Jessica Rose

From what I've read, it's a fairly common dream, but I've never had it. My most common dreams is that I am lost (which makes sense to me, because I feel lost in life right now) and the second-most common is that I'm surrounded by scorpions. One dream-interpretation website stated that dreaming of scorpions means that you likely have untrustworthy friends, but in this case I tend to lean toward the simpler interpretation: I live in the desert, there are scorpions all over the place here, and I'm pretty creeped-out by them. As for your dream, I support what others have mentioned -- that there's something in your life you're trying to run away from, some issue that is making you feel victimized or vulnerable. That you're able to kill your attacker suggests to me that this issue is something you've already resolved, or will be able to resolve.

I understand completely the disorganization that can come from alternating between paper and digital journals. Many years ago I also had the habit of alternating between the two, and I found it frustrating. I realized how much more I enjoyed putting pen to paper, so I decided to commit to that method. Do you prefer one over the other? Posting private thoughts and feelings on a public forum can definitely seem like a daunting task, particularly since you've been attacked in the past, but I'm glad that you took the risk. I'm also very happy that you had such a positive experience sharing what you wrote with your mother, and that she was supportive. I hope this makes you feel more comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings with others from now on, as they are certainly valid, and definitely not "pathetic" or a sign of weakness -- quite the opposite, actually, as I believe it takes great strength to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. I quoted this part of your post because I thought it was very insightful, particularly the part about not being ashamed of your negative experiences, because they aren't your fault. I related to this, because current "friends" in my life have made me feel guilty for my emotions and for my reactions to their negative behavior, and it has taken me many years to realize that it was unfair of them to treat me this way. It's a long road to being able to trust -- not just trusting others, but trusting ourselves and our emotions. I'm very happy that you've made a friend here, and that he helped you to feel safe about posting. Thank you for the welcome, and your kind words. I hope the road to trust is becoming easier for you, and that you feel comfortable enough to share your feelings here again.

Thank you for having the courage to share this, Rachelle. Hopefully the act of writing it out was helpful for you. I've kept a journal for most of my life and I've always found it somewhat relaxing to express my thoughts on paper at the end of the day, though I understand that it can be difficult (or even uncomfortable) for others. I sincerely hope that you will be able to make safe connections in your personal life, as well as here in the community.

Hello Andrew! Kudos for leaving the army, and welcome to the community.

I relate to a lot of what you wrote, particularly when it comes to making new friends past 30. I'm 34 and nearly all of my close friends are people I've known for 15+ years. I have difficulty making friends with other women because generally, I haven't been able to meet women with whom I have much in common. Many women my age are now married and/or have children, and that seems to render any mutual interests to be few and far between, because I've never been married and I'm child-free. I tend to have more interests in common with men (politics, sports, philosophy, literature, etc.) but the same problem is present -- most men my age are married and therefore the friendship is difficult (or inappropriate) to maintain. I noticed in your post (and in your responses) that the way you are viewed by others is important to you. It seems as though you're torn between what you feel you're "supposed to" be doing with your life, and what you actually want, and in my opinion, your 'wants' are winning. You've been with your girl for five years but haven't married her yet because you don't really want to. If you were madly in love with her and eager to be her husband and make her the father of your children, you would have done it already. Instead, you're having your cake and eating it, too: You're a gainfully employed thirty-something male in a stable relationship and are therefore socially acceptable to those in your general peer group, but you've clearly made a point to maintain the freedom and ability to bolt at any time and drive off into the moonlight, which I think is what you really want, but you don't want to hurt your girl or be seen as a "loser" for being single and/or not having close relationships with others. I must say here that I'm not judging you at all -- just stating what stands out to me about your situation. I don't really feel as though you're indecisive, either. You didn't make the effort to talk to that guy at the sporting event simply because you didn't want to. If making/keeping friends were truly a priority to you, you would have initiated the interaction. Instead, you wanted him to come to you, and when he didn't make the effort either, it reinforced your belief that you're awkward/socially repulsive and thus you avoided him a second time at the mall. I'm not going to tell you to go into therapy, because I've never had therapy and therefore I wouldn't feel comfortable recommending to others something I haven't personally experienced. I do think you need to sit down at some point (or take a drive) and seriously evaluate what -you- really want, who you want in your life, and who you want to be as a person -- but this time, you need to own it and take responsibility for your own desires versus what you think you "should" want. Hopefully what I've said here is helpful. If my assertions are incorrect or I've said anything offensive, please let me know.

Hi Kathryn! Thank you so much for your response. The video that instantly hooked me was 'Why Brexit Must Happen' (with Paul Joseph Watson). I was looking online for pro-leave material (since I'd been arguing about it with a friend and wanted to strengthen my facts) and though I wasn't really looking for a video, I clicked on the YouTube link that popped up because Stefan's name seemed vaguely familiar (as it turned out, one of my other friends had mentioned him to me a couple of years ago, but I just never got around to checking him out). So I watched the video for a couple of minutes, enjoying it while also thinking to myself that there was no way I was going to watch it for the full hour, but of course, I got sucked in pretty quickly. Thank you so much for the information and the links you provided! I'll definitely be joining the meetup group (I'm fairly shy 'in real life' but I've been working on changing that) and I'll probably be contacting you soon about the women's group. I hope to see you around the forum as well! I haven't been online much for a day or so, but now my big glorious empty weekend has sprawled before me, so I'm looking forward to diving back in here. All the best, Jessica Hi dsayers! Thank you, truly, for your response. I felt a warm glow in my chest reading your words, actually, because you're right. Stefan may have provided the spark, but the fires I've set to certain relationships -were- my doing. I definitely have the unfortunate tendency to minimize myself within my own life, and I've grown weary of it. One of the first podcasts I listened to (upon a random comment someone had left to one of Stef's videos) was #183 - Freedom Part 4, and much of what Stef said just hit me like a bolt of lightning, particularly the bit where he said (and I must paraphrase here) that he wasn't telling us that we must be alone, but that we already *are* alone by being in these toxic relationships. Right when he was saying all of this, I could almost -feel- the click in my mind, and I knew I would always remember it -- sitting on the floor in my living room, my cat curled up next to me, and the sunset filling the room with a soft orange glow. That was the moment. I'm definitely looking forward to continuing to make myself larger than all the negative influences in my life, and shedding the old me. It's becoming quite exciting out here in my little corner of the desert. Thank you again for your kind words, I hope to see you around! All the best, Jess Hi Maciej! Good to meet you! And you're definitely right -- the red pill process hasn't been entirely easy, but I'm quite excited to be taking these steps, and even more encouraged by your kind response, as well as the responses of the others. I hope to see you around! (I also hope my responses post correctly; I'm still getting the hang of the forum features. )

Hello everyone! I just joined about a week ago, after discovering Stefan on YouTube. I'm so glad that I did, because in addition to feeling relieved that there are other clear-minded individuals in the world (and greatly enjoying his social and political perspectives), I also feel that my eyes have been opened to some of the destructive relationships in my life, as well as some of my own undesirable behaviors. I've spent the past few days doing a lot of self-evaluation as well as examining my close friendships, and I have to say, I've never felt better. The path to the life I want to live, and the person I want to be, seems clear at last, and I have Stefan to thank for it. A little bit about me: My name is Jessica, I'm 34 years old and I've been a rather passive libertarian for about 10 years now; I'm a bit of a newbie when it comes to the deeper political and philosophical theories, but I plan to work my way through more of the core literature this summer, as well as purchasing Stefan's books (since I prefer physical copies to digital). I happily became a monthly subscriber pretty much the same day I created a board account, once I realized just what a massive amount of insight and information Stefan is providing, and also what a huge undertaking it must be to keep all of us this up and running smoothly. So! I'm quite happy to be a new FDR member, and I'm looking forward to having good conversations and meeting new people here. -- Jessica

Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your current hardships, and I wish you and your wife much health and happiness. Regarding your post, I agree completely. I only very recently discovered Stefan (by viewing one of his Brexit conversations with Paul Joseph Watson on YouTube) and this led me to want to explore his body of work further. So I watched a few more videos, then found my way here and listened to a few excellent podcasts. With a growing realization of just how massive an undertaking this is for him and the immense quantity of quality information and insight he is putting out, I immediately felt as though setting up a monthly donation was not just the right thing to do, but that I was actually quite happy to do so, despite being on a rather fixed income myself. There are only two things I regret: that I cannot contribute more at present, and that I didn't discover Stefan 10+ years ago.