Hi, welcome to my story.(really long lol)

[Deylight Lantern]

 

    Hi, where to begin. It has been a long time since, I last wrote my thoughts down, or have written anything really.

I'll start with my childhood. It was sort of a mixed bag of feelings happiness, fear,anger, etc. I came from a middle class family. My father being cold and rigid, that 1950's mentality for you. My mother being caring at first but left, my dad later on in my life. Dad was abusive, controlling type of a man who was a workholic. I remember her yelling one day, "I'm tried of doing all this house work, I am tired of being a mother."  Mom started doing drugs, when she went back to college, I remember finding pot pipe in the bathroom. Later on I was about 9 my mom wanted a divorce with dad. Money wasn't good at the time, utlities were being shut off in the house. She started working, I was staying up late at night waiting for her to come home. I remember 1:30-2 o'clock she'd be coming in I setup the couch for her to sleep on. I'd sleep beside her, I'd love my mom alot more that my dad at time. Time passed she left the house, took my younger brother and my twin left with her to live in an apartment. I decided to stay with my dad, the apartment and the man she was staying with scared me. Turns out later on this man beats her, breaks bones etc. My teen years weren't that great either I was depressed and when I was around 17 there was a S.W.A.T raid on my house. Looking for drugs torn the house apart. My dad started making drugs along with my uncle to get fast money. That was April 13, 6:28 am 36 officers in total. Thought it was a big bust but barely anything really, a gun, pills, and cociane dust on the dresser in my uncles room. I lived in poverty for about 3 years lost 36 lbs, I was all skin and bones. My mom was a worthless druggy along with her new bf. She didn't care about us, only cared about her next high. My extended family didn't give a rats ass, even came out and helped us. Dad was in prision for 3 years the main source of reliable income. He resorted to selling because work wasn't giving him enough. He's pretty smart, but doesn't change the fact he's still a cold man. My older brother tired filling my dads place but to no aviel. So many painful memories, I'm cursed in remembering everything. My parents and my siblings seem to forget but I don't forget for some reason. I graduated the useless school system when I was 21, 3 years have passed. I'm a failure to launch man, a broken man. I found Stef's work by accident, 2 years ago, I've been on the show once, smart man, fast talker hard to keep at times. lol. Somehow I've survived this far without breaking or becoming some crazed gunman I can relate to them. I can see why they went insane. I don't know what's kept me alive, anger? In search of truth and meaning to life? My will to live? I've contemplated sucide many times. I still ask myself am I willing to end this pain? I got to tell myself no better times are ahead fight through this pain. My father told me that I could be anything I wanted, you just got to work hard at it, your named after me, my son. You are Daniel, you have my strength in your name. Life been a crazy journey so far, and I want to keep going. There's my story.  

 

[RestoringGuy]

Thanks.  Man that's a rough story.  Sometimes I think if I can at least outlive those who do harm, they at least have failed in their attempts to kill me.  The extended family seems to sit back and allow bad things to happen.

[Deylight Lantern]

There's more but I wanted to sum up most of life up to this point. I still live with my dad I got no job and no money so I'm sort of stuck. No real skill either. Hopefully I land this job, I'll be packing plane parts which is sort of interesting. Not really sure what to do with my life. Fix myself first before anything else. Worst thing about the job is that my dad is my boss at his job. I'll endure it because its good money. Save up, learn a skill, resign, and moving out is probably the best option. Got no choice really if I am ever going to grow as a man I got to leave. My parents have hindred my growth. Both sides of my family never really liked each other. I can see why they didn't help.  

[WiresNPipes]

 Wow, you endured some brutal times.  I'm sorry for that but glad to have you here.  Adversity implants a zest for life that those with a comfortable upbringing often lack or lose.  You'll help, and there's plenty more truth for you to excavate.