Dibble

Thanks, Yeravos Now only to get rational women to join. The male/female ratio here is notoriously unbalanced. Need to find a way to spread the message to help them find their way.

Thanks, Dylan I hope it takes off.

Hey there In absence of an FDR dating site I've made a Facebook group called Rational Dating 101, which can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RationalDating101/ I'm hoping this'll turn in to a nice group for rational singles to meet and for rational married/dating people to come and talk about how best to maintain rational relationships Feel free to join and spread the link to people you know who might be interested but who aren't part of these forums.

Hey Matt I'm still waiting on an equivelant of FDRating.com I considered building a dating site myself but ran in to so much legal and tax law nonsense (think they're trying to prevent entrepeneurialism much? ) I might have to settle for a page on Facebook I am a part of two European/Nordic FDR Facebook groups but that somehow doesn't seem like the right place to post personal adds.

Hey Yeah, I signed up for the nearest one to where I live but it's pretty dead.

Hello Yeravos I've just finished reading your book. It has a good message in it and a lot of helpful tips for people who want to start journaling. It also amazes me that you've only been journaling since some time last year and have already made such great progress. Maybe you could do a follow up book in another year? There are some grammar and spelling problems I've noticed. I'd suggest letting a native English speaker look at it. I'm not very good with things like comma placement myself so I would be of limited use to you. Little mistakes (like the occasional word that's left out by accident) can be a distraction from the message. Some time during your journaling example you mention that the Inner Critic and the Rebel are not the Self. Though aren't they all pieces of the Self which have gone extreme in some way and need to be pulled back in to the fold? All in all an enjoyable and helpful read!

Well it might be something that you do which is based on past experiences. In any case as you say it does telegraph to the world that you're not comfortable in that moment. Makes you wonder what about those moments makes you uncomfortable enough to display this habit. In my own case I know I do it when I'm tired and stressed and generally in need of comfort. Luckily I'm able to control the behavior when I'm out and about though sometimes if I get really tired or upset I do notice the urge to put my thumb in my mouth and sometimes it even gets to that. But then I'll just pretend I just wanted to brush past my lip or rest my head on my hand awkwardly as though I'm thinking.

I was just going about my business at home (currently working on my daily NaNoWriMo word count) and when I stopped to mull something over in my mind I noticed that I had automatically stuck my thumb in my mouth. It got me to thinking on why I still do this. I've never been able to quit sucking on my thumb, most likely because of an insecure or non-existent bond between me and my primary care giver, my mother. I have no memories of my life before the age of 7 which could mean all kinds of things. I just know that I've always sucked my thumb whenever I get tired or stressed and that I've tried quitting many times but always return to it, specially at home. They tried all the usual stuff with me of course, putting a bandaid on it or smearing something foul tasting on my thumb so I wouldn't want to stick it in my mouth anymore. I was too stubborn, though, and I persisted. The only consequence, aside from living with a slightly embaressing secret, is that two teeth from the lower jar have a bit of a gap between them from where my thumb keeps pushing against them which is easily fixed with bracers. Other than that it just serves as a reminder of how my parents felt that children should serve their parents rather than it being the other way around. Does anyone else here have similar habits as a result of insecure childhoods?

Hi Eschiedler. That'd be great, thanks I've been meaning to join the EU call but so far I haven't managed it. I will some day soon, though. And maybe there'll be a EU meeting some time to join. Who knows?

Right. Just because someone can't donate money doesn't mean they can't 'donate' time by sharing videos and talking to people about FDR, peaceful parenting, UPB, etc.

I think the official challenge is to start with a new story on day one, so no cheating

I'm joining in again this year No script and just a few vague ideas; just the way I like it.

I used to wear lots of t-shirts and run-down stuff when I was in my mid twenties. I was pretty depressed and didn't care much for my appearance. When I started getting a bit more confident I started caring about what I wore more as well. I too got rid of a lot of old stuff and started wearing nice things. I didn't dress radically different but I would make small, gradual changes. Those changes were parallel to how I was feeling about myself. The more confident I got the better the clothes I wore and dared to wear because part of the reason why I always dressed down when I was still feeling depressed was for fear of attracting attention to myself.

Hi Ribuck Thanks for the compliment. Unfortunately Dutch and English are the only languages I speak with any confidence. I know a bit of German and French but not enough to speak it. I'll add the languages though as it'll help clear up the issue.

Is that actually going to be a thing? Probably not, but it's fun to dream. I guess you're right about not having defined what I'm looking for. I guess I was too busy explaining who I was first I'll sort this out asap.

If you're reading this but not interested I'd still like to ask for some feedback on what more information I could provide, etc. I'd like to be as clear as possible.

Hey I spotted a few similar topics in this section of the forums so I thought I'd try posting my own. After all this is the place I'm most likely to find a thinking specimen of the human race that I'm aware of. Name's Bianca. I stated I'm Dutch mostly to communicate my location rather than as an identity. I've been working on my issues (childhood emotional neglect mostly) for close to five years of which the past two years have been the most intense. First a bit of the usual stuff: Languages spoken: Dutch and English with a little German on the side. I have a lot of interests and hobbies such as drawing/painting, reading/writing, horseback riding, clay casting and I do a few hours of volunteer work every week (gardening at a farm which is the home base of an organization that offers group transportation to low income elderly and people with disabilities). I also love gaming, computers and the internet. Aside from that I love browsing second hand stores, book stores (love em!) and visiting flea markets. I currently work in IT at an insurance company but I'm planning on starting an on-line store which would be close to a charity shop, basically reselling my flea market finds and some of my original work. Part of the income will go to various charities (I'm sure we can cut FDR in somehow ). Due to my parents never having bothered to open a book on parenting long enough to read past the introduction I have emotional neglect issues like little empathy for myself and social awkwardness. This made me an easy target for bullies both in school, at home and beyond which has made me cautious around people I've never met before. I'm working on developing my own 'wants' as before I simply didn't have any (that is, any that weren't in line with those around me). One of the ways I'm working on that is by undertaking more activities outside the house like regularly planning trips to events like markets and soon a medieval fair (where I'll actually be dressing up because I wanted to ). I've had 1 (count them) relationship so far when I was 26 which was an enormous mistake on my part. The man I chose appeared to be confident and to know what he wanted out of life (exactly the things I lacked). When I came closer it turned out that the complete opposite was true. He was extremely clingy and dependent and wondered aloud why this radiant being would choose to spend time with him, some peasant crawling around in the muck (seriously that's what he said). Being anything but confident (or radiant for that matter) myself there was no way this was going to turn out good so after only two months I called an end to it. After that I became even more confused about people and relationships (how can you ever truly know a person well enough to date them?) so I went back to not dating. I spent some time trying to figure out if I had seen red flags but not noticed them. I'm now a lot better at recognizing facades and, having been an FDR listener for a few years now, have a keener eye for red flags in general. I've been in talk therapy for a while but found that talking didn't necessarily help me but maybe I just didn't have the right connection with the therapist in question. Currently I'm doing Haptotherapy which is dealing with touch/proximity stuff and also includes exploring damage done in the past to an extent. Aside from that I'm starting an NLP practitioner course early 2015 which'll be 16 days and I'm guessing it'll be pretty intense. I've done two courses in 'body work' before and a course in assertiveness/personal effectiveness which showed me that I'm actually a lot more capable than I used to give myself credit for. Uhm...what else. I'm 5ft7 and of a 'healthy' build. Brown hair, gray eyes and with a voice not unlike Ayn Rand except without the accent Oh and I don't smoke... I don't drink either unless it's a social occasion. I'm fairly calm and I don't tend to draw attention to myself. My past has made me more of a listener and observer which before was a pure necessity though I still find it useful for less-survival driven occasions. You learn a lot by simply listening. The photo was taken during my holiday in Bristol last August. My friend surprised me, hence the wide eyed expression That's it for now! **BELOW WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR** As pointed out I hadn't actually said anything about who I'm looking for. Slight oversight on my part. Since I'm fairly new to relationships as a whole I'm looking for someone who's willing to be patient with me as I learn the ropes. They should be 35 years and up. I'm looking for someone who's interested in building a future together and raising another member of the new peaceful generation. I'd like someone who's calm like me, down to earth, good humored, patient as mentioned above and maybe a little stubborn. Someone who enjoys similar activities, ignores newspapers and dislikes watching TV. An affinity with creativity is not required but would probably help

It's OK. She should just pick a time that's convenient to the majority of potential callers. I learned yesterday that there's an EU Skype group too. Gender mixed but that's OK.

I struggle with the same issues. As a matter of fact our stories are pretty similar. I watched this guy's video recently and thought it was pretty good:

I might want to listen in at least. What time zone are you in? 6PM doesn't tell me much Being in the Netherlands it'll probably start at some ungodly hour for me

I see what you did there Also, on topic, if I didn't have such anxieties about talking over the phone or on Skype with people I've never met before this would be fun

Okay, so I've never felt like my parents and family in general ever much cared for my existence and for the longest time I followed their example (by which I mean I didn't care to exist about as much as they lacked interest in me). That's how things were for most of my life until my early 30's when I slowly stared waking up to the abuse I had suffered and started my long climb out of the dark pit I was in. Now that I'm starting to see some light as I get nearer the top I've decided to start caring more that I exist. One of the ways I'm doing this is by having a personal coat-of-arms designed sort of to say two things: 1. I could have had one designed for 'my family' but they can go take a hike as far as I'm concerned based on their track record; this one's for me. 2. A coat-of-arms can be passed down a lineage. Lineages always start with a specific person who took the initiative to start one. I'm starting this new lineage with me and thinking of it as the start of a tribe of peacefully parented people. What do you guys think? Attached the actual coat-of-arms. For those of you who may be viewing this from work: be warned. There are mermaids on it and they don't tend to wear clothes... The roses are for my name, the line in the middle represents the town walls of the place I was born and the bee represents creativity and productivity as I'm a creative jack-of-all-trades. The mermaids represent eloquence (as I'm an amateur writer). The swan heads up top represent eternal love (for the self and others?). The colors (blue and silver) represent sincerity and loyalty.

Thanks for the tip Went and got that straight away.

Do you know of any good Icelandic language courses I could take? [] Iceland is starting to sound better and better each day.

I have downloaded the Relationships one. Will check out On Truth after that, thanks []