Blackfish64

Please, don't tell me you're sorry. I do not want or need your sympathy. I am not looking for sympathy, but better ways to understand narcissism, and I am using my own life experiences to demonstrate my knowledge of the subject, which grows by the day. And please stop with the no contact nonsense. We are surrounded by narcissists. They are everywhere. Obama is one of the most malignant narcissists now living, and he runs the US. Your boss or manager is probably a narcissist. They're all over the place. The man I learned the most about narcissism from is, yep, you guessed it, a full-blown, raving narcissist. The difference between he and other narcissists however is that he realizes he is a narcissist and does something about it. We are all narcissists to some extent. And there is a healthy narcissism and a not-so-healthy narcissism. Which one are you? I have no wish to confront my mother about her mothering. The poor thing has been through quite enough already. I'm amazed she's still alive. I'm amazed she didn't die long ago. I'm a big, fifty year old man. I'm not scared of narcissists. I'm not scared of mommy dearest or daddy dumbass. I don't need to run off and cut every one out of my life every time they have a problem. I'm not about to run and hide from narcissists. I am not a victim. I am educating myself. I am getting all my ducks in a row and learning to understand this problem and how to conquer it. That's how I do things. Everyone else can run and hide and cower every time mommy dearest and/or daddy dumbass and/or whenever the neighborhood narcissist and bully happens by. As for me, I will take care of business the way I see fit. Dad is a lunatic. I have always known this. I knew that one day I would grow up and kick his ass. I grew up all right, but that day never came. They're not worth confronting. They're not worth talking to. There is nothing to be gained from it. It's not worth kicking their ass. When you slap shit, it splatters. No, I will not run and cower from the narcissists in my life. I will find them wherever they might be and I will call them out loud and fucking clear, if necessary. Victims can be just as much bullies as any narcissist. I don't put much stock in the victim nonsense. We're all going to get manipulated by someone in life, sooner or later. Welcome to the really real world. Learn how to deal with it.

Sounds like good old school gun philosophy that's good for getting people killed. Having the capacity for destruction certainly can be, but is not always a deterrent. Plenty of people running around who just don't give a damn about your capacity for destruction. We call them criminals, psychopaths, narcissists, among other names. Having to press the trigger is not failure nor success. It is simply having a trigger to pull. A gun is merely a labor-saving device. They're good to have when you need one. But chances are pretty good you won't have one when you need one. Chances are pretty good, matter of fact, you won't need one at all. Let's hope it stays that way. But in the event I could use a gun, yes, I do hope to have one. And I will press the trigger for the purpose of killing my enemy and for no other reason. When it comes to violence, unfortunately the philosophy goes straight out the window. If you want to live, you will act accordingly. Taking the self-defense mindset is only going to get you killed. In violence, there is a winner and there is a loser. The one who is still alive is the winner. The one who is not alive anymore is the loser. I choose to be the winner. Save all the finery, the "justifiable", the "self-defense" nonsense, the "virtuous" for the lawyers and the courts. That's where that stuff belongs. In violence, only violence belongs, and only violence can get you to where you want to go. Anything less is gibberish. Gibberish is for the losers. Violence is for the winners.

Now, a very interesting twist in my story has come about... while visiting this weekend, our young nephew, Beamer, celebrated his 12th birthday. The amazingly perceptive and intelligent lad said over dinner that he knew something was wrong between his auntie and I. He said, "Auntie, why you always try to fight and pick on Uncle? Youjust like my dad with my mom. He always try to pick on and fight with her. You and my dad same. You know, if you don't stop, Uncle will get tired of you and leave you all alone. Is that what you want? Is that what you are trying to do? Are you trying to make Uncle go away? Why you do him like this? He is a good person and always try to help you, but you never appreciate. Why not? Don't you like him?" At that, wife got up and left the table to hide her face and cry. Now, what's interesting is that none of this conversation was provoked. Young Beamer just came out with it of his own accord and perception. He hit the nail right on the head. I had to ask him, "What is your best subject in school?" "Mathematics." "Wow! That's excellent. You may want to consider having a look at psychology. You are a most excellent psychologist! Thank you, for your observations." "Yes, Uncle, I am good psychologist!"

Your capacity for error has caused you to get a couple of ideas thoroughly mixed up here. It is the State that is impractical and immoral. Not government. To say that government is impractical and immoral is to say that every human being is, by nature, impractical and immoral. Human beings are self-governing, self-inhibiting. So, at the very least, there will always be self-government. Anarchy is a myth. I can't think of an instance where a rape would be practical and moral, but assault, theft and murder can be both practical and moral, as in self-defense. Indeed, it may be the only course one can take in saving his own life and/or property. Theft of the trespasser's property in compensating a victim or victims also practical and moral. So, the State and government are two entirely different things. We need to govern ourselves. We need to apprehend and stop criminals. Their behavior most definitely needs to be governed. Now, setting up a State in accomplishing that goal has turned out to be a bad idea, I agree. The dynamo we have set in motion as a means of protecting us has clearly come to work against us, against productivity, against the nature of the individual, which is freedom. We don't carry guns to protect or to defend anything. We carry them to destroy our enemies. Pulling a trigger is not protecting anything. A most excellent discussion can be found in Isabel Paterson's "The God of the Machine". Paterson absolutely nails it in this work.

quote name="Eric.Linux" post="391699" timestamp="1417989766"]I'm not going to lie, in retrospect, I think this is sort of in a way masochistic thinking. "poor me I don't have friends." but I do not do anything to change it or examine anything in myself. Then I might blame others. The solution is to go out and meet people, like you said. But then this is what keeps me from doing it: I predict that it will turn out badly and conclude that I shouldn't do it. I think I need to disagree with myself. For instance, if I want to idk, go to a coffee shop and try to talk to someone, I will think "it is not worth it, I will just buy coffee and people will think I'm weird if I try and talk to them" so I must then say, "well so what, sometimes things don't work out perfectly, I want to at least try, and I can always try again. but it might work out anyway" I think that this thinking is more rational perhaps. Don't you think? When you say that things will turn out badly you are right. Meetings with people often do turn out badly. But that is the normal course of life and the natural order of things. We're not always going to get along with everyone we meet. So go take your chances and have your fun and let things turn out badly. And when they do move on to the next meeting and you will have plenty of good ones too. We can't expect to never cry and have everything we want when we want it and everything turn out just beautifully every time we make an attempt. Failure is what we do most of and failure is what we do best. Get used to it but also get used to your successes and enjoy them. As for the coffee shop idea, I think it's a bad idea. I think you would be better off getting involved with groups of people who are involved in something that you are interested in. For example, if you like computers, join the computer club. If you like hiking in the wilderness, join the wilderness club. This is always a better way to meet people than just randomly going out and about hoping to meet someone to talk to. When you join clubs you have a ready-made audience and a ready-made group of people who are ready willing and able in fact eager to talk about the things that you want to talk about because your interests are all the same. If nothing else that is a good place to start. Enjoy. What exactly kinds of people are you trying to meet? And what do you hope to do with them once you meet them?

This is the thread that will not die... Here's to it!

I can't argue any of your points. Good material, thank you. Going to therapy is out of the question. Abandon the narcissist. Move on.

Abandon the narcissist. Move on.

Um... No. That would be "free" as in freedom, not free as in free goods we've strong armed from others.

It's highly contradictory of "black people", and any other kind of people, who call for more and more and more welfare, education, fringe benefits, freebies, protections, laws, taxing "the rich" and others, etc. from the State, to complain about police brutality. Who did they think, if not vicious thugs armed with clubs, guns, and choke holds, was going to do all the enforcing for them? And why should they be immune? What could they possibly be thinking?

It is true, some of the stuff I have related is vague. I was writing off the cuff and didn't have all the time I wanted to put all my thoughts into words. As for my "fifteen year old daughter", she is now twenty seven and off on her own a long, long time ago. Collateral took that piece of information about her from another post and his capacity for error has cause him to put the facts out of time and place. My present wife came into the picture when my daughter was a teen. My wife wanted to rush right in and put the hammer down on the child, and I told her it wasn't allowed and that it would not be tolerated. Wife simply did not know all the facts, and changing the course of daughter's life at her discretion, all of a sudden, wasn't a good idea. The cultures were different, the personalities were different. It was starting to look like disaster. I told wife to back off. Which she did. That was many years ago however. As for myself and the wife, I have only recently learned that she is a narcissist. I have known for years now that something was terribly wrong with her and our relationship, but I could never quite put my finger on it. I simply wrote it all off as husband and wife stuff. When she and I first got together, she was with me 100%. I mean, she was really wonderful for the first three and a half years or so. We made big plans together and we began to see them through. We began to carry them out. I could not have been happier. You see, this is what narcissists do... they do everything and anything they can to gain your confidence and your trust, and when they've got you-they've got you. That's what she did to me. That's what they've all done to me. Dad, mom, first wife and her crazy family, then I went off alone for well over a decade, staying out of serious relationships, and I was happy. It all ended with current wife. I thought she was going to be different. She was different. Like I said, for years she had my back and I had hers. We were quite a duo. Then things gradually began to change. It got so crazy at times that I had to stop and ask her, "Wow! Whoa! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Especially with the money. It was insane. I had to stop her and take control of all the money or she was going to ruin us. It got to where she simply did not care what she did to me. This is where a lot of the rage comes from. It is healthy and right to rage against those who have done you harm. UIt is not however healthy to be fixated on the rage and make it a way of life. But, no matter what shenanigan she pulled, she always found a way to make up for it and keep me going along with her. My parents were like this, too. My first wife and her family. Then, like I said, I found happiness in my solitude and adventures, in doing things I had dreamed of doing since I was a boy. I made all my dreams come true. And I thought that current wife was only another part of the dream I had made real. And she was, for a long while. I can't deny that. You see, I didn't know much about all this narcissist stuff until about a year or so ago. And when I first learned about it, of course, I did not want to believe it. I did not want to believe that all my life, all my childhood, I had been conditioned to support these assholes. Over the years, as I grew, I simply ditched them when they showed up. I ditched Mom and Dad when I came of legal age. I ditched my first wife and her family when I realized they were even crazier than my family. And living alone for many years, no one and nothing bothered me. I did as I pleased, as I had always dreamed. But now I am smacked in the face with this new information. I am slowly detaching from the wife. I am learning to observe and be detached. For the most part, I am successful. But there are times when she is just too fucking much. I blow. Like I did the other day. Thus, this thread, and talking about how I deal with the aftermath of my rage. There are two things I need do now. 1. Abandon the narcissist. There is no hope of fixing this situation. 2. Move on. Today, after days of dealing with her moodiness, moroseness, anger, stupidity, and other endless nonsensical nonsense, and after hearing me out (she wasn't even listening), and after no apology for her behavior, and after a half-assed hug and kiss (there hasn't been one of those in a year or more), and after pretending that she is going to do something, finally!, about her behavior toward me... today she slips back into her most morose state I have ever witnessed, her lies, her manipulations, her deceit, and her unkindness and cruelty. After all this (actually, long before all off this, but this only further solidifies my convictions), I come to the realization: she doesn't give a flying fuck about me at all. Which leads me back to rule #1. Abandon the narcissist. #2. Move on. But this is a process. It isn't going to happen immediately, and even if it did, there are still things that need doing. So, I am taking care of those things while I am still here. 'Nuff said about that. Meantime, on top of all her garbage, I am getting messages from America that Mom is sick and probably going to die soon. She has clogged arteries, and there isn't enough oxygen going to her brain. Nope, not a word of sympathy from wife. I always thought this was strange about her... this lack of sympathy. I had never seen such cruelty, such lack of empathy before. Never. I have been sick only twice since I have known her. But once, back in the US, I had some kind of flu bug that really tore me up. I had it coming out of both ends and it was horrific. She ignored me the whole time this was going on. I thought it unusual, but said nothing. Then I got up and ran to the bathroom and was vomiting into the bowl violently. It was so violent it put me on my knees and I thought my guts were going to come with the vomit and that was going to be the end of me. What does she do? She follows me into the bathroom, bitches at me to be careful not to get any of it outside of the toilet bowl, to be sure to flush, then she starts rubbing my head and preaching sarcastically, "Oh, my god! You're making such a big fuckign deal out of this! What\s your problem? You will be going to work tonight, won't you? You're not going to call off sick are you?" At that, I caught a break between purges, stood up, grabbed that bitch by the back of her shirt, shoved her out the door of the bathroom, then the master bedroom, then slammed the door and locked it, leaving her out in the hallway. Then I returned to the bathroom to vomit in peace. Pray you never get sick with a narcissist around. The second time I got sick, a few months ago, same thing as the first time with the vomiting and all the rest of it, she reacted no different. She came in the room acting all high and mighty and started a fight with me when I asked for some hot tea. I got up out of bed and got in her face and backed her all the way out the door, backwards. I kept that wretch out of my room and out of my life for days until I became well. Yes, I am a little bit "crazy". I've attracted one too many narcissists in the past. It was part of my conditioning as a child. I was that kind of child. I've been that kind of adult for a long time with this pathetic excuse for a human being. I shall not be making these kinds of choices and actions ever again. I have learned the full scope (well, full enough anyway) of what all this means and who I am dealing with. The names I have called her are actually toned down for the message board. If I said what I am really thinking about this person they would likely not allow it to be posted here. Meantime I am getting all my ducks in a row and getting ready to bail. Another narcissist to dump in the ditch and leave them right where I found them. Only this time I really know what I am doing. I am quite happy about it, matter of fact. Quite happy to have finally discovered the truth. And quite happy to be moving on. Sam Vaknin, if you are reading this, I thank you. Not much more to say, really. It's just a matter of time until I get it all wrapped up and head back stateside.

Finally over it... the last few days of war with myself and my little narcissist. She's a real doozie. Creepy little brat. Spoiled rotten little shithead. I have to admit, getting along with the wife is much, much easier than it was in the years before, as I have learned that she is a full-blown narcissist. I have learned so much about the subject as of late that I am finding myself kind-of embarrassed that I missed it all these years. I thought she was just moody, or something, but, no, she's a narcissist. She's the real thing. Anyway, knowing is a good part of the battle, but now the question arises, what to do about it? Do I just up and leave, abandon, and move on, like all the experts say, or do I try to work it out? I am trying to work it out. I try to be on guard for when the cunning little cobra sneaks up from behind to bite me with one of her smirks, comments, and her snarkiness, but every now and again she catches me off guard and sends me back into a tail-spin, and I come out raging. The raging, of course, fills my body with all kinds of chemicals, like I am going to war or something, and when the rage subsides, I am left dealing with the residue, the gunk, the goop, the coming down. Narcissists are great at messin' with people. I find that a good workout, a good long stick walk and/or some body dynamics helps to get rid of the goop inside the body, to sweat it out, and feel good and clear again.

I had no intention my entire life of ever being monogamous. I thought, and still think, it's a ridiculous idea. I actually tried being monogamous when in my early twenties. I was married and utterly faithful to the same woman for two and a half years. It nearly killed me. I won't make that ghastly mistake again.

Pretty good info. No need to go outside of range of motion for warm-ups, but people always do. Good way to get oneself hurt. They always have the fancy equipment. My walking sticks are just two bamboo I found laying out in the scrap pile. After that, all one needs is a sturdy pair of walking shoes or boots, and some old clothes that are going to get really sweaty. I never call it "Nordic Walking" because I've never been to any Nordic countries, and I don't use any of the popular equipment. I'm in Thailand and I use two sticks. It's Stick Walking. And that's that. People who go out on the road to try it with me for the first time, and usually the next six or seven times, are amazed at the workout it is. They can't keep up (even when they go at their own pace), and they usually quit. It's too tough for most people. Even people who deem themselves fit. It works 90% of all the muscles in the body and it is a good cardio workout, to say the least. Stick Walking forever. Love it.

I have this bug that is biting me like mad. For the last couple of years I have wanted to learn the art and science of being a cobbler. I want to fix shoes. I want to make shoes. I love shoes. I have always loved shoes. I never cared one lick about shoes as a child, teen, or young adult. I wore them, I never cleaned them, and with my incredibly poor posture and gait, I wore out a very expensive pair of boots or shoes in less than six months, threw them in the garbage, and started over with a new pair. I always blamed my shoe problems on the shoes. I was endlessly looking for and spending more and more money in my relentless search for a pair of shoes that would last. I never stopped to think that I might be doing something wrong until... One evening in my mid-late twenties, I was out on a walk and looked down at my feet. I was appalled at my gait and my posture, my toes pointing outward with every step, the heel of my shoe banging against the planet with every step, smashing down and wearing out my expensive heels, and worse. Then, it occurred to me. I didn't need anyone, no doctor, chiropractor, shoe specialist, or anyone like that to tell me how to fix this problem. I would simply do it myself. I would straighten up my posture, and straighten up my gait by my own free will. From the bottom up, with my feet first, I started out incredibly slowly. Meticulously I picked up and put down my feet, one right after another. Taking these incredibly slow steps, I watched every move my feet made. I made them walk straight, toes pointed forward in the direction I was moving, gently setting down the heel first, and gently rolling forward and rolling into and out of each step with absolute perfect precision. I did this for days and days, practicing everywhere I went. Onlookers must have thought I was out of my mind. But I didn't care. I went ahead and did what I had to do. It finally became a habit and I was cured of my bad posture and stepping pigeon-toed. After reforming my thinking, my habits, and my actual physical structure, and fixing my legs and feet with nothing more than a little thought and a little exercise, where before I couldn't make an expensive pair of boots or shoes last even six months, I can now make a cheap pair of boots or shoes last more than five years. Where my back, knees, and legs hurt every time I walked a long distance, I now feel nothing. Pain free. I can walk all day long, every day, no problem. As I write this, on the other side of the room near the door I have a pair of Converse C1240 athletic low-rise boots I have been wearing since 2007. They have been to the cobbler a couple of times, getting the well-worn creases in the leather boot stitched, and getting new bottoms put on them, as I have worn the bottoms off of them twice, perfectly flat, naturally. I'm amazed. And that's my little story. Now, I've often thought of learning how to repair shoes and boots and how to make them over the years. I don't know why this keeps reoccuring to me, but that's OK, because something like this is really right up my alley. An interesting aside, my favorite television program is "Fast 'N' Loud". I love watching them take those old cars and make them into something new and perfect. It's amazing. I feel the same way toward people, and objects, especially bicycles, outdoor gear, computers, and, you guessed it, shoes. It's the weirdest thing, but I absolutely love taking off my shoes, examining them, brushing them, polishing them, and preparing them for the next time I wear them. I mean, who doesn't need shoes? Who knows? I could make a career out of this and have my own little shop and my own line of reconstructed shoes, bicycles, and old computers running GNU/Linux! I can see it all now, up in lights, 'Blackfish's Shoe, Bike, Free Hardware and Software Service'. HOORAY!

Right on. We are what we do.

I'm with Albert J. Nock all the way. There isn't anything that can be done about the State. It will run its course, ruin everything in its path, and the dumb people will simply set up another one in its place and start all over again Meantime however I do think NH is gorgeous, and that it is better to be surrounded by those who are like-minded than it is to be surrounded by those who are not. We need not look far to find the irrational. They're everywhere. It's nice to find a little common sense somewhere. I've also liked the look of much of what has been done in Arizona, and I have spent a lot of time there. But the big wins are mostly taken up by religious nuts and authoritarian arseholes. So, as soon as they kick out the Feds from an area and get some property rights there, they turn it all back to the way it was before with state intervention. The state government can be every bit as tyrannical as the Federals.

Check this out. I love the idea, but the technology isn't quite there. I left Windows for proprietary code, and I left Apple/Mac for proprietary hardware. I'm not about to go backwards with Linux and more proprietary hardware. Nonsense. All free hardware and free software or bust. I do love the idea however. It's coming right along! Waiting for the technology to catch up with the ideas! http://www.pcworld.com/article/2849795/purism-librem-15-linux-laptop-blends-high-end-hardware-with-totally-free-software.html

New Hampshire has fourteen miles of Atlantic coastline. That was a big consideration. The idea is that if they seceeded from the union, they could continue trade with other countries.

Wyoming was rejected by the FSP for several reasons. Hard to get people to move to the least populated state and the highest suicide rate. But, yes, you are correct, Wyoming definitely has its advantages, some of them by default. Montana was another consideration.

Avoiding the use of the word: violence-is the problem. The correct time to have a discussion about violence is before it happens. After it happens is too late. Again, we are sane and socialized, and the avoidance of the word and the subject, and certainly any acts of violence, are undesirable. It is because we are sane and socialized that we must look at the problem and address it before we can make it go away. We can't make it go away by pretending it has gone away. We cannot solve the problem, i.e., cannot make violence go away by distancing ourselves from it. We make it go away by getting close to it, by owning it, by knowing what it is and what can and cannot be done about it. We don't make cancer go away by not speaking the word: cancer. We don't kill ebola by not speaking the word: ebola. Violence, cancer, and viruses are all things human beings must deal with whether or not they like it. And just as a doctor kills cancer and viruses by getting close to them, by ruthless, objective observation of them, so, too, is violence done away with, eradicated. This attitude is typical of every newbie who steps on the mat to learn how to do violence/self-defense/self-protection. When it it his turn to draw blood, snap a spine, gouge out an eyeball, crack a femur, etc., he is taken aback by the very idea of it. Instead of stepping in close and getting the job done, he is distant in thought, feeling, and body. He wants nothing to do with it. He is sane and socialized. This is good. But it will not will not save his life or the lives of loved ones. He must get in close, cause damage, cause trauma, or it will be done to him instead. Again, this is the basic choice each of us must make. It matters not at all to me what you choose. I hope you do choose violence however. As for me, I have done so already. I am fully prepared to deal with violence should it come my way. That makes me free from ever having to think about violence again in my entire life. I am free of it. It no longer concerns me, and for all the correct reasons. Distance will not solve the problem of violence. Intimacy with violence will however, once and for all, solve the problem of violence for the individual. It is no different than seeking a good therapist. Violence, when properly practiced, is therapeutic, is understanding, is problem-solving, is peaceful and calming. I prove this to myself and others every time I step on the mats. No exceptions. When it comes to violence and understanding the problem of violence, society in general, mainsteam media, pretty much the entire "self-defense" industry is headed entirely in the wrong direction. Choose violence. Embrace it, learn it, know it, live it, get it out of your system once and for all, and your world will be a much better place. Just like therapy, one individual at a time.

It's violence. Pure and simple. Any way one looks at it. To put it in your terms, the desire in reciprocal or reactive violence/force is the desire to stop the violence. My desire to stop, reciprocate violence is 100% full commitment. All bodyweight, desire, passion, force, thought, i.e., all of me goes in all the way. My desire is to cause violence, cause injury, and put me back in control of myself and my surroundings. And nothing else.

Some of the negatives of moving to New Hampshire are the same as some of the negatives of moving anywhere! You have to move! I hate moving!

Anyone looked into New Hampshire's Free State Project? I've known about it for years. It has its share of problems, but it's growing. That's always a good sign. Getting into actual situations where we can practice what we preach is always a good thing. I am always looking for ways to do just that. Nick Gillespie over at Reason Magazine piqued my interest in the project again when he recently posted this YouTube video covering the FSP. I liked the video, so thought I would post it here. If nothing else, New Hampshire sure is pretty!

You will be better able to cope with your feelings without it. With the dope out of the way, no longer dulling your senses, your nerves, your thoughts, your emotions, you will be more sensitive, more alert, more able, more alive, more powerful. Free yourself and let your strength wax before your very eyes. At first, you might be a touch out of control, as you will be walking on unfamiliar territory, you might get a touch rattled, but you know it's coming, so you can prepare for that. Use something else to occupy your time. Exercise is good. I prefer walking, specifically stick walking. Dopers don't get exercise. They sit around on their arses all the time. So learning to exercise is good for you. Find some sport or form of exercise you really like to do and go for it. Find some new friends. Preferably ones who don't use dope or drink. If you need support, need someone to talk to, there are groups you can get involved with, there is journaling, there is this Web site. If you are having a hard time stopping your use of the dope, change the way you use it. Instead of smoking it, try eating it for a change. It will give you a different perspective and free you of the same old habits that keep you imprisoned. Soon you will get bored with the whole thing altogether and be better equipped to just toss your stash in the trash. You don't need it anyway. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not in any pain. Find a job. It keeps you in the habit of working and puts money in your pocket. Feels good. Even if it's just dinging a cash register down at the corner 7Eleven. Who cares? It's something to do and makes money. That's always a good feeling. If you have connections and can hook up with someone(s) and get an apprenticeship, learn a trade you might like, or something like that-do it! Go to school. Sign up for a couple of classes that peak your interest down at the community college. You might like it. Do your emotional work. Get therapy if you can find a good therapist. Find the source of your pain and deal with it. Put it all behind you and press on.