Tyne

It is a sad for me to admit it, but this is 100% true. There is no way facts hold a candle to sentimental story-telling and feelings to her. She is a tenured professor of creative writing- apparently distorting reality is what she does best. As long as it sounds good.

You are absolutely right. I posted Steph's video as a reply to this NY Times article (http://nyti.ms/29YcF2k) with a comment that points out that this article is missing some relevant facts, which Stephan covers. From there, I get that bullshit quote. I replied back with many of the criticisms that dsayers pointed out. Her only reply was "Wow Tyne." To which I promptly replied not an argument. She asked me why I was so pissed off. I asked her what makes her think that I am? "Tone" I told her she was projecting. Text doesn't have a tone; I simply presented some facts. I then asked her what she was feeling since she brought it up, but I don't expect to get a reply. So, that's how that transpired. Hardly a graceful performance on my part, I know. There are probably a dozen better ways I could conduct myself on Facebook, but I'm not feeling the regret just yet.

I have decided to stir up some push-back with my BlackLivesMatter-supporting mother. In response to my sharing Stephan's Truth About Alton Sterling and Philando Castille Shooting, she quoted this: "And, let’s get a couple of things straight. This is a little side note: the burden of the brutalized is not to comfort the bystander — that’s not our job, alright? Stop with all that. If you have a critique for our resistance, then you’d better have an established record of critique of our oppression. If you have no interest in equal rights for Black people, then do not make suggestions to those who do. Sit down." (Jesse Williams - BET Awards Acceptance Speech) How would you break down the flaws in this quote? Just a side note: My mother has black skin; I have white skin. Although I am part black and we share a noble lineage of exceptionally brilliant ancestors who have contributed enormously to Black history, my experiences with BLM couldn't be more different from hers. Primarily, I'm guessing, because I do not look black. I get sneers and hostile remarks from black people on the street; meanwhile, she gets coddling, sympathies for her struggles, and concerns for her safety from white coworkers and friends.

I was having a discussion with my friends not long ago about common themes in dreams that many people have; like flying, losing teeth, zombies, water, etc. I mentioned being chased by a killer seemed like a common dream. They were puzzled and alarmed, but confessed none of them (there were three of them) had ever had a dream like that. In particular, they were alarmed by the idea of turning on the dream attacker and attacking back, which I described. Which got me wondering if anyone else has had dreams like this, if any of you think it is common or uncommon, and what meaning it might have. For me, the nature or the "being chased" dream has changed quite a bit since I was a child. It used to be that I would get chased down and attacked then immediately wake up. Now, if I am being chased in a dream, I will try to get away, then when the killer is close enough, I will turn around and kill him first, often with his own weapon after a slight struggle which I easily overcome. The weapon is often a knife, and the dream continues with out waking. I don't have these dreams often, but I did have one just a couple nights ago that was so visceral its still got me thinking about this dream and wondering why I would be having it and what it might mean.

I don't post much on Facebook, and I comment even less often. When I do decide to leave a comment, I think long and hard about what I say and if I should say it at all. I really don't care what people think about my arguments or political positions. I feel pretty safe from attack behind my computer, and being female and mixed race; my employers are republicans and don't seem that interested in snooping around my Facebook page. My husband, however, is concerned that my opinions could end up costing me employers and clients in the future. He is a stay-at-home father and can be open about these topics with out much consequence. (Although he says even he has clammed up more over certain topics these days).

My husband and I have put off getting some much needed therapy. My husband mainly uses the excuse that we just can't afford it. My fear is of what I don't yet know or understand about therapy and what a good therapist is supposed to look like. You mentioned that it would be simple to figure out if a therapist would be right for you by asking the right questions. What would be some good questions to ask? What are some red flags?

Yes! My husband and I studied the Bradley method. We had a home birth with a midwife and a Doulah. It all went fantastically well, and I don't think I would have done anything differently. I had no idea my husband could be such an amazing partner in parenting until that day, and he continues to surprise me almost two years later. I think the experience had a positive impact on him, too, giving him an active role in bringing our child gently into the world. There were times when he needed a break or it was all getting to be too overwhelming for him, so the Doulah would step in, lend a hand, give advice to both of us, and reassure us that all was well. She even took photos for us, which I'm glad she did so everyone could stay involved in the process and it could still all be documented. We didn't find anything particularly religious about the Bradley Method; perhaps that part was glanced over by the teacher. If there was any religious undertones, it didn't effect how we wanted to go about the labor. My one criticism would be that the dietary advice might be a bit out dated. I would recommend talking to nutrition expert or refer to your midwife or OB GYN since information on nutrition seems to be constantly changing.

I had a favorite stuffed animal (several, as they kept getting lost) that I clung to and slept with for years. Some of my stuffed animals didn't leave my bed until I moved out to college. My mother was somewhat distant growing up. She was a single mom raising me and my half sister. I was sleep trained as a child and put in a room shared by my sister. I'm a mother now, and share my bed with my son. I comfort him with hugs when he's upset and breastfeed him when he's really upset. He's never had a pacifier or bottle. He doesn't sleep with fetishes like blankets or stuffed animals and although he has some favorite toys, he doesn't seem to need or want them for comfort or security; he'd prefer to jump into his daddy's arms or my arms and be picked up and held. I'm totally fine with that and proud of it even. However, what I see all too often on the Facebook mommy groups is mothers complaining that their baby only wants to use them for comfort or nurse to sleep in their arms and how can they get their baby to take a pacifier or toy to sleep instead of them. These women seem fed up and exhausted by their child's needs and want a break from the constant touching. To me, this seems like rejection, but then my perspective is deeply shaped by my childhood insecurities.

You could probably bring up the conversation with the adults, preferably around the kid. The conversation you would be having with the 11 year old boy would be a conversation with his internal parents anyway, since he's reciting conclusions most likely implanted by someone else. So, might as well have a direct conversation with the source, and show the boy how the conversation might go. Talk to them like you want to talk to the boy. From what I've observed, parents get frustrated, too, at this indirect conversation with them through their kids. in the end, the conversation isn't about changing their minds so much as it is about enlightening the child, so don't worry too much if the conversation doesn't go great with the parents, the boy will with any luck be learning something new, if not about ethics and rational thinking, then about his parents.

Thanks for sharing that. What a great idea. I never kept journals as a kid because I didn't trust the people around me with my private thoughts and feelings, but I did keep dream journals from when I was a teen. Maybe there's some introspective gold in those somewhere. I still don't write in journals because I still have trouble shaking this fear of personal intrusion, but I am writing a journal to my son to give to him when he's an adult. When he is old enough to write, I'll encourage him to write in a journal. (I probably should work on my privacy issues until then, if I want to stand any chance of selling this journaling idea to him when he gets older.)

I wish I had taken a year off school after graduating high school and just worked on my own projects or just gone right into the work force. I learned so much just from working a couple years in retail. I wish I had explored my own interests while I still lived in the financial security of my mom's house. I could have accumulated a little more savings and been a more active implementer of my own goals, instead of just floating along on the same corse as all my fellow classmates.

I got a 141 on the European scale; 127 for the American scale.

I would imagine it would be really tough for your wife, home alone with a baby and no Daddy to help out or take shifts really sucks. In my experience, having my husband around has been a huge relief, not just for the sake of getting things done, but also to have someone to talk to and receive affection. Babies are amazing and fun to experience when you have two adults but they are scary and burdensome when you are alone- mothers make no exception. Babies travel surprisingly well! Particularly breastfed babies on planes. If you two do lots of baby-wearing and nursing, traveling by plane will be pretty comfortable. Car seats, however, are usually a nightmare. A beastfed baby wants to be in his rightful place, in arms, near the breast, all the time. Care seats (particularly those basket carriers for newborns that convert to car seats or strollers) are often uncomfortable until you switch to front-facing seats. Maybe it's motion sickness... I don't know. I hear so many complaints about babies hating their car seats until they can face forwards. You'd have to stop often to let the baby stretch and move around, as those seats can reek havoc on developing hips and spines. Babies will adapt beautifully to your routine, as long as you are fulfilling all their needs when they cry. Traveling a lot can absolutely be normal life for a child. You have options, and I'd recommend focusing on what your family needs to be comfortable (baby and wife in particular for the first year, at least) you might be surprised to find that's not necessarily a sedentary life at home.

Brucethecollie, it seems to me like your kids, particularly as they grew older, have a healthy established criticism of the world. They don't sound like the type of people to just go along with whatever; and they're not afraid to ask an adult to cut the crap. Some kids are more susceptible to magical thinking and have trouble distinguishing really from imagination. I suspect these kids need to be checked in with more frequently than the naturally skeptical kids. However, if the child has a grasp on deductive reasoning, I doubt the training for being lied to or tricked is really necessary. I wouldn't put my kids' trust in me at risk by simulating what they might encounter in the world; that seems like it would have the opposite intended effect. If they were to encounter frauds and liars or just plain deluded people in the real world, I would hope that it would give them pause enough to ask what was going on. Brucethecollie, is this what you experienced? You said your kids picked up on it without your help. My husband and I are really curious about this scenario. Did you have to explain things in the context of "supposedly" or "some people say..." Did your kids have interest in what your beliefs were? Did you manage to avoid this?

Brucethecollie, that's fantastic! it sounds like you successfully circumnavigated allowing your kids to think for themselves and having fun with the myth! That's very inspiring.

Hi, I'm an artist. I sculpt and create concept art professionally, but I can also illustrate. Traditional mediums are my bread and butter (pen and ink; pencil...) but I can also work digitally. I have some work posted on my blog and Instagram.

Its almost the holiday season again, and so begins this endless debate on the value and virtue of Christmas. A bit of back story: My husband is Jewish but his family is not particularly religious. They still celebrats certain Jewish holidays like Passover, I think mostly because of family tradition and less often now that his grandmother has passed away. I come from a non-practicing Catholic family that enjoyed celebrating the Christian holidays (i.e. Christmas and Easter) without having to go to church or pray or learn much about the Jesus myths. I have very fond memories of Santa and Easter and even (to a lesser extent) the tooth fairy. I was not devastated to discover over time that Santa, the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy did not exist. Though, I hear for some kids there was devastating confusion and grief. Obviously, I am wildly enthusiastic about celebrating the holidays, especially now that I have a child myself. But I keep waffling between telling my son Santa (and the others) is real and being completely honest from the start and tell him that other kids believe but it isn't true. Or try some sort of middle ground, where I tell him I'm pretending Santa is real and that its a game we play every year. My husband never had to deal with this kind of thing as a kid. He can't seem to empathize or understand my nostalgia. He respects that this is important to me, but finds the whole thing frivolous. Even the fact that you put nice paper around something to give to someone, only to crumple it up and throw it away is an interesting perspective I never considered until he pointed it out. I hate the idea of lying to my son. Particularly if there is no practical gain for him other than "the magic" of it all. Even though I had only positive memories of this, and my husband has no personal experience and only cynicism, my question is: Is it morally wrong to convince children magical entities exist and then admin the truth when they are older or when they demand the truth? Is this form of lying abusive (even if you reject the "naughty or nice" aspect)? Is it more enjoyable to believe in Santa or does it detract from the experience to play pretend? I'm sure this question must have come up in the past so I'm sorry if it's an annoyingly repetitive question. I'd love to be directed to any resources out there. I want to hear your thoughts and childhood experiences too of course. Thank you.

Thanks Melomama, those are some fantastic ideas! I hadn't heard of those sights, but I could definitely offer bartered service for discounts. (I'd done that for my Doulah, back when I was pregnant.) Brucethecollie, I'm so glad I'm not alone on that front. I think Stefan mentioned he'd been doing fewer talks about parenting because listeners were less interested, which was disappointing to me. It is one of my favorite topics (followed by relationships.) Do you mind sharing the name of that Facebook group? I'd be interested in checking it out some time. No need to apologize. I appreciate blunt. Yes, I know I need to take action. I know I must be the example. I fully accept responsibility for myself: my feelings, choices and actions, are nobody's but my own. I don't quite know where you extrapolated that I've been neglecting myself to effect my husband's behavior. Unconsciously or not, although it had an effect on my husband, this was more to do with depression not manipulation. I never asked for change from my husband. When things were getting rough between us, I avoided evaluating my husband and instead demanded more from myself. I'm done with having standards only for myself. I have to admit its not all about me and my choices and actions anymore; he has them and makes them, too. He is an influence on my son, too- arguably more than me, so he has to step up, too. I can't wait around for him to suddenly get that this is important, and I can't force him to improve, but I can ask him to participate, and if I have to, take the lead so he can see that I'm not all talk and bullshit.

Melomama, thanks for the article. I'm reading it, and its definitely opening up some new perspectives for me. Some of it painful, a lot of it is hopeful. For the past couple years, I have been of the mindset that I have really ruined my life by committing to a relationship with a person who could not rise to the challenge of being the best partner for me and love and appreciate me completely; that I would take my lumps, pay the consequences for my carelessness with my heart and his, and hope that the highest we might achieve is co-existence. A bleak outlook for the rest of my life- I mean, sometimes the thought almost sends me into full blown panic. If Al Turtle and some much. needed therapy can offer a sunnier path, I'll fight for that. I can't imagine surviving in this sad state. Something must change. I think you're right: therapy is something that just can't wait for instance to pay out. The deductible is ridiculous, the year is almost over, and come next January, we'd have to pay it off all over again! The money seems well spent to me, but my husband does not seem to think we can afford it. I've tried persuading him that the value is there, but he insists that he does see the value but we just can't spend the money. I'm not convinced, honestly, that he is as driven as I am to improve our relationship, which is discouraging to say the least. What are some financial strategies that might work in this situation? Maybe I can inspire my husband to loosen his purse strings if he knew there were some other financial options. (I'll be sure to ask our therapist, too.)

Stef talks about the "cheese-eating dunderheads" and "neck-beards" these days. I could not help myself. I had to draw one. Suggestions or requests for more interpretive sketches like this one are always welcome and encouraged. And of course, I'd love to hear what you think.

Some games that involve simple math that I absolutely adored are a kid (and I hate math) are: Mile Borne- a French card game where you race other players by adding up mile cards. Dix Mille (aka Farkle)- all you need is six dice and a score sheet. The goal is to be the first to score 10.000. Cribbage- I can't tell you how useful that game was for me as a child for learning addition. i can't remember the name of this next one, but I remember the rules. Its so simple. I've taught it to lots of other kids to pass the time. Its always a lot of fun. All you need is twenty little pebbles or Cheerios or whatever is small enough to fit in your hand in a bunch of ten. Each person starts with ten pebbles. One player presents a closed hand with any amount of pebbles in it from none to all; the other player has to guess how many he has. If the number guessed is less than or more than the actual amount in the closed hand, the guesser must 'pay' the player the difference in pebbles. (i.e. If I guess 3 and the hand has 5, I pay 2. If I guess 3 and the hand has 2, I pay 1.) If he guesses exactly the right number, the player must hand over the hidden pebbles to the guesser. They take turns until one player has all the pebbles. SET is a really fun thinking game, too, with lots of concentration to find the hidden patterns before the other players.

My son is only a year old, but I'm already being asked where I want to send him for school. I tell inquirers that it will be his choice, and we will inform him on his options. I really don't want to send him to public school (even though people rave about the schools in my area.) I secretly hope he decides to stay home for school because I think it will be a fun challenge for me and my husband. Both of us went to public school (my husband had some private schooling, too) and hated it, barely scraped by, and now I just feel like after 12 years of public school as a full time job with overtime and no extra pay, I have catching up to do to unlearn all this crap! I didn't discover how much I love learning until I graduate high school. I don't feel adequate to guide my son's learning. Did your education help or conflict or influence your approach to your kids education? Do state standards interfere with the preferred pace your children learn (i.e. If they, say, learned to read way later than the school standard age,) do you get harassed by some sort of education inspector busy-body; could this be a potential problem in the future? Are there things you think are important for your kids to learn that they just have no interest in learning? Did you find a creative way to draw their interests or was it a matter of waiting it out? Can you recommend any literature on this? Sorry- I bet some of these questions are really common.

I just came across a page in The Continuum concept that sites the the report Stefan might have been referring to. (Pg. 72) Dr. John Bowlby of London's Tavistock Clinic was commissioned by the World Health Organization in 1950 to report the fate of "children homeless in their native countries" with regard to their mental health. The book sites J. Bowlby, Maternal Care and Mental Health, WHO., 1950

I second this, and would also recommend the sequel, in which they visit Ina May Gaskin (the pioneer of modern midwifery) atThe Farm and interview her. It's a little different. Definitely more of a interview and less of a documentary but well worth it if you liked The Business of Being Born.

Ew. When did young people turn into such old gross creepy swingers. Behavior like this would be abhorrent to decent people. It's sad to see so many potentially good people treating themselves and others like gutters, but stuff like this should make the right girl stand out like white on black.