Emanuel

Why don't you leave high school?

I left the computer on at my workplace and it was on the page of the forum post. My mother wouldn't come to this website willfully. I should have been more clear and say that when I'm working for them, they're not around. I only spend about the equivalent of 15-30 minutes per day talking on the phone with them. I also don't spend a lot of time at home, I'm mostly away. But I think I understand what you're saying. Thank you all for your kind words. I take them to heart and will think about this more. I'll be back when I feel I understand this better.

That one-liner. Wow. I think that communication in written form can be so elusive. There is no tone or context to the words of other people. Words like argument and told are lacking in emotional content. And believe me, this is not a criticism I'm making. I just think that whenever I try to use language, I miss the intensity-defining words. Anyway, sounds like an asshole, if you don't mind me saying so. My father acts confused and says to my brother that he doesn't know what's the matter with me and that anything I want, he will provide. I just think it's no longer the time for that kind of stuff. Generosity had to come when I couldn't leave, but now that I can, and do, it's oh-pity me, it was the other parent's fault, yada yada yada. I hate these people. That's not even mentioning the Jehovah's Witness upbringing, which I've been looking more into, and I'm experiencing a deep rage. I can understand trying to limit the interactions as much as possible. I couldn't bring myself to even attempt to look like I respect those people. I think I want to see if they bring up the past again, as I will be meeting them for business tomorrow. If they mention it, or make reference to it, I think I just want to tell them to never bring that up around me again. I don't want to hear anything that they have to say about that and I don't want to talk with them about it. Where do you get the feeling I don't have clarity? I'm curious about this. I think I know exactly what these people are and that I don't want anything to do with them. The problem is that I'm in relationships with them and we interact every single day. What's that about the implications of the clarity? Again, thanks for posting, I appreciate you sharing your history. It gives me perspective on my own issues. Out of curiosity, why have you chosen June as the month to leave?

Thanks for the reply, MMX. I'm sorry that you find yourself in a situation that seems somewhat similar to mine. I was also thinking of moving away some time in April, or even as far as October, but now I don't know so much. I mean, how much more of this sort of stuff can I go through before I go mental? Also, I do have a little stack of money, though it's mostly in the form of Bitcoins and Silver. (around 3500$ of value). I can continue working there and living at my mother's, and I am able to save up to 300$ a week, which is incredible. I'm extremely skeptical of people who claim to be victims, unless they are children, of course. I think it's a really nasty way to push responsibility onto someone else. I don't know what she wants. But I know she said that my mother was her legacy, and that I was a part of that, "her baby". I think everyone in the business is psychopathic, or don't have empathy. Not just the family members. I know I don't want to expose more of myself to them, but maybe the little part they saw was too much already. What do you think? I sort of feel a little more calm, seems like the fight or flight is gone, or at least part of it. I'm at a lost here. I've tried to schedule a call with the big chatty forehead, and I'm sure that will be a lot of help to me. I also think I need to reflect more on this before I try to move on with my decision. I'm scared of not being able to provide if I leave "too soon". I'm also scared of staying too long and losing a part of myself in the process.

Good afternoon people. I'd like to give a short backstory to what's going on right now. I've started listening to FDR in April 2013, and I became more and more conscious of the extreme abuse that went on in my life, primarily perpetrated by my parents. I separated from my father without giving him a word and moved away from my mother's house in July. I went to live at a friend's house(his mom's house). She's also an abusive, manipulative and hysterical mystic bitch. I was too troubled to notice at the time, but now I know. I went back to live with my mother in September because I wanted to be able to save more money. I started working at the family's driving school(my mother's side). I have been working there since October 2013. My grandmother, who started the school, was away on vacation at that time. She just came back for a week to check up on the school and make updates. Last week, I posted here to say I wanted to move very far away from my mother's place and probably never see her again. I'm very scared of providing for myself, as I think I can only make very little money with my current skills, and that the cost of living is very high where I am at the moment. Now my mother found out about that post, and she told my grandmother. She came by today to talk with me about my commitment to the driving school and their "love and attention" towards me. My heart was beating extremely fast during the entire encounter, and I didn't say a word. I told myself recently that I would not talk to them, or be honest with anyone other than my closest friends. She said that I was very fragile after what happened to me, and that she also had a very traumatic history, but that she would not go into it because "that's not her style, she's more like gogogo and getting shit done". She said that my mother "couldn't do anything, was paralized by my father", but she also said that my father was a good man and an honest worker, and that he could not control his urge to control. I kept telling myself in my head: "That's bullshit! She could have acted at any time! You could have stopped it any time!" I didn't say anything though. She even said that she loved me, with a smile. It was terrifying and humiliating. I don't think I can keep this up anymore. I think I need to get all these people out of my life right now or as soon as humanly possible. I think I could live in my car, but money would quickly become an issue. I don't have a job outside of the driving school work. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost. Please, anything that you might have to say, just say it. I don't think it can get worse from here on out.

No

Wow, thank you everone for this. Dsayers, I appreciate your care and responses. I am feeling sad about what's going on with her and me, but at the same time I'm relieved that there's nothing more I can do. If I stay, or I go, my mother will not change. Only I can change, and I really believe that that's the most important thing I've got. Thanks Mishelle for your kind words. I am thinking of talking to her to tell her everything that I really think, without letting her interrupt me. I think that in that way, she will know that I am honest. I also want to leave her a letter, or something that captures who I am. But I understand that I don't want her to think I'm still around. Mike and Prepper, thanks for that piece of advice, I understand how important it is to make your intentions clear. It's true that this technology has made keeping long-distance relationships or non-relationships much easier. I will not be in contact with anyone from back home when I'm out there. Once again, thank you all very much, and I believe I'm much clearer about what I am doing, and what I will do.

I was feeling down one day after listening to a podcast about confronting those that have wronged you in the past. She saw the look on my face and asked what was wrong. I told her I was very sad about the way I was treated as a child. She rushed to say that my childhood was very nice, and that I had basically no reason to feel like that. I pointed out that I was hit, and was yelled at and humiliated, and she just said that this happened to everyone, and that some parents believe in physical discipline. Of course, I wasn't satisfied with that and pressed her. I told her I was angry at her, and I know that from this point on I was in rage. I think I was yelling and crying at the same time shortly after that. I remembered vividly some times where I was hit with a wooden spoon by her. I feel that the way I'm writing might make it seem as though the situation was mild, but it was very intense and loud. I told her that what she had done was immoral, and she just said: I don't think it was, what do you want me to do? What can I do so that you forgive me? I couldn't answer that, and I left the conversation. Today I know that this was not a curious and open interaction. I know that I was behaving out of repression and fear. But I know that these feelings were true. And I don't want to expose myself to that again, even though I think I would approach it very differently if I were to do it again. I will need to tell her explicitly that I want to leave her, and that I cannot be happy with her in my life. I will need to do that before I leave. I know it's a choice, but I think it's the right one for me. I don't seek her acceptance of what she's done or even an apology. I just want her to know that I'm leaving because I think she's an evil, spineless and manipulative bitch. I know that it's my mother, and when I talk to her she seems to completely ignore her own evil. But I don't think she's an idiot. I think she's playing dumb. Sometimes I bring up the pain I feel about something in the present or in the past, and she has these facial reactions, like her eyes frowning and her mouth moving around. I really think she knows she's guilty. But she can't admit it to herself. I don't respect her. It's really sad that it's come to this, but it has. About the second thing. It's a little strange because I was thinking of deFOO'ing, and I was also thinking of travelling. But then I made the connection between the two, so there's not really any causality between the two.

Hello FDR. Recently, over the last couple of weeks, I've been planning a trip to south-east Asia. I think I want to go over there to live a life that is simpler, slower and more focused on meditation, travel and meeting new people. I have found that that is probably the best region in the world to do those sorts of things. The cost of living is low compared to where I live, Eastern Canada. The weather is also warm all year, and there are basically two patterns(sunny or rainy). I'm currently saving money for this trip working as an administrator at my mother's driving school. I work just over 30 hours a week, and I take care of appointments, giving out information to students and answering the phone. I get paid a pretty good wage, just over 12$ an hour, for work I find very easy. I spend a lot of time when I'm in the office browsing the web or listening to audiobooks or podcasts. I also live in my mother's house, and it enables me to save more as I don't pay rent or pay for my food. Now there are some issues with this. I don't believe my mother ever really connected with me. I vaguely remember abuse, taking the form of verbal humiliation and spankings. My parents divorced when I was 14 years old. I don't remember talking to them about it, or them bringing it up with me. I didn't get to process it at all and was feeling very anxious and depressed at that time. I couldn't get empathy from them in any way. Now, I've tried to talk to my mother about my issues with my past, and her actions. She was extremely defensive and denied or manipulated me into "forgiveness". After a heated "debate", I decided to leave the house. I went to live with a friend of mine for just over 4 months, and barely contacted my mother or my father. I forgot to mention that I have since completely stopped to see my father. I know what choice I am currently making: I am not going to talk to her about anything that is meaningful to me, no matter the cost. I do need to talk to her about my trip, though, and I am sure she will mention how she wants me to contact her when I'm there, and other things. I am thinking of using this trip as a way to divorce myself entirely from my family of origin. I am unsure of how to talk with her about this, or if I even want to. I'm considering just leaving, with her thinking that I will stay in contact, and never do so. But at the same time, I want her to know exactly how I feel. I am thinking of leaving, and meditating/reflecting for a month or so, and maybe write her an email or call her directly to let her know what it is that I am doing. I think a phone call might be the best way. Now that I think of it, I might also want to talk with her in person about this. I'm really confused about what to do in this situation, but I don't feel like I can get her to admit any wrong that she has done. I'm not sure what the best course of action for my long-term happiness is. My question is: How do I find out what to do in this difficult situation? Please leave me any feedback you believe can be useful and don't hesitate to ask me questions. Thank you very much, I highly appreciate your attention to this issue which is extremely important to me.

When I first read your reply, I didn't get it. I don't know what it was, but I had to read it like 4 times and think pretty hard to start writing this reply. You know what? I think you're right. When I was writing that earlier comment, I was in a bad situation. I was trying to control myself, and to act in certain ways that I consider "better". All it did was cause me more dissociation and sadness. I've been telling myself that I need to eat more healthy, and I've been eating more and more potato chips, for example. I'm not sure I understand what you mean about me protecting my parents, and I'd like to know more about that. I think I have some thinking to do in the meantime. I will not force myself to do it though. I think that's what I meant by the fine balance between acting in coercion to oneself and in voluntary means. I'm not sure if I'm really taking care of myself, though. What I mean is, I'm unsure of how to talk to myself and get to do things, without being violent. I don't think I've ever learned that kind of language, and I'm not sure of how to think about it. I'm confused right now. And you're right when you say my happiness isn't full. And I don't know what's missing exactly. This has given me a lot to think about.

Hello Ivan, I'm sorry that you're in such a bad situation. Where are you moving out from exactly? My first thought was that you're planning on moving out in more than a year. That doesn't really ring with your need to get breathing room, at least to me. Tell me what you think about that time frame. I don't think I understand the downside to getting a job, it's not very clear to me. It certainly is possible to get entry-level service jobs if you don't have much or no experience. Have you worked before? Are you getting into debt to pay for your college education or are your parents/caregivers paying for that? It must be hard on you to not get the emotional support you feel that you need right now. You say that two years isn't much. That's not quite true. In my opinion, two years is a really long time, that you can make lots of different things happen inside of. I wouldn't be so quick to put value on academics. You also don't know what the hiring environment will be like in a few years if you get your Bachelors. If you were to relocate to a cheaper area, work less and spend more time making friends, or going to therapy, getting that emotional support, maybe that would be preferable for you? I obviously don't know what's best, but it seems to me like you think you must keep going to school. When you say that a degree is helpful, do you have the opinions of professionals and people in the field? If the people around you don't provide you emotional support, or reject you and your emotions, how can you say that you're around like-minded people? These are just my thoughts, and I hope they give you a bit of what you might have been looking for. Please let me know what you think.

Thank you for posting this, Cornelius. I understand what you're saying, and I also hold these criticisms to a certain extent. Regarding the first one, I have already felt like you on certain occasions, but I have an impression that lately Stefan has been more reluctant to speak to people who simply avoid his arguments or do not connect. I have many memories of people being asked to call back later. Maybe it's because nowadays the show is busier and Stefan has less time for that kind of stuff. Maybe that used to be more of an issue in the past. Obviously, time-outs are a sad an last-restort method of dealing with a child, and it's saying that you had not prepared for the situation beforehand. It's a show of inefficacy in the moment. This is why it was made clear that a time-out is only a temporary solution, that is, until the parent or caregiver has found the answer to the problem, and has negotiated with the child. I also agree that if it can be avoided, it must, as it is sure to cause hurt and feelings of abandonment in a child. That third one is much harder to deal with, and I've also been having some problems with procrastination and "laziness". I'm with you when you point out that there's a fine balance, and an important one, inbetween forcing yourself to do things, and doing them from love of yourself. How's your experience been with productivity and work? It sounds to me like you don't respect the ability to discipline yourself and to get stuff done. I have issues with that myself, and I believe that it comes from my own parent's actions and words that linked productivity to pain, humiliation, sadness and anger. If I was not acting in a way that pleased them, they would tell me that I am lazy, that even though I am so intelligent I am not smart, and other things that I won't go into depth about now. Now that I think about it, my Jehovah's Witness upbringing might also play a big part in that, as in that perfection is necessary, but unattainable, and that there is perfect life after death, meaning that your current actions do not have any value. Could you elaborate on that productivity thorn idea? I'm not sure I understand correctly. It's very hard to discern what is right for me in that situation, as I am somewhat inside of it right now, and I understand both sides of the issue. It's entirely the parent's responsibility how the child is raised and what values are given to different traits, and it's also the adult child's responsibility to go out and do something with his life. I think that in some ways, a metaphorical kick in the butt can make a man out of a boy. Danger will inevitably lead to either courage or self-destruction. Please tell me what you think.

Hello everyone, I've been having a very important thought cross my head these last hours. I've been thinking about how much I value this show, this community and the incredible change that these ideas will make and are already making in the world. I already donate to the show, and I thought that my donation was sufficient to help Stefan grow the show and make the content more accessible and better. But I've thought about what would happen to the world if we lost this community and Stefan's abilities and communication skills. I've been thinking about mortality, and how it is an inescapable fact of life. I then thought about just recently how Stefan got a really close look at that eternal pit of emptiness, and I was terrified. I was extremely scared that we might lose the greatest mind that the world has right now, and our best chance for getting the most important ideas out there. After meditating about this for a while, I decided that I needed to make my commitment to the truth and the future of humanity more evident in my own life. I know that I might die tomorrow, and that Stefan might die as well, and all the other good people in the world could just go out at any time, and for sure, they will go out of this world at some time in the future. And so, I announce my new resolution to change the world in what little way that I know how to, by helping my good friend and personal mentor, mister Stefan Molyneux. Thank you so much for everything that you have done. It must have been so hard to go beyond the lies and propaganda that fill this world. It must have been extremely difficult to face the hostility and sometimes more painful apathy and relativism that define our society. You sir, have changed my life forever. You have made who I am today possible. You have helped me to gain the understanding and mental clarity that I need to make my life, my relationships and the entire world brighter by a single, extremely bright flame. Once again, I must bow to you and even though I know you are only human, I know that what you have done and are doing is truly heroic and I respect you extremely for it. Please do what you think is best with my money, and I am together with you in our building of a better future for all mankind. As I write this, I am feeling great emotion and feel as though I am beginning a new way of life, a more honest way of looking at myself and the world. It was very hard to get to this point, and I am now conscious of my ability to do good in this world. Thank you so very much, your humble friend, Emanuel Neves

Why do you want these people to be right? Is it their wish for you to confront their errors? Unless you know someone is dedicated to growth, truth, philosophy and all the good rational stuff, YOU, not your message, is seen as hostile. Don't forget that people are never angry about arguments, especially if these come from philosophy. Philosophy is you. If they get upset when you are honest with them, it's you that they cannot tolerate. My question would be: Why do you want all these people to be right? Why even have these people who dislike you in your life? I know these are hard questions, but you must know what your goals are in these relationships. And every minute you spend in a relationship that is not fulfilling to you, you are moving away from people who you can have these relationships with.

In the case of living in a somewhat-free society and buying from a somewhat-less free society, I think that there's no ethics involved. I can certainly see how someone would be unwilling to buy t-shirts from some dictatorial country, and how other people would not be bothered. I don't think there is a real difference in buying from a more direct serfdom system than from a more indirect system like ours. I don't think there is really a more moral way to act right now. You could even say that buying from an overseas dictator is better than funding your own state, as it will have less revenue and go bankrupt sooner, causing freedom in a shorter length of time. It's really up to the consumer, and how their conscience plays into it. But I don't believe that you can use UPB to justify any course of action in this situation.