ChadT

I'm curious as to how this can be fixed, surely the only way to fix this is to give those things? Sorry, I'm not that experienced with this stuff so maybe I'm getting it wrong?

When we are together we get along really well and that's the best times of my life, I stand by this. The issue isn't when we are together, its when we are apart.

"It sounds like your girlfriend is not having her psychological needs met. " What do you mean by this?

There are a few reasons; We get along together really well, more than I've ever had with anyone else. When we are together, its some of the best times of my life. She understands me more than most people I know. she will help me fix issues when I need support. She has been with me when I really needed someone, and when she really needed someone. I don't really know what is youre looking for with this question?

Can you expand upon this, I'm not sure I fully understand?

She is a good person, She does have her issues, but I have my issues too, no one is perfect. She has a good side to her and generally when asking questions about someone's faults, people tend to only talk about the issues. I don't want to fix her as such, more to get her back to be the same as she used to be, she hates her life right now, it's not her as a person, more her circumstance.

Hello Kathy, Thanks so much for your response, I appreciate you taking the time to reply. To answer your questions; 1. She did, I met her 4 years ago when I met her she literally had no official education. I got her to do some online school thing and then get her GED, she then went to college and is working for a company called Ulta as an esthetician (Her course was for Esthetics). She sort of regrets that decision though because she absolutely hates her job, her job put her off doing esthetics. So she does have her GED and did go to college. She is currently looking for jobs whilst working full time though. And a veterinary company has shown interest in her but this was very recently so we don't have much information on them yet. It's probably important to note that she is 21 years old and I'm 20. 2. She does not read. 3. She doesn't have tattoo's right now, but she does want some. I have been in opposition to it, but she really really wants some. She is a big believer in "Self Expression". She does have a few ear rings and a septum piercing. I have been opposed to the septum piercing but not the ear rings. 4. We are in a long distance relationship. This part is actually kind of weird. We met 4 and a half years ago, and during the time before we first met in person we were relatively "intimate" online, I don't want to get too personal here but for instance, she used to send me pictures etc and we would call and do stuff on the phone and skype etc. Then we met for the first time and engaged in sexual intercourse. After she went back the first time she was just the same as before after a while. Then when we met the second time which was a few months after the first time, when she went back, it turned out that her mum had lost the house because her mum has never worked and they used to be supported by her father's child support payments. During this time she was highly stressed and had to temporarily stay in a hotel etc before I got her to go live with her dad (her dad lives the other side of the country). after moving in with her dad, she never did those things again. So since 2 years ago, while we have been apart, we might have only did that stuff only 1 or 2 times. She stayed with her dad for around a year and a bit, then she moved out to get a flat with one of her friends from college. This was a big thing for me because, for the first two years, she was pretty sexual, but now it's nothing. When we meet up, however, she is normal. The last time we met was in December, and I've not seen her naked or even spoken about sexual stuff to her at all, and when I do try to bring the subject up, she just shuts it down. When I question her on why she isn't like how she used to be, she just says stuff like "I'm too stressed and I just don't feel like that anymore". We have met 4 times in person now, the first time was for 2 weeks, the others were for around a month. I'm going to be applying for a CR-1 visa in October to move to the USA to live there with her though because the distance is causing a lot of issues. The problem with me is that I don't just give up, so I'll stay in the relationship and try to "make her happy like she used to be" if that's even possible. To me, without considering the time we were together (when we are together we get on really really well with each other.) The first two years of the relationship was great, the rest hasn't been that great. Thanks!

Hello, I am new to this forum, I found out about FDR around a year ago, but only really started watching the videos on youtube and listening to the podcasts recently. I have donated to support FDR and I'm looking to give another donation soon enough due to the high-quality content that this community has provided. This is one of the most informative places I've seen in a long time with a lot of knowledge being spread. I would just like to thank everyone for this. I have a question that I am unable to answer, and it's a pretty basic one, how do you be happy? I'll give a little context for asking this. I'm the type of guy who sees a problem and will put everything towards fixing it. I personally live a good life, I'm pretty successful for my age, relatively smart, got a level head and have a good plan for my life going forward. My girlfriend is not so fortunate, she had a bad life growing up and isn't that successful and struggles month to month to afford her rent etc. She was homeschooled when she was younger and therefore had issues trying to progress in getting a good education. She hates her job, struggles for money, doesn't have many good quality friends and is always in a bad mood. She attributes her being in a bad mood to her circumstance and stress, but its been like this for 2 years now. A day doesn't go by where she isn't in a bad mood anymore. Me being me, I want to try to fix this, but I feel powerless and have no idea how to even approach this, I've just tried to be supportive of her and guide her on what to do, but it does not seem to be working. I don't know what to do, I just want for her to be happy, I find it ends up bringing me down every day because of the negativity, and if I could get her to be more positive, I would, in turn, be more positive. Thanks for taking the time to read this post, I would appreciate any responses you might have. Thanks!