first I wanted to say that being here and asking questions really shows how much you want to be a great parent and i really applaud that. You said you are working on staying calm during his tantrums which is also great. Also I was frustrated with many of the responses you got back. A few seemed empathetic but many came across to me as derogatory towards your relationship with your son.
I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and have been a stay at home dad since the first was born so I have spent a great deal of time with both of them. from my experience when kids get upset or have a tantrum it has very little to do with the actual incident. what is happening does make them upset but there is something else that sets it off into a tantrum. also I know tantrums are hard because the child’s emotions are completely overloading them, and often it seems like the root cause of the overload is unkown to them, and as they get more upset they continue to get more overloaded. this makes even talking in any detail difficult for a young child. after a tantrum starts they are upset because they were upset. My children have had very few tantrums and IMO it rarely got to tantrums because we would 'give in'. this is a stupid term because what says is that you MUST NOT give in to them but they MUST give in to you
.
My first question is if he is starting to drop his nap or just not getting enough sleep, my oldest dropped at about 26mo and that was really hard, he did not have the stamina to be up as long as he was without napping but would not nap. although he did not have many tantrums it was very stressful because he was overtired nearly everyday and little things would make him upset. if either of my kids do not want to go to the store we wont, i will try to talk them into it, which if it works can take an hour or once and a while it wont work and we will play outside instead or do something else that makes them happy. If we go to the store and they really dont want to go they are more likely to get upset at the store and then the trip is not fun for any of us, so just staying home will make me happier as well.
my second thought, which after reading about your husbands job seems likely, is he misses his dad. I stay at home but my wife has a corporate job, she is generally home in the evening and gets time to play with them, eat dinner and do bed times but at times she has to work late or occasionally travel. when this happens there is a noticeable change in both kids. they might get upset because they dont want to help clean up a mess and then get upset that you start cleaning it up, that is what is getting them upset in the moment but the underlying problem is that they miss their mom. as I said my wife is generally home at reasonable times but after a stretch of her being gone she will take the older one out to the park or something else away from home so it feels special and after take him to starbucks and have him get a hot coco and they can talk and hang out for a while, just the two of them. this helps calm him down immensely.
I can only imagine how difficult it is for you with your husband being gone so much. less then once a year my wife is traveling for 3 or 4 days and it is really hard. having to do 100% around the house having to do 100% of watching them by myself and having them miss there mom. I know how hard that is to do once a year and cant imagine doing it regularly. If I were you I would talk to your husband and let him know that his travel is really hard on you and your son. and for your son him not being around can effect the rest of his life. I would ask him to try and find a job that does not require as much travel and allow him to spend more time with his son.
I hope this is helpful and big hugs for trying to do whats best for your son, i know how hard it can be
