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ebznflows - I'll do some research on that. Although I'm not really sure how to investigate how they treat my daughter because I'll never get an honest answer from them, and my daughter isn't quite old enough to communicate that yet. As for my parents parenting style, they were never physically abusive towards me, I only have one vivid memory of physical abuse. My dad was emotionally cut off, I've never seen him cry and I don't ever remember him saying he loves me. My mom is manipulative, dramatic and hysterical. They like to put money over peoples heads and use it as a means to control people. PGP - I get the same response from every rational person in my life - WTF is wrong with my parents? I'm not really sure what's wrong with them, but I've come to the difficult conclusion that they're toxic people. I really think they need to control their kids, and ever since they've lost control over me, they've pretty much gone over the deep end and their true colors have come out. mendez - Thank you for your reply. Yes she definitely won the jackpot by jacking my sperm. My parents knew all along how dysfunctional she was and how unhappy I was in the relationship; my mother always encouraged we keep trying to work things out, and my father was pretty much non existent. They have also told me that they think she impregnated herself on purpose to trap me, and they're very well aware of all the damage she has caused in the past; now that I've cut them out of my life, they brought her right back in to spite me. Oh and I got a DNA test done before she was born and I am the father. My wife and I have had several serious talks about this, it has consumed our lives over the past year. Keep in mind that we started dating a few months before my daughter was born, so she knew what she was getting herself into (meaning that I was going to have a child). Neither of us had any idea though that it would turn into this circus. She is pretty much down with peaceful parenting and she's wonderful with my daughter. They love eachother very much, my daughter is only two and when she's with us she talks about that she's happy. I've painfully resigned to the fact that I can't control what happens when my daughter is with her biological mom. What do you all recommend doing as to looking into her parenting? All I can think of is hiring a PI which we can't afford, or getting the legal system involved which I really don't want the state in my house.

I really have no idea because the communication is so strained that I'd never get an honest answer, and she'd completely lie to make herself look good so it's on paper. She isn't very intelligent, and she was spanked with implements as a child, so I have suspicions that she isn't a very peaceful person. Also she still lives with her parents and neither of them are peaceful people. Am I allowed to use information in court that was obtained by a PI, or would that not be considered legitimate?

Thanks for your reply. Here's the thing, I believe my parents strategy now is to financially bleed me dry, they've done it in the past with a different sibling. Also, they've recently given Sarah a well paying job and insurance to make her look good on paper. So we could probably find a way to survive financially through the court process if it wasn't an ongoing thing. I don't know how long it would take, but I would imagine at least a year or two. I like your idea on counter suing for full custody. That was actually an idea my wife and I discussed, because then at least we tried everything we could before giving up. I don't think I'd feel too good about just giving up without trying that, and leaving my daughter with these crazy people.

Hello, There are so many details to my story I'm about to share, but I'll try to make it somewhat short. My life has become very challenging the past couple of years. I am 25 years old now, when I was 17 I started dating Sarah. It was a very dysfunctional relationship, and I finally officially broke up with her when I was 22. Several months after the break up I made a big mistake and had sex with her, and she got pregnant. I'm almost positive she impregnated herself on purpose to try and trap me in a relationship with her (she was very clingy, when we were dating I found holes in condoms we used, after my official break up it seemed like a desperate attempt to trap me for good, and many other reasons). She was opposed to adoption and abortion, so I established half joint/physical custody before the child was born. About 5 months before the child was born, I started dating Emily; she is about 9 years older than me and worked as a therapist at the time. She knew Sarah and how crazy she was from prior interactions with her, and she understood the situation I was in. Emily and I had a lot in common and we had a really great time together; months later we moved into my house together, then we got engaged, and then we got married. After we got married, my parents started acting oddly towards us and ever since then their behaviors have become more and more bizarre (e.g. not coming to my wedding reception and telling all of my family and their friends not to come either, reporting a picture of my daughter on Facebook as pornography, calling my mother in law via telephone and accusing me of being a pothead and gambling addict, coming over unannounced to my house and pounding on my door for a half hour, calling me nasty names behind my back to Sarah, inviting Sarah to all of their family gatherings and holidays, and that's just scratching the surface). My dad, who is a psychologist, told me that he knew Sarah was crazy from day 1, but he never bothered to mention that to me until after I had a kid with her (that information would have been useful on day 1, not after I already figured it out on my own several years later). Very long story short, I ended my relationship with my parents a year ago because they were causing too much stress and damage in my life for many various reasons. I think that made them mad and now they're funding Sarah and basically by proxy finding ways to still cause damage and stress in my life. Sarah is bringing me into mediation, and I think her next step is court to maybe go for full custody. They have an endless supply of money, and it's causing an enormous amount of stress in my life and marriage. We are great parents and have done nothing wrong, but all of this havoc they're creating is driving us to a bad place; we're considering just giving up custody and moving away so we don't have to deal with them, but we'd feel so horrible leaving the child behind. Do we stick it out for another 16 years and go broke in doing so (also take years off our lives due to stress and maybe even destroy our marriage)? Keep in mind that Sarah brings the child around my parents very often, so she could easily be manipulated by them. Also a final note, I have tried to work things out with my parents multiple times, but they won't be accountable for anything they've done. There hasn't been a single shred of accountability from them throughout this entire time. I'm kind of at a loss of what to do at this point. We can barely get by as it is financially, but with all the lawyer fees, plus the mediation and court fees on top of that, it's getting to be too much. I know that's a lot of information to take in, and sadly that's only about 25% of the context (but enough to have a decent understanding of the situation). There are so many details that I left out because I don't want this to be too long for people to read. If you have any questions or need further explanations on anything, I'd be happy to provide that. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback if you have any.

I actually logged in to post a thread asking this same question. Here are some of my thoughts on it: My daughter is two years old and I have slowly and gently been asserting my needs for about six months now. At first it was very basic, like that "I can't hold you right this minute because I'm cooking us food, but I'l hold you in X minutes (usually pretty short, under 5 minutes)". As she has gotten a bit older, it has become things like "I don't want to play blocks right now because I'm tired, so I'm going to rest for X minutes (still pretty short because she's only two years old, so 5-10 minutes). I try to give a reason why I'd rather do something else, but compromise and give her an amount of minutes until I will do it anyway. I am also very mindful about how I tell her, so she doesn't get the idea that I just don't want to play with her. Earlier today we went on a long walk to see animals and go to a playground, and when we got back home I was kind of tired since I had to carry her for a decent chunk of the walk. Of course she immediately wants me to continue activities with her, but I wanted to rest for a bit; so I just explained that I was tired, and why I was tired, and that I'll play with her in a few minutes. I really don't know if what I say is actually registering in her two year old mind, but I figure I should get in the habit early on.

I think it's a great idea. I'd like my two year old daughter to have more kids to play with, but I always am hesitant because most parents are pretty horrible. I took my daughter to the park yesterday and in under 20 minutes I saw multiple parents yelling at their kids and using excessive force on them. With your description, maybe replace "her" with "their" and change it from singular to plural, or find some way to make it gender neutral. I'm a stay at home dad and it has always bothered me a little how most websites about parenting have mama, mom, etc. in the title.

Like almost everyone else has said, the first two seasons are great, but after that it really gets weird and goes downhill. I'd still recommend watching it (mostly just because the first two seasons are excellent), but unfortunately you might feel the need like I did to complete the series. I'd say put it lower on your tv show priority list, as there are way better shows out there (breaking bad, dexter, house of cards, etc).

I think the title sums up my question. Psychological thrillers/twisters are my favorite kinds of movies, and I feel like I've run out things to watch. Anything that really will make you think, has a great twist, is disturbing, etc. I'll list a few below to give you an idea of what I mean, but please list more suggestions if you can. The Sixth Sense American Psycho Fight Club Memento The Machinist The Shining Eyes Wide Shut A Clockwork Orange Se7en Requiem For a Dream The Silence of the Lambs That's a small sample of what I'm referring to, I think you get the idea. Please list other great suggestions and if possible try not to repeat ones that have already been listed. Thanks!

I've been listening a lot to the School Sucks Podcast lately, and I find some of the history content they talk about very intriguing. The host brings on Thaddeus Russell quite a bit, who is the author of A Renegade History of the United States. I'm saving up money so I can buy his book, but in the mean time, can anyone guide me towards places to learn about interesting things throughout history? Things that are controversial perhaps, or that our "masters" wouldn't want us to know, things you'd never read about in any school textbook. There is no wrong answer, I know my question is very broad, just anything you find interesting would be great. Thanks!

Thanks for all the great suggestions so far! I know my question was pretty broad, but I don't necessarily have specific parameters; just anything that you think is a great book (whether you agree or not with the message, fiction/non-fiction, any genre, etc.). I went through most of my life not reading too many books, and I really want to start reading more. I'd rather delve right in and be as efficient as possible by getting to the best books first. I'm going to make a spreadsheet and put each suggestion in it. Thanks again!

I apologize if a similar thread exists already, but I couldn't find one. Do you have any book recommendations? What are some of your favorites? What are some must read books? Thanks!

I don't feel I have to drink at all, and I'm aware that it's not healthy. It's something I enjoy doing occasionally in moderation. Like watching TV, eating junk food, etc.

Quick background: I have a two year old daughter, and I like to enjoy one or two beers towards the end of my day (not every day, but maybe a few times a week). I've never gotten drunk in front of her, and I don't ever intend to. I expect as she gets older she'll become curious what it is that I'm drinking, and probably want to try it. My opinion is that it's probably best to not drink at all, but if you are going to, then to model what drinking in moderation looks like. I'd say there are two sides to the spectrum and each end could be a problem; it'd be harmful to shelter your child from alcohol (not drinking is fine, but not teaching them what alcohol is could become a problem for them later in life), and the other end of the spectrum would be getting drunk or drinking in general, but becoming abusive from the alcohol. This is a pretty broad topic, and I think there are probably a lot of right ways to go about it. I'm curious what your thoughts and opinions are. Below are a few sub-questions I thought of that are related to the topic. Feel free to respond however you'd like, I'd appreciate any feedback you might have. Thanks! - Is drinking in front of your child harmful behavior, or does it only become harmful if you make it that way (e.g. binge drinking, becoming abusive, losing control, getting drunk, etc.) - At what age would you let your child taste/try alcohol? Would it just depend on when you think they're mature enough? - Since alcohol is more harmful than marijuana, and if it's acceptable behavior to drink in front of children, would it then be more acceptable to smoke marijuana in front of them (assuming they're not exposed to the 2nd hand smoke)?

My apologies if a similar thread exists, but I couldn't find one after a quick search. I am wondering if there is a website that displays good therapists (for FDR standards)? Or if anyone in the Twin Cities area of Minnesota has any recommendations, that'd be great too. I just don't want to waste my time or have a counter-productive experience with a bad therapist. Also I'd appreciate any suggestions on how to determine if I've found the right therapist (questions to ask them, etc.); or if it really just comes down to my personal experience and if I feel like I'm growing and learning versus feeling bad and frustrated. I've never done therapy before, so I'm not exactly sure what to expect or look for. Thanks!

Thanks for all the great suggestions; I've subscribed to each one, and will give each a test run to see how I like it. Btw, I do restoration work on houses after fires, floods, mold, etc. Most of the time though I'm in a warehouse cleaning everything from the damaged house and preparing it to go back to the house after reconstruction. Listening to podcasts at work is great because the time goes by quicker and I'm basically getting paid to learn.

So at work I'm allowed to listen to podcasts, and I've pretty much grinded through every episode of everything I'm subscribed to. I'll post below my subscriptions so you can get an idea of what I'm interested in, but basically anything that's somewhat entertaining and that'll make me think. I'd really appreciate other suggestions. Thanks! Freedomain Radio (of course) Hardcore History Common Sense The Thinking Atheist Stuff You Should Know

Good day, So I have about $6,000 invested in my 401K through work, but I won't be retiring for another 30-35 years. My fear is that the dollar either won't exist by then or inflation will make my investment worthless. If I cash out the 401K now, I'd have to pay a large fee (30% I think?), but I feel like that might be the best option. I could take that money now and create my own retirement fund (bitcoin, gold, silver, whatever) and not have to worry about inflation. I'm just curious on what your thoughts are on 401K's/Roth IRA's, will the dollar even be worth anything by the time I can cash it out, and is it irresponsible to cash out my retirement fund early? Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Hi dsayers, I appreciate your response, thank you. To clear those things up: I wasn't married to my daughters biological mother; we dated for a few years, and had been broken up for about two years before my daughter was born. She was very manipulative and possibly impregnated herself on purpose (like I said, it's a long story). Anyway, alcohol was involved one night and I made the mistake of having sex with her (my ex girlfriend). Several months later I found an amazing woman (my wife now) who was completely empathetic towards the situation, and was willing to take it on and work full time so I could stay home with our daughter (her step daughter). I hope that makes sense, I know the dynamics can be confusing. As to your second part, yeah she typically makes noises and I can interpret pretty well what she wants based on that. With these tantrums that I'm referring to though, it's very sudden and there's never a build-up of other noises. I try to limit visitors when she's with me, mostly because I want to spend that time with her; however, I do want to expose her to other good people and get her used to socializing, so very occasionally I'll have over a good friend to hang out. After about 30 seconds she's fine, it's just the initial part of a new person entering the room that freaks her out. I think you're right that she's just not ready to use utensils yet. That's fine, I will continue feeding her myself when necessary (food that she can't eat with her hands), and let her use utensils when she's ready. Thanks again for your response.

Hi Alex, Thanks for your response, it was very helpful. That's what I've been doing when she freaks out regarding feeding herself via spoon; I'll just keep doing it myself until she's ready to learn. I also try to feed her things that are easy to eat with her bare hands, which she likes to do. That was just an example though, she freaks out about a lot of things. Almost anytime I have someone over, when they walk in the door she screams and cries. If she shuts a door she'll freak out. Sometimes just out of no where too. I understand that being a child that young is a confusing enough time, but switching homes and parents every couple days has to be incredibly difficult. I try to empathize and be as understanding to the situation as possible.

Hello, I'm pretty new to the forums, but I've been listening to FDR podcasts for about two years. Here is a little bit of context before I ask my question: I'm a 24 year old stay at home dad, I have a 1 1/2 year old daughter who I have joint legal/physical custody of and I have her 50% of the time. I fought for half custody before she was even born fortunately, and I got it. Obviously things didn't work out in the relationship I had with my daughters biological mother, but that's a long story. I've been married now for about a year, and my wife is able to support us both so I can stay home. Our custody arrangement is called a 2-2-3 system, basically we transition her every 2 1/2 days; it's a lot of transition, and I'm trying hard to get it changed to weekly. Okay now that you have some basic context of my situation, here is my question: How do I deal with tantrums of a 1 1/2 year old? Understand that my daughter is switching homes every 2 1/2 days, with different parenting styles, completely different environments, etc. That in itself would make anyone's life very difficult I'd imagine. She isn't old enough to communicate in English yet, so she can't explain to me why she's upset. I'll give an example of what I mean by tantrum: I'm trying to teach her how to use a spoon so she can feed herself. Sometimes during mealtime, I'll put her bowl of food with a spoon on her high chair for her and demonstrate what to do. Occasionally she'll completely freak out and scream if I have her try to feed herself. If that's the case, I hug her and try to calm her down and let her know I love her. That doesn't work though, so I'm basically forced to just wait until she's done screaming, then I distract her to make her laugh and get her mind off it, then she's fine and will eat (if I feed her though). I'm not quite sure what to do, because I don't want to positively reinforce her behavior by hugging her, but I also want her to know that I care. That's just one example, it doesn't revolve around eating. I know Stef talks about tantrums sometimes and says that his daughter never has had one. My situation is unique though, because I only get my daughter half of the time. In my household it's very peaceful, fun and relaxed; and not only do I not know what the other household is like, but it's hard to say how she'd behave if I had her 100% of the time. I hope my question makes sense. Thanks for your time, and let me know if I can provide any further information.

Hey MMD, Thanks for the link. I really liked Stef's response to the question. After discussing this topic with friends who have kids, they all have actually said that they think it's kind of stressful lying to their kids about Santa. Also that the kids feel bad after asking their parents if Santa is real, because they can think they're ruining the game for their parents. I've decided that when my daughter is old enough to understand English, I'll basically teach her about Santa like Stef said in the video. Santa is just a game people play, and if she sees a Santa mascot, that it's actually just a guy in a suit; I'll also prepare her for the children that think Santa is real. Thanks for your responses everyone, and feel free to continue the discussion on Santa going if you'd like.

Yeah I totally agree that it sets them up to believe in mythical things; that has definitely crossed my mind many times while contemplating how to handle this. I didn't go into much detail about my particular situation, but maybe I should have given more context so it's apparent why this is such a conundrum for me. So like I said, my daughter has eight cousins, most still believe in Santa, but some are old enough now and have it figured out. My parents have a tradition of hiring a guy to come play Santa every Christmas Eve, and it's very fun for the children. Now, I'm the only atheist in a large christian family, and I very much value the truth. I want my daughter to also seek and value truth, to question everything and to think for herself. Also, I grew up believing that santa, the tooth fairy, god, etc. were all real. It was very fun when "santa" would come and give us gifts. Looking back, I don't think believing that stuff as a kid has impacted me in a negative way. However, as I write this I am realizing that I don't want to tell her santa is real, the only reason this is an issue for me is because the rest of my immediate family does tell their kids santa is real. I wonder if it's possible to tell her the truth, but for her to not spoil the game for her cousins.

Hello, This is my first post on here, so I'll do a quick introduction and then ask my question. I'm a 23 year old anarchist and atheist, I have a 5 1/2 month old daughter, and I've been listening to Stefan's podcasts for several months now. I've heard Stef talk about what a great community this is, so I wanted to get involved on the forums to see what it's all about. I want to get your opinions on how to deal with Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, etc. Obviously they're not real, but it is normal where I live to tell your kid that these things are in fact real. It's just a game for them, and unlike religion, it isn't harmful. I'm just very conflicted because I never want to lie to my daughter, but also I don't want her to be the outcast (she has eight cousins, most of whom will still think Santa is real). The best solution I can come up with is saying something like "I've never seen this Santa guy, but a lot of people seem to think he exists," that way I'd remain neutral and still be honest, and she can play along with Santa if she chooses to. This is one of those things I've never really heard intelligent people discuss. I look forward to reading your responses!