needless to say after a year or two ofthis I agreed with her that we should have a child. Eventually she became pregnant and in the coming months things gotworse. She became cold shouldered to me and much less affectionate. She wouldtake her anger out on me and started arguments on a daily biases about thedirty house ect. Her faveret words used tawords me in these arguments were Asshole,lazy, and jerk. She constantly thought I was cheating on her. Even slapped me a few times while holding ourinfant son. well I was tired of the constant accusing of me cheating so Ijokingly said one time "Yes, I have nothing better to do than sleep with said woman." During this time I was at a fast food job were the managment was very verbally abbussive too. She honestly wondered why I didn’tfeel motivated to wash the dishes or help her clean the house. By the time my son was born I remember cryingmyself to sleep almost every night because I felt like I didn’t matter to heranymore. She got what she wanted out of me and the only reason I was there forwas to provide money. I didn’t notice the whole extent of the abuse untilrecently when I watch Stef’s video titled “Why Men Don't Want To Get Married”The speech he made about “the apology that will never come to men” fitperfectly into how I felt about that situation I was in with her. As you can tell we didn’t last much longer after our son was born. Ileft her a few times then came back to try to “fix us”. But it never workedout. I mostly stayed with my grandmother during this 2 month time period. I wasa too much of a coward to break up with her and didn’t want to be alone so I mistakenly tried finding anotherperson before breaking up with her. so i did different things that I believed would overal better myself. For instance I started a diet and lost 30 pounds. She found my online dating profile and inone last argument it was over with. It’s been a year in a half nowand she allows me to see my son but only when she is present. I can’t take himwith me without her because she doesn’t trust me with him. And when I’m withhim she sometimes makes comments that make me feel angry. For example recently myson was enjoying me lifting him up and together chasing my nephews around thehouse. After about 10 minutes of this I felt sick and needed a break and satdown. My son wanted me to continue this and I tried to explain to him that Ifelt ill and needed to sit down for a while to keep from getting sicker. My ex chimedin saying something (In front of my family) along the lines of “Get up and playwith him. When you have kids you don’t get a break.” I try to keep in contact with her and try to be a friend of sorts everyonce in a while but she doesn’t reply back to me in texts or just gives me oneworded answers. We haven’t gone to court over custody yet. She is probably frightenedthat I’ll get part-time custody of him. The reason I have not done that yet isthat he gets extremely upset when he isn’t by her. He cries for hours. I feelit would be abusive for him if I used to courts to forcibly take him away fromher. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Should I use the courts to try to get visitation with my son?

I have much sympathy for you. I'm in a similar situation but I havent been with my son's mother for nearly 2 years now. I'm still faily new to this so I feel I shouldnt provide any advice but I can possibly help with the roomate situation. There are many social sites dedicated to finding a roomate or a place to move into. This is one: "http://www.roomster.com/" I never personally tried it but it looks promissing. It may be a good idea to do a backgroup check before you allow anyone to move in or vice versa.

Greetings from Northern IL. I've been listening to Stef for awhile and consider myself a grasshopper when it comes to all that stef preaches. Is that a bad choice of a word? Anyways, I've listened to many of his eBooks including: "The Handbook of Human Ownership" "On Truth" "UPB" "Real-Time Relationships" "Everyday Anarchy" and "Practical Anarchy". I've also watch many of his YouTube videos. Of course I'll have to re-read all of the books many times to be able to digest all of the wonderful info. I first herd from stef while using "StumbleUpon". Google it and try it out if you never herd of it. I stumbled across a video by a fan called "Only the Dead See the End of War." And have been intrigued ever since. I really look forward to chatting with everyone in the near future. Before I go I have to take the time out to openly thank stef for all the wisdom he has shared for free. It has really changed my perspective of the world and my relationships for the better. And my thanks equally goes out to everyone ells that has helped out to spread all the wisdom.If anyone is on Facebook I would love to have more like-minded friends. Feel free to add me.https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=718998588