Marc Moini Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I now think that sociopaths do exist and they are maybe 5% of the population, they do want to harm others, they indeed have no empathy. I have argued the opposite before*, but I can see now how I had missed something, that it's possible to "be" a sociopath. And then change to no longer be one. So I think a lot of people do the things that sociopaths do, and whereas before I considered them not sociopaths because the way I see it they can change, I now accept that it is valid (if you like putting labels on people, which I find brings me nothing useful) to think of them as sociopaths. I think the people labelled sociopaths can develop their empathy, the reason they haven't done so and the reason they don't care for others is because of the life they've had, that got them to disconnect from their feelings. I was like that. A few years ago I thought that 99.99% of people were so dumbed down by society and school and by childhood trauma that they just couldn't help doing stupid things like destroy the environment through senseless over-comsumption and irrational behavior, and that unfortunately it was so difficult and so time consuming to get them to heal, that it made more sense to let them die. I wished for a mass catastrophe that would kill most people. For the past 3 years I've been slowly reconnecting with my feelings and developing my empathy. With the latest progress I've made over the past month, I think I'm now connected to my feelings enough that I can empathize with people most of the time. So, I recognize now that it can be true that somebody has been acting like a sociopath, is acting like a sociopath now. But to me this does not mean that they cannot change, I am convinced that giving them the empathy they need can get them to calm down and to begin to reconnect with their feelings, and learn to make sense of the world in a way that won't lead them to cutting off again. * FDR 2221 Stef's mother's table, Rehabilitating Very Violent People (not always a lost cause), To Judge or Not to Judge?" A conversation on Mor... , dry-chicken-incident
Sashajade Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Yes they are very real. The part that really surprised me is how common they are. For years I was unaware to how much the degree of emapthy varies from person to person. To the same degree that I was unaware of just how much I now feel that I have higher than average empathy. It explained alot about why I was so unhappy with the situations and relationships I was involved in. I was in a sort of denial that these people would purposely disrespect, hurt, or be inconsiderate of my well being. Wether they were aware or not. The thing i was aware of is that it was hurting me to be around them. Their actions frequently didn't match up with the things they would say. They were inconsistent and let me down alot. It would be confusing, and wen things were in their favor they would be great towards you and it was hard to let go because of the times that were or at least seemed enjoyable. They know in which ways you are vulnerable and play on that to keep u giving them what ever it is that u are providing.
Marc Moini Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Yes, that's what I am talking about, they are real, the harm they do is real, their intent to harm is real. To me what is not in line with reality however is the assumption that they'll always stay like that (there is much evidence to the contrary, which I've pointed to before), and that they're "evil", this is an extra step that I think is not needed in order to stay safely away from them or to warn others. And I think these people need empathy, they need compassion, they don't need to be vilified and shamed, that's what got them to be that way in the first place. Acting heartless towards someone who acts heartless is doing the same thing they're doing, it's perpetuating the problem. At least that's how I see it.
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