madman

thanks David for the warning. i have to guess if you're walking the walk and applying philosophy to your life and your friends are not then you're going to find yourselves sooner or later on far different paths. this is amazing that you just posted what you did as i've been terribly afraid of this very thing happening to me. i wasn't able to admit or articulate it consciously until i read your post. wow. i always thought my friends were people who thought like me. since i've listened to fdr and taken action to know my truth i wonder how much my friends think like me vs. what i've been saying or not saying to try to "maintain" these friendships at both our expense. wow. i recently went down my short list of friends with my old therapist. steve, robyn, and tommy and tommy ain't worth a sh**. then my new therapist asked me what my old therapist was doing for me and i had to admit nothing really. robyn is on her way out and steve really annoys me as of late. all that leaves me with is my new therapist and i have to pay her to talk to me. wow. i'm about a hair away from starting from scratch. you just blew my mind. and very succinctly so i voted up your post. thanks for paving the path for my subconcious. i feel dread and excitement. g

welcome Bryan. thanks for takin a chance and posting. looks like we've got a lot in common. i'm new here so i don't yet know how to grab what you said and put it in here. this is really scary stuff. telling the truth and baring your soul is scary. it takes guts. i know i don't know anyone here and it's just cyberspace but it still scares me to death. Stephan recommended alice miller. he's right on. i started with the drama of the gifted child. it's a good place to start. i read the body never lies. it sez that if we can't face and process what happened to us as kids that trauma will manifest itself in the body. that's pertinant to me cuz i'm 51 and my body's been playin tricks on me since i was 30. i just started thou shalt not be aware. it looks pretty good. i read philosophy who needs it by ayn rand years ago and really enjoyed it. i remember very little about my childhood. therapy and journaling is helping me find my way back. my therapist said to write about anything that triggers me. so i throw up all over my notebook and look for puzzle pieces and bread crumbs to find my way back home. it's slow but it's workin. i read rtr and it was real scary to try to apply what i read. just tryin to be honest was really hard but it's worth it. it's an acid test. it's one of the reasons why i defooed. i've never needed more than a couple good friends so i never worried about not havin a bunch. i haven't worried much about what people think since i was in my twenties. i hardly ever leave the house so i guess i'm a hermit too. "I have yet to learn much of anything deeply about who I am, what I like, what I feel, and how I can bring others to myself as well as myself to others". that's what i keep writing in my journal. welcome aboard brother, g

hey ya'all. i've been scared to write so here it is. i live in west central florida. i found fdr when i heard stephan on the alex jones show. i listened to the intro to philosophy and i was hooked. i ain't been right since. steph was asking the simple questions that everyone is afraid to ask like why do we need a government? the kind of stuff i'd ask my best friends. this is an exciting roller coaster ride and i do believe it's the most important conversation in the world. i believe this is the key to happiness. i know philosophy is a two edged sword. i really didn't have much to lose. "life is short. get it good or get it gone". those are really wise words. i found a wonderful therapist who does childhood stuff. i quit listening to alex and dove into the relationship podcasts as i was recently divorced and my life was a mess. after i finished those i started from the beginning listening in sequence like i'm supposed to. i feel like a scared little kid. i remember very little from my childhood. funtime dad was out drinkin with the guys. i think he was scared of mom. she was batshit crazy. he would come home after we were asleep and we would wake up to screaming. we didn't know who was gonna be left in the morning. i know i spent a summer like that. i have 2 sisters. i'm the oldest. mom would come unhinged pretty regularly and let me have it cuz i was the man of the house and i was handy. she was mad at dad but she would take it out on me. all i can remember is verbal abuse from mom. dad almost killed me when i was 17 or 19 cuz he found some pot stuff in the basement. i never hid anything in my room so i must not have had any privacy. i'm at podcast 800 and stephan was talking about not having boundaries. i don't have any but i'm working on that. i was molested by a neighbor. i told my former wife(that's what she sez i need to call her) about getting molested and dad almost killing me like there was nothing to it. like it didn't mean nothin. i know i told my friends about dad cuz we were all potheads and he was a police sargeant at the time. we all hated our parents. aside from that i've never told anyone. i told my therapist shortly afterwards. i've been workin my ass off listening and journaling and talking. all i do is work. i've become a total shut in. i spent most of my life chasing sex, drugs, and rock and roll. i had no idea i was haunted by my childhood. i went to narcotics anonymous and adult children of alchoholics back in the eighties and thought i had all this childhood stuff worked out. what a retard. now i'm 51 and i'm pissed off that i have to be doing this now. i needed to do this 30yrs ago. i cuss like a sailor so i have to censor myself here and hope for the best. it's hard to express myself without cussing cuz i'm steeped in rage. i defooed 2 or 3 months ago. i really don't have any concept of time. my memory is crap so i'm findin it pretty tough to figure out what happened when i was a kid. i spend hours trying to sleep but i can't get more than 2hrs at a time. it's make it or break it time. it's time to act. it's time to get on the board and see if i can get some of that good stuff life has to offer. it's time to take a chance. thanks for listening and thanks for being here, g