TheW_nderer

No, I wasn't there. I can only take his word for it. And his actions following that seem to indicate that he was being sincere. He gave me the rehearsed version of what he would say and then let me know what happened after that.

There is a girl that he admitted to having feelings for, but he told her that he had to cut things off with her in order to work on making our relationship work.

We're both turning 25 this year. And we've been dating for 2 years.

Thank you for your response. I guess in posting this, I was hoping for some better ideas to the nature of romantic love so that my bf and I are better to define it in terms that we can both agree upon. The most confusing part is the romance. We've been talking more about this, but this is still a glossy area for us. And though I'd like to move there to be near him, he says he wants to be sure I move there for myself not just to be near him. Thanks for the response! I'm glad someone can relate, but I hope this is not the case for us. I would really like a romantic future with him and am wondering if it's unhealthy. If he doesn't understand what romance is maybe he doesn't know if he or isn't "in love". And how can you test that?

We do try to visit each other when possible. For example, in the past few months I have visited him twice and he has visited me once. Every time we do meet up the sexual chemistry is still there, which begs the question, is the romantic aspect merely sexual? I'm considering moving to be near him, but there's still this issue in his mind as to whether or not the romantic aspect of our relationship is intact, and if it's not that will definitely influence whether or not I move closer to him. If he is unclear about whether we should continue things romantically, then moving far away to be with him will not be my top priority. Do you feel that moving in together would be a good way to gauge our romantic compatibility? Or should we be sure beforehand to ensure no mixed feelings are involved(perhaps just lust).

Hi thanks for your response! For me I have defined a romantic relationship as one in which I am responding to the virtues I see in him reflecting those that I value, as well the desire to be present in each others lives(emotionally and physically) above others. He seems to define the romance portion as more of a feeling that is an addition to friendship(which is my definition minus the physical). Therefore he feels that perhaps the romantic feeling may not be completely necessary, and is something he wants to consider further because he feels that a failed romantic relationship may end in the end of our friendship and he doesn't want that. The virtues we share honesty, in that we strive to be completely honest with each other no matter what. Courage, in that we both have lived lives of adventure and are unafraid to take chances in regards to moving to new places and experiencing new things. Integrity, in that we both know each other's values and try to ensure that we never compromise ourselves for others(including each other). And though I strongly rely on reason to guide my choices, he is much more in touch with his emotions and has helped me realize the importance that both play in being a healthy person. Sometimes I do fear he values feeling too much, which may be a reason this issue has come up. The rough patch involved our moving to different cities. We met teaching abroad and lived in the same country for 2 years only to later return home and move to different cities. We decided to continue our relationship while home, but the distance really wore on us and made us question how deeply we care for each other in a romantic way because our communication started slacking and the stress of readjusting to being home added a lot of pressure. And this really blew up over the last couple of weeks with us considering ending it. However, we decided that we needed to work on our communication and we are committed to making things work. So I guess at this point, the distance has changed and our environment. I guess, it's just hard now to understand what a romantic relationship is, if not just a feeling attached to love and if it isn't, what is it. And how can someone determine if they have romantic and not just love for each other.

My bf and I have recently had a rough patch in our relationship and it has made him question whether he simply loves me or is actually "in love with me". The story is of course complicated, but it mostly boils down to our both knowing that we love each other(each of our virtues), yet, he is wanting to step back from the romantic side of our relationship to ensure that we are compatible as friends. He explained that after we work on some communication issues, he will then consider whether or not we should re-engage the romantic side of our relationship. For me, I feel completely in love with him and and feel that pushing the romantic side of our relationship might be detrimental, though I understand that we are both fairly young and he is wanting to be certain of his romantic feelings before we take more serious steps in our relationship. So my question is, how does one know for certain if they are romantically in love with someone or if they simply love each other for their virtues? I mean, I can love my friends for their virtues, but have no romantic feelings towards them. My bf and I definitely love each other, and are sexually attracted to each other, and are working on always being open and honest about how we feel without judgement. So, what is he actually considering? Input from the guys would be awesome!