Rafael Ritter

You are right. That's what I should've done.

I completely accept that there are special cases where there is no other way to give birth. But what I was talking about was cases where there is in fact choice. From what I've read, if it is possible, natural birth is preferable, since there are postpartum risks and other stuff in c-section.

Thank you! Your thoughts are very very helpful! Those are very difficult but important questions, and I don't have a clear answer right now, but I'm sure they will be a good guide for the future. I think what I'll do is go back to therapy and try to work out my relationship with her there, get some professional thoughts and feedback. That's my plan at the moment.

Hello "cumpanhêros"! I'm looking for Brazilian listeners to talk to about FDR (philosophy, to be precise) and its topics. Maybe start a Facebook group or something like that. Feel free to give suggestions. Anyone?

That makes it a lot more clear. Thanks a lot for sharing your perspective! I really hope you find a way to get the emotional support that you need and deserve.

That's not true at all. She doesn't help me a lot with the topics that I learn in FDR, but she can be of great help to me a lot of times in other situations, like social situations. For example, I've always been very shy, and she is very upfront and assertive, so I learn a lot from her about that. I also ask for her opinion and perspective in many other things, and she always helps me on that. The rest of what you said makes a lot of sense. Thanks for sharing the thoughts. I don't think she is peer-pressure based like you said, because she always stands up for what she thinks even when her friends or family disagree. But I'm also not entirely sure that she is completely reason based, because once we discussed about c-section vs. natural birth, I gave her the data and she still kept her position (pro-caesarean). She said that it's because it is was she prefers, that it doesn't hurt as much and that there are a lot of cases of medical abuse, because her cousin went through that and talks about that a lot (she is kind of an activist against this type of abuse). But then again, she can accept the negative sides and still want to do it compared to the alternative. Or maybe I didn't make the case well enough. I don't know. Maybe it's not a irrational position. What do you think?

My girlfriend has talked to me about this social isolation aspect, but maybe I didn't see how big of a deal it actually is. Thanks for sharing you perspective, it was very clear and I believe it helped me to see a little better and with more practical examples some of what she was talking about. That said, I really applaud you for being a stay-at-home mom, and I find it very admirable! Now, I am a bit curious. You said that your husband is not available for emotional support, and that you have no one to talk to and to share these problems with, but couldn't he try to work a bit less in order to be able to give you the emotional support you need and be there with his child while he or she is growing up and you are taking care of the child? Also, do you have any data on this correlation between stay-at-home motherhood and depression that I could take a look at? Thanks in advance!

I don't think so, no. Yes, you are right, I agree with you.

I was trying to convince her that being a stay-at-home mom is better, since that's what seems more rational to me in almost every aspect. I think it's hard to say that I am planning to marry her at the moment, since not only are we both very young (I'm 21 and she just turned 17 this month) and the relationship is relatively short (6 or 8 months, depending on how we count it) but we also don't agree on very fundamental things, and it's been kind of difficult to convince her of my positions. Also, she is my first girlfriend, so I don't think it is very likely that it's going to be the last one (not saying I don't like her and appreciate being with her, but you understand).

I didn't start to look for a new therapist yet because I have to deal with some university stuff and some personal stuff at the moment. But when I do start looking for a new one, I will certainly take into account everything that you guys said and recommended here!

Thank you all for the very intelligent answers, insights and recommendations! They were all very very helpful and illuminating, and made a lot of sense!

I was going to therapy last year, and my therapist followed the "Family Constellations" method, which is a therapeutic method founded by Bert Hellinger. I am a bit skeptic of that approach, because it didn't seem very rational, at least the way she presented it to me. Here are some of the statements she made, based on that approach: "The parent-child relationship is an imbalance relationship. The parent gave us life, which is a gift that we can never pay back, only to our children when we have them." — here she was basically saying that we owe our parents infinitely. That because they gave us life and it's the best gift, we have an eternal obligation to them. "We shouldn't reject our parents, even if they have made a mistake." She said those things in response to me telling her that my girlfriend does not want to talk to her father because he was never present in her life, that he is just a random stranger to her, who now wants to get close to her. Do you agree that this approach is not very rational? What do you think of the argument that we owe our parents no matter what they do or have done because they gave us the best gift which is life? What is the best and most rational psychological method/approach/type of therapy? I think I want a different kind of therapist but I really don't know what to look for. What do you recommend? Thanks in advance!

Actually, she sent me that study because I was arguing that being a stay-at-home mom is preferable and that they are happier in general. She disagreed and brought that up as counter-evidence.

Thanks everyone for the answers! I really appreciate it!

My girlfriend sent me this study: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/12/111212124520.htm Doesn't it contradict Stef's claim that stay-at-home moms are happier in general? I want to hear your thoughts. Thanks!