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Let me start by saying that I am 21 and my brother is only 17 years old. He has been in and out of local police stations for the past two years and just got out of a juvenile detention center that practiced military style "teaching" as it was also a place where kids could finish high school courses if they dropped out of school prior to being thrown in there. It makes me sick every time I think about him being in there. My brother, Anthony, was always the shy quiet kid that would only say something when he felt he really needed to add something to the conversation. He was incredibly bright, he still is in my opinion, and funny as well which really made our childhoods a tiny bit more bearable. In my modest opinion, Anthony and I are very similar in that we have perfected the "humor to get out of uncomfortable situations" type thing that I know a lot of people also experience, so we have always had our humor to comfort us and find us a lot of friends. And for a long time us joking around with each other was the only thing we had and the only way that we could bond. We were never really "close" but we would try to find tiny moments to be comforted by each other. Feel free to ask any questions about that if you want. More to the point, a couple years ago he kind of lost it. He started failing all of his classes (not that I care much for public school), he began to act very much like our dad, he stopped caring about virtually everything, and he started smoking pot. Like constantly. The worst part about it for me was that I could see him slowly becoming my dad in the way he would just stare blankly at you when you tried to talk to him about serious things, the way he would just completely give up any sense of empathy, or the worst of all was the way he would talk down to, scream at, threaten and totally degrade my mother to the point where I was the only person she could actually talk to. And boy did she talk to me.... I mean for hours at a time sometimes she would just get on these rants about how dad is horrible or how Anthony is going down the "wrong path" or how her boss at work is incompetent and makes her life miserable. And I would be stuck there not being able to leave or tell her that I really don't have the emotional capacity to hold all of my crap let alone with all her crap. Anyway, off the tangent now please. So the whole pot smoking phase didn't alarm me as much as it did with my mom of course, because to her it was only about my brother breaking the law, but with me I knew why he was doing it and that was when I really tried to connect with him more so he could have someone to talk to. I know it was kind of late for me to do that, but I will admit this right up front, I was not the best sister to him. I never did anything bad to him, but I do feel like I should have been there more for him emotionally and physically. But you have to understand, everything in my brain was constantly telling me to find ways to get out of the house and away from the craziness by sleeping over at friend's houses or finding things to do at school or I even took church activities over my family. Yep that's right, we were raised Christian, imagine that. As if that didn't help my brother's insane childhood. He got into some pretty deep shit putting it mildly. He was constantly breaking parole and always going out getting stoned and coming home smelling like alcohol or wandering the streets with his friends. I got pretty worried about him when I began to notice it was escalating to the point where he was being picked up my cops or having to do summer school. Finally it came to him breaking into his high school with his friends and stealing food from the concession stands and smoking in the cafeteria. He was thrown into the detention center and I couldn't see him for close to 8 months... My brother. I wasn't allowed to see my own brother for 8 months. Now my parents were able to see him, but not me. He got out this past month and I was finally able to take off from work to go back down to my home town and see him. I brought games because games always made us happier and because he couldn't leave the house. He still had his ankle bracelet on so he was confined. And when I called him about one week prior, he sounded really excited to see me. He said, "I don't care what we do, I just want to hang with you. We could just stare at the stars for all I care, just as long as you come down". I remember that because it made me feel so happy and hopeful about forming an actual sibling relationship with him at some point down the road. So I get all excited driving down there because my mom just called me and told me Anthony keeps asking about when I was coming down. Of course when she told me he'd been up since like 6 am(that's what time his officers woke him up every day, so he just naturally wakes up that early and I didn't think about that) and has been waiting for me to get there for so long it made me feel like I failed him yet again and wasn't a good sister to him. It was around noon when my mom called and if I had thought about him waking up so early, I would have gotten there by like 9 or so. So the second I open the door he is sitting on the couch and I say hi and smile and all that and he gave me a slight grin of sorts; nothing that says he was truly happy to see me. I was a little hurt by his lack of enthusiasm but I figured he was a little upset by how late I got there. So I walked over to him and sat down on the couch next to him and tried to talk to him but he couldn't take his eyes away from his phone long enough to give me an actual greeting. He continued with this cold and indifferent sentiment virtually the entire time I was there. I asked him if he wanted to play a game with me and he said no. So I asked him if he wanted to go outside and he said no. He turned down every single one of my ideas. Finally when I asked him if he had any ideas, he sounded really annoyed and told me that there's nothing to do in the house. He sounded depressed. I was pretty understandable about his emotional state. What he was doing and how he was treating me was extremely hurtful since that's exactly the way my dad used to treat me, like he'd rather just not have me there or something. So I asked my mom if she wanted to play, hoping that if Anthony saw us playing and having a good time, he'd loosen up a bit and come join us. And there was a moment when he leaned off the couch to get a better look and his expression lightened so I asked him if he'd like to join since the game is better played with three people instead of two but he immediately leaned back in his seat and said no. Then my mom caught the disappointment on my face and asked him why I even came down if he wasn't going to interact with me. And that I came down just to see and spend time with him. Then his reply was "I don't know why she came down, she should just go home I guess." It pretty much killed me. I cried all the way home and had a very emotional conversation with my boyfriend about it as well. I was hoping for some advice on how to handle this complex "relationship", if you can call it that. I am going down to my house again in a week and I honestly don't know if I should just keep plugging away at improving our relationship or if I should just let it be for now. If anyone has a similar situation that could help me figure things out it would be most helpful. Thank you for reading all of this. It is very personal and I appreciate you taking the time to listen to me.

This is an event which occured a few months ago. I'd like to hear your thoughts on it. It was my younger brother's bedtime, which is usually quite a struggle between him and our parents but this time, my father took it too far. Firstly I heard him walking down the hall calling "Into your bed, boy!" It sounded so militaristic, as if my father was some sort of sargeant addressing his soldier. He walked into my brother's room where he was playing a video game and refusing to turn it off. Within seconds my father began shouting "Turn it off now!". No negotiating, no reasoning. Just cold commands. A few more seconds passed. "I'm going to slap you if you don't turn it off!". This is when I got out of my chair, and walked to my brother's room to face my father. You see, my father and I have talked about using aggression against children before and at the time, it sounded as though he agreed with me, that there are better, non-violent ways to deal with them. Yet there he was threatening my brother. I said to him "You are not going to hit him". I saw pure anger in my father's face. He pushed me out of the room while shouting about how little I know, "you think those books and those videos give you the moral high ground!". He then pushed me into my room and closed the door. I began formulating comebacks, "Well its more books than you have ever read on parenting" and "I may not be the parent but I am his brother" and all these other cliches I could think of in the moment. I psych myself up and just as I'm about to walk out the door to face my father...I burst into tears. I realise how little influence I have and walking out there to address my father will only make things worse. About 10 minutes pass, and the door opens. It's my father. He walks over to me and gives me a hug and says, "I'm sorry for acting snappy, I know you have the right intentions, but you don't have the authority to tell me how to raise my son". I don't say anything I just cry. My mother then walks in and basically repeats what my father said while adding, "It's that computer brainwashing you, giving you unrealistic expectations from the world". Right, beacause talking to your son with love and warmth is an unrealistic expectation

I De-FOOed earlier this year (like 4-5 months ago). I had realised that my parents we abusive and emotionally distant, and that there was nothing that could change that now. They won't change. So I sent my mother a message, telling her I don't want to hear from them anymore, and that I never want to see them again (my parents that is). Last time I saw my brother was last summer, but I havn't spoken to him in almost 2 years. Yesterday, I took up something I have thought of doing for a long time, but put of: To write a letter to my brother, explaining my De-FOO, that I was cruel to him when we were younger, and that if he wants to talk to me (he doesn't have to). To give him a hand, so that maybe he could leave that terrible family behind and start to heal as I have. I am open to it. It was very painful, thinking that this could very well be my farewell letter to him. When I came home today, I saw that someone had written to me on Facebook. It was my brother. He said he was sorry that he had been ignoring me for so long, and the reason was that he had been depressed for 2 years and had shut people out, but that he felt better now that he is going to university. It was very emotional to read this. I was on the verge of abandoning hope of ever having the chance to connect to my brother and here he was, reaching out to me! I told him that I was happy for him that he is feeling better, and told him that I had been depressed too and had concluded that it came from our home. He then told me that I should reestablish contact with our mother, because she has become depressed aswell. The reason? Because I broke of contact with her, and now she is afraid that my brother will do the same. I haven't said anything about this yet in my replies to him. Now, the question is, do I just say it? Or is it to much to early yet? To tell him that our childhood was horrible, and that I have no moral obligation to ease her depression? That I don't owe her anything?

So I thought it would be prudent to post this here & get some feedback. I wrote this to send to my other brother who has suspicions that they attack me & lie in order to cover it up, so he could read it & understand that I'm not the one causing the conflict in my household. I plan on documenting it every time it happens either through writing or recordings of the event. So if it's written weird understand that it is written in a sort of letter format. Also I would like to reach out to Dsayers & make an apology for being rude & aggressive towards him & while we both have been rude to each other in one way or another I have primarily initiated the attacks on him. So please forgive me & we can be best buddies lol. 4/12/14 10:40-10:51 So today I was attacked by my mother & my brother. Instead of telling me what exactly I did wrong they both persisted at launching insults at me calling me such things as a loser, motherfucker & even insulting my father who had nothing to do with anything. When I proceeded to ask what they were mad at me for they said that I don't do anything they ask which puzzled me because I hadn't been asked to do anything my mom had just told me that she made a grilled cheese sandwich for me even though I had told her before that I didn't want one (which she probably blocked out when she went on her tangent about the dishes not having the lids placed on them & said that me & Jasem were "fucking lazy" that's why there wasn't lids. (Jasem will deny that this occurred because instead of dealing with his psychological problems he proceeds to repress them which is the only logical explanation for the many bad dreams he has & the rampant depressions that frequently hit him which he in turn displaces onto his homosexual life coupled with his fascination with hiding his identity in drag outfits which is his subconsciousness projecting his repressed problems onto his social life.) Jasem at this time was making his juicing shake, he was adding fruits into the machine & he looked up & rolled his eyes while mom had her back turned.) so I had just fixed up the plastic containers & made sure they had the lids along with taking out the trash & putting in a new trash bag. Jasem then asked me to bring down the keys to the car & when I brought them down he didn't thank me as if I was obligated to bring them down & so I sarcastically said your welcome & proceeded upstairs. While I was upstairs I took a gulp of my water & picked up a book on my shelf just to peruse through it, my mom called & told me to come down & eat my grilled cheese to which I replied Ok (as someone who has experienced poverty I never let food go to waste even if I don't want it, which is probably why I overeat & am obese). I was reading for a little bit more when Jasem came upstairs & said "Mom is calling you why don't you fucking respond" to which I replied "What are you talking about I responded", my mom was following right behind him & her exact words were "he's a fucking son of a bitch motherfucker just like his fucking father". I was dumbfounded as to what caused such a rage especially when I had kept to myself in a semi isolation, I then said " Wow what has got you guys so aggressive this morning?" To which Jasem replied you don't ever fuckin answer her" to which I responded "yes I did, you to are just trying to find a reason to attack me because haven't done anything that could legitimately spark your anger" (I will admit that I have an anger problem but I have been working on it as best as I can & if I had to say I haven't had any of the usual outbursts of anger that I would have in the past & I am much nicer to people now than I was before). Then Jasem went down stairs while I was asking why he was mad & chose to attack me & he just yelled at the top of his lungs for me to shut up to which I responded "why are you avoiding the questions" my mom then came out of her closet & told me to shut up & I replied "why, you guys are attacking me & I'm not allowed to ask questions" which she then pushed past me & went downstairs while I was telling her that she knows she is in the wrong but to stubborn to acknowledge it. She then said I'm gonna get her sick & I said that she is doing that to herself(she is in a destructive relationship with my step dad who is an asshole & she stresses alot because she tries to micromanage everyone's life including her own even though I always tell her that she cannot control all the variables in her life) to which she responded that she "should stick a knife in my chest & then maybe you & Jasem Will be happy" to which I replied "reverting to emotions doesn't put you in the right & your basically a cat caught in the corner with its claws out". I then said that I didn't even want the grilled cheese in the first place & that's when I proceeded to enter my room, sit on my bed with Man, Economy & State in my hands & read, then I wrote this after reading a few pages cause I felt I should document this. Edit: Also please notify me if I made any errors or if your confused about something.