ThoughtDogFrank

Thanks a lot Magnus. I've recently picked up a book called pathfinder which is really helpful at defining what kind of career I should pursue and why. I'll have to check out those mentors you mentioned. Thanks a bunch

This is exactly my issue Magnus. I've always viewed the law field to be inefficient, arguing petty points just to win a case. It doesn't really help the offenders or even promote effective changes to stop the problems where they start. It's a short term fix to irrational people who want to escape being told they are wrong. I view myself in this field not lasting long because I would either get too involved in the matters or I would not want to cheat people out of money, or help those who are clearly guilty so I wouldn't even be well paid. At least from what I can see it's not a game for those who actually care about change. The problem still stands, that I'm in a difficult position in regards to my education. I have a degree that is almost worthless as a credential, and I don't think I can go back to school for another 4 years. I don't really know what I can do. I don't want to do sales or more of those meaningless kinds of jobs. I need to get on my own financial feet so that I can stop being so reliant on my parents and others.

I have just graduated university, my BA degree doesn't seem to be making much of a difference in finding a job. The thing that I can do is take a 1-2 year course to get my paralegal certificate just so that I have more practical job experience instead of general philosophy or general psychology. I live in the GTA in Ontario. What I wanted to ask is, whether anyone has worked as a paralegal or lawyer? If so what was it like? Did you enjoy the legal profession? Do you have any complaints about the legal sector or words of advice for someone considering this career path who is also interested in FDR/Philosophy? Thank You I would appreciate any other information or experience about the legal profession and the difficulties that may arise..

I know what you mean I used to get really red and sweaty and start monitoring my breathing. I think you may have just been investing too much importance to the interaction or the value in their acceptance. This is something that as you have read I struggle with as well. Taking the time to realize there is a lack of self knowledge is a very wise decision, bad relationships scar more than taking the time to be honest with yourself and women. When we can be honest with ourselves I think that is when we will be ready to be honest with an honest woman. I just heard the podcast love as a coincidence, pretty good.

You are right I usually do tend to undervalue my skills, usually because I think that they are common when in reality they aren't and it is just sometimes hard to believe that I am valuable. Its a real issue because I can objectively see that I have value and I have heard that I am a helpful and considerate person, but still when it comes down to accepting praise I find it difficult to accept that I have these qualities.( By reenforcing this idea to me has made it significant enough for me to bring up in my next therapy session, thank you). It is for her to decide, I guess this is why we need feedback from others, perhaps she will be able to see value despite my ignorance to the importance of my values, maybe she will be able to work with me on them because she may see (value), my willingness to make adjustments and seek truth in my life.... That made me really happy. I agree as well the key to finding a good relationship and partner has largely to do with how much we work on ourselves, although I have spent 5 years improving myself, I just still have this baggage that tells me its not enough, I can do more, and im not enough [which i think comes from the lack of positive reinforcement in the sense that I am still single and its not like girls are very interested in me]. This isn't true because since im undervaluing myself I am unable to recognize and truly respect my changes in comparison to those who have no interest in self knowledge and they can certainly succeed and get women, they just have less self doubt and criticism which makes them act more confidently even though their certainty is based more on ignorance than truth. ( does that make sense, am I generalizing too much or missing something in that description?) If you dont mind, what was you experience with this matter and what led you to seek self knowledge instead of a quick relationship? To end off this reply I want to say thank you once again, every response that I get from this community just makes me trust ever more strongly that what happens around FDR is good and essential in many areas of life. I hope that you find that great relationship sooner than later.

Thank you Kevin, that book sounds good. I looked into it after a podcast I heard it mentioned in, I just haven't got around to getting a copy and reading it. What you said about the overcommitting and not valuing ones own energy and time sounds quite relevant to myself. I find it too many times that I fall into this mentality of self doubt and helplessness even though I am able to provide value to others through my discussions with them and the advice that I am able to give. Though its almost as if I have been conditioned to always doubt what I say to people, because when I give advice it sounds solid and inspiring but when it comes to my own life and taking my own advice it appears so much more difficult. I usually tend to live my life in this neutral zone where I discuss my ideas which I think to be good but retract their value in order to maintain comfort in my relationships. I have good friends that I can discuss truth and philosophy with but they too suffer from this self doubt, or fear of taking risks because they just don't trust their abilities. My life is always a little good and a little bad but its very rarely excellent, for instance there is this girl that I think I could have a good relationship with, she is smart, easy to talk to and beautiful, she has these qualities about her that make me feel good when ever I see her or think about her. The issue is that I know what I want in a woman, she seems to fulfill that criteria but im just too afraid of bringing her into my life in a more serious context, because I fear that even if she were to say yes and go out with me she would have to learn about who I most truthfully am, which includes seeing my family and hearing about my experiences in my past that I am not proud of for the most part, im worried that she would just see me as difficult. I feel almost like I don't deserve a woman that good, im worried because she makes me feel something I haven't felt in a while which is happy,I am worried that I may change and what if i treat her poorly. its so stressful for me because i wonder if I am just trying to use a relationship to treat my loneliness. I think I feel like this because I dont really feel in control of my own life. I dont know, thinking about her makes me sort of sad now because I dont think I will be enough. I guess thats why im in therapy.... sorry for the story that drifted off. What do you think? Have you ever experienced this kevin? Are you in a good relationship?

Hey everyone, I am currently seeing a therapist thanks to the good advice of FDR because it is important to get professional opinions about why I have certain fears, doubts, and possible irrationalities. One thing that my therapist told me to read was Mind Over Mood, which I find to be helpful but I was wondering if you know of anything to help me stand up for my self more, to have more confidence in myself and act on my findings without irrational fears of failure forcing me to stay still and become passive to others will. If you would like to know more details just ask, but otherwise I am content just with your suggestions. Thank You

In which way? Can you give an example for others to work with? Empathy, I think has to do with being able to understand other people. It is about respecting others as human beings with thoughts, beliefs, flaws, strengths, worries and ambitions. When you say you lack empathy but give little description of what it is that you are experiencing you are not understanding that others need more information from you in order to help you out more specifically. I will say that empathy is understanding the other as something that you can relate to and responding to it as such. So for instance empathy would be giving more description because you understand that others need more to work with to help you out, also empathy would be you asking the members a question to find out what they think about the subject understanding that they may have some views and things that they would like to talk about as well. Hope that helps out a little bit.

I think relaxing is the absence of the emotional stress in the regular day. To figure it out look at what causes you stress, take some time and be away from that, not retreating but so to speak if the town stresses you out at the end of the day or for a short period of time go on to the hill and just observe that which stresses you out. Meditation as has been said is what I guess I'm saying. For a while people, realatiknships and society really stressed me out so I evened it out and went where there was none of that which was in the forest. I would go for a walk by myself, take pictures, study the landscape and observe how life seems to abide by some kind of natural law, that life goes on without human intervention. To relax meet up with some good friends and have some deep conversations about each other, about beliefs, findings, successes and struggles or take some time alone and admire the magnificence of nature. If that is your thing.

When we think about happiness, I think people imagine the feeling that pleasure brings you, the uplifted mood, the quenching of some hunger, the relief that comes from being giving to yourself instead of denying yourself what it wants. Happiness is what occurs after one is done realizing the enriching flow of satisfaction, happiness lingers and is always there, its there when you are thinking more clearly because you got up out of bed, and made time for yourself to get some exercise, it is there when you have friends who genuinely love you for who you are, and it is especially there when being courageous leaves you stinging in the gut afterwards. You realize in these moments that happiness is continuous, the brighter path that one takes everyday because they did what was good, not only for themselves but for their loved ones, the ones they respect now and the ones they may never meet in the future, it is the effect of virtue. Happiness is waking up loving the fact that you are alive, it is all around respect for existence, and it pays off when you look around and see the world, dark as it may be, with cold people sleeping on the steps off of the street and cold people in the buildings as they lurch over them and shrug their shoulders. I imagine they live with that guilt, that realization, deep within themselves, it must be there, that they are somehow not living a life well lived. Happiness is the little things, its having the love of your life respect you, its also showing them that the world is not so lonely and hostile. But pleasure on the other hand is what tears us apart, it reaches into us like a spectre and becomes us, it is the addiction to happiness without the cause, the nihilistic notion that nothing else matters so we will be content, living shortly, briefly but without pause to consider what exactly does short term gain actually get us. canker sores, and loneliness, and beatings that are too many times done by ourselves, by that with is perceived as good and wholesome, the sheep in sheep's clothing that leaves one feeling alone, and vain and self destructive. A little bit of a rambling, I began writing and just let it flow, avoiding distraction. maybe happiness is rambling, on and on about the things you love and avoiding the distractions that tell you it cannot be so and that it is not worth it. ~Feel free to tell me what you think about what I wrote. If anything doesn't make sense, if you would care to expand of some of the concepts that you think I am getting at in this little description. By all means, expand upon this, someone else write a story about pleasure and happiness, a poem, a picture, (Philosophical) Quotes, anything really. I am interested very much so in the importance that this distinction has in living a good life. Is pleasure always bad? are there different types of pleasure? share some stories about how you became happier, share one of the happiest moments of your life...

Wow!! So much positive feedback! Thank you so much, this truly is a great place. I have a lot think about. That last comment about the empathy is totally relevant. I have an enormous capacity to understand his emotions and his needs but like you were saying TJT, I've always found it difficult to empathize with myself to realize my own needs, and my own emotions as being important. - it's funny how the elderly escape that objective charecterization, everyone just kinda assumes that they are sweet people and that when they were young they were also kind ( I know for a fact that my father although was abusive to me, his father was extremely physically abusive, which included degrading him, physically assaulting him regularly, and was also himself emotionally cold and really only used my father for work. My grandfather grew up in Fascist Italy during WW2, not too hard to see the corruption and manipulation of the state there). -I've been to therapy and a psychiatrist briefly in the past, it was revolutionary in helping me begin to see myself as not useless. I went during a time when I was very depressed balancing between being suicidal. The therapist basically said that it was a toxic relationship, my dad would not change unless he had to, and that I should cut ties as far as the business goes. I'm considering going back to therapy for the 6 free sessions seeing as it has been 2 years now. Philosophy has been my substitute for therapy and it does help but sometimes you just need to speak to another person and get some advice, seeing as that I am finding myself in the same traps over and over again, being or atleast feeling used, not just with my dad but with customers and other people. -many of the questions are framed in a choice like manner but when someone takes him up on the I have a choice, the conversation gets quickly changes back to the things that he prefers us to do. - I was considering doing a call in show, but I'm a little worried talking about this on air with so many people listening to my issues. If I were to call in, would I have to use my real name or could I remain anonymous? - thank you for the book suggestions those sound great, I'll have to buy some of those. For all of you out there dealing with manipulators, I wish the best to you in maintaining integrity in your virtue.

Hello, I am new to FDR. I'm not sure how relevant this is to this specific group of the forum but I am currently dealing with my manipulative father. He claims to love me and my siblings, but has no interest in what makes us happy and quickly diverts the conversation whenever it begins to get to the truth of our feelings. He is quick to become offended, and is really very irrational to the point when I bring up problems in the household caused by him he proceeds to attack my education as if it were something that has made me the irrational one. "look at the smart guy over here, he has the answers for everything". I am currently and have been involved in a family business with him by force and persuasion since I was 7, it was never my choice to help him, and it often left me beaten, broken emotionally and instilled a dangerous self hatred within myself that I have only recently began to overcome. Im sorry to be blurting my issues out on the forum, but lets make this less personal to me and I was wondering if you guys out there, you honest, good people, could help me identify when it is that I am being manipulated. What are the characteristics of manipulators? Why are do they chose to be manipulators? Is there something in their voice or the kind of words they use that indicate a manipulation (hidden agendas and motives)? How can one avoid being manipulated for being passive and caring?? I am stuck in a difficult position, and I would really appreciate your help in learning how to not be used anymore for being someone who is kind and wants to help everyone. it is my greatest strength but also my weakness, im tired of being exploited for wanting to be good.