To get it out of the way, I'm a soldier in the US Army. Have been for 3 years and have 3 years left on my contract. To make it worse, I am an infantryman. I joined at a time in my life when I was a Ron Paul style minarchist. I still had love of country and those sorts of collective nationalist type feelings, though I disagreed with our general foreign policy, and domestic as well. I was hopeful. I had hope that Ron Paul would gain momentum and my job would turn into defending my nation as I saw it. Turns out, I couldn't have been more wrong. I'm not sure about how to get out of this. I've asked about conscientious objector status, but have been denied this based on a lack of religion. I was jewish when I joined and apparently a study of philosophy and a religious change to atheism doesn't count for study of religion that I was not a part of when I joined. So while I am still here, I guess the only up side is being one of those impossibilities of the world as theists see it. I have been and likely again will be an athiest in a foxhole. All the incriminating stuff aside, I had the typical journey to a Voluntarist NAP centered world view. I was raised a Bush loving Republican. I remember my first taste of the political system in 2nd grade. We held a mock election for the Presidential race between Clinton Dole and Perot. I remember one of the points we were given was their favorite ice cream flavor. I look back at this seeing it for the disgusting act of dumbing down that it was, but I digress. I voted for Clinton based on him liking chocolate Ice cream. My dad told me this was wrong, I should vote for Dole. I didn't know why, but I agreed. I was politically active through high school, supportive of Bush in his second election against Kerry. But through his second term I suddenly found myself questioning his politics. I'd found Ron Paul on youtube and read Ayn Rand and went from there. I learned quickly and shifted to Libertarianism with a fierceness. Arguments with history and civics teachers became my normal day. Especially when being told that the political spectrum was democrat and republican. Voted Chuck Baldwin in the first election I was able to vote in, because I couldn't stand that Bob Barr got the nod for the Libertarian Party. Since then, I found Stef and grew to love studying philosophy. I always found myself migrating toward the individualist philosophy. I read the other side to understand better what the individualists were talking about. I joined the army and really started listening to Stef (odd timing) and since have come to be anti-government anti-religious (thanks to Hitchens) and anti-collective entirely.
I hate myself everyday that I wear this uniform. It's gotten extremely dark in the last 3 years for me. Camus' absurdism has made it easier, but it's an easy way out. Telling myself that I can't possibly know what is absolute truth and that the journey to truth is the important part is probably the only thing that keeps me from joining the big army statistic right now.
Side note, I've told my father how I feel about America...he didn't take it well. Matter of fact it instantly went from the one solid good relationship I had to his disgust.
