alincita

I live away from my family. I moved to USA 7 years ago with the initial intention of learning English, but with the determination of getting away from a destructive environment that I was in. I have a Turkish husband, who had a couple of confrontations with my father whenever we spend vacations together. I usually freeze in these situations, a mental paralysis that really undermines my individuality. Tomorrow my brother is coming to visit along with the wife and I'm getting extremely uneasy. There was arguments back-and-forth regarding how he planned his timing, and to my surprise, i came as a secondary priority. We had to cancel a reservation in Las Vegas because his priority was spending time with extended family. With my extended family there is a HUGE history of abuse, physical, verbal, and psychological, my parents never intervened and mostly coerced me to interact with them. I avoid them as much as I can bear the pressure from my parents to see them. The worst part is that they claim loyalty and care to me, when I have experienced nothing of that nature. My marriage was involved in a monetary gamble where I supposed to fail so they could get paid by the few that believed in me. My husband just tells me to go with the flow, or ignore them, but the truth is that interacting with them irritates me and changes my state of mind. I've been thinking hypothetical of confrontations, but I doubt I could do any of that. I'm going to therapy and it has been helpful to hear that I’m not "nuts" and I don’t have to deal with them but I'd like to assert myself to avoid passive aggressiveness and texts telling me I'm not part of the tribe(like if I wanted to be in it...) I want to be let alone to make my own life... How do I frame it to avoid getting catch in their ill-interactions. I'll appreciate the input.

What it has been helpful for me is to make notes along the day instead of doing a single entry in the journal. I find difficult to sit and think what I am going to write because there is a tendency of altering my perception when writting it down. As you said, trying to make it clear for others or trying to convience myself of preconceptions set up by people who is around me. Also, I do try to do it outside my home because it changes the incoming stimuli, and I do pen and paper. E-journaling for me doesn't work since I'm not by my computer all day and does't look as personalized since is not my handwriting. Just try with little notes as the day goes by and revise at the end of the day if it woked for you.

Would you like to contribute less to the tax fraud scheme ??? Don't spend at all, living frugal is stress free

Kevin, thanks for replying. Well, the show was mentioned in the peace revolution podcast, gnostic media and school sucks. I did not search in detail because I did not grasp stef's last name clearly(yeah Spanish as a mother language still gives me a hard time) but I've always been prone into philos and deep understanding in a variety of subjects. This show was the right call because it had conclusions I've reached in my teens but not able to hold to them thanks to my environment and lack of assertiveness.

I've been listening Stefan for a year, which has been very frightening and proactive. I came from Mexico 7 years ago trying to run away from my parents and myself, only to discover that they were living in my head and that all that time I wasn't me most of the time. It's a great relief to know I wasn't crazy by fighting my culture or religion, sadly I did't come unharmed. Recently I started therapy and assert my believes and preferences. Ufff! Feels awesome. l admire all the people here because they feel comfortable in their own skin, or are learning to do so. Thanks FDR for grounding sanity in my life. Hey, btw, i'm looking for a meet up in LA, if anyone knows of one, message me, I would love to meet others. :-) Have a great day... every day!