A__

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4J6_tCy8To @2:40 A soldier says, "first time you shackle a guy, and I know 'cause I been there, you gonna shake. It's not 'cause you're scared, it's 'cause you're nervous." Aren't they the same and if so, why does the soldier express it this way? I think I may know but I'd like to hear from others.

I assumed "flick off" was an expression like "shrug off" but I stand corrected. By retreat I mean only deescalation. In other words, when confronted with an impossible situation where you can't withdraw physically, you can change the topic or, failing that, somehow appease the attacker. Of course this means avoiding any combative gestures or facial expressions. It's like putting a mask on. To be sure, it’s only a temporary tool. I used to do this often in my family but another problem was, I internalized the persona instead of understanding it was just a tool. As MMX2010 stated, helpful details are missing so I’m replying in regard to the gist alone. I’d be interested in other details if you’d like to share more. I think this is very helpful advice.

I appreciate the responses from everybody. Yes albeit it’s farfetched. One person can make a difference by taking a risk and speaking up. It could cause a chain reaction, a butterfly-effect. Doesn’t Copblock.org confront Grizzly bears on a regular basis? It spreads awareness. How do we measure steps away from slavery? I’m not sure. Couldn't his motive have been something besides anxiety? I'm very interested in hearing your experience if you wouldn't mind.

It doesn't automatically mean you hate her. You might just need some time to reflect on your relationship. It might do her some good too. Sometimes people need time to calm down especially when they don't feel ready or safe to talk. She can be the one to gently pursue you with apologies and interest in rebuilding a relationship with her brother. Attacking will not be tolerated in decent relationships. You have every right to retreat in any way you can until this is recognized and worked on. In any case, your father using shame as a tactic doesn't respect your capacity to reason. I wish I had more to offer. I'm sorry you're caught up in these emotional tornadoes and I hope you're able to stay calm enough for your own sanity until you can sail out of them.

The urge to smooth things over can be overwhelming, like a sweet siren calling. I've crashed on mythological rocks quite a few times myself. Anyway, I did not hear your call but it sounds like you're already steering toward a good course. I wish you the best.

You're walking down a crowded street when you happen to come face to face with a particularly evil political ruler. Do you take the possibly one time chance in a lifetime to say a little something? This happened with a friend in Manhattan: Bill Clinton was walking with a couple of body guards and my friend was able to exchange a few words with him, calling him out on a few of his actions loudly but calmly. Perhaps because this friend is quite tall, good looking and equipped with a strong voice, Clinton took notice and actually engaged, smiling and asking in his notorious slick manner "which countries did I invade?" which my friend answered adeptly and without hesitation. Of course Clinton denied the charges and with his body guards leading, slinked away. I believe it made a few people in the area take notice but I wonder. Political individuals who commit crimes legal and otherwise, who support torture and unecessary war walk freely and often proudly among us in broad daylight either unrecognized completely or for what they are and even get paid great amounts of money for public appearances. It makes me wonder what others would do or say, if anything.

What the hell! Amen!

Gross. Subtle things parents say about their kids like, "I wish I could keep them this age" is pretty telling too.

Welcome. I agree, there's some good stuff cooking here.

Having a relative or friend as a driving teacher really puts a relationship to a test. I don't like this "gets all loud about it and makes it worse" part as it indicates an underlying problem. After your lessons, do you talk about them? In the best case scenario, both of you could learn from these experiences and even bond closer over them. Can a nervous/abusive person teach one how to drive? Of course. It's so much harder though. Ultimately, unless you have a trusting, respectful relationship with the person teaching you, investing in a professional teacher is probably the wisest choice. If you can't afford a teacher, I suggest the above. It's really hard though, I know. I wish you the best!

I really enjoyed reading this post. I'm so glad you got in touch with your anger and it helped protect you. Awesome!

Dsayers raises a lot of important points and questions and offered some great personal feedback. Also, aren't your wife's actions as important as yours? As long as you two have conflict, your son will be conflicted. I hope you are working on communicating with your wife about peaceful parenting.

Truly disgusting. Wendy Williams is an epitome of trash television.

“No, we don't ever have time to speak.” This is false. “We just argue and both hate it.” See, you have time to argue. Why not put that time into seeing a couples therapist especially if you’ve “conceded your life to your kids, to make theirs as great as it can be”. Children are smart. They will sense even subtle tension: Lying to them will create trust problems and/or an inability to interpret the world around them. “At this point I am just fighting natural law, trying to make something work that isn't there.” It sounds like you just building a case to act on an impulse you don’t even seem to understand yourself. It sounds like your mind is made up. I think that's a good place to start as well.

Is this the one?