Iraq Vet-Turned

[JeremiahofRed]

So, my name, as you may have deduced is Jeremiah.  I was convinced at a young age by hollywood and my local culture that police and military were virtuous careers.  I was also mildly/passively suicidal, so I joined the US army as an 11/B-Infantry.  I guess the reason I was so 'passively suicidal' is because I gave up the hoax of Christianity at the age of 17, the same year I enlisted.  I was a very logical person, and I just couldn't put my finger on why Hell is ok.  I tried, very hard, to work this problem out, but in the end, I couldn't.  It left a "God-sized hole" in me which I tried to fill.  I did extensive research into several religions, hoping to find one that fit the bill.  I eventually gave up, and figured that all of them had incredible teachings, but none of them were 100% correct.  So in the middle of all that I guess I tried to fill that with the Godly image of what we in the United States hold our United States armed forces to be.  

 

I don't really struggle with much of that anymore.  One of my current struggles is that I have a very addictive personality.  I've filled it with everything from hardcore drugs, to video games, to relationships.  I have something most addicts don't have which is the ability to pick one addiction up and let to of another.  So I guess that's something I got going for me.  Sometimes when I talk to people I'm not sure if I'm a psychopath or if everyone else is just dead asleep in this centuries long slumber.  I made someone break down into tears yesterday by saying that I consider children to be more deserving of sympathy than the women who have them in impoverished conditions.  I couldn't even get a rational response back.  

 

Anyway, so I've been listening to Stefan Molyneux for about a month now.  The first video I watched by him was actually the one where he speaks to Adam Kokesh, as, I had been following Adam for a while, he's an amazing activist.  Started listening to Stefan for a while, and there's not a lot I can disagree with him on.  He makes very rational, objective, and well thought out points and so it was my hope that people who would find themselves at this message board would be people attracted by those qualities.  Thank you for reading this far and I hope I can have some good discussions with you all.  

[dsayers]

Welcome to the boards. When your title says turned and this quote here:

 

I don't really struggle with much of that anymore.

 

Do these mean you've broken out of military worship or the religion of statism altogether? Also, I was curious what your thoughts on the pursuit of self-knowledge is.

 

Thanks for sharing.

[JeremiahofRed]

Welcome to the boards. When your title says turned and this quote here:

 

 

Do these mean you've broken out of military worship or the religion of statism altogether? Also, I was curious what your thoughts on the pursuit of self-knowledge is.

 

Thanks for sharing.

What I meant is that I am over most of what was talked about in the first paragraph, just thought it was a critical part of who I am worth mentioning.  So, I'm no longer "passively suicidal" if I were in the road with a semi coming, I would move(that's a question one of my psychologists always asked).  I am no longer a fan of the military industrial complex or of using religion to cope with the top of my maslow's pyramid.  

 

Thoughts on the pursuit of self knowledge.  Well, I believe it is important to understand yourself.  I also believe its a lot harder to understand yourself than it is to look at someone else and understand them. I always thought the whole passage in the bible was ironic about not pointing out the spec in your neighbors eye when there is a log in your own, because in my view, you should want your close friends to look for your imperfections, as they are the most equipped to do so.  Subconciously I think most people have very high opinions of themselves, which, prevents them from having a very objective opinion about could be imperfections.  

[dsayers]

That certainly resonates with me. I agree understanding self is much harder. I too have always liked the speck in the eye analogy. And even before I had the self-knowledge to be fully open and process it, I've always invited my friends to challenge me on my imperfections. I started doing that after the first time I hurt somebody I never wanted to. Filled me with all kinds of self-second guessing.

 

The reason I asked is because I wasn't sure how much YOU valued self-knowledge. There were a few things in your intro that suggested you might not be being honest with yourself. Or it could just be a difficulty in precisely communicating it. I first did a double take when you described yourself as logical for ditching one religion and taking up another. That's the sort of thing I mean.

 

I can elaborate if you're interested. I just didn't want to jump in if it's nothing something you're particularly interested in.

[JeremiahofRed]

sure absolutely give me your feedback.  I'm interested.  But first I will start by saying that I felt compelled based on my religious experience that there had to be a God, and that I was just in the wrong faith.  I was certain that whoever God was, they were just, and that I didn't need to fear consequences for not finding the right religion(as with Christianity)  but I still wanted to find the truth, and to me the ultimate truth for the first couple decades of my life was God.  I'm not saying I was as critical as I could have been but I was certainly more logical than most christians who grew up with my background.  I was scared at a young age into believing that I needed to repent from each and every sin, or else I would go to hell.  I had religious experiences in which I believed I heard the voice of God and because of that, I felt it was therefore reasonable to assume that the answers I was looking for existed somewhere in religion, even if that religion wasn't Christianity.  

 

Fire away though I may sound defensive but I'm just trying to paint a better picture for you of my background.  

[Mike Fleming]

 

I don't really struggle with much of that anymore.  One of my current struggles is that I have a very addictive personality.  I've filled it with everything from hardcore drugs, to video games, to relationships.  I have something most addicts don't have which is the ability to pick one addiction up and let to of another.

 

 

I was much like this too.  I would just go from one addiction to another, though I never did drugs or alcohol, partly because I don't like the idea of them and partly because I was worried that I might like them and get addicted.  

 

Glad to hear you have escaped the military.  Hope your experiences in it weren't too traumatic for you.  And of course that you have escaped the religious cults that run rampant in this world, including statism.

[JeremiahofRed]

I never tried drugs for the longest time.  The girlfriend I had when I got out of the military was a pot smoker and then the next one I met was a meth head so I've done both.  I would like to add to that though:  I refused to try the drugs for the longest time because of this fear, but I still bought it to supply her at times.  I ended up getting arrested with a gram and a half on me for something incredibly stupid.  Basically my car got towed, I went to pick it up.  The guy on the dispatch had told me that all i would need would be an idenification and bill of sale since i only very recently bought the car.  He told me that wasn't enough, so i asked to look inside the car for the registration which was in Joel's name, so that I would have it when he got here.  While I was in there I grabbed my sidearm which I had stowed under the driver's seat and I put it in my pants pocket.  I tried to be discreet but apparently the guy was watching me cuz he said "i saw the gun, you need to put that back" so I asked "what gun" and walked away.  I was picked up by police who were waiting for me right outside my house.  You might be asking what on earth would I be getting arrested for, larceny?  no, my good sir, assault in the 2nd degree, because apparently this guy, either by his own will or through coercion told the police that I had pointed my gun at him.  In the probable cause hearing the DA even made comments about possibly adding on a grand larceny if it turned out the car wasn't mine.  I was in jail for 11 days, when I got out, I just stopped caring.  I was in a place psychologically that I did not want to be, and I said fuck it, pass me that.  I was terrified i would get addicted, but I had faith in my own abilities.  So the long story short, and it is a 2 year or so long story but its behind me now, the guy had like 14 felonies on his own record, once the DA found out they offerred me a plea bargain down to a felony harrassment(the criteria for which is to say that you threatened to kill another person) and I accepted that resentfully.  It was 12 months of probation and a mark as a felon vs years in prison.  It was a terrible choice to have to make, but I chose the former and I did my probation out.  I avoided meth during the time I was on probation, save for maybe like 1 or 2 instances when I knew i could get away with it(it gets out of your system in 3 days).  

 

So let me just add on to that.  I know you won't meet a lot of people who consider hard core drugs a part of who they are and are still able to function on the highest level of maslow's heirarchy.  But some people are, I assure you.  There's a lot more people in our society who do hardcore drugs than you might think, its just that most never admit to it, but I for the most part have just stopped caring.  And this is the place it should be mentioned I suppose.  Also note that I'm not a consistent user.  The last time I used was about 2 months ago and I have no drive to use more right now.  I generally only use it for quick boosts in productivity and frankly its worth it.  If I really need something done I can buy 50 dollars of meth and be up for the next 3 days chipping away at the problem.  Then I crash, and don't use it again for a while.