Search the Community

I De-FOOed earlier this year (like 4-5 months ago). I had realised that my parents we abusive and emotionally distant, and that there was nothing that could change that now. They won't change. So I sent my mother a message, telling her I don't want to hear from them anymore, and that I never want to see them again (my parents that is). Last time I saw my brother was last summer, but I havn't spoken to him in almost 2 years. Yesterday, I took up something I have thought of doing for a long time, but put of: To write a letter to my brother, explaining my De-FOO, that I was cruel to him when we were younger, and that if he wants to talk to me (he doesn't have to). To give him a hand, so that maybe he could leave that terrible family behind and start to heal as I have. I am open to it. It was very painful, thinking that this could very well be my farewell letter to him. When I came home today, I saw that someone had written to me on Facebook. It was my brother. He said he was sorry that he had been ignoring me for so long, and the reason was that he had been depressed for 2 years and had shut people out, but that he felt better now that he is going to university. It was very emotional to read this. I was on the verge of abandoning hope of ever having the chance to connect to my brother and here he was, reaching out to me! I told him that I was happy for him that he is feeling better, and told him that I had been depressed too and had concluded that it came from our home. He then told me that I should reestablish contact with our mother, because she has become depressed aswell. The reason? Because I broke of contact with her, and now she is afraid that my brother will do the same. I haven't said anything about this yet in my replies to him. Now, the question is, do I just say it? Or is it to much to early yet? To tell him that our childhood was horrible, and that I have no moral obligation to ease her depression? That I don't owe her anything?

Hello fellow members of the board! I didn't know where to place the topic, so here it is. I've just started working on FoO series in a visual form, anyone who is interested in using the art for their own projects - feel free to go to dA and download the image. I'll be posting more as soon as I get it done. Here's a link: http://saarl.deviantart.com/art/FoO-Series-I-447423487?q=gallery%3ASaarl&qo=0 Cheers!

So last night I got this short email from my father.."We haven't heard from you in weeks, nor have we've seen you since July4th. What's going on with you? Are you avoiding us for some reason"? Here is my first crack at a response I'm satisfied with. Feedback and suggestions welcome and appreciated. Dad, I don't visit and come out because there's no interest or curiosity and respect between anyone. There hasn't been for decades, if ever. Family is not earned simply because you are born into a tribe of people who share the same biology. Its about knowing the details of peoples lives better then they themselves and loving them for it. Its about listening to others and asking follow up questions to hear the sometimes hidden meaning in what people say. The fact is our immediate family has never valued or practised in any substantial way to one another the kind of open minded and open hearted engagement that makes family's actually strong. You can't possibly not know this. That being said, having an adult relationship with you and Mom would be fantastic,but it is only going to come from both of you showing me your interested in and doing the hard personal work that takes ; that step might be going to therapy to work on your own accountability and integrity and healing, which I'm doing currently as difficult and rewarding as it has been these 8 months now. It might also come from both of you respectfully giving me the room I need to sort out my head and heart and life, without expecting me to play nice or be diplomatic about any of these feelings or to show up to holiday's I don't believe in or care about.

To make everything concise.My father took $500 out of a joint account we have (that I have been placing my paychecks in) without my permission, on the basis that he needs to regain his lost income from me going to college on his money. I need to know how to escape this situation in the most productive manner?Background about the situation:I recently stopped attending college, after 2.5 years because of the financial burden and my lack of initiative and motivation toward the subject that I had pursued. I instead took to philosophy and self work, and also found a job that could help me save for paying off the $6000+ loan I had incurred.I choose to stay with my parents, but in the past months it has become increasingly harder and harder to feel emotionally stable and just safety. If I don't want to do something that my father requests, the consequence is that he will stop providing some service that helps me achieve my goals like going to work. I can see this as a form of manipulation and I am just fed up.Going back to the money issue, I am currently trying to transfer the money out of the joint account into another account that is just my own.My initial step, out of fear and desperation, was to call a friend that offered to help me out with shelter, and let him know what happened, and ask for his help. This is not a guarantee, nor do I expect it to be.I just don't really know what to do since this manipulation will continue, and I don't know what other ideas are being planned against me if I don't follow what my father wants me to do. My father's response to me stopping my education, has become increasingly verbally abusive and manipulative.Here are some relevant questions.Should I let my current employer know of the full circumstance, if I am to relocate too far from the workplace?Should I ask for the money that was taken back? (Already have made it clear that I did not approve of the money being transferred)Should I talk about how I feel to my mom about her inaction in this situation?If I cannot find a place to temporarily stay soon, what are my other options?What steps can I take to proactively remain focused on my needs being met, and not appease my father's commands?What other things should I expect to arise in this situation?

Have you seen the movie Premium Rush? Without getting into too many spoilers, in the movie two bike messengers are constantly competing with and undermining each other, but when one of them gets into real trouble the other instantly comes through. Because… that’s what bike messengers (apparently) do. I was discussing this movie with a friend and the conversations switched over to family (of origin). My friend used the movie to validate the idea that you should hang together with your family regardless of how much you dislike them, because, when the times get tough, they will come through for you. “Blood is thicker than water.” What do you think of this argument?