Clark Gorny

Do not use other peoples actions as an excuse for your own! You say you want to be a role model for your child? How would you want your child to react to someone who is mistreating them? Would you want them to neglect themselves in hopes it might change the other persons behavior!? BE AN EXAMPLE! Focus on yourself. He has already distanced himself from you and obviously does not respect you. This does not have to be permanent. You have the power to change this situation! If he does not want to pay for therapy or participate then get yourself into therapy. If you cannot afford to pay someone you can find many MANY! resources for free online. In my opinion the only chance you have of salvaging this relationship is to now focus on yourself.. Children are not the only people who learn from example. If this "man" is a decent person he will see your improvement and your commitment and be inspired. What are you waiting for? Allot of people in this "community" will talk to the cows come home.. YOU NEED ACTION! Sorry if you think I am being too blunt, I speak out of respect.

I am going to be very bunt with you. If you truly respect this girl you will distance yourself instead of enabling her destructive behavior. In my opinion you are setting yourself up for an on/off relationship. DANGER. DANGER. ABORT. ABORT. The longer you linger in the middle ground the more likely you are to submit to the temptations. She obviously does not care about herself if she is willing to give up a good relationship for imaginary friends. Every day you linger in this post relationship failure friend zone the more you assure that the possibility of any healthy relationship is completely destroyed. Take time to heal away from her.. This girl has done damage, when you no longer have any feelings for her you can choose to be friends with her if you want although... Did you not state previously that you do not hang with people who use drugs for recreation purposes? Why is she any different? You seem to have a high opinion of her.. So if anything your expectations for her should be higher not lower. Enabling destructive behavior is not only destructive to her but to your integrity. From my perspective you are acting out of desperation not conviction. You are destroying your pride and dignity just by ignoring these facts. Is any of this hitting home? Hopefully you find it helpful. Stay Strong and Be Healthy ~Peace

Well yes is it any wonder that the majority of the people screaming Global Warming, Climate Change, etc are hypocrites to their own dogma? Social Justice warriors are all about forcing you to submit yourself to their beliefs so they don't have to do anything but yell at you.

I read some of the book, I think he did a good job of identifying the cause of addiction. Other than that its your typical blame everyone but the perpetrators of abuse and perpetuate the hopeless victim mentality. "The only way to treat addiction is to find god, forgive and forget etc" blah blah Barf..

A very helpful addition thank you! It is a distraction in a sense, in the same way a magician uses misdirection for a purpose. However I agree with you it is definitely more than simply a distraction. While the masses are mesmerized by entertainment they leave themselves vulnerable to propaganda. Mind blowing! Thank you!

Today is Superbowl Sunday.. Yet another day of embarrassment for the human species. In tribute to unfulfilled lives and forgotten dreams we dedicate this day to you Sports Celebrities and Corporate Entities whom profit from our Ignorance. We are but Frightened and Confused Peasants desperately grasping for anything to distract us. Today we drunkenly dedicate ourselves to thanking our masters for allowing us an opportunity to experience feelings of excitement and accomplishment. We are unwilling to dedicate ourselves to manifesting and maintaining these feelings authentically in reality, in our own personal lives and communities.

Thanks for the response, let me be more specific. When should you start asserting your needs over the needs of your child. You can start mentioning your needs when language is developed I agree. However More than just language is required for children to understand and reason with the newly acquired language. I am not talking about cooking food or changing a diaper or things necessary to take care of the child. I am specifically focusing on the time when you decide to tell your child that no I don't want to do that "Children activity/desire" I am going to do this "Parent activity/desire" simply because I want to and I have needs to. Perhaps even explaining to the child why you are doing this and why they need to respect your needs. I think that is the most important thing. That the child understand what you are doing and that they don't internalize your behavior as neglect.

I know that you can't go by age alone and that you must be able to evaluate the relationship and decide for yourself. I estimate somewhere between the ages of 3 and 4 as a good place to start introducing the idea that you have your own needs too. I understand that you do this gradually slowly introducing the idea not suddenly and without warning. Also what factors are you looking for to make this decision? Is it the ability for the child to reason alone or a combination of things? Thanks, -Clark

Hey there, slim chance but I figured I would try and see what happens. Anyone leaving in or near Calvert County want to meet up and talk philosophy? I created a Freedomain Radio meetup at meetup.com http://www.meetup.com/Freedomain-Radio/Lusby-MD/

The kids are 2 and 3, I am 31. I talk to my sister on occasion and she will just ask things like "how are you doing?" I think to myself Ummm... I am raising your kids living in our mothers basement.. I am horrible but I can't say that to her all she wants to hear is "good how are you? what are you up to?" She wants to have conversations like none of this is happening. I have recently found out that my mom has been given full custody of the children. Allot of things have recently come to light. I have a new perspective and a plan to get my life together again and possibly get custody. Thanks everyone who has helped.

Well I wouldn't move into a house with people who had kids unless they had proven themselves to be dedicated to peaceful parenting. In this situation I only took the bullet because I thought it would only be a few months and that I was helping their mom get off the drugs.. I recently had a good conversation in chat about all this and it brought allot of clarity. Only thing I don't really know at the moment is how much of a difference I am making in their life by helping them to develop in there most influential years. I also have to factor in the damage it will do when I am no longer a primary caregiver. Now I really have to try and decide if it is best for them that I remove myself from their lives almost completely.

Thanks for the empathy, Basically I had to give up my job in order to be the full time Caregiver, I can barely afford to live at my mothers at the moment so if I wanted to move out I would have to put the kids in Daycare.

I have been taking care of my sisters kids for about 9 months while she has been in Rehab.. I am living at my mothers house during this time. My mother is a savage beast and an alcoholic. She takes no responsibility whatsoever for my sister being in Rehab. If I stay here much longer I am going to lose my mind. I want to help these poor kids who have been born into chaos. I have made the case over and over with my mother about the practicality of using time outs and yelling and the fact that it just makes things worse in the long run. I have sent her multiple links to articles and books explaining this. If I talk to her in person she just laughs at me saying something like "they need to learn they can't always have their way" She accuses me of "just letting them do whatever they want". The reality is she wants the kids to be broken so she can force them to do whatever she wants. She literally just a few moments ago put the little girl in time out because she wanted to wear her recital dress. My mother tricked her into giving her the dress by saying she was helping her take off the dress so she could go to the bathroom. But afterwards my Mother wouldn't give it back. So of course the little girl started crying and asking for it back. Because this behavior bothers my mother she picks up the little girl while she is still screaming and puts her in her room and locks the door. The little girl sobs and cries pressed up the door begging to be let out.. I am living in a nightmare. Not only am I stuck with this fucking beast of a person but I am powerless to protect the children from her. If I try to intervene she will go psychotic screaming and yelling at me threaten me insult me, she is capable of anything. I want them to have a chance in life and I am worried that I am just sealing their fate by being a part of all this. I am 100% committed to virtue and of course peaceful parenting, my mother is the exact opposite she just wants to get her way at any cost(so long as she can't get in trouble for it) I have recently come to accept the definition of the word sociopath to describe her, I could write a whole book on the horrors she has forced me to endure in childhood. The children have a strong bond with her and I worried that I am just making it stronger by tending to their wounds so she can rip them open again.. I want these kids to be able to identify monsters like this and avoid them not "love" them. I plan on moving out with the next 6 months but what then? I don't see any way of getting her out of my life so long as I am in the kids life. And when my mother is in my life I don't exist I am a just a chew toy for her insatiably sadistic appetite. Right now I am easily startled by noises, if I see my mom moving fast out of the corner of my eye I tense up and prepare for an attack. I am stressed to the point where its effecting my health. I am exhausted all the time. Anytime I am around her I feel nauseous. Its extremely difficult for me to be vulnerable and connected with the children around my mother, I can't be myself with them when she is lurking over my shoulder. Am I doing more harm then good by giving them this model even tho I am relatively able to give them the model I want when she is away Mon-Fri 6am-5pm?

The police force is becoming more and more militarized, these cowards just love blowing shit up and prancing around in their G.I Joe gear getting to play Mr Bad Ass. When they blow up a kid they just shrug it off and blame the person they were trying to apprehend. The fact that the guy they were looking for wasn't even there nor were any drugs doesn't even faze these people. They are completely incompetent and completely immune to any consequences for their actions. Only way to defend against these brutes is a strong community.