shnugwa

Great question, Alin! I'm sorry to hear that your situation is presently hellish, but from my personal experience with pursuing self-knowledge and therapy, you're on track in seeking help to transform your life for the better. Congratulations! Now to answer your question... 1) Trust your gut If you feel as though your therapist isn't genuinely interested in helping, if he's apparently disconnected from his own emotions, or if she's otherwise sending shivers down your spine, honor your gut assessment and continue your search. I was lucky enough to strike gold in finding my first therapist, but I've had plenty of friends who've gone through several. They routinely say that they could tell within the first couple of meetings that the therapy wasn't going to be beneficial; usually they could tell in their very first interaction / gut reaction. 2) Prepare a list of important questions to as your potential therapist Don't be afraid to bring thought-provoking or challenging questions, either! "What is your definition of closure?" "How do you know when you've healed from trauma?" "How do you know when a relationship with one's parents isn't salvageable?" These are off-the-cuff examples, but I'm sure you get the general picture: ask IMPORTANT questions that will offer you a glimpse into the mental framework of your therapist. Does his or her values align with yours? Great, the potential for a relationship exists. Do they conflict? Talk about it if you think it's worth your while, but otherwise continue the search! The value added from this tip is two-fold: For one, you get to save yourself time by seeing where potential conflict in values lie in the first meeting, rather than 2 months down the road. Second, you're setting the standards high for both yourself and your therapist, who'll know to bring his or her A-game when dealing with a properly prepared client! 3) Start Journaling. I wish I had started journaling as soon as I began therapy. I didn't, but the process of journaling my thoughts down after a session, and in between sessions allows me to stay grounded and connected to my higher self. It allows me to prevent negative patterns of behavior and overall is a net positive in my life. Stef made a great video which I used to help think of questions for my first therapist, check it out: Here's a free resource for finding IFS therapists! http://www.selfleadershipfoundation.org I think that you're off to a great start, asking these important questions on such a helpful platform as these boards! I hope you'll find valuable feedback that sets you on the path towards well-being and success. Best of luck, Alin!

If you read the post, like the idea, live near Richmond VA, but don't have a forum account, feel free to reach out to me via Facebook! I'd like to hear your feedback and ideas. Hello, folks! I'm greatly interested in starting a Freedomain Radio / Philosophy meetup group. I've already worked to advertise and manage an online Skype group called the "Young Philosophers" for teens and twenty-somethings of the FDR community to connect with like minded individuals around the world. I've greatly enjoyed the experiences, conversations, and relationships I've fostered and maintained there for almost a year now, but I'd love to expand that into physical reality. If you're a curious, empathetic, and intelligent lover of ideas and seek genuine connection as I do, I want to facilitate that. Today I ask if you live within driving distance of the Richmond tri-cities area, would you like to help me start a Freedomain Radio / Philosophy meetup group? I'm 20 years old, and have a friend who is turning 21 soon who expressed that he'd be interested too if there's support for the idea! I invite men and women of all ages to participate - it'd be an awesome opportunity to connect and network regardless of age differences, offering and reciprocating value for value! Please do let me know if this is of interest to you! I'd be willing to expend the time, planning, and resources necessary to make it a reality. I look forward to your responses, Nick

So, in my online dating hunt I see something that disturbs me over and over.. It's worded differently every time, but the sentiment is the same.. I love animals more than people. Why do so many young women feel this way? It doesn't make sense to me. There is simply no way that one can connect with an animal with the full range of emotional intimacy, honesty, curiosity, empathy, and authenticity as you can with another person. And yet, there seems to be a large number of young women who really feel as though they love their precious pets with all of their heart, and that this love can't be rivaled in a relationship with another man. This is deeply troubling if that is even remotely true. To me, that signifies a damaged emotional apparatus and an inability to genuinely connect with people. And don't get me wrong - relationships with pets can be deeply rewarding, affectionate, and enjoyable. Nonetheless, I find it disturbing when I read a Tinder or OKCupid profile which has this red flag waving on it. What are the causes of this strange phenomenon? Why does it seem to happen primarily to women? It's quite possible that it happens with similar frequency to men, but men remain less vocal about their preference. I'm almost positive that this is not healthy, but am open to correction if I'm missing something. What are your thoughts?

Hey, Joe! I find it super fascinating that you work in the gold industry! If precious metals are one of your passions, it is one that we share my friend. I enjoyed watching the video, and one thing I'd like to commend you on right off of the bat is your ability to articulate yourself consistently throughout the video without major cuts. That's one thing I struggle with in my presentations online; my mind simply goes blank when staring at the camera. With practice, its getting better, but I respect the feat when I see it! One minor suggestion would be to increase the speed of your speech to whatever extent is comfortable or possible for you. I listened to the video on 1.5x speed and it flowed naturally as though you were in conversation with a friend. This is largely due to the numerous pauses in the video, which is something you certainly have the capacity to improve on! As for the content of the video, I really like it! The door-knocking analogy (with the fire of impending doom coming) was powerful, and you are clearly in possession of sufficient passion and care for the world and those around you to do the work you intend to to expose the truth. I subscribed! I think since you're into precious metals, you might enjoy my work on YouTube as well: http://www.youtube.com/user/nickrundlettspeaks I hope you find more valuable feedback from other board members!

Hello, folks! Today, I'm making a firm decision to dedicate the entire month of March to re-assessing the direction I wish to take my life, defining what I want in my relationships, and re-assessing my belief system from the ground up to address areas where I am inconsistent. The idea to embark on this project came about as a result of some key realizations I've come to in journaling extensively over the past several days. -- Firstly, I've realized that I am trying to seek love in finding a new partner without first truly loving myself through and through. I wanted to be loved first (and give love later), but neither can be truly sustained according to traditional wisdom without first establishing self-love. I'm a fundamentally good person, but I've made mistakes long in my past which cause a deep sense of self-doubt and reluctance in accepting that I am worthy of a virtue-based romantic relationship.. It was mind-blowing to realize this, but I think it's a crucial first step in the solving of any problem to first identify that it exists. I am perhaps most eager to tackle this issue in therapy and whatever means you're aware of which are useful for establishing genuine self-love and respect would be greatly appreciated. Secondly, I've realized that I've put the cart before the horse regarding my online business, creating loads of valuable content at an unprecedented pace without first realizing that I am a complete beginner without a sound grasp of the fundamentals of what it takes to run a successful online business. I've been operating based upon past experience, intuition, and what little knowledge I've picked up from conversations, books, and podcasts. Some things I'll be pondering deeply are: which social media platforms are most relevant to my niche, how to conduct myself on social media, learning the fundamentals of blogging and article creation, the fundamentals of running a successful eCommerce store, and so on. I've steamed ahead at full speed prior to studying the proper ways to accomplish my goals; this means I will likely have to unlearn many bad habits and fix many problems I've created for myself. Third, I've realized that I'm completely taking the philosophical arguments of Stefan Molyneux at face value without healthy skepticism and research into alternative explanations or rebuttals. (surely I'm not alone... right?) I've gained a sense of intellectual comfort in "knowing" that the Non-Agression Principle is valid, that UPB is valid, that there's such a thing as Property Rights, and that there's no God. Regardless of the validity or truth in the conclusions I have in my mind, I've become aware that I've arrived at them through a critical methodological error: I outsourced my own thinking to the thinking of another man. I've never fully read the source materials from the original proponents of these concepts and critically analyzed them. Instead, I listened to someone who "did the job for me", and accepted his explanations as truth. This is clearly not a healthy way to arrive at any conclusion; I've decided I'm going to have the intellectual integrity to do my own reading and arrive at my own conclusions. -- Frankly, it's not fun to realize all of this in the span of less than a week. I've put about half of my eggs into the basket of my business, and need to be successful in that venture in order to sustain myself. However, I can't seem to focus much at all on business with the shift in consciousness I've experienced due to these key realizations. I liken this to a mild existential crisis, and I'm ready to face the challenges ahead of me no matter the cost. I feel sincerely that my life is accelerating and that I must rise to the challenge; it's exciting and intimidating at the same time! I have found that the community here is full of good-willed, intelligent, and experienced individuals with a willingness to offer valuable perspective to help others. Perhaps some of you have experienced something similar, and can offer some advice on what helped you through the struggle of an existential crisis where your gravest errors in thought and plan were made apparent to you. Maybe you know a couple of good books on the subject of introductory metaphysics and epistemology, and you'd like to share those. Heck, even if you've got an interesting article to share that you think could help myself or others, please share it! No matter what advice, perspective, or resources you offer, I'll sincerely appreciate them! I'm looking forward greatly to engaging you all in conversation .

I really appreciate your posting of this thread. It ties closely to my own stage in the dating game. Basically, I've been able to find a really promising FDR listener through tinder of all places, and I hope to be in your position this month! I, too, am not a virgin. I have had one long-term committed monogamous relationship where sex was involved for many months. I regret this decision; she was a manipulative woman who used her sexuality as a weapon against me. My regret stems from the reckless nature and potential life-destroying consequences my actions could have had for myself and others. I would feel horrible had I impregnated her and made her a single mother. When you say that you feel "guilt", does that feeling arise out of a sense of actually committing an immoral act? Does it rise out of the sense of making a big mistake? You use the term "regret", but I'd be curious to know where that regret stems from. Also, you said she told you "not to worry about it". That's not good, I think. Why would she not show a little empathy and ask you why you feel that way? She totally might have - maybe you didn't mention that conversation in your post.

I know that this is specifically a thread where the original intent was to create a support network for women, but to any younger ladies (<30) I'm part of a Skype group called the "Young Philosophers" where participants build meaningful, long-lasting friendships based upon virtue and shared values. We have text chats, voice calls, and video calls just about daily, and it's a great opportunity to connect with bright, empathetic, and motivated minds online. Presently, we only have a few females in the group, but with your participation that can change Okay, end of plug! If the group this thread advertised still exists, more the power to its members! The Young Philosophers have been around for ~10 months, and aren't going anywhere soon CHECK OUT THE THREAD! IF INTERESTED IN JOINING, PLEASE READ THE UPDATE I WROTE BELOW THE ORIGINAL POST.

FIRST GAME: Lol, nobody sees the winning move? Bg5+ Bishop check wins the queen! White's reply will be to take your bishop, then you capture the queen, then they take your queen, then you take their knight. The exchange of material is equal; you have a winning pawn structure and both of your rooks will be active; the threat of white's imposing knight is moot because your king is no longer a square threatened by checks. SECOND GAME: I see a clear problem in your opponent's position: the KING is hemmed in by his rooks. Move your D pawn forward, and white must retreat the bishop. Move it forward again, and white is in trouble. His king is vulnerable to back row mates, and you can sneak in a NASTY bishop check [A5], forcing a winning exchange of bishop vs rook.

Please correct me if I am wrong, I will try to repeat what you mean: "Don't be too concerned with trying to find a woman who is philosophical. Not all women explicitly know about Philosophy. There are many inherently good women who have a wealth of moral standards and virtues which were passed down through tradition. You would be compatible with such women, as you would share the same values and virtues. The fact that they didn't come from philosophical reasoning isn't too important, because if the woman is intelligent and rational, you can simply teach her the philosophy later." If that IS what you mean, that is super great advice!!! I have found myself thinking "You know, I'd probably have a lot more in common in terms of Morals and Virtues with a smart Christian than the average leftist-atheist." And I think what you say will stick in my mind as good advice that will serve me for years to come. Thank you kindly. Also, thank you to everyone except the MGTOW trolls for filling this thread with brilliant insight and perspective that will undoubtedly help many other young men in a situation similar to myself.

It depends on your values and your judgement. If you meet a woman, and she tells you she's into Social Justice and Communism, you know right away those are huge red flags. Now, you can either proceed to spark conversation with her if you find her to be otherwise very rational and virtuous, or you can say to yourself "forget it, she's too far gone". We know the odds of finding a rational, virtuous Communist is next to none. It's up to you to decide if you should proceed with caution or abandon ship. Some red flags are bolder than others, and would merit an immediate disconnect in the relationship. For example, if a woman tells you "I take pleasure in hurting people", that's enough for anyone to know it's time to get the heck out of dodge!

Hey man, I get the impression you're having a bad day. There's no need to roam the boards with a chip on your shoulder; I was joking. Thank you for your remarkably kind and insightful thoughts! My partner and I will undoubtedly sit down and try our best to learn what works for each other sexually. This is a great relief, as I hadn't stepped back and considered what sexual inexperience would mean to a good woman. This is exactly the kind of reply I had best-hoped for. I really genuinely appreciate your input, mellomamma

While I appreciate your concern, I more greatly appreciate your participation in MGTOW. One less competitor in the epic contest of finding a quality woman to love and cherish!

Thanks again for your reply! I hope to chat more.

Commonly, you can request one through a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. Calling offices would be a good place to start.