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I am considering taking Jordan Peterson’s Self Authoring thingy. But I am unsure if it would be helpful for me. I am an engineer and my brain works a little differently. The deterant is the price, if it won’t help, the cost is an absolute loss, if it does help thenit would be worth it. I recently turned on the radio and heard Dennis Prager talking about how the ability to communicate clearly is indicative of an organized mind or somesuch. And while I often have trouble communicating clearly when it comes to things that are engineering related my memory seems better I can hold a complex machine design in my mind and see how all the parts are interacting and what problems might arise and how to fix them just leaning back in a chair thinking without paper and pen.

Just discovered the communication process called Nonviolent Communication developed by Marshall Rosenberg and I thought this community would be interested in it. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) includes a simple method for clear, empathic communication, consisting of four steps: Observations Feelings Needs Requests NVC aims to find a way for all present to get what really matters to them without the use of guilt, humiliation, shame, blame, coercion, or threats. It is useful for resolving conflicts, connecting with others, and living in a way that is conscious, present, and attuned to the genuine, living needs of yourself and others. A simple example of how to practice it : http://www.wikihow.com/Practice-Nonviolent-Communication Example of it in practice (I found this very helpful) :

Howdy from Montana! This is a invite for all the gay, bi, and lesbian folks on here to have a regular group chat regarding life issues and interests specific to our little niche group. Things like, coming out, dating in general, challenges, fears, hopes. Ya know, human stuff. Nothing too formal; we are hanging and communicating here. Letting our hair down, if you will! Let me know if you're interested, and how often you can participate. I'll work on scheduling something from there. I'm generally available week day evenings and weekend afternoons.

Please check out more of my videos about 'Counter Manipulation Adaptative Stratagems' at https://www.youtube.com/c/sachaslone Counter Manipulation should not be confused with hostile aggression(reactive) or instrumental aggression(proactive). Environmental survival adaptation is not rooted in aggression, because evolutionary adaptation is not exploitative, desire based, or meant to harm. 1.) Hostile 'reactive' aggression is fear and anger based with the goal of causing emotional and/or physical pain . 2.) Instrumental 'proactive' aggression is pre-planned and motivated by a personal desire to dominate and exploit the target. 3.) Counter manipulation is an environmental survival adaptation that merely confuses the abuser into voluntarily disengaging with little to no harm to the target. Counter Manipulation is different from reactive and proactive aggression because the target is simply adapting to their environment. The target adapts in order to avoid detection, to distract the predator long enough to get away, or to fool the predator into thinking they are undesirable prey. The process of 'adaptation' is not hostile or exploitative. For example, an instrumental aggressor proactively engages with the goal to dominate and exploit for their own personal gain. A reactive hostile aggressor's goal is to harm the attacker emotionally and/or cause physical harm. "Anti-predator adaptations are mechanisms developed through evolution that assist prey organisms in their constant struggle against predators. Throughout the animal kingdom, adaptations have evolved for every stage of this struggle. The first line of defense consists in avoiding detection, through mechanisms such as camouflage, living underground, or nocturnality. Alternatively, prey animals may ward off attack, whether by advertising the presence of strong defenses in aposematism, by mimicking animals which do possess such defenses, by startling the attacker, by signaling to the predator that pursuit is not worthwhile, by distraction, by using defensive structures such as spines, and by living in a group. Members of groups are at reduced risk of predation, despite the increased conspicuousness of a group, through improved vigilance, predator confusion, and the likelihood that the predator will attack some other individual. Some prey species are capable of fighting back against predators, whether with chemicals, through communal defense, or by ejecting noxious materials. Finally, some species are able to escape even when caught by sacrificing certain body parts: crabs can shed a claw, while lizards can shed their tails, often distracting predators long enough to permit the prey to escape." Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia sources: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia http://www.manipulative-people.com/ http://study.com/academy/lesson/aggressive-behavior-definition-types-signs.html

PRO TIP: Covert passive aggressive manipulators love to start conversations with: "I'm concerned about you." "I care about you." "I'm worried about you." This type of passive aggressive communication is a strategy used by covert manipulators as a way to level up their dominance, to intimidate the target, to leave the target feeling self-doubt, and to put the target on the defensive. Manipulators want to control the target's emotions and actions. In my opinion, a better way to start a conversation is with curiosity. For example, "How are you? I am very curious to know more about what has happened. A healthy person, who is in ally, will never start a conversation putting you on the defensive. A true friend who respects you, will want to hear about what has happened, from you, before they solidify their thoughts and feelings. The appropriate time for a friend to declare 'I'm worried about you' is after you have told them the story! <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/USO6gq5hHJ4"frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I wanted to follow up with @PatrickC on this which came up on an unrelated thread. So I'm creating a new (and probably lengthy) thread. Here are the quotes from that thread to catch anyone who's interested up to speed. I've cut out a lot of the bulkiness... hopefully it still makes sense what is going on: I said: Patrick replied: First, know that it's been a while since I've studied logical fallacies, and when I did, my mind wasn't in the right place to absorb what was being taught. Must have been because I was used to engaging in conversations riddled with fallacies and thought that was normal. So I had a hard time stepping away from that to analyze it critically. Alright, so I think I see where you identified a straw man... but it took me quite a while to figure out if it truly is a straw man. The straw man would be that "someone who is downvoting has the same malicious intent as an abusive father." However, I didn't intend it that way, so I should have been clearer. What I was trying to convey is that I feel similarly when I get a downvote sans explanation to when someone makes me guess why they are upset or disapprove of something I've done. What results from this kind of interaction (or lack thereof) is only two possibilities--right or wrong. There's no discussion or negotiation... no opportunity to learn. So that is why I related the two scenarios. They are not related through abuse, because giving someone a downvote, even without an explanation, is not abusive I don't think. Key words here would be that "I feel"... this leaves it open enough for me to consider if it is a personal problem/baggage (which it probably is) or if my feelings are justified (which is also possible, I'm not sure yet). So I'm allowing myself to assess this further by talking about my feelings rather than making claims. I see that my original post may have been seen as a claim, but it wasn't my intent... just bad writing. So in order for it to be a straw man, I must have an opponent whose argument I've deconstructed and reassembled into something that is no longer the same, then I start attacking that invention. Now that I've clarified my intent, do you still consider my original post to be a straw man? Feedback is greatly appreciated. And patience is also greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Hey everyone, I am currently seeing a therapist thanks to the good advice of FDR because it is important to get professional opinions about why I have certain fears, doubts, and possible irrationalities. One thing that my therapist told me to read was Mind Over Mood, which I find to be helpful but I was wondering if you know of anything to help me stand up for my self more, to have more confidence in myself and act on my findings without irrational fears of failure forcing me to stay still and become passive to others will. If you would like to know more details just ask, but otherwise I am content just with your suggestions. Thank You

In a couple of days I'll be doing this little speech in front of an audience. It's a fortnightly event called the Village Circle that people in the local community here on the Gold Coast (queensland, australia) have organized. The kinds of people that have been coming might be said to have hippy-ish tendencies---into their organic food, permaculture, concerned about fluoride in their water, chemtrails, gmo-food, the general epic fail that is government, etc. (bit of a spiritual vibe in there too of course)... But I feel above all that they're just frustrated with the lack of any real solutions to the issues in our world.... It's only been happening for about 3 months so far, and I think we don't really know what we're doing, but it's a cool thing to be a part of and I'm looking forward to seeing how much philosophy I can inject into this space over time.... =)Each week there's someone from the community that speaks for about 40mins, then there's a raw vegan organic meal offered for $3 (that's probably less than cost price, most of the food being donated by local organic farms and made by volunteers)... Then the last 40mins or so people break up into groups they call 'solutions circles', these are more specific topics, so there's a permaculture group, an anti-fluoride group, there's a men's group that i've joined, a bunch of others...Anyway, though i've never done any public speaking, but I love these ideas that are the fdr conversation, self-knowledge/nap/rtr/upb, I love what fdr is about and I feel compelled to share this stuff!... So I just asked if I could speak for 5-10mins, told them it would be about communication and relationships and that's about it…So this is going to be fun =) It's awesome to be level 0 at something and begin the journey of progression…. Life: Next Chapter. <3-------I'll be saying something like this, I'd be very grateful for feedback from the fdr massive =)this is my first time doing any public speaking since high school… it's somewhat terrifying standing up here in front of you all, but i'm very passionate about these ideas i'm about to share with you and so, despite being ridiculously busy with the new business i've started with my beautiful partner, i decided to just go for it so here i am =)i've been coming to a bunch of these village circle meetings, and it's been so awesome to see people coming together to talk about such vital issues… in fact, it's awesome to see people come together to talk about anything that's not just sports or celebrities or politics or the weather---to talk about something real… so you guys are all awesome and thank you!…but i must confess that some of this stuff we talk about is really daunting for me, chemtrails, fluoride, GMO-food, vaccinations, ending the fed, oppressive governments all over the world, the monetary system, the encroaching police state, the fukushima meltdown---argh!, there's so much going on and even though i try and keep myself well-informed and especially with so much conflicting information, it's often hard to know just what what to think let alone what to do about it!….but i think all these topics have a common thread and that thread is 'freedom'… so tonight i'd just like to talk for a few minutes about an even more basic freedom, and maybe it's one of the most fundamental of all, and yet it's something that's attainable by all of us right now… that is the freedom to be honest, the freedom to have real and truly genuine one-on-one relationships…i mean, what use is getting the fluoride out of the water if we can't even have a real conversation with the ones we love ?...it's so important to be able to show our true selves to people, without masks, without walls, without telling them what we think they want to hear... just perfectly open communication channels such that we can explore ourselves and each other without fear...because i believe that honesty is intimacy… and that, in the absence of honesty, there can be no relationship but only fog and illusion…but with the ones we love, those people with whom we believe we have a deep and genuine relationship, if we can't be honest, then we have to ask ourselves why that is, what's stopping us…?are we afraid of how they'll react ?… afraid that they might judge us in some way ?… or maybe we know exactly how they'll react and we're avoiding that knowledge… maybe we're seeking comfort in the illusion…but that's not how i want to live, i want to live in reality...so tonight i just want to share something i've learned, it's like the ultimate way to discover if you have a real and genuine relationship with someone… the ultimate way to talk about something real…and that is simply to honestly report your feelings in the moment… i'll say that again… to honestly report your feelings in the moment… and that's it.so if you're feeling angry… you say "i'm feeling angry"… and that's it… but you say it without judgement, without assigning a cause, without demanding something be done about it… just say it in the spirit of honesty and vulnerability and from a place of curiosity, invite the other persons empathy and explore the emotion together…that's how we can gain objectivity on ourselves, that's how we can gain self-knowledge…because maybe the emotion is appropriate, maybe it's not… maybe they'll be surprised, maybe they knew it all along but were afraid to bring it up… maybe they'll be honoured that you'd share that with them, maybe they'll recognise the strength it took to be vulnerable in that way, to have shared your true self with them...i like to call this Real-time Relationships…and there's such immense power in this, because no one can ever challenge you on that, no one can dispute how you feel inside…and if the person you're talking to has empathy and is genuinely interested in you and your well-being they will be curious and ask why… they'll want to explore that emotion with you, discover where it comes from...i believe relationships are like celestial bodies orbiting one another… but there's no such thing as a stable orbit and either we're getting closer or we're drifting apart---and honesty brings us closer… in a universe of constant change there is no standing still, either we grow together or we grow apart… either we evolve or we dissolve…so it's a matter of putting your feelings out there, which can often be a scary thing, especially for us men who are so often taught that being "strong" means hiding our emotions… but that's wrong, hiding emotions is a weakness… and we should never need to hide our emotions from the one's we love…and it's so important to do this in the moment as the feelings begin to arise… because whatever we don't express will end up getting repressed and eventually, as time goes on and the pressure builds there'll be an emotional explosion which serves no one…of course, it's easy to tell someone you're feeling happy or feeling good… but to tell someone you're sad or depressed isn't so easy…carl jung wrote that "The foundation of all mental illness is the avoidance of legitimate suffering"…so don't hide your suffering, express it and experience it, set it free...and that's why it's so vital to teach children about emotions, particularly to give them names for emotions so that they can express their feelings with their words rather than having to act them out… give them the ability to tell us they're angry or frustrated instead of having to throw a tantrum...and sometimes we don't know how we're feeling, or we're confused or we don't know what to say… but this still applies… it's ok to say "i'm feeling confused", "i don't know what to say", "i'm scared", "i need help"… and then to be open and vulnerable enough to explore the reasons why…and of course all this comes back to the highest value, and that is self-knowledge… like the famous inscription in ancient greece at the oracle at delphi: "know thyself"…and that takes empathy and a deeper connection with ones' true self… who am i ?… how do i feel ? and why ?……finally let me just say that we don't owe everyone we meet total honesty and when the person at the checkout at the servo asks "how are you?", there's no obligation to be 100% honest….as my favourite living philosopher likes to say: "the truth is not a sword to be drawn at all costs"but please, please, be honest with the ones you love, share with them your true self, remember that honesty is intimacy and it's the best and only way to grow together… have empathy and encourage it in others by being curious about them… and above all: know thyself.much love and thank you all ! =)

My daughter is doing something I find quite fascinating with my granddaughter (20 months). She is teaching her sign language. She just sent me a video showing my granddaughter making the signs for tree, baby, dog and milk. I think that could help alleviate the frustration of a child unable to communicate verbally? Anyone else have experience with this?

Listening to "Escaping Doublethink" I heard Stefan Molyneux mention that we aren't born with communication skills. He said it's good to go through development books and kind of make a list of what missing and where the deficiencies are. (In childhood development). I'm curious on what some of those books might be? Are there any good recommendations, I'm don't know where to start so I apologize if I'm not giving enough information. Because of that this question is a bit open ended. Thanks for the suggestions.

Today I remembered an incident from when I was 16 and in sailing camp on the river Thames for a month. Maybe 30 of the other children/young adults had already left and only 5 of us remained the last week. The counselor, Philip, was around 25 as far as I could tell, and I liked him, we got along fine. His girlfriend was visiting and she had prepared dinner for all 7 in the house. As we were eating Philip asked what we thought of the chicken, and I was feeling safe there, I wasn't on guard and watching myself like usual, so I didn't think and simply replied "A bit dry". At that he got really mad at me, saying how I was ungrateful and insensitive, that (I don't recall her name) had taken trouble to prepare dinner for us and all I could do was complain. I was taken aback, quite ashamed of myself for being so self-absorbed. After that I was tense the last few days and I didn't have much fun. If I had known how to talk to myself and others without always shaming or blaming, which would have allowed me to be more connected to myself, and in turn more connected to others (in other words if I had learned how to communicate more effectively*), I might have recognized that Philip's question wasn't about the food, that maybe he was a bit uncomfortable because his girlfriend was new in the group and what he really wanted was for everyone to feel at ease, and he was trying to get a conversation going. Instead of taking his question litterally I might have replied "I rather like it**, and I appreciate that (Cynthia?) prepared it for us. Are you a bit concerned perhaps that everybody's silent, and you would like us all to feel at ease and talk and have a good time together?". I believe this would have made for a much more pleasant dinner for all of us, and a more enjoyable last few days of camp after that. Of course if Philip had learned to express himself more authentically and to take more responsibility for his interpretations, that could have worked too, to make our time together more enjoyable for all. *especially NonViolent Communication, which is where I'm learning about observation vs interpretation/evaluation, and what each person is feeling, and what's important to each person right now, etc. **which was true: the slight dryness was the only problem I could find with it and it was minor for me, I liked everything else, maybe I was just trying to be helpful by giving feedback since that's how I had understood the question to be about.