One of Stef's best one-liners immediately popped into my head here: "Abusive people only want two things: they want to abuse you, and they want you to stay."
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Some more about me.
As I mentioned earlier, my father has always been the loud, temper-throwing, name-calling, insulting, abusive one. A couple of months ago, my mother drove me to get my car inspected. But when we arrived, we discovered that we could wait about two more months before getting the car inspected. I, unfortunately, hadn't had any sleep that night, and told my mom assertively (no yelling, no cursing) that I just wanted to get the car inspected, so I could go home and sleep.
She told my father what happened, and he confronted me about it. After a long argument between us, he told me, "Don't you think it's my job as a husband to make sure that no one abuses my wife?"
That question, (which he asked in all fucking seriousness), confirmed how irrational he is, how irrational he wants to be, and how he doesn't want anyone else to judge him for his irrationality. I blinked twice, calmly told him, "Don't go there; DON'T go there", and have never talked to him about anything substantive ever since. (He tries to talk to me, and I either give him short, one-word-answers that derail conversations, or I participate kindly - whichever ends the conversation fastest. But I will never respect him, nor confront him.
I have my clarity, and so I don't need to talk to him about my history, his abusive parenting, or anything else. But I also feel like you don't have your clarity. So either: (1) get clarity by confronting the necessary people, (2) state, right now, that you have achieved clarity - but are resisting the implications of that clarity. (I, personally, don't think there's any other option. If anyone else wants to provide other options, they can.)