MOTM
-
Posts
23 -
Joined
Posts posted by MOTM
-
-
I am somewhat confused by your request. You used the word youself in your original post, are you thinking I am working from an irregular definition of the word bully?
Well did you mean who was the first person who scared me in my life or the first peer that picked on me.
I would have simply told him that he's not funny. There's no need to resort to fists. If someone is joking around at your expense, lay it down for him honestly. Don't sugar coat it, be straight. I did this recently when a female bully was trying to pass off casual insults towards me. When I took offense, she said, "Oh, I'm just joking around with you." My response; "I don't find you to be funny."
He knew what he was doing. When I looked at him with a straight face after every joke, he knew. The crowd laughed so he assumed it was funny regardless
-
who was the first bully in your life?
define bully for me
Have you gone to therapy?
What about the emotional connection? Do you have a good connection with yourself? When he first started this do you think you could have said something like "That's not cool dude, cut it out."?
if they're assholes I just tell the boss about it...
I went to a Psychologist and Psychiatrist when I was in 2nd grade. I was diagnosed as "emotionally disturbed" and put on Zoloft. I don't even what to think about the horrors that medication did to my developing brain. I think I went back in 4th grade a couple times and then in 6th grade. Since then I haven't
I'm not sure how to answer if I have a good connection with myself. Asking a scumbag nicely to stop will usually just show weakness and make them double down.
About complaining to a boss. I'm not sure the area you grew up in, but in New Jersey there is a strong anti-snitch culture. If I went to the boss he would have definitely put an end to the behavior. However, the rest of the guys would lose trust in me and I would become everyone's target. The mentality over here is that you deal with problems man to man first, going to the boss should be the last case scenario.
-
Back when I was in High School a friend and I were bored in class and wrote a list comparing the similarities and differences between Girlfriends and iPads. He made a video about it and uploaded it to his youtube channel. I thought it was funny and you guys might like it.
-
Were you ever really going to fight him if he said yes or was it just a way to make him back off?
Like I said earlier, I don't like hurting people. However, In this case I was looking forward to beating his face in. I have so many physical advantages on him along with training. He didn't have a chance against me and he knew it. I've only had to call out 3 guys to a fight in my life. All three have backed down so far. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I don't make hollow threats.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a tough guy. I and nice to everyone I meet. Its other guys acting tough that gets me mad.
I once heard a quote that resonated with me. "what if the solution to all of your frustrations is to just be awesome to every single person you encounter?" Apparently not as realistic as I once thought
-
Yeah through times I over heard him talking to others I gathered some information on him. He's $30,000 in debt, he blows his money on instant lottery tickets, he used to get picked on as a kid and developed a personality that would fend them off, he hates his mother, he watches BDSM porn, and he wishes cancer on anybody he doesn't like including someone who cuts him off in traffic. I wonder what his mother did to him. It really messed him up
I fight because my older brother is into it. He started going to help him get off drugs. He's an instructor now. I go for exercise and Its always good to know how to fight. Its also fun. I'm pretty good for my level of experience and usually win. I don't go over 30%. I hold back because I don't actually want to hurt anybody, especially a friend in class that did nothing wrong to me.
I don't agree with the threatening being so explicit, though I do wonder how I would feel if you made it implicit that you fight for sport.
Why don't you agree? I made it clear that I wouldn't hit him unless he agreed to step into a legal match against me. How else could I get him off my back. Going back at him verbally wasn't working. I had to intimidate him somehow. You can't reason with unreasonable people.
-
It's possible to make a guy like that back down by turning his insults around. So when he asks you to shut up, even though you haven't said anything, just loudly and with happiness say, "(insert bully's name here), I know you fantasize about me hitting on you and dominating you, but I swear I didn't say anything just then. *point to someone else* John, you didn't hear me hit on him, right?"
I appreciate the suggestion. While that may be effective for some I feel like that can easily backfire on me. It may come off as projection and I would probably be cut off before fully making the point.
-
I'm guessing Bill is at least taller than you?
No I'm 6' 3" and he is probably around 5' 5". He has a big mouth though and noticed I'm quiet
-
have you read articles from either Rollo (from the rationalmale.com) or Roissy (at chateau heartiste) with regard to either "inner game", "amused mastery", or "cocky and funny"?
No but I have heard of inner game from the PUA community
-
So there's was this guy at my job who likes to make fun of specific people including me. Lets call him Bill. I'm a laborer by the way. He would constantly make obvious set up/punch line jokes that I saw a mile away and didn't find funny, but other guys would laugh. He would only attack me if he had an audience. He would also yell for me to shut up even if I hadn't even said a word. Along with other intentionally hurtful verbal attacks. I would shoot back but I would make one come back to every 4 or 5 of his "jokes". For some perspective I'm 20 and he is 30.
Today I was working while he was just sitting in the truck on his phone. (he is not a superior to me, he has the same job) I walked up to the truck and said to him "you know you're not union so you can get the fuck out of the truck every once in a while." The other guy on the job starts cracking up at this point.
Bill stared at me with a mix of disbelief and anger on his face. He said "What the fuck did you just say? Did you guys just hear that? You know your talking to a grown man right now."
I said "Let me ask you a serious question"
Bill "I'm probably not going to answer it"
Me "I know you joke around sometimes but do you actually think I'm a bitch?
Bill "Do you think I'm a bitch?"
Me "Yeah, a little bit"
Bill "do you think I'm a bitch"
Me "yeah"
Bill "So what, do you wanna fight me or something? Cause I'll destroy you"
Me "yeah I do actually. I wanna fight you in the octagon. I won't fight you at work but I will fight you legally in a gym" (I fight for sport)
Bill "alright name the time and place and I'll be there"
Me "Sunday around noon in (town). How about that?"
Bill (walks away and comes back a minute later) "I was just joking. I don't mix work with what I do after work. But don't talk to me from now on." (walks away)
Me "that's a nice excuse."
He won't talk to me from now on and I won't talk to him so I got what I wanted. But this isn't the first time I've had to threaten to beat someones ass because they won't stop disrespecting me. Its always for no apparent reason. Maybe its because I'm such an agreeable nice guy that I'm a target.
Question. Will I have to deal with "bully" types my entire life? Did I initiate force by challenging him to a fight?
I also notice a sudden surge in everyone's general respect for me. Is that some sort of left over alpha male shit? Am I obligated to defend the other guy he has targeted?
-
3
-
-
I'm not sure I thought about it that deeply. In the case of the girl that I repeatedly rejected for years in a row as she kept trying, we had a friendly relationship where we had conversations before she showed attraction towards me and before I became exceptionally attracted to her.
All of the responded have been helpful so far. Even if they weren't 100% correct it forced me to view this issue from some new angles.
-
On some level I was afraid of their sexuality. I was afraid of sex at least but that was because I had never done it before so inexperience and anxiety go hand and hand. I'm not sure on this one because its entirely possible that I just don't realize it. I definitely don't feel that those girls looked at me like my father because I was a nice guy and my dad wasn't. He was an alcoholic/drug addict who would beat my mom. He didn't hit me (per se) as far as I can remember.
I think you're dead on as to why the girls got frustrated in me and gave up. Though I probably wouldn't have asked them out no matter how long they flirted with me.
Like I said, I was brought up by a single mother so I have female tendencies when it comes to relationships. I'm more emotional than most men and I look for a connection in a relationship like most women. I'm also not naturally the type to make the first move like most women. I think a good way to describe it is like I'm a lesbian trapped in a mans body. Because I'm still attracted to women but I act like a bitch.
Thanks for the link. I'm pretty busy lately but I'll try to listen to it as soon as I get a 3 hour block of time open.
I don't talk to my mom about relationships because that's awkward. Plus she has had nothing but bad relationship after bad relationship, I don't think she should be my mentor on this.
I'm really not sure why exactly. I just don't think I ever had the verbal skills or self esteem
-
I have second guessed myself for choosing not to go to college. I'm 20 and chose not to go to college 2 years ago because it didn't make sense to get into debt just to graduate with no job. I didn't want to be one of those kids who go to college just because they were told to. Plus there wasn't anything in particular I wanted to study. I was planning on learning a trade which is in high demand right now and pays six figures. Now I'm on what looks to be a good career path but I second guess it for other reasons.
I never went to a single party back in high school because I never knew about them. I was never invited. Now I have never been to a college party either. I really wish I could have the ability to go to at least one to get the experience. Also, if I went to college I would have had a girl by now. Everybody gets layed in college
Just something to think about. Either way you would have questioned your decision.
-
thanks for sharing your story. I feel your pain on this issue
I haven't read either of those.
I'm not sure if I believe in romantic love anymore. It could be something that you have to experience before you can describe it. I've been infatuated before but I'm smart enough now to know I was in lust more than anything because I didn't really know them. And the first girl I ever "loved" was a pretty terrible person who knew I liked her but led me on and abused my kindness.
I listened to almost every show since I started listening over a year and a half ago.
I didn't contradict myself but I might have been unclear. I don't have a creepy overly attached relationship with my mom but I do have a closer relationship with her than other men my age. Most men my age are out all the time and never see their moms because they're busy with friends, girlfriends, school, work, and so forth. I spend more time than the average but that's not saying much.
I think you should start a new tread so it is focused on you. It would be a lot less confusing and more people would probably read it. I'm interested in your story.
I have to disagree with you on your last point. There is two different standards for men and women. Many feminists are quick to point out that women who have a lot of sex are "sluts" and men who have a lot of sex are "pimps". They fail to mention that women who don't have sex are "pure" and more desirable while men who don't have sex are "weird"and less desirable. Women want a man who is wanted. Its why so many men complain about women all of a sudden showing interest in them after they get married.
-
I may have been giving off the wrong impression. I don't think I have a codependent relationship with my mom. I live at home but I don't spend much time with her. Me, her and my younger brother go out to eat together maybe once a month and I'll watch tv with them a couple times a month. I spend the overwhelming majority of my time alone.
As far as your story goes I can relate as far as my mom attaching to me at a young age. But I never talked to her about relationships or anything like that. But your story sounds terrible. It seems like every time I hear a story on this board or the call in show it's more horrific than the last. I'm not sure if everyone in the world had a bad childhood and I should just get over it or what. By the way, the girl you liked in 12th grade sounds a lot like the girl I never got over. Bubbly, friendly, fun, nice, beautiful and so forth.
To answer your questions:
- It depends really. Some days I feel optimistic and others I feel like my life is going nowhere but down from here and I'm already in a low place. I always have this underlying feeling like everyone is older than me. If a 15 year old kid has had sex before I look at him as if he is older than me. I don't let it show but I do feel less than.
- In the past I hated myself. Now after I lost a lot of weight I hate myself less.
- Not sure
- Ideally I want a woman who has the ability to let me be the man, can cook, is kind, is on line with my level of geekyness, and who is a virgin. (yes I know women my age are not virgins and usually can't cook. At least not in the tri-state area)
- I used to want to be all mushy and lovey dovey but after so much time has gone by I've become cold and now I want to offer them a more dominant personality. Let me be clear, that does not mean abusive, It means treating her like she wants to be treated. Like I'm better than her and I have a plan. Being assertive and sure of myself. What I call the Patrice O'Neal system
- Usually I get weird around women. Like I said, I'm working on not letting myself get too soft because that's my natural tendency. But the usual awkward stuff. When I was in High school I used to be a pizza maker. One of the counter girls (my age) said "hey Ray, whats up" and I responded with a shrug and a very slow raise of my hand that turned into a wave. No words. She responded with a confused "heeey". Might be the most awkward thing I've done in my life and that's saying something.
- I'm quiet when I meet someone. Once I get to know them I talk a bit too much, to compensate for something I don't know. I become annoying and they don't want to be around me. I know I do it but in the moment I can't help it.
-
1
-
-
First of all I want to say that I'm really sorry to read that you've struggled with this a lot in your formative years. Second, thank you for sharing so openly for your first topic coming here so welcome to the FDR boards!
I can totally empathize with how you're feeling because I've been there before. I can tell you more about my own experience later which I hope will be helpful, but for now I want to ask:
- What's your relationship like with your mother?
- What's your history with being vulnerable and affectionate with her?
- Have you ever told your friends about these instances? If so, what have they said, if not, why not?
- I have a pretty close relationship with my mother as far as sons go. Were not attached to each other but I spend more time with her than the average 20 year old man.
- In my first few years of life it was usually just me and my mom in the house. My older brother and sister went out with friends and my dad would go on week long alcohol/heroine binges without coming home. So she kind of held me close.
- Back in high school (when I had friends) they thought it was hilarious that I was a virgin. Like I said earlier one of my friends tried hooking me up with "one of his hos". They also told the main girl I liked, the one I met in 8th grade, that I wanted to talk to her. Then they walked away and left the two of us alone. I stood through about a minute or so of the most silent awkward experience of my life and just walked away without saying anything and walked back to my friends. They were disappointed in me and couldn't believe I didn't make a move.
I would be willing to hear your story as well. If you don't want to post it here you could DM me. thanks
Hi rayamato1,
It sounds like you have a real ambivalence about getting into a relationship. One the one hand you have been in the position several times of having girls you are interested in either give you clear signals of their interest or ask you out directly. And you feel you want a relationship. But on the other hand, it sounds like you feel so much fear or anxiety in the moment of expressing your interest, that you haven't gone through with it. I read all your replies, but not the other posters, so maybe this has already been said, but I think I would explore what you are afraid of might happen if you ask a girl out, or accepted her invitation. It seems you are trying to protect yourself from some consequence of getting into a relationship or checking one out. That's what the fear would be good for. But whatever that danger is, probably lies behind the fear.
I can personally relate to being disappointed that I was not better able to accept and risk a closer relationships with girls I like throughout most of my public school years, so I know personally it is a very painful thing to feel.
Are you talking about a fear of success? I've heard of that before but don't really understand it. If I imagine being with a girl it seems amazing so I'm not consciously afraid of it. Maybe subconsciously but I wonder what would cause that
-
I like the late Patrice O'Neal's take on the issue.
youtube.com/user/CultOfBlackPhillip
-
My frame of reference is the United States. Would that schooling system be appropriate to judge your situation (eg.. 6th grade is about 11-12, 11th grade is 16-17)?
yes. I'm from New Jersey
I guess my suggestion on 'type' was geared beyond phyical attractiveness and should include the character of the woman, intelligence, humor, etc. other ways she would be attractive or desireable. Obviously if you have a range of 'looks' that are desireable to you, then great but you must also envision personality qualities, intelligence, etc that also fit into the overall. That might take more time and effort to ponder on the 'whole package' you are looking for, especially if you do think about relationship over just 'a bang'.
With all respect, your mother probably felt threatened by those girls your brother brought home. If all she could do was criticize their looks but not their quality in character, then she (as in taste of men) has a poor judgment of character and then you and possibly your brother were not taught how to properly judge character in people, only focused on looks.
You don't have to answer 'out loud' per say but maybe reflect back on those types of things your mom criticized about the women your brother chose....were they character or 'features' (physical or otherwise) that she lacked in herself? Also, if she criticized them after, and she whole heartedly felt that they were wrong for her own son whom she would seemingly care for his happiness and well being...why wait until after and not before/during to prevent him from being with 'bad' women? That seems a bit cruel...adding insult to injury. A loving mother would look after and warn her son of predatory women. If your brother chose a good woman but not 'pretty' enough or I am not sure what her complaints were, but then she's just being superficial and exposing qualities she lacks. She would feel threatened by strong assertive women, for example, if she is vunerable to manipulation by men and not standing up for herself.
so it seems that you value her opinion too highly when she seems superficially critical and has less credibility in the choices she has made and not being able to prevent or reason with your brother in his choices (again..maybe they were good choices for him but she felt threatened by them my mirrioring qualities that she lacked). And by your valuing her opinion in high regard (knowingly or unknowingly) might be the cause in your severe hesitation with engaging in women to a certain level.
Thanks. I think you are right on some of your points. My brother is 10 years older than me so I saw this at a young age. If he was 15 with a girlfriend I was 5 and that was my reference relationships.
-
When you get anxious, what goes through your mind? What are the thoughts, try writing the down, which thought stops you from approaching? In another way "if the anxiety could speak at that moment, what would it say?"
What goes through my mind is like the Louis CK bit. youtube.com/watch?v=UTULoJlD_V4 Especially when he goes "every thing in your body is telling you 'just go the fuck home and jerk off don't do this' "
I don't want to make assumptions or accusations but it seems your mother doesn't have a really picky taste in men. This might have something to do with difficulty in finding 'the right' woman because you seem to be aware of this and not want to choose women like your mother, yet not sure what really fits your taste, maybe you haven't explored it.
May I ask in those cases if you would have noticed these girls/women had they not shown you that they were interested?
So rather than just see who is interested in you and then decide, maybe figure out what qualities you would like in a woman (even if not perfect or wife material as you are still young) but just a starting point to build on once you acquire more experience. And once you have a sort of 'blueprint' then you might start noticing those women rather than them being invisible, if that makes sense.
, if you haven't had to work hard to attract women then you are going to be more picky or it loses the 'chase' and you are possibly 'busy' in dealing with the women that are attracted to you to even sit and think what type of woman YOU would like to attract. It's like if I go shoe shopping and as soon as I enter the store, 3 saleswomen/men approach me with different shoes to try on and look I have had no time to browse or decide do I want sports shoes or heels or sandals, etc (cheezy analogy I know! lol) I am too caught up in saying NO to this sales person and telling another sales person ...sure...i'll try that on and then change my mind and such. So next time, I can think about what shoes I want BEFORE I go into the store and then browse the options, etc, try a few on that seem to match and maybe will maybe won't but will be much more manageable and I could be more confident in dealing with the 'sales people' drawn to me as far as politely declining or what-not.
Best of success to you!
As for my mom's taste in men I overheard her talking with my half sisters in the other room one day about relationships. She said she loves bad boys and she'll take a bad boy over a suit and tie any day...yeah
I would have noticed them even if they didn't show interest. Just like any guy If a female is present you notice her. But unlike most guys I typically don't fantasize about banging them, I usually fantasize about a relationship. Just admitting that makes me feel weird
And as for my standards. I am attracted to reasonably attractive women. I'm even attracted to women that other men might not be. But I always have set my standards for women higher because I don't want to be embarrassed if she isn't hot enough for other people. I remember my mom would make fun of every flaw in every girl my older brother brought home. (after they left of course)
I notice mostly every woman I see in a day. That's part of the reason I get so depressed. I see all these happy people and all I want to do is drive into oncoming traffic. (I wouldn't actually do it but I have fantasized about it.)
-
Heya rayamato1!
I have a few questions for you. First some more introductory ones and then a personal one:
- How'd you come across the show?
- What attracted you to the show?
- Did you have a lightbulb moment that made you realize there was some real value in philosophy? If so, tell me about it.
- Why has your friend count dwindled down to zero?
- I stumbled on the youtube channel maybe a year and a half to two years ago. It was suggested to me because I already followed guys like Elliott Hulse and the under21convention. I also am subbed to some political channels like TYT, RT and Alex jones along with some less known names. I also watched a lot of Patrice O'Neil videos. I first decided to donate after watching "how a mans heart is murdered". For some reason that show really resonated with me.
- I was attracted to the show because I grew up without a male role model and have always felt lost. I gravitate to any older man who seems to have more wisdom than me. Usually that means youtube channels and podcasts. I also listen to the JRE but I knew about Stefan before he went on Joe's show.
- I think I realized the value of philosophy back in high school a year or so before I discovered FDR. It was sophomore year where I smoked a ton of weed and was constantly questioning reality. I naturally over think things and weed put it into overdrive. After 9 months of smoking every day I quit due to panic attacks.
- I had only a couple friends in high school and when they went off to college I stayed in my hometown with nobody. I only see them a grand total of maybe 3 or 4 days a year and can feel the relationships slipping away. One of my friends went to school in Canada and this year he's studying in the UK. I haven't been able to make any new friends for reasons I don't know. People seem to like me at first but once they get to know me get annoyed. Every time I try to make plans with anybody, they flake on me or just ignore my texts all together.
-
Important for you to divulge the important metrics. Questions adjusted for 20 year old expectations:
1) how attractive are you on 1-10 scale?
2) how much money do your parents make?
3) are you in university?
1) 7 or 8. I'm tall (6'3"), nice bone structure, full lips. At least when I was 230lbs. I recently gave up and gained 20 pounds in 2 weeks. I used to be 320
2) not much
3) no
women are attracted to me, I just can't close
Hi rayamato, thank you for telling your story. Sorry to hear that, I can imagine how frustrating this must be. The common theme in all of your stories, seems to be your fear. Try reaching it, and let it "speak" what doe it say? When you imagine actually asking a girl out and then going out with her, what kind of a feeling do you get, and what are the thoughts behind it?
Considering your unfortunate childhood, your parents are your template for how to be. It could very possibly be that what you saw at home, the negativity repulses you, as in you absolutely do not want to repeat the same.
I'm really not sure how to answer this. If I imagine the approach I feel nothing. when it comes down to doing it I get anxiety like most people. Then I usually back out. I remember back in December I almost broke through. I thought a cashier at my local Target was cute so I made a wager with this guy I knew. I said If I didn't ask her out by that Friday I would give him $100. I memorized my lines because I knew I wouldn't be able to think on my feet. I went to the store and saw her lane was closed and she was checking out her last customer. I got in line, she didn't say anything. A group of teenage girls got in line behind me and she said "sorry I'm closed" to me and the girls. So I got out of line and pretended to browse on the shelf. I was going to ask her when she counted her register out. well she gave the customer the receipt and immediately walks away. then walks in the back room. She saw me creeping in the back and It was way too creepy for me to attempt it again with her. I have bad social skills. That's why I have no friends
-
I've been a member for nearly a year but Just now got around to logging on. I'm 20. I decided to try and connect with some good people as my real life friend count has dwindled down to zero.
-
Hi, does anyone have any insight or better yet wisdom on why I always sabotage myself when it comes to women. For a short background I grew up with an abusive dad in and out of jail, and a single mom who went on to marry a less abusive step dad. I wrote a summary of my failed relationships to give an idea of how I sabotaged myself. It has happened since high school but I'd have way too many stories If I included them all.
6th grade: I really liked this girl Kassy. She would gaze at me intermittently throughout the day. She complimented me constantly and was playfully touchy. (hitting/pushing) My teacher really took a liking to me for some reason and he must have noticed the flirting she was doing with me because he rearranged the class' seats and sat the two of us next to each other. I went on to never ask her out, flirt back or even show any interest in her whatsoever. Sixth grade ended, middle school started and some guy asked her out
7th grade: A couple girls flirted with me on a regular basis until I acted like an a-hole to them and turned them off. One girl actually asked me out and I turned her down because I had impossible standards for beauty at the time.
8th grade: I met this new girl. She was really nice but she wasn't particularly attractive. I liked her but objectively she was average. We developed a friendly relationship and she became attracted to me (we weren't friends outside of school). She would always come up to me and initiate conversation, she got excited to see me, fish for compliments and so forth. Again, I showed zero interest in her for some reason. She kept pushing. Freshman year came and we has some classes together and more of the same went on. Always starting random conversations with me, she took any excuse to talk to me. Sophomore year we had classes together and she showed even more interest in me. She also was getting progressively hotter throughout the years and by now every guy wanted her. She ran up to me in the hall and gave me a big hug and, in a panic, I responded with a one armed bro hug. As I walked away I saw her out of the corner of my eye throw her hands in the air. later that year I was sitting on the gym bleachers when I noticed her and her friend talking and looking at me. They walked over to me and she took a few baby steps towards me then her friend ran over and pushed her towards me. She got embarrassed, froze while looking at me, then jogged away. I did nothing and by now I was in love with this girl but too afraid to do anything. She must have gave up on me because by the end of the year she got a boyfriend and I overheard her and her friend talking about how she lost her virginity...Crushing to this day. After that we didn't have any classes together but she saw me in the halls a few months before graduation and tried to start a conversation and I cut the conversation short and blew her off. Not intentionally but I got so nervous it just happened. (I still haven't fully gotten over her. She is "the one that got away")
10th grade: My friend felt bad for me and basically told a slutty girl he knew to have sex with me. She walked up to me and asked me to go out and I declined because I wanted to lose my virginity to someone I knew. We also hung out with a girl I was into that told my friend She thought I was cute. I never made a move and she went on to blow a few guys and turned me off to her.
11th grade: This really pretty girl in my class was into me. She would stare, and compliment. Flirtatious eye contact. She would yell my name across the classroom and when I looked over she yelled "I love you" and make a heart with her hands. She made it so obvious that she liked me that I had a 100% chance of dating her if I asked. With those odds surely I'd ask right? Wrong. I worked up enough courage to walk up to her after class. I said "hey I was just wondering" At that point she locked her fingers together with fully extended arms, tilted her head down and gave me puppy dog eyes. I immediately finished with "why you looked upset today in class" instead of asking her out.
Dealing with "bullies" after high school
in General Messages
Posted
It was my way of ending the abuse. I was obsessing over it for days along with regular panic attacks. I had to confront him in some way. Plus I know I'm better than him physically but when we verbally argue he has the upper hand.