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Hello! I was wondering if any parents and parents-to-be were interested in meeting up to discuss the practical application side of peaceful parenting. I live in the Denver/Castle Rock area in Colorado.

We all know how rare it is to come across healthy individuals, let alone healthy families. I find it very fascinating to see healthy people interacting, especially when that joy of living is shared across the generations. I want to create this kind of positive familial environment, too, and given how hard this is to achieve when coming from a dysfunctional background, it is good to see it existing in another place. Imagine growing up as one of those children! The video below is by the successful YouTuber Wranglerstar, which is a homesteading channel.

Father brutalized his son and complied with his wife's lethal abuse- GETS RELEASED. "A man who beat his four-year-old son and turned a blind eye to the abuse his partner was inflicting on the boy as well, until she killed the child, has been granted a statutory release on his 46-month sentence. Francis Bastien, 35, was granted the release because he will soon reach the two-thirds mark of the sentence he received in February 2015, after he pleaded guilty to criminal negligence, assault causing bodily harm and assault with a weapon. A charge of manslaughter through criminal negligence was withdrawn on the same day he pleaded guilty." Guys, Gals, ... these people brutalized their child to death. This is a greater crime against humanity than abortion or negligence. I personally feel that it's not fair to spare the lives of the murderers because they couldn't be bothered to spare the child's. Though, I get the whole murder is wrong thing so I'm not sure if this is a case for a few eyes to be taken for the eyes of the child. Regardless, this level of brutality should have greater consequences. This man is going to be free to 'move on' from taking that chance from an innocent child. The monster had the audacity to make his physical appearance presentable. How could a person lift themselves from gripping onto their own death to groom after committing a crime like this?

NOTE: I am not a father, nor am I a father to be. I am far from becoming a father let along a husband or boyfriend, I'm too busy building he nest to seek life for the nest. This question is both for me in advance as well as for me as a novelist trying to impart the principles of peaceful parenting and self-knowledge onto the general reader. Childhood trauma, as is known, is the root cause of most dysfunction and generally results in a very repetitive cycle across generations. What I am interested in is how someone in these scenarios is likely to turn out (both in terms of character traits as well as life choices after childhood) and what is most likely to be the time when they (because I am crafting characters who revolt against the cycle and endeavor to make their children into something opposed to their own history) pursue self-knowledge, and what they ought to do at that point. Below is a list of various traumatizing circumstances, some more common than others, and what I am looking for is not how someone with all these problems but rather any one of these problems individually (any exception to this request I'll point out explicitly). 1: Malnurishment/Food deprived childhood: I am also curious as to how much this would affect a boy and girl's body given how dieting as a child correlates with height and body mass. 2: Regular beatings by authority: Including both parents, caretakers of orphanages, civil authority, etc. 3: Regular fights with peers: From a child's point of view especially. 4:Molestation: For both boys and girls. 5: Viewing someone else be molested by an elder. 6: Gang violence in both neighborhood and among young children. Think '20-'30s Italian mobster kind of gangs, not modern gangs, although the distinction may or may not be significant. 7: Verbal abuse by hypocritical authority. 7.5: EXTREME physical abuse from authority: think chains and restraints, as well as medieval punishments such as hanging from within a gibbet (a metal cage that restricts all bodily movement). 8: Physical abuse by hypocritical authority. This is somewhat distinct from arbitrary beatings, but I don't know by how much. 9: Negligence from/by elders and authorities. 10: Childhood in isolation from any kind of caretaker or guardian. 11: A rather specific childhood in which a princess grows up without family, for they committed suicide/were killed in fighting during a very big WWII-style monumental war. This may be distinct from number 10 because the character is wealthy enough to not be deprived of basic resources, but deprived of human contact let alone affection, up until the age of 12, where positive human contact (through a friend) is only for half a year until the age of 18, when total isolation resumes. What kind of person would she be? What would it take for her to pursue self-knowledge and what would likely happen if she doesn't? 12: A childhood which combines numbers 1,2,3,5,6,7,7.5, and 8. This character was raised in an orphanage and abused very severely growing up, while surrounded by hundreds of other abused orphans in an environment best described as Jew in a Concentration Camp during the Holocaust, with emaciated bodies and abusive elder orphans aplenty. What kind of life would someone growing in this hell likely have, what kind of traits would they exhibit, and what is the most likely time for this character to pursue self-knowledge and reformation? I understand these questions are mostly hypothetical and therefore unimportant compared to real issues faced by real people, however, I want to be able help those who have suffered some of these abuses by demonstrating important characters with these scars overcoming them and reforming, as well as those not doing so as a counter-example. I would appreciate any advice I can get, both as a novelist, and a future father and husband.

I would very much appreciate some ideas on how to deal with situations when my child simply won’t reason or negotiate in any way. She is 5 years old. I really want to avoid situations where I have to take something away from my child. For example, I’m trying to keep her TV watching to a minimum so she has a set amount of screen time. I talk to her about this and explain as well as I can why I believe this is important. Sometimes she will start watching TV later on, after her she has already used up her screen time. I’ll ask her to turn the TV off, explain why, remind her of agreements we have, etc, but she just won’t do it. I don’t want to have to unplug the TV and put it in the closet, take the remotes out of her hands, threaten with other things being taken away like treats or things like that. What strategies can I use to deal with these kinds of situations where she doesn’t seem to care one bit when I tell her she can’t do something (and explain why)?

Hello Stefan, Thank you for your video titled "An Important Birthday Message From Stefan Molyneux", I enjoyed listening to it. Even though I understand the essence of the message, it does not change my desire to not have children. In all honesty, I don't think I'll live long enough to care about never having had children. 9 years ago, I discovered Stefan's content about peaceful parenting and the effects of spanking/abuse. I became angry. Extremely angry. At my parents. Also at myself for letting it happen (even though there wasn't much I could do back then). It took me years to identify all of my behaviors, defense mechanisms, habits and attitudes that were a possible direct result of the abuse, address them and attempt to change them. I'm still not done but I've made quite a leap. I'm 42, Sunday was my dad's 65th birthday. 3 weeks ago, I decided to post a long blog post about my experiences & the abuse that my brother and I suffered. It was not meant to present myself as a victim or a survivor (I despise this word), it was to share personal consequences so that those who have suffered abuse but never made the link could (if applicable) suddenly realize that who they are & what they think and do might be because of this abuse. I also listed the long list of consequences made available by the scientific literature. I concluded by saying that even though I want to remain far from my parents, have few contacts with them and do not want to care for them, I forgive them. But they know that my desire to push them away is a direct consequence of my realization of the consequences of their behavior & abuse. Last week, my relationship with my partner with whom I have been for 4 years ended. She's the love of my life. But 3 months ago, I discovered that I'm sterile. She's 32, she WANTS kids. I won't go into all of the details, but due to many factors, we concluded that it was time to go our separate ways. We love each other deeply, but for her to be happy, I must let her go. It's possibly the most difficult decision I've ever had to take. But, in some ways, it's a relief. For over two decades, the main reason why I didn't want to have kids is that I didn't want to imitate my parents' behaviors. I thought that because abuse is all I had known, I felt that I was at risk of reproducing the same behavior with my own children, of perpetuating this cycle of violence. So I decided to never have any children of my own, for their own sake. With this partner though, and with the changes that I have gone through in the last few years, I was telling myself that even though I don't want kids, it would probably be okay to have some with her. But really, I was fooling myself. These thoughts were coming from a need for emotional security and relational stability. It took me a few days to realize that (having been trained in non-violent communication helped me a lot during this process). These thoughts were not fair to her, and I came clean. This coming weekend, I'm moving out. I want to give her space, and time to "get over me". It's not easy for her, she's been crying a lot recently. Me too I must admit. We're both very sad. Rarely will you hear of people getting separated because they love each other. But deep down, I know that the only way to make her happy is to let her go and find someone who wants kids (and be with that person). So to come back to Stefan's message, I've had [for years] this distinct feeling that I won't live long. I regularly think about ways to end my life. Not that I'm ready to do it (it's not at all the case, I still find reasons to get up every morning, even though I'm just a slave in a meaningless company), but I think about the impact on people around me, how I would do it and when to do it. If this is what I've been thinking for a long time now, why would I have kids? One day, the physical consequences of this childhood abuse will get to me. I'm a pessimist and I'm tired of living on this farm & to be livestock for people who do not give a flying fuck about my state of mind & health. So why impose such a sad view of life on children? Over time, I've changed many behaviors and ways of thinking, but some remain. And they don't change, even if I'm conscious of their existence. I have potential, but I also have limits. And I'm not the type to see hope everywhere. I have a very negative outlook on life, which I believe comes from childhood abuse (that and the fact that I don't have a penny to my name, another consequence of this abuse). I'm certain that one day, I'll be just another puny statistic on male suicide. So why impose such consequences on children? It would be totally irresponsible to have kids to then kill myself when they are old enough, or when I will definitely have had enough of this miserable life. I'm glad that some folks out there want kids and are happy having some. This is not in the cards for me. And in any case, I believe it's too late for me. I want to travel the world, see great things, and die in peace. I do not believe in an afterlife, nor do I believe in a god. In my eyes, we're just alive. We are utterly insignificant in the grand scheme of things and I don't believe that we are oh-so-fucking-important. We're not. You're not. I'm not. One day, I'll just cease to be, and will be as historically irrelevant as any other biological entity before (and after) me. This is not a way of thinking that I wish to convey to my possible children. At least, in my opinion anyway, I am awake enough to know this is not a proper state of mind to raise children. In conclusion, thank you Stefan for your positive contribution to this world. I'll try to leech a bit more of your knowledge & wisdom here and there until I'm done. :-) testdummy

My ex and I have been divorced since April of 16 and we are still making adjustments to the agreement. Kind of frustrating because at this point she is talking about going 50/50 custody which eliminates child support. Sounds great except when you take into account we spent the last year and a half duking it out in court and costing me thousands in lawyer fees and child support along the way. After the kids being kicked out of three day cares in less than as many years I finally said enough and asked her to let me have them and put them in day care under my supervision and parenting and see if there is a change. Going on a month with not even close to the incidents that went on at daycare under her..."care". This scenario has me wondering if kids are actually ADD/ADHD or just under structured at home and just put on meds because of a lack of the parent/s desire to control their kids as opposed to them having to deal with uncontrollable kids. They are talking about putting my kids on meds and I am like well if they aren't acting like that with me than it is consistent behavior thus it must be something external to the kids that is the problem. Their mom continually lies during the sessions and I am about to put a stop to them altogether because I feel like it is a waste of time for me and the kids. Hopefully we will make it to court to file for custody of them full time soon and be done with her insanity altogether. Anyone else successfully get custody of their kids? Or even remotely going through this hell storm that I am? would love to discuss

You guys in here seem really smart, and maybe you've experienced this yourself. I'm wondering if you can give me your perspective on how my girlfriend and I confront abusive parents and let me know any tips or advice from your own experience if you do the same. About a year back me and my girlfriend decided that when we see a parent abusing a child, either physically or verbally, we would confront the parent (making sure to do this in front of the child) and calmly but sternly point out that what they're doing is wrong and why repeatedly until the parent either admits fault and apologizes or walks off taking their child with them. This is a very scary process, especially for me, and I'm ashamed to say that I've chickened out on a number of occasions when abusive parenting was going on in front of me, however, I'm currently going through Internal Family Systems therapy which is helping me to manage that fear. We felt that we couldn't physically do anything unless the abuse was something more universally accepted as abuse, as though we want to live our principles we don't want to be arrested or dragged into court. We also don't confront parents like this at work as we don't want to run the risk of being fired and need our jobs to support ourselves. We felt this was the best way to pursue our value of peaceful parenting as we believe it at least gives the child the idea that there is another perspective out there and shows them how their parents react to calm and assertive criticism. We don't go into it intending to change the parents mind as this almost never happens and in fact we've never gotten a parent to apologize or admit fault. Does this sound like a solid approach to confronting abusive parents? Is there anyway to do it more effectively? What are your own experiences confronting abusive parents? Is there a way we could confront them at work without risking losing our jobs? Is there a way you've found to manage your fear (if you have it) when confronting an abusive parent? I would really appreciate any and all responses to these questions. Thanks!

It takes one to know one and I did notice. Does it concern you Stefan? I try to stop; as it is a very unbecoming look for a woman, but I am guessing that , much like weight issues, these vices come from less than peaceful upbringings. Do you agree? Or, perhaps, this is simply a indicator of something else. I have often noticed it in people I would describe as high achievers, but I have also noticed it in people with severe drug or alcohol dependencies. It could just be a quirk that some of us have and others do not. It "runs in my family."

This is some philosophical insight that has occurred to me recently, and that I would be remiss if I did not articulate/disseminate it. I am a man of my principles and I will not apologize for that, nor will I compromise on them for the sake of perceived political expediency and incremental improvements. Either you introduce a new paradigm that makes the old one obsolete or you continue to justify the current model through intimidation, sophistry, and Darwinist Nihilism. Take what you will from the following insight, but do not attempt to explain to me how the state is moral and justified in any way and how moral ideals are Utopian or impractical to achieve, you'll be wasting your own time: When it comes to political power and influence, fundamentally when the governed of a nation acquiesce their freedom and individual rights to a state they are knowingly abdicating their own agency to determine their lives and that of their families to the will of the government. So logically it follows that one cannot advocate for the necessity of government and for it to have unlimited power/authority and then complain when the people one does not like get the reins of power. Just imagine for a second if we did not have the reins of power to begin with. A lot of people are upset now and scared for their lives that the candidate they did not choose has gotten a hold of the One Ring to Rule Them All. These same phenomena also apply vice versa when the candidate from the Democrat party in this case is elected. This anger and frustration at having another's persons will imposed onto them involuntarily is certainly valid but this anger is never internalized. Ironically, there is no cognitive dissonance that occurs. In other words, it sucks that someone else's will is being imposed on me so my response is to bide my time and then impose my will on others come next election. And thus, the pointless exchanging and transferring of ultimate power continues unabated and the pendulum of political dominance swings to either extreme AD Infinitum. With all of this bread and circus nonsense/false dichotomy between Republican and Democrat party, never is the concept of true freedom discussed. We always have to put some in power to grant us our freedom, rather than getting it ourselves through voluntary exchange, a respect for property rights, consistent rule of law, the non-aggression principle, and just Free Market Capitalism in general. So, with all this information I have to ask you my friends, why it is such power needs to exist in the first place? And not just for it to exist but also for it to be consolidated into the hands of supposedly "moral" leaders who in theory should be immune from corruption but in practical reality take every chance to indulge in their influence. Why must this power exist? If we cannot be trusted with our own freedom and rationality, then the last thing we want to do is give a group of inherently irrational humans the power to determine the course of history. That makes no rational or logical sense at all. It's like finding out that someone is certifiably incompetent financially and giving them control over trillions of dollars. Hmm where have I heard of this before? (Hint: Central Banks and fractional reserve banking). It is massively hypocritical for people to be upset now that the government is under control of the Republicans and authority to make executive orders has been granted to Trump while also not campaigning for LIBERTY AND FREEDOM from political overlords. I'm reminded of a famous quote by John Dalberg Acton: "Power tends to corrupt, absolute power tends to corrupt absolutely." Maybe Trump will be able to change the course or nature of the state but I highly doubt that. When you legitimize the initiation of the use of force against others, albeit less in an ideal Minarchist society, all you get is more violence. When you make arbitrary exceptions to morals rules that are supposed to be universal and axiomatic you get an unresolvable contradiction wherein certain groups of society can perform certain actions that for anyone else would be considered criminal and in violation of law. With Voluntarism, which is defined as an acceptance of property rights of not just land but also of the individual economic actor and the non aggression principle you get a prosperous society. In a stateless society, everything is decentralized and there is no need for politburos or state sanctioned Pravda to propagandize and indoctrinate the population, especially the young, while controlling literally every aspect of our lives cradle to coffin. No one to impose their will unjustly onto others. True cooperation between people and peace is thus achieved. Perhaps these are thoughts that could provoke serious philosophical thought and introspection within some of you. To everyone else, unfriend and unfollow me now because you will not be seeing compromise in this regard from me ever again. For those still not convinced: If you fundamentally are fine and have no moral compunction over the initiation of the use of force, I do not ever want to hear you complain about how the military operates because you support the system and ethics that justify it. Millions of innocent people dead because Statists like YOU want to force their will onto others. I don’t ever want to see a single tear come from your eye regarding the military or anything where force is used to get what one desires because that would make you a massive HYPOCRITE. I don’t ever want to hear about how taxpayer money is being wasted or mismanaged in the hands of, according to your own words, inherently greedy, selfish, and evil humans indifferent to the plight and interests of different groups of people. These people would be the unaccountable bureaucrats and central planners with no incentive to utilize money or other resources efficiently because they are insulated from the disciplines of the free market. The system is going to collapse under its own impossible weight and quite frankly I look forward to that day. If you will not submit to reason and evidence and the preponderance of historical facts supporting my position but instead choose to accuse me of being “brainwashed” then it is clear you have no interest discovering the nature of truth and reality and are no different than the immoral religious dogmatists of the Middle Ages, Ancient Rome and Greece, and the 20th Century with the communists. According to you logic, because the use of force is permissible to people classified in a certain group, then that means I am allowed to join that group and arbitrarily impose my will on whoever I want. Don’t like gun control? Well tough shit, now I’m calling the shots. Disagree with foreign intervention, too fucking bad, the decision is not yours to make. Pick any issue and if you have a disagreement with me, your concerns are irrelevant. To extend your wonderful logic, if morals and ethics are not universal and axiomatic but merely subjective and relative and all you do is introduce arbitrary exceptions to the rules then its fine for me to do whatever I want then if I manage to get into the halls of power. All of the lessons of not using violence to achieve my ends taught to me in my youth are pointless and a waste of time trying to disseminate to the next generation because you have all of these exceptions to the rule. So, for example, the next time I want to possess money, instead of taking the initiative and working hard to EARN it, I will either steal it myself or petition the government to steal it through taxation and redistribution. Who needs a college education and a job when I can just be lazy, complacent and leech off the success of others? I am a down trodden and hopeless minority in your eyes after all, so why not use it to my advantage? (Disclaimer: These questions/statements are rhetorical and not meant to indicate serious intent on my part. They are meant to hopefully expose the blatant hypocrisy of wanting a peaceful society but also supporting the state at the same time). A Potential Solution: Peaceful parenting is the key. People have to stop rationalizing the use of force against others and start actually taking their principles seriously. How hard is it to NOT abuse children or anyone for that matter? Apparently, the task is impossible and so we will continue to languish in this lower realm of existence. Unfortunately, change may have to come through disaster and a complete collapse of the system as it always had to throughout history before people seriously question their preconceived ideas and biases. If any can spare the time, I suggest reading Stefan Molyneux's "Universally Preferable Behavior: A Rational Proof of Secular Ethics" available for free on his website. The arguments are so easy to grasp children understand them early on in their development. If mature adults cannot wrap their minds around the concept of peace, negotiation, and the non-aggression principle, then why even bother with this human experiment? We may as well just nuke everything on the planet now.

This is just sharing some recent reflections from some experiences over the past year or so... of course any feedback is welcome. I have been using Peaceful Parenting with my children from day one. I didn't know there was a name for it. They were both born at home so I was already in the 'alternative parenting/birthing' circles to pick up on some of this stuff. But my children are being raised with the standard of friendship that includes choose friends by virtue...not necessarily proximity. This has been EXTREMELY challenging as we anyway live in a very small remote village so..... you kind of make due with what you have. But I try to make every experience a learning lesson as naturally they will bond with their peers due to proximity. But we have friends elsewhere, chosen by standards of virtue and their parenting etc. I often hear parents or even daycare caregivers ( I used to work in the daycare) say to the kids who aren't abiding by the demands of the moment, "oh.....well you aren't my friend anymore if you don't....." or "well I'm not going to be your friend anymore if you don't...." I was floored. I didn't call it out explicity to the caregiver, rather offered a substitute that has proven effective to me when interacting with the children. So they repeated the desired behavior towards the child to achieve the desired result from the child but without the 'why'....if that makes sense. Like, they didn't have context as to why this approach is not only effective by WHY it's essential NOT to do the other approach which may prove 'successful' in the moment from time to time. Emotional manipulation. My kids are (almost 7 almost 9) and I noticed a few of the kids would use this on my kids if my kids didn't bend to every whim of their peer. My kids are raised to not budge to peer pressure simply because of these manipulation tactics but...they are 7 and 9 afterall and it will happen as the pressure is too much to bear for that age and I don't blame them for caving from time to time. Just try to arm them with more ammo so-to-speak. But the major problem is it is SOUL crushing to my kids to hear this from certain peers who they do consider to be their friends. They have come home completely devistated to hear this ridiculous sentence from their 'friend'. We have had many talks about this together. I confronted one of the peers and their parents directly. The parents could care less so since then, I confronted the daughter directly. I explained she is either a friend of my daughter or she isn't. It cannot be conditional on whether my daughter does what she (the girl) wants or not. The daugher listened and it turned more into a 'lecture' but that is how this girl is raised...only with hitting and yelling so I kept calm but assertive to give her a differnt example of how to settle disagreements. Since then, that particular issue of 'you aren't my friend unless you...' has been put to rest but the girl uses other manipulation tactics. It's a challenge since I try to simply show examples of this to my daughter without giving her the conclusion. She is still young...my son is starting to get it more easily now being almost 9 and we revisit this topic often. So I will continue with my daughter and hope she will naturally grow apart from this girl. I noticed that when my daughter plays with the children who use this manipulation (and others) she always comes home crying. I tell her it breaks my heart to see her cry after playing with friends and I am sure and can see her heart is broken. She always agrees but a few days later wants to play with them again. Sometimes I allow it and sometimes we recount the prior experience and choose a more positive alternative as there are 3 other friends that she consistantly has a 100% positive experience with. I sort of see it as a 'dance with the devil' for my daughter in her desire to occassionally want to interact with the manipulators. I never want to tell her NOT to be friends, as a demand, but I make my case as to why it's not the most productive and pleasant experience for her and of course when she returns home, for me and the family who see our loved on so hurt and heartbroken. Because she is the younger of our two kids.... it's taking her time to absorb this. Her view...as with my son at that age and many other kids that age is they want to be friends with EVERYONE. and it's so innocent and true! So I try not to enforce it and try to give alternatives and explainations whenever I feel uneasy. I have had discussions with some of the other parents about this and tell them what their children say f and how it affects my daughter so terribly. They don't take it as serious as they should so I just find ways to avoid them interacting whenever humanly possible. When children play at my house, I observe and stay in 'orbit' but let them play but always am aware when things escalate or provocation is attempted and I step in . The other mom just likes the convenience of how nice and fun my daugher is, of course, and feel like they can be hands and ears/eyes off when she is at their house but it's too much to bear for her. She holds it all ine until she returns home and explodes. I have confronted the mother several times before I simply convinced my daughter to stop going there. I asked the mother that if my daughter is playing and they want to invite a particular peer that gives her problems, to at least call me or send my daughter home. She agreed and complied a time or two and so I trusted her. But later I found out (when my daughter came back distraught) that the mother broke her promise and didn't even confront me. I confronted her and she sort of turned on me saying that it's the WORST thing to tell a child they cannot play with another child. For her friendship is the most important thing...bla bla bla. I told her, for me too and I don't tell my daughter NOT to play with anyone. We discuss the experiences she has and preferences. I explained to the mother that I don't want to control how she runs her house but I don't think it's much to ask to send my daughter home or call me when the other peer shows up and the children don't need to know a thing and it's not making a big scene. Anyway, not to get into every minor detail but this mother IS one who says to her kids in a pouty voice, "well i'm not your friend if you don't...." and I have confronted her and she blows it off like it's no big deal and even when her son says it to my daughter and it devistates her and I confront her she apologizes and says she will talk to him but I tell her.... but if you keep using this phrase on him.... talking to him not to say it won't change anything. She doesn't really respond to that and gets 'pressed lip' and short with me...to no surprise. But today I was at a store, alone and saw a mother with her daughter and grandaugter who couldn't have been more than 3 years old and the grandmother told the young tot... 'no you say? Well I can't be your friend anymore'. And I almost collapsed. My heart sank so deep and the look on the young girl's face was crushing. I thought...gee GRANDMA..... what if in 18 years a boy says that to her when she refuses sexual advances towards her..... would her compliance make you satisfied then? Like it's shocking how people don't extrapolate these repurcussions of things they say so casually but consistantly and ...AND ....they don't even notice the look on the child's face. Like it was a meaningly phrase and moment for the grandmother but the girl...barely 3 yrs DEFINITELY internalized that moment...you could tell on her face and I was a stranger 3rd party to the incident.

http://www.gafreeman.net/

Full House was a huge part of my childhood and it took 20 years to realize why: it offered a peephole into an alternate reality were children were treated with dignity and respect. Here's my review of a very unfunny show that beneath the hit or miss humour had a lot of heart.

http://news.utexas.edu/2016/04/25/risks-of-harm-from-spanking-confirmed-by-researchers

Medium article here. Text preceded peaceful parenting video playlist. https://medium.com/self-knowledge-daily/raising-the-skyline-of-humanity-through-peaceful-parenting-c1a092f4c897#.wud2dl3at When children are the most inconvenient and most grating on the nerves, they deserve our undivided attention. But not in the form of coercion, with the goal of manipulating and dominating the child’s will into deadened obedience, as if he were some unruly canine. No, during these difficult moments, the child deserves our curiosity the most, for even the most unpleasant behaviors are simply the child’s best attempts to tell us something about his inner world. A child effectively lives in the position of a hostage, since children do not choose their parents, cannot leave their parents, and do not choose how to be reared. A child’s behavior is largely the symptom of a brain that has developed as a result of how well his caregivers meet his unique needs, which is not under his control, so we cannot logically condemn him as morally bad and assign moral responsibility to him for his “difficult” behavior. If taking other people’s needs into consideration is a universal rule that applies to everyone, then given the circumstances I just mentioned, children deserve this consideration the most as children are people too, albeit miniature people who need support and guidance. Tragically, because children are not seen in this way, are not seen as equals who deserve freedom from aggression as much as anyone else, they consequently become the receptacles in which the parents dump their own repressed pain and humiliation, much to the detriment of society. When children are accorded the same level of respect and care that we give puppies, or even adult dogs for that matter — that would be a leap for mankind so great as to surpass even the Apollo 11 moon landing in significance and this world would be such a less hostile place to live in as to be nearly unrecognizable. If there’s anything I would like to do with my life, it would be to remove the shroud of relativism that surrounds the subject of parenting and to elevate it to at least the same standard of rigor and objectivity that is expected of professions such as architecture. That way, parenting may too become a discipline of passion and dedication and as a result, produce the same kind of beauty and magnificence that we have grown so accustomed to admiring in the world’s most impressive towers. For if we are to create a society in which humans can ascend to the towering heights of fully actualized potential and grandeur that we’re so capable of, then a sturdy foundation is needed. That sturdy foundation is peaceful parenting.

Hello, I am on the hunt for some good critical thinking-for kids sources. Websites, books, whatever you have. My kids are 6 and 8 and I do some of my own but sort of running out of ideas that they can grow into. I recently saw a video (unrelated to this) but a woman suggested a book for kids called I Wonder or Eye Wonder but didn't reference the author, so if anyone has more details on this book, please post. Also, referenced was Camp Quest. I found only websites for an actual camp retreat for kids but I do not live in the US, so I guess that isn't relative unless there is another Camp Quest (like a general website, etc) Thanks FDR community!

I am extremely happy right now and I don't know who to tell. This made me really happy and I hope it will do the same for you. THE BACKROUND: My mother raised me catholic and was not a peaceful parent. I have been listening to Freedomain radio at an increasing rate for about 3 years now. I have been sharing my findings and treasures that this show provides through Peaceful Parenting. My mother has an Ace score of about 8 but I have an Ace score of 4. So credit where credit is due BUT! I am still having the uncomfortable conversation about spanking and how there are alternatives that don't brutalize children. I have gotten my mother to sit down and watch some of Stefan's (and staff) presentations on peaceful parenting and we had a very civil discussion about the truth about spanking. The biggest problem for me and my mother is that her default position is yelling. Damn reason and evidence, appeal to verbal force when I see something I don't agree with. About two weeks later I receive a call from my mother very much out of the blue. She is currently directing a production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat." I pick up the phone and she sounds very nervous but excited. That is very much out of character for my mother. She asked if I had a second or if I am busy, again something she has never asked me. I told her I had plenty of time, "whats up?" She asks me the following question. "Hey Paul, What is it when kids listen to you when you stop yelling and them and you are being quiet and patiently wait for them so you can begin rehearsal?" This hit me like a ton of bricks. I am by no means an expert but I tried to tell her as much as I could about what I have learned from the show. I began explaining to her that children are very reasonable and how nobody wants to listen to someone who is constantly yelling. I began to make analogies how I've had bosses that scream and yell, and I don't listen to them until they stop screaming. I further explained that Children like to emulate the adults in their life. Therefore if you are an adult who screams and yell, children will scream and yell. I told her that I'm very happy and proud that she is trying a new way to interact with children. I told her to let me know how the results turn out. To be clear, I'm very happy that I proved to myself that virtue has tangible results. Those children will hopefully have a brief relief from brutal parenting culture. Before this incident, I resolved to myself that I will have "uncomfortable conversations" with everyone I can and who has ears to hear it. Today it paid off for me. It may be underwhelming to some, but any movement towards a world that doesn't brutalize children is a joyous occasion for me.

http://www.theguardian.com/science/2015/aug/21/study-of-holocaust-survivors-finds-trauma-passed-on-to-childrens-genes Warning: This is a mix of ranting and observation and sharing personal experience, etc. so I apologize in advance if my thoughts are all over the place. This is one of the many articles you can find about passing on trauma through genes. I am not Jewish but I do live in Israel. This topic has been on my mind lately and now my niece is on a field trip in Poland to visit the Holocaust sites with her class. It's an optional trip, however in high school the kids are taught the Jewish experience of the Holocaust and visit the Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem, etc. She's sending photos of these sites which are very emotional and haunting. I can tell it's her attempt to connect to the family at a time where she needs her family to be there with her or for her not to be there at all! My kids are still young (1st and 3rd grade) but I have already made up my mind that they will not be visiting these sites with a class or without me. I thought I would chapparone but even that is out of the question. If they want to go, it will be just us, as a family on our own time. I had a suspicion that getting into the details of the holocaust while the kids are in school passes on the trauma. Now, having heard my nieces experience (she is 16), I can tell she is already traumatized AND keep in mind, she is in a foreign country, for the first time, without her parents for a week...which can be difficult enough! Now, you can imagine my legitimate concern added to the scientific research done on the matter (even Israeli media covers this research) is seen by many in Israel as mild nazi'sm or 'concern trolling. I find this highly irresponsible and abusive but of course this is the "jewish" right of passage I guess. I'm not stating this as any judgement because this type of teaching-trauma can occur in any way. This is what the 'black slavery' I believe does to modern black people..... keep hammering on about slavery and suddenly they felt enslaved, etc. I find it frightening and fascinating at the same time. It explains a lot about certain Jewish, especially Israeli behaviors.... especially in context of the current Palestinian conflict. You get the extreme right who just goes into spirals that everyone isagainst them and ...I won't get too much into it now, but in short, but these extreme right that are the biggest drivers behind keeping the Holocaust alive and viscerally palpable, think that if you try to discuss peace and consistancy, that you are a secret terrorist. LIke super weird stuff I can't even describe. They say, "you are a terrorist posting as a peace activist'. I mean... that is a whole level of paranoia I can't even explain. it's a riddle wrapped in a puzzle to understand how these people process information and others who aren't like them. Even to common Israelis they are baffling. I digress. I think this issues of how we can pass on our traumas in our genes either by our behavior from that trauma that is taught or by activating genes in our offspring or by literally TEACHING them the trauma so it feels real and present it hugely underrated. I have tried using this avenue of discussion to see if in my own life I am doing this to any degree unknowingly. But when I speak with others to see if they notice this in their own life or in society as a whole because I think if we can put context to this so people really see it, then it can begin, just like peaceful parenting, undoing a lot of the damage in the world. I am so so sorry that my niece is going through this but there is no way in her situation to even make it a 'bad' thing. They are proud to go through this. Even though it is traumatizing. I can only start with my kids by minimizing the damage and keep our conversations open and frequent. I've already told my hubby that our kids will not be participating with their class on these trips. If later in their life they want to visit these sites, I have no problem whatsoever and we will go together, as a family so we can share the experience and take the time to go at our pace and deal with the emotions together with honor and dignity and care. My niece's trip is 200 children! (some are from the same age group but different schools). I was horrified.... not even on our 'fun' field trips in the US could we get 200 kids, if we included the whole school in the whole county! lol But that many kids for such an emotional, scary, confusing and intensive trip it's outright abuse. And, she is already calling home everyday hysterical and crying and then when she gets home, she will sit for hours with her grandmother who lost 3 relatives in the Holocaust which will hit her stronger in her heart and knowing my mother in law, won't get into the 'how'. It's only the 'what'. My kids will learn the precursors to WWII to put things in context..not that it makes it ok but that's why she's so traumatized. she keeps asking, HOW? HOW? HOW? and no one has any fucking answers for her except: because we are Jews." not because THEY were Jews... but WE...they already put THEMSELVES in the past experience. It's so subtle. I tried once to say.... you know there were a lot of precursors that prepare for a dictator to take over and is preventable if society will read the signs. And I was given death stares and everyone's ears turned deaf...stick to the narrative!! They always say on the Holocaust Memorial Day, "never again'. They say you either have Jews who vow this will never happen again to THEM and you have Jews who vow this will never happen again to ANYONE. That's really true and I try to preach how this can never happen again to anyone and pay attention to economics, recognize propaganda, etc but that's very inconvenient to passing on trauma. If the youths don't feel the trauma, the elders feel the youths will put down their guard and it will happen all over again....which is true because the elders never learned or took the time or allowed anyone else to teach HOW it actually happened in order to read the warning signs. Lastly, don't judge Israel by its leader! lol I've come to the conclusion (and since we are all or mostly anarco-caps here) that when we see a leader of any country, it's probably most accurate to assume that he represents the LOUDEST MINORITY, not the rational majority. I know Democracy is suppose to be the mob rule, but from what I've seen in the 2 countries I've lived in (US and Israel) it's the loudest minority that wins the power seat. ok, I think that's the end of my rant. If anyone has anything to add, please do!

Fellow Freedom Fighters, My avatar (not meant as support for the state Colombia, just the land and especially people) gives it away already, but I happily live in the 5th biggest (wow, I am surprised myself, I thought 11th...definitely below Lima, which is true as well...) city of the Americas. City 7.8, Met Area 13.8, I say 9 million just like they do here. Some Impressions Topographical Map of Colombia, Bogota is right in the centre in the Eastern Cordillera, East towards Venezuela is the vast Llanos plains (no roads), Southeast towards Brazil is the Amazone basin with some 70 indigenous tribes happily living there.. The Caribbean islands of Colombia: Rosario, Bernardo; San Andrés & Providencia Hypsiboas rufitelus Cabo San Juan, Tayrona Park, N Colombia, North of the triangular mountain range where the highest mountains of Colombia are, so not in the Andes chain... Typical nice paisa girl-next-door (that's not me on this photo) Interesting Features - Bogotá is situated in between 2 of the three mountain chains of the Andes at 2600 m in a valley. The Cordillera Oriental borders the city on the East after which the vast plains of the Llanos Orientales start. The economic source of Colombia in terms of hydrocarbons. Above that all the Cordilleras hold enormous amounts of ores and minerals - Colombia is number 1 in emeralds - the 10th biggest coal mine is located in the NE of the country, in the Northern South American desert stretching over northern Venezuela and the Dutch Antilles - Colombia is safe. When you're used to traveling outside of the "safety" of the West, there's no problem in Colombia. The shame and fame of before is waning while still in the heads of people not wanting to experience the world first hand but thinking they know it all from TV. Or internet, or horror stories or whatever. - Yet, 6 Colombian cities were in the top 50 of most dangerous cities in terms of murder rate. But, looking at the US (kills with guns only...), it's pretty scary in places over there as well. - I guess what most North Americans do and Dutch, Belgian and German don't understand (the French with their banlieues hopefully do) is that crime is concentrated in areas where you don't need to go. The south of this city is indeed dangerous, but with so many people and a huge area geographically defined in a triangle by the amazing Cordillera Oriental, there's not a single need to go there. - I can confidently say that the area I live and move around is safe and great. For just anyone who loves to see beautiful women all around, Bogota, lunch time in a good business district beats every city except Medellín, Saturday night. Moscow and Kiev come at a respectable distance from this smile-producing experience... - Colombia is the country for nature lovers. After Brazil there's no country with more biodiversity in the world. The variability in climate, vegetation, scenery, topography and nature is unique in the world. The only country in South America bordering both the Caribbean and the Pacific, El Niño is knocking on the door while El Dorado is located just in a lake north of the city (I flew over it today...) - The food is ok, but nothing compared to Peru (best in the world) or Mexico. It's a bit simple everything. There's good stuff to get, but really haute cuisine is more in the superb service than in the plastic chairs and campesino food. Funnily enough Bogota and especially Cartagena are full of very good to top class restaurants, A big spread, again. Politics & Libertarianism The ruling party at the moment in the Congress, parliament and president is unfortunately the left-wing Polo "Democratico". Still, the country has never suffered from socialism, something all other important countries in South America cannot say. It's left, but far off from Argentinian arrogant archaism, Ecuadorian ego 'egalitarianism', Bolivian Boer bitterness and a canyon away from neighbour Venezuelan venomous vampirism... Cañon de Chicamocha, Cordillera Oriental Yesterday here in the country (~30 million voters) was election day. All municipalities (some 1100) in Colombia chose mayors, council members and governors (departments, 32). For Bogotá it means we're freed of the socialist terror of loser Petro and get Enrique Peñalosa (the favourite of my girlfriend (9) (no, that's not her age...)) back. He's quite a smart guy of what I understood and at least modernised this cranky city a bit with bringing the vastly overcrowded and pickpocket-swarmed Transmilenio (the city would need a metro but the geology is not helping in this intermontane valley with soft sediments and lots of rain ...)... His party is called "Cambio Radical", so I thought Stefan was running, but unfortunately still a statist.... I was surprised however to see in a flash the participation of Partido Libertario.... whut? But only 20.537 voters thought of that. Good enough to fill a nice village, but vain in a megacity filled with easily-deceivable people... But it may be that Daniel Raisbeck (very Colombian name ) was not sexy enough... The Manifest (El Manifiesto): I'll translate 1, 2 and the last one, 19: 1: El individuo El individuo es libre por naturaleza. Por ende puede escoger cómo vive su vida, desde las sustancias que consume hasta con quién establece asociaciones. Esa libertad no puede ser limitada por ente alguno ni coartada por decisiones de una mayoría. The Individual is free by nature. Por ende? Por eso, creo debe ser... That's why he can choose how to live his live, from the substances he takes to with whom he establishes relationships. That liberty cannot be limited por ente? por ninguno - by nobody nor coerced by decisions of a majority. Yeah, right, all agreed. 2: Estado limitado El Estado existe porque un conjunto de individuos lo crea voluntariamente y le otorga un poder limitado para que este proteja- a través del cumplimiento de la ley- los derechos naturales a la libertad, a la vida y a la propiedad privada. El Estado es responsable ante los individuos que le ceden un poder restringido y lo financian. No es legítimo que sus funcionarios extralimiten sus responsabilidades ni que se inventen nuevas competencias. Limited State The State exists because of a group of individuals creates it voluntarily and awards it a limited power to protect -by compliance of the law- the natural rights of liberty, life and private property. The State is responsible towards the individuals that grant it a restricted power and finance it. It is not legitimate that their employees exceed their responsibilities nor that they create new competencies for themselves. 19: Libertario Se tiene en cuenta que la libertad es un objetivo por el que se trabaja cada día, no una situación estática. En ese trabajo diario se pueden cometer errores que habrá que enmendar, o hacer desvíos que habrá corregir. Las políticas públicas se deben juzgar por sus resultados y no por sus intenciones. El pragmatismo debe primar sobre el dogmatismo. It's noticed that liberty is an objective [a choice of life I would call it] for which people work every day [stefan, you're not mentioned, what is this?], it is not a static situation. In this daily job people may commit mistakes that they will have to put right or drifts, detours (?) that one has to correct. The public policies should be judged by their results and not by their intentions. Pragmatism should have priority over dogmatism. Hmm, I don't know about Daniels message. Empty, hollow and strange sentences. Peaceful Parenting Colombia is very divided, unlike Western countries. So a lot of spanking among the lower classes, playground to win in the middle class and convincing of social responsibilities among the higher classes. Single Moms If 84 % single moms *The Truth about Single Moms - Stefan Molyneux really would be true for Colombia (sharply divided between classes) and all of these mothers were terrible terrible terrible (armed robberies are the main problem for other citizens, drug addictions, spanking, murders, lowest classes are crap. Low class is pleasant living), the state of the country would be on the floor and the opposite is true. The culture is very family-oriented and warm and I've seen enough first hand experiences with the lower, middle and a bit upper classes to tell those children are raised better than in Europe. Vandalism, useless violent drunken crimes like in the UK is not what you see here. Free Market What statist-corrupt countries bind is that it can be hard to do business. I don't think it scores high at the business scale. Yet if you have local contacts and speak at least reasonable Spanish there's a lot of market to gain. The work ethic in all year April-fresh-to-May-warm-to-October-rainy (not seldom in 1 day) Bogota is good, people work harder and longer than in Europe. US would be more, I guess. There's a lot of black market, great to see: There's potential here, with peaceful parenting. Children are raised well what I see around. PS: Mike, the topic is a bit more spread out than initially planned , feel free to move it to where you see fit please. Err, none of my images work. It says "You're not allowed to use this image extension [jpg??] on this forum", Mike do you know what's that about? I had quite some images in my OP...

Please help me achieve my goal of ending circumcision in the next ten years by spreading the message. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_93ZJL-Q0TM&feature=youtu.be You have my unending gratitude and thanks!

New research is showing the Hitler and other "high" Nazis (pun intended) used opiates on a regular basis. These new findings fit well with "The Origins of War in Child Abuse" and the recent interviews with Dr.Gabor Mate wherein he reveals that almost of the addicts he treats were abused as children. All the more reason to treat your children with love and empathy.

An old friend I haven't been in contact with for some time asked me to be his best man at his wedding. Our life journeys separated by his moving far away before I came across FDR and started going to therapy and now we see each other like once a year. Neither he nor his bride to be are bad or dumb people, but from what I know, they currently seem to be of the widely spread (and to a large degree inherreted) opinion than parenting is something you don't really need to study or particularly prepare for. Both of them were subjected to yelling and hitting as kids (plus you know.. public schools) and I'm kind of afraid that since they haven't been to therapy nor do they take particular interest in studying peaceful parenting at the moment, there's high chance they'll inflict some of that negative behaviour on their future kids (which they plan on having "one day", but are not expecting them at the moment, he's 25, she's 22). Now I thought about having "the peaceful parenting talk" with them, but I'm not quite sure I'd manage to get the message properly accross to them since they live so far away now and we barely meet. I would also hate to provoke resentment in them towards philosophical parenting by sounding preachy. So I thought that maybe 3-5 really comprehensive books about parenting could be a great wedding gift. Both of them love to read (though mostly fiction) and I believe that there are a lot of great authors out there that explain the basics of how not to bring up a damaged human being. So I'd like to know what do you guys think of the idea? Like I said, I'd hate to provoke resentment in them, so I don't want to be the guy who would be like "study these or don't become parents" If you think it might be worth it, what books would you recommend?

This appalling article came across my FB feed. The tin foil hat side of me thinks "trial balloon." Any way you cut it though, god damn.... Welcome back Plato. Please read and share your thoughts: http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/philosopherszone/new-family-values/6437058

In a Facebook group for moms I responded to a topic about what to do if the child of a friend hits, chokes, screams, or acts aggressively toward your own child. The original poster thought the child might be a "psychopath", he's also just 5. I suggested the child could be acting out because of abuse or bullying at home, with a caretaker, or at school... what do I know, but nobody else suggested that's what it could be. The defensiveness of the moms who claimed to also have "that kid" that followed was disappointing, but not shocking. I consider myself to have been one of "those kids" growing up and acted out aggression on others, mainly my siblings, so I know what I'm talking about. Is this a lost cause talking openly about this subject of child abuse?

After seeing so many videos of parents mistreating and abusing their kids I thought it'd be nice to post something more positive! I just came across this which made me smile: Chanda Champbell walked in on her 4-year-old son, Emmett, using an electric trimmer to give himself his first haircut. Her reaction is absolutely lovely! There is nothing scaring, shaming or negative at all here. Many commenters on her facebook page a praising her for her parenting, admitting they wouldn't have been that calm. If you want to share it here is the original facebook link which has by now over 5 million views!