heartoftherebel

That would just create more difficult problems. I should be in the fight, I should be acknowledged as one of the good guys. Not hiding like some trembling infantile creature.

My life reads like a Shakespearean tragedy, no I'm not being melodramatic. Despite years of therapy, inner work, etc I'm continually being bamboozled, and trolled by people who negatively affect my real life. I've heard Jordan Peterson talk about there are people who after a certain age they're just screwed, it's just over for them. I'm 43, I'm a felon because I fell for a real estate scam and even though I brought proof to the courts they still saw fit to punish me alone, and to even award the conman a restraining order against me after he violently assaulted me from behind. The D.A in los angeles refused to press charges against my attacker, but are considering pressing charges against me for "slandering" the conman. I'm jobless, living in an RV on my parents property in the middle of nowhere, they're not supportive of me getting back on my feet. At this point I feel like I'm some fucking 90 year old waiting to die, not like some middle age man trying to find a way to salvage what life I have left. Every solution I bring to people so that i can help myself is shot down. I am kept from being independent, I'm not allowed to borrow a car for any reason. I've tried making money online, but have never been able to make money online due to my destroyed reputation, I am marketed online by my haters as a schizophrenic, an alcoholic, a racist, sexist, violent felon, even a potential child molester and school shooter. If this shit sounds unreal , join the club. At this point I really can't see any solutions, I hate myself for what I've allowed myself to become, I really honestly feel like this isn't reality, it sure as hell doesn't feel real, and I really do kinda want to just go to sleep and not wake up rather than continue suffering needlessly for who knows how much longer. And yes, for the past year I've been pretty much alone in my RV, the closest people being my family who I really on't care much for to begin with.

Satan, Lucifer, and Christ are not individual beings. They are descriptive terms like Doctor, Lawyer, Governor. Satan means "adversary" thus anyone can be a Satan. Lucifer means "Light Bearer" thus anyone can be a Lucifer. Christ means "Annointed one" thus anyone can be a Christ. One could literally say "that Christ Lucifer guy is such a Satan" and be completely sane and logical in regards to the comment. Stop demanding masters, there's enough people and institutions in the world demanding to be your master without you inventing imaginary ones.