madman

                                                                                                                                                                     9/1/14

i'm a 51yr old mad scientist/ techno retard/ hibilly genius. i can type but i can't text. if you want me to im you you're gonna have to tell me what that is and how to do it. i'm here cuz my life is a train wreck. i'm just over podcast 800 and i heard stephan talk about when he couldn't sleep. that's where i been forever. it's not where i want to stay. i'm workin my ass off to change my life. get it good or get it gone. i'm peeling the onion with my therapist. i'm listening to steph as much as i can handle. i'll try not to worry about catching up as i worry way too much. i had the awesome parents that everyone was jealous of. that's what i told myself anyway. turns out mom is a passive agressive ninja. goodtime dad was mostly invisable. i'm currently a raging lunatic. i've been listening for less than a year. i bought steph's book deal and read them all. they are most excellent. i defooed a few months ago and for the most part haven't looked back. life is short. get it good or get it gone. there's nothing there for me so ready or not here we go. i thought i had all my childhood stuff worked out in the mid eighties. that's funny. now i look around me and don't like what i see. i think i was a diest. now i'm a born again athiest. i feel like i'm dancing on the edge with a sack full of dynamite and a lit cigar. that's where i've been all my adult life. yay me. i've had mad anxiety about posting anything. i don't want to say hi and then get kicked off. i know i'm angry. i know i can be abusive and passive aggressive(i had to look up passive aggressive). i know i'm all the way or none of the way. i know i have a false self that wants to drive me off a cliff. now that i've listened to stephan i know what empathy is. i seem to have it for everyone but me. i'm working on that. hopefully i can come back soon and edit most of this out. right now as far as i can tell this is me.