andrew m.

If it seems overwhelming, maybe start with the confrontation in your mind only. Write down on paper how you think the conversation would go, what you would say, etc. I think if you're not sure how he would react to telling him your feelings, do it and find out.

Thanks a lot Sagiquarious, I really appreciate that. Ever since joining this community I've been met with nothing but empathy and respect. Thank you for that.

This is something that I've been thinking about in my life as-well. While I don't have children, I've made the decision that it would be more healthy for not to have my grandparents in my life. I made the effort to communicate my feelings to them and was met with dismissal and rage. I don't think it would be healthy to allow the grandparents into the lives of your children after breaking with your immediate parents. I feel like it would be too easy to become triggered.

Wow what a story. Thanks a lot for sharing that dsayers. One thing that really stood out to me while reading was the way your father seemed to lack empathy towards you in this situation. I know exactly how that feels and the level of frustration that arises when it happens. I'm always so frustrated with my Mom in this regard. My therapist has been really helpful so far in pointing out certain social dynamics that she engages in. It's so obvious that we can't change people, but I continously fall into that trap of thinking I can. Or maybe more precisely of hoping and dreaming of one day when she will.I feel like I want to teach her to think more logically / less with her emotions. Your story had me on the edge of my char the whole time. I can't believe the key on the nail part, that's just crazy. Did you confront him at all about that?

Thanks for the kind words LP. This really hits home. I've decided not to further pursue the box. I think your idea of having a friend pick it up is a good one. Unfortunately I don't really have anyone like this that I would feel comfortable asking. At this point I'm just going to continue doing my self-work remain distant from her. Thanks again for your thoughts. dsayers, Thanks for the warm welcome. I really appreciate this point of view, I couldn't agree with you more. It's hard to believe that my Mom would do this to me. I've always seen her acting this way towards others, never towards me. If you have the time, I would actually really enjoy hearing your story.

Atticas14, Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry for the pain it's caused you. It's a rough situation, I've been in it myself. To put it nicely, it sounds like she's extremely emotionally immature and quite shallow. I'm sure you're able to recognize this already, but both are very antagonistic traits for people who enjoy philosophy heh. Given that she's only 22, I suppose it's to be expected though. If I were you, I wouldn't waste any more time on her. I understand that you may be angry, and I feel your anger is completely justified. However I would recommend directing that anger towards the discovery of why you were attracted to someone like this in the first place. Andrew

Hey everyone, I'm going to jump right in. I'd like to give a little background first so you're on the same page. If anyone has time, I would really appreciate opinions on the conversation below. My name is Andrew. I'm 26, and I'm a long time listener of FDR (my first post on the boards). I just started some serious self-work due to a tipping point finally being reached in my family. About three weeks ago I told them that I wanted a break. I expressed my desire to have space in order to figure things out. Without going into the full history, there's some serious emotional abuse and neglect that I feel I've been subjected to. I haven't seen them or spoken to them for about three weeks now. I've confronted my Mom in the past about these concerns I have of my childhood. What I'm trying to do right now is write down every single detail I can remember about my past. I'm trying to put together a timeline of sorts containing all of the events and experiences I can remember of as a child. So a couple days ago I asked my Mom if I could pick up all of the childhood school papers / pictures she saved. I told her that it would really help me in this whole process during therapy. (I found an amazing one thank god). She told me that she would put together a box with everything and that I could pick it up today (Sunday the 19th). All day today I've been a nervous wreck. And to make a long story short I decided not to go over. I couldn't do it. I just can't see her face to face yet. I'm not ready. So the below conversation is what followed through text message. (I purposely left the typos in the conversation. I felt that it would help paint a more accurate picture of my Mom. Also the lost key conversation happened through email earlier in the day). Me: "I'm sorry mom I cant make it over tonight. I have the day off tomorrow...would you mind leaving the box in the backyard or garage? I could swing over during the day and pick it up." Mom: "Why can't you make it over" Me: "I don't know...I guess I'm scared to..." Mom: "We'll Andy that really hurts me I didn't know I scared you wow! I guess all I can say is when you get your courage back you can come over and get the stuff I put together for you this week. Come over tomorrow if you want after I get off work at 2:30 and pick it up I would like to talk. Love you mom" Mom: "Did you loose all your keys can you still drive your car.? Please reply thank you" Me: "Yeah I got all new keys made last week. I don't think im ready to talk face to face yet, im sorry. Would you mind leaving the box outside? I'd still like to look at the files if you don't mind." Mom: "I don't know what files your talking about I put together dates on a piece of paper dates where we lived and when we lived there. Also the box of your time at meadow lake school and pictures when you were little. I'm not putting them outside it's going to snow tomorrow if you can't see me after work then you can pick the stuff up when you can you can face I'm sorry you can't even see me I love you andy." Mom: "I just don't understand why your feeling this way towards me what did I do? For you to feel this way ." Me: "What about putting the stuff in the garage? You usually leave that unlocked right? I really really want to look at these things. I appreciate very much that you took the time to write down dates...it would help me a lot..." Me: "I don't know mom...that's what im trying to figure out in therapy right now." Mom: "Sorry Andy if you want the stuff tomorrow you can get it from me I want to see you . You don't have to stay and talk. You said you would come over today well I'm going to hold you to that." Me: "Ok. I'll pick up the stuff when I'm ready to talk face to face." Mom: "Ok I'm sorry you feel that way about me remember you have mail to pick up to when ever your ready to see me love mom:-*" I just can't believe that she's holding these things "hostage" in a way. I feel disgusted, completely neglected, and angry as hell. I'm starting to remember her doing this kind of thing to me when I was a kid. Ugh.