Tomas van de Wiel

I have also wanted to create content for a very long time, but I've always had trouble with where to start. I also have this part of me that doesn't want to make something public that is not complete. So well, I just went ahead and made a Discord group. Why don't we just start a conversation and see how it goes? Join the conversation here: https://discord.gg/fjn8Nv2

I like this directness. I enjoyed reading this thread and it helped me with dealing with similar thoughts and feelings. Thanks guys!

Hey Alex, I can relate to the situation you describe with your mother, that's why I think I might have something helpful to say. You say you have difficulty coming up with examples of her being manipulative. I don't think that's totally true, as you just gave a very clear example of it in your post. Just as I did, you told your mother how you felt in her presence and that you needed time away from her. What was her response to that? You didn't mention this in your post. But the answer to it is already quite obvious, I think, when looking at her behaviour afterwards. You opened up a conversation about very important things, your experience when talking to her, and then later she contacts you again talking about her problems of which the importance comes not even close to the problem you are having. You were vulnerable, you gave yourself and her a chance to explore why this is your experience and to better the relationship. Did you feel like she was genuinely curious about your experience? Did she express that? Do you feel like she sees the importance of this? How can you help her, or your relationship, if she does not see the importance of talking about your experience of the relationship? How can there be any improvement if this is put on the side for the utter unimportant fact that her car was broken? Or that she'd like you to be around certain family members? The manipulation is right in front of you, when she changes the subject of the conversation to something completely irrelevant, when she ignores your anxiety and discomfort, which in my case showed me very clearly where that discomfort came from. You feel constantly manipulated, because she is constantly manipulating you into not paying attention to your true experience of her. She wants you to be blind because that's the only way in which the relationship would hold. I'm sorry if I'm very bold and I know that I might be projecting in some way, because this has been my experience with my parents. So please tell me if this is helpful to you, or if you think I'm off somewhere.

oops, repost

Hey kerou, what an interesting post! I can see you have tried to come up with reasons as to why you had this reaction when Iwata died specifically, but my guess is that there's a deeper cause. You say this was just a guy who ran a company you liked, but that seems to contradict the fact that you has this emotional response to his death, right? What your message reminds me of, is the nostalgic feeling i get when i think about the games a played for whole days since i was very young(in my case Playstation). Although I don't play nearly as much games as then anymore, i'm still very interested in new games coming out and the progression of the industry in general. It's clear that some part of me still has an emotional connection to the game world. The reason why I'm telling this is because in my case this is very logical. Gaming was a way for me to escape real life, the neglect, the boredom, the agression. For years the lives depicted on the screen were substitutes for my own, and the people i played with online were my family(That's how it felt at least). I know this is not an uncommon experience and that games are often used as a way to escape real life and not experience what it is really like. Was this the case for you? Maybe I'm totally off here, but I think it might be helpful to ask yourself why those games are so important to you. If those games gave you something that was of great value to you at the time, more than just amusement, then your sadness would make more sense. Tell me if this was helpful in any way

I'm interested, writing you a PM

Welcome! (although I'm a bit late). I got curious when I saw "Holland" in the title, I haven't met many people in the community who live here. It's also a joy to see someone join close to my age I admire your courage to find out if it is possible to get your family curious about it and to talk openly about it. It reminds me of my journey starting from when i really understood RTR and just went for it all the way. Your last message very much resonates with how i felt before i found out the truth. I think I'll send you a message, I'm curious to know how it went so far. Hope to see you around here soon!

I'm very sorry to hear that they chose to circumcise you as a baby, that's a horrible horrible thing. Of course i have no clue wether eventually your dreams will reveal more on this subject, but i think it is wise to be open for other explanations as well. For instance, since you did not help those people based on their virtues, or their willingness to grow and be virtuous, could it be that your sex drive or wish to find a sexual partner had something to do with it? It happening in a clinical setting might point to you trying to help them by giving them "love" in the form of sex, since that is often the only way in which dysfunctional/not virtuous people feel like they are loved. It has also been my experience that when there is no capacity for true love and intimacy, people tend toward having sex to live in the illusion that there is such a capacity. I'm just shooting my thoughts here. Basically what i'm saying is, it might be more productive to find out why having intercourse with these kinds of people still play a part in your unconciousness. Again, tell me if i'm making any sense here. And thank you for your full disclosure, i appreciate your courage to be completely honest, most importantly to yourself!

First i wanna say that i just find your curiousity towards your self lovely, thank you for that curiosity, as that is what will makes this world a better place My impression of your dream is very much in the realm of what you already said towards the end of the video and what you said in your second post here. I also think the aliens could very well represent your parents. Here are my thoughts. In many fictional stories aliens have a consciousness similar to humans, they can communicate with us, yet in almost every story their motive is to control us and either take over or destroy our world. I believe that when controlling entities, or beings that have power over us are present in our dreams it can almost every time be traced back to our parents, since that is the fundamental source of control in most of our lives. (Since they were aliens, might it be possible you had some knowledge about the consequenses your work for them would have eventually?). You going around in an ambulance picking up people who are in some way weaker than you is a metaphor i can very well relate to. It seems to point to this yern to help people out of their illusions, help them see the truth, help them being motivated to go on the journey of self-knowledge. But, like you said, helping people is never productive if the others do not really want to be helped themselves or if they are not curious about the truth from the start. Trying to help people who do not really want to change will always lead to nowhere, and it ends up being a form of self-abuse, as you are putting yourself in these impossible situations eventually ending up in pain or disappointment in yourself. So why do we do it then? You go around in an ambulance, but you are not able to help them yourself. The aliens come and get them and the people disappear, and nothing productive has happened. The aliens do not want you to go and try to fix yourself, they want you to be busy trying to fix others. This way you spend your time not only being unproductive to yourself, because you could have spent your time diving into self-knowledge, but it also results in the aliens expanding their power, sucking the last bit of life out of you, turning you into a slave robot. Only honesty and true knowledge of the self lets you see that fixing others is pointless and trying to do it only distracts you and keeps you in the grasp of those who want to control you. Let me know if this makes ANY sense to you, maybe i'm totally off track here. I'm very passionate when it comes to dream analyses

Tell me about it! I'm 18, and i recognize these thoughts and feelings. Your disgust seems totally legit to me (I wonder to what extent the agressions goes though?), and you seem perfectly aware of the fact that you're making the better choice not being involved with these kind of women. I myself am not sure if I will find a wonderful, reasonable, virtuous women anytime in the near future, but no way am i going to settle for less. As long as you're going the right path and you are not surrounding yourself with boring and delusional women and men, the fake people will get out of your way and the glorious people will find themselves attracted to you (and the other way around!). I hope this helps in any way

That looks very lovely! Are you still working on this? Are you still searching for someone to write content?

Hey there, this is for the people who've had experience with great therapists in The Netherlands. I myself are not in need of one at the moment but i know someone who does and she has had a lot of bad experience with psychologists/therapists here. They are not curious, they recommend her to just obey her parents because they are her parents and they think she needs serious help because she does not want to do that etc.She(and me also later perhaps) needs someone who has experience with handling traumas and talking about childhood, preferably in a way like Stefan does because i know its really effective for a lot of people. But any good therapist recommendation is welcome!