joedacro

when you remove a person's choice you are using force. Using tax as a example. "if you do not pay your taxes you will be fined, imprisoned or shot" "if you do not stop smoking you cannot see my son anymore until you quit" "if you do x ill remove y" just because the punishment is not as severe doesn't mean it is not forceful by nature. there is a reason why people act defensively in general from ultimatums. Ultimatums are an aggressive form of communication to another person and it also insults the person you are speaking by insinuating they are too stupid to even think about the situation, so instead all the conditions are given before they are given a choice in anything. this is why id suggest the OP just ask what they want from their mother. and see how she chooses to react. In this case the OP would give the cons of smoking around his child. Now if the choice is made that his mother does not want to stop smoking because her grandchild is not enough motivation to stop the OP can react by not visiting until it is changed, or however they think is best to react to the situation.

I dont know where i heard this, but i find it to be very true about people: there are three types of people when it comes to socializing. 1. People that talk about others 2. People that discuss current events 3. People who exchange ideas critically when you talk to people you will see this more and more. most people are mostly 1s and 2s. But Seldom you will find people willing to share a thought let alone let that thought be criticized. But not all is lost. with people who cannot be the 3rd type you can always take an interest in their conversation and share your ideas/thoughts. You will be surprised how many people are capable of being thinkers but just are not because of their environments. Hopefully this can help with socializing in the future. Regarding happiness. Firstly portray your self as happy, then proceed to make others happy. If you are not portraying your self as a happy person, people will not bog you down with their problems because they see you dont have anything to offer them. I say this because you said you found philosophy, you recognize your mind thinks more than the general minds of the world. So Im assuming you are more intelligent than the average person. start acting like it and show people that you are worth their time. Like every human on this Earth you find joy in making others happy

Smoking is a tough habit to beat. The hardest thing about it is finding out why a person started smoking in the first place, then weigh it up with the persons current lifestyle. To make it even harder especially with someone who has smoked for so long it will be hard to get the starting information in order to find a reason to quit. For me I was smoking socially and while drinking, until i started smoking daily. Basically when i wanted to give up smoking i also gave up drinking regularly. When i gave up smoking the chemical addiction to nicotine was gone in less than a week. Although to this day if i have a beer i think a cigarette will be perfect. Same thing goes with coffee. Basically what I'm saying with this is a person needs a good reason to start the giving up cycle, then they need a follow up reason to not smoke when they are in situations they will turn to a cigarette. A good suggestion to get the ball rolling would be to ask your mother to not smoke when you come and visit with your son. i dont know if this was sarcastic. But telling your mother this would violate the NAP.