Sashajade

I have a desire to speak out about government but obviously that's kind of scary even though i have little to lose. Like I guess I'm slightly worried that the gov. will put a hit out on me or something. I think that's a valid concern before you decide on this type of undertaking.

Sorry about my comment about women being unequal in many ways. Yes as far as wages and opportunities, things are much more equal especially in developed nations. I think the reason I feel unequal has alot more to do with experiences of being victimized and being made to feel that way in my formative years. I guess when I think of inequality I think of my own history of being exploited and the choices I had made as a result. So it has to do alot with being mistreated early on by adult men and feeling as if I was somehow less valuable and less deserving of the same treatment because i was the female child. In response to the above post about Raywolf's crucial question: I'm going to say that I think that women do need men regardless of the independence that they have gained. Yes at one time it was even more so because our survival depended on it, but in reality it still does. Since there are many things that men prefer to do that women either can't or choose not to do, or just not equipped to do because we are biologically wired different. However, I think it is important to note that if a woman is healthy emotionally and is being treated with respect by men that this will influence wether a woman is obedient, loving, and kind to men.

I've thought about the reasons why the 80% of women dating 20%of men. I think that especially younger generations of women who have grown up in single parent homes as a result of the ever growing welfare state has definitly influenced the types of men they get involved with. Since there are less financially stable guys available but more women who are now self sufficient or on welfare, everything is skewed. I think the successful women are really picky because they want an even more successful guy and that will narrow your prospects. You also got women who aren't very stable, who pick inappropriate partners due to attachment disorders, low self worth, due to coming up in dysfunctional homes. Definitly the economic conditions drive most women to men with money, because conditions for women in society are still unequal in many ways. Mostly for women who come from poverty backgrounds.

I have noticed that I have what feels like selective sociopathy, although I don't think it's always a concious thing or ill intentioned. It's more like a survival coping skill to get your needs met because you don't feel safe any other way. You have this worry in your mind that you won't get what you need from others unless you act a certain way to persuade them. So it feels like sometimes I withhold being totally honest and authentic in my dealings in relationships because of the conflict that honesty brings at times.

The only unconditionally accepting, undertanding love i've ever experienced was from animals. However, I believe people are capable of it also. I've just had too many low empathy people in my life.

Since we know that our pc's, cellphones, and other gadgets are being spied on. I was just curious about what measures anybody has taken to reduce being spied on or tracked. Like i cover my camera on pc and phone if not in use. I know that certain apps can be bad to use, like banking through your cell phone. I would like to hear everybody's thoughts on this.

I recently watched some videos on youtube about the sudden rise of banker suicides that have happened just in the past month or so. I thought it might be worth examining what's happening or what's about to happen. I hope the date is correct or at least close. The first vid was published on feb. 8 and at that point there was just 5 banker suicides and i saw a more recent video saying its up to 20 from that time. http://youtu.be/cJ7z3tsGD7o

http://youtu.be/Earq-eR3MQI

This podcast really helped me get clarity about what direction I need to take to get me into a hopefully better situation. I feel like I have alot in common with the female caller about her self-limiting living situations. I currently live back at home due to economic circumstances, and the thought of staying here for much longer makes me ill. I can't stand the thought of my mother's charity because she is in big part to blame for my brain damage and struggles to survive. Since I have stayed here, I feel like I did as a kid who had no choice and couldn't get away. I just wanted to thank the caller, and you Stefan for helping me identify how seriously limiting, stressful this is. I thought maybe i can stay here for awhile, get just some job anywhere, until i figure out something better. This plan would never get me out of here, because I can't plan well until the last minute for one thing. It's clear to me that I have to keep the planning to a minimum, and deal with circumstances as they arise. My main goal right now is to get out of where I'm at and find a milder climate. I have always had a difficult time living in south dakota. Thanks again!

I think its the shared history in big part. I'm not locked up in prison, but I feel locked up on the outside. I'll do another post and explain more.

It turned out that Jon did get in trouble for giving a couple friends a ride. He got sent to the hole for a few days, or the jail inside of jail. lol! Sorry I do realize that being locked up is not funny, but it just sounds so silly. He is still on work release and hopefully he can stay out of trouble.

U are so right about finishing the whole story before i just decide to start typing. I think i'll stop doing that lol! I didn't know how to save my work. I tried once before and I don't think it saved or i don't know if i did it right. I have no experience with any office programs or stuff like that. Thanks for the responses.

So I've always been a really curious person, especially when it comes to people who I believe have had their lives destroyed by our government. About a month and a half ago I had placed a personal ad on craigslist in the dating section. I wasn't really looking for anyone special, but I ended up meeting someone special. We started talking and pretty quickly it seemed obvious that there was a connection. I learned that he was an inmate on work release which made him that much more intriguing, tho not because I have a preference for prison inmates. His manners were actually very good which made it all the more shocking that he is an inmate, tho nothing prepared me for when I actually met him in person. Somehow, I was expecting someone who looked a little rougher around the edges, considering that he had been incarcerated for 14 years total of his 36 years of life. He looked very clean, and attractive in a way that you would never guess that he had ever been to prison other than some artwork on his arms. But that's pretty common nowadays even if you haven't been to prison. It wasn't like gang tattoos all over. I realized that he was an alright guy because of how comfortable I felt around him, but I still had the radar on for possible phsycopath warning signs. So, i will call him Jon, had indeed a rough start in life. Nothing short of shocking but not surprising as far as the consequences to him as a result of early childhood trauma, violence, neglect. I was truly amazed at how positive and uplifting he was to be around with that kind of a violent background. He never told me about it but I'm sure he probably recieved some therapy while in prison, but probably nothing ongoing. Within the first few weeks of meeting him, I started to notice his unresolved issues coming up, tho he never displayed anything violent, or said anything hurtful to me. I could see his insecurities about relationships with women. He mentioned being very protective of girlfriends, and became violent towards other men if they were inapproriate with a woman he was seeing. Like in the bar, if some guy was harrassing, flirting with his girlfriend. Last week was the last time I talked to Jon and I think it's because he was taken off of work release. I'm almost certain that he got in trouble for something because he would often be anxious about getting back to jail on time. Thinking that this is probably the most likely situation made me feel bad. I did't want to aid in him losing any priviliges or extending his stay in that place. The thought of this potentially happening did cross my mind, but I still didn't expect it. This event made me question the whole work release thing. It just seems stupid to me to put inmates on work release anyway, unless you are going to monitor their every move. I can only imagine how tempting it is when you get a little freedom to try to bend the rules as much as possible under those conditions. How do you put people into an intensely repetitive, physical, daily grind and then expect them not to get bored or try to find some type of distraction if they think they can get away with it. He also had untreated addiction issues and told me that he had gotten high on a couple of occasions on work release. I knew of another person who had gotten high on work release and it makes me kinda wonder if work release is not only ineffective but potentially dangerous to the public.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZplWWVUyH8&list=PLk1Sqn_f33Ks_DAG2PK4ja_UdzWtKVkMQ

I would love to try it and feel like i'm a good candidate to benefit from it for sure. If anyone wants to share their experience, I would love to hear about it. don't be shy.

I would say that my bad childhood, and other negative things I observed with other people and their children most definitly influenced my decisions also. I often saw how other parents I knew struggled and seemed to have like a love/hate relationship with their kids. I was very concerned that I could become a parent like my mom and before understanding my own hitler that developed as a result of child abuse/neglect. I'am almost certain that even if unintentional, that i would have projected my issues onto them. That is just not fair to them. Thanks for sharing your inputs with me guys.

I chose to avoid having children so far because I have not been stable and neither have the partners i've had. Although I do have the desire to have a child, I've been putting that aside because I thought about the child's future well being. I was sure that going on welfare or giving away my potential child was not something I was willing to do just because I have a maternal instinct and/or other people want me to or think I should. Since many people succumb to pressures from peers, family, propoganda from church, state, media, culture, they don't think things thru very carefully, if at all. I'm not sure why people think it's weird for a woman not to want to have kids. There's probably an equal amount of men who became fathers who otherwise didn't choose to or want to. The only reason women get shamed is that we have more choice in the matter. As far as birth control, or terminating a pregnancy. That's probably one big reason. I guess people want to assume that its just not normal to think ahead or what's in the parent and the future childs best interest. Oops! is where its at if u don't want to be unpopular, especially if you are a woman. lol!

I've watched some stuff on this hallucinogenic substance. I've never talked to anybody who has tried it tho.

Thanks guys, on your imput. think im going to try the voice journaling thing. Ive never done that.

EMDR- eye,movement,desensitization,reprocessing is another therapy I've been using. I first learned about EMDR in the first self-help book that I bought about depression at age 22. It seemed so silly and simple but supposedly it can be highly effective, in addition to journaling or talk therapy. Some therapists use it because it enhances the processing of traumas much quicker than talk therapy alone. That's not to say that it doesn't take some time depending on the amount of trauma you have had throughout your life. It takes much longer if you were traumatized in childhood rather than adulthood. I wanted to try EMDR after I read about it way back when, but I didn't have access to a decent therapist. I wasn't ever consistently employed, no health insurance, struggled just to get by. Sure I danced and made some decent cash but I certainly wasn't great at managing it. So I had forgotten about EMDR until somewhat recently since I've been on the quest to do therapy on myself. I decided to search for stuff on it and found that it seemed pretty straightforward. To the degree that I felt like it was safe to experiment with it on myself lol! What happens is that you follow an object with your eyes and it will take you thru a sequence of moving your eyes side to side, up and down, and a couple other directions in a pattern. It will take some repetitions of this sequence before you relax into it, but then you should start to notice feelings or thoughts come up. I've found that it goes quicker if you do it when you already kinda have anxieties and feeling like things are already bothering u. I've used it sometimes first thing in the morning because i just couldn't get going because maybe I had a bad dream and felt stuck and needed to get out whatever it is that is causing me to feel like their is a weight on me. So I found an EMDR video on youtube that was helpful in particular. Its this balloon with a smiley face that takes you thru the sequence and in between the sequence there is an intermission of positive affirmations, but I would skip those parts because I felt like I needed to keep going with the little balloon guy. During the video the balloon guy sequence repeats like 3 or 4 times and i would just continue with that part until I started to feel better and towards the end I would make up my own positive self talk while watching the sequence. Yea you can expect that sometimes and especially in the beginning you might cry and your eyes will feel kinda tired but it gets eazier. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcxVud2XZw0&list=PLD1E3459242363E25 The link above is the EMDR vid i'm talking about. The other thing I sometimes change is the music that's in the background, because it gets repetitive and it helps to find different music to play especially trigger songs to make the process less boring so you don't get burned out and quit doing it. By trigger songs I mean the ones from past that have emotional memories tied to them. Ok that's it for now, but there's more I want to share on this, but just wanted to cover some basics. I will post more on it a little later though.

Sorry if this is a little disorganized. I will do my best to keep it eazy to get through. So about 10 months ago I started searching for ways to help myself get therapy that I so desperately needed. I pretty much owe most of the information I got from youtube. That is where I initially discovered Dr. Gabor Mate an addiction specialist. I started to watching Gabor Mate's material, and thru an interview that Stefan had with him I got curious about Stefan. So then Stefan's podcasts helped to clarify what has happened to me. It was like a small death for awhile. To learn just how twisted my outlook on the world has been. So the first method of therapy i had started to do was journaling, and started that at the beginning of May 2013. I had tried to journal before but I didn't understand how to do it correctly and I didn't stick with it because I would feel uncomfortable and ashamed at events and feelings that would come up. I didn't realize that, that is to be expected. I would never want to reread whatever I wrote bc it was just so scary, and I would feel worse initially after it. I did notice that i got some relief but bc it didn't help right away I didn't think it would be that effective. I didn't know that doing it consistently would make it much eazier after a little while. It's been like the alternative for talk therapy and I realized I have to treat it like going to an actual therapy session. U have to take a little time daily or at least every other day to just write out feeling and situations that u dont know how to handle. With journaling sometimes u feel like u can't get anything out sometimes. In that case, I would just start writing about anything, even if u just keep repeating writing why u dont feel like writing. Don't worry about trying to think about what to write or punctuation, just keep writing watever comes to mind. After u relax into it u will notice things coming up and even figure out answers to to make sense of the things that are bothering u. For the first couple months or so, my journaling entries were extremely depressing and even angry. There's alot of emotional dumping in the beginning but it gets better. In my journal I would write about my problems and issues, but I would also write down the things that I was acomplishing so I could see my progress and feel a sense of accomplishment after doing things that are hard or stuff I didn't want to deal with. Even just little things that make u happy during the day. It's better if u actually write by hand as opposed to typing. But either way is effective. I learned about journaling because of a podcast interview of Stefan's with therapist Daniel Mackler. His vids on youtube really helped me. I'll go into the other techniques/methods a little later. I'm not used to writing this much. lol!

I have been meaning to share my experience with self-therapy. Things that have worked for me and really aren't that difficult to do in the comfort of your privacy just with reliable internet connection and a computer. A little about my history and how I discovered these methods. I have been thru a number of traumatic childhood events. As I got older and these emotional problems and resulting PTSD had never been dealt with. I didn't have a good support network ie family and friends. I was a pretty depressed teenager and continued to suffer all through my adulthood. When I turned 20, I had what is called a breakdown. Although at the time I didn't know what happened until I literally snapped out of it on my own one day. When this occurred, a few upsetting life events happened all at the same time. It came on sort of gradual, from one day to the next. It seemed like I became less energetic, lost my appetite, would sleep all day, and scramble to try to get ready for work. Couldn't concentrate and within a month I had dropped 20 lbs, and already being of normal weight it was not pretty. So around a month or a little more, I had a chance to leave home and move to Vegas with a boyfriend. I believe the extreme sunshine helped lift me out of the depressive episode, and probably just a new place took my mind off of other stuff. This was the official beginning of more episodes of depression to come. Around 22 I started to figure out that there is something wrong and that I needed help. I was aware that my childhood and other negative consequential events were part of the problem. When I would try to discuss it with people, it seemed like they undermined how serious my issues were. It really bothered me that other people and even people who had been through the same things didn't seem to be too bothered by their own traumatic life events. My mom just told me to not to dwell on it, and move on. Bad things happen and you just have to keep going and put it behind you. Well that definitly wasnt working. Around that time I bought my first self-help book on depression called "The Noonday Demon". That book really helped to shed some light on what I was dealing with. It covered alot of different aspects that go along with depression. In that book I read about various types of therapy that are used to treat depression and PTSD. Back then of course I didn't have access to all this info on the internet and didn't think I would ever be able to get any real help, as I couldn't afford it and definitly didn't think I could do some of it on my own. Instead I got put on meds and while they were helpful, they didn't solve the root issues that were ruining my life. I had finally got desperate to help myself about 10 months ago. My life became a complete disaster and I was prepared to do whatever necessary to try to save my life. It was either that or I wasn't going to be around much longer. At least that's how seriously bad I was doing. I wasn't going to go this much into my history but I think it matters because maybe some of you can relate and realize you aren't alone, and there's hope. In the next post I will go into the tools i've been using for therapy on myself and how to use them, or at least how i've been doing it.

So I watched the open letter to Russel Brand podcast by Stefan and also the podcast of the Russel Brand interview with not sure who the other guy was. I was very impressed with Russell as well. Even if he doesn't know everything yet about the dynamics of the state. You could tell how passionate he is about what's happening around him. I could so relate to the raw emotions that he displayed. It was so real, and I hope he continues to engage other people. Would absolutely love to see a podcast with him because i think that Stefan can lead him in the right direction. Russell can certainly make a huge dent in the movement toward achieving freedom from the state. I've been a huge Russel fan, but now i realize that he is much deeper and not just some actor, comedian guy absorbed in his own world. Anyway that interview just blew me away, bc I have even more respect for the the guy. When he said the part about starting a revolution, and that he believes that we will end this. I just had to comment about it because it's unexpected for a celebrity to come out and speak out over this with that kind of serious, intensity. Oops! sorry everybody for my editing issues. I havent quite figured all that out yet. Someone even told me before that I had Russel's last name spelled wrong lol!

ThoughtTerroist, I completely agree on much of what you have said concerning this petition. You just pointed out some stuff I didnt really notice.

Omg! I love your post Steve. Speaking of dancing, I love to dance if someone is watching and i still dance wen no one is watching. The part of being able to dance in front of someone was not an initial thing that I overcame without doing tho. Wether it was a strip club or a dance/nite club bar. I really held back alot in the beginning fearing what other people thought if i pulled out some awkward move lol! Anyway enuf about me. I think its absolutley awesome that you understand the gravity to which people are affected by bullying/verbal assaults. It cut me very deeply as a kid and now as an adult. The only thing that has changed is doing my own therapy and learning how to cope with it The shocking part of bullying in all manners is that the things that are said to these kids especially by peers is the most offensive evil shit i've ever heard. Worse than things I even heard as a child from my mother. It's extremely horrifying for a teenager who has to be subjected to peers like this daily. Since they have to get the acceptance of peers because that is who u value since you arent around adults more of the time. Kids are forced to attach to their peer group who is viewed even more important than many of the adults in there life who are always working,busy and should b the ones to matter. Unfortunately your peers arent able to be there on a mature level like a caring adult can or should. So its excruciatingly painful when immature peers who you want to belong with are rejecting and cruel, especially when u have to be around these other kids all day at school and u have no choice. It's like being in pure hell, an abusive relationship that isnt even occuring at home. wait yes even at home on internet, some kids even threaten u near your home. I had many thoughts of suicide in my teenage years because i didn't feel like i belonged anywhere. Not at home and not in school. it was pretty sad, i think it is great that u are supportive of these teens because they sure need it. Thanks for doing what u do Steve.