efioptv Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 You might want to know how I came up with this username. I watched a video which the person said everyone is about 0.055% in the part of human history. so I came up with "pt 0 five". Then, I rearrange them into alphabet orders and there is the username. I have been watching the videos posted on Youtube for a while and decided to join this community to learn even more. so here is my first problem. My grandfather just passed away, but I couldnt see him the last time since Im on the other side of the globe. In my country's tradition, they said my parents and I should not go anywhere where people having positive event such as birthday party. I think this is just bullshit, but I find that no one around me is realizing this while their brains are covered with "tradition"...I just lose all faith on my family... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canoe_Captain Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 If somebody is really sad and grieving and needs time for him/herself then some people really do not like to go to a celebratory party. But it seems this rule by your family has the purpose to keep the appearance of griefing, no matter if you are really grieving or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efioptv Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 If somebody is really sad and grieving and needs time for him/herself then some people really do not like to go to a celebratory party. But it seems this rule by your family has the purpose to keep the appearance of griefing, no matter if you are really grieving or not. The reason is because they afraid we will bring misfortune to them. While being with them, we had a time where we openly discuss about what one should do when someone passed away, but they never mentioned this which means it is not important to them. And now they bring this up and make it a big deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsayers Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Grief isn't an external process. Though people can grieve together by talking about the deceased. Of course they can only do this if they gather. I've never understood why some people suggest that because person X died, we must die also. I mean, what better way to commemorate their life than by living yours? Besides, most of the time, what people refer to as formal grief is just regret over not treating the person (or people in general) better. It's a self-knowledge opportunity that some people would rather make efforts towards avoiding than facing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovePrevails Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 is that the jewish culture? I hate the way this culture I was somewhat brought up in ritualizes grief (and almost everything) and makes it inauthentic it's like telling you how to mourn, how to respect, etc. it makes the whole thing disingenuous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efioptv Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Grief isn't an external process. Though people can grieve together by talking about the deceased. Of course they can only do this if they gather. I've never understood why some people suggest that because person X died, we must die also. I mean, what better way to commemorate their life than by living yours? Besides, most of the time, what people refer to as formal grief is just regret over not treating the person (or people in general) better. It's a self-knowledge opportunity that some people would rather make efforts towards avoiding than facing. Sorry I have a limited English understanding skill so what you are saying is the practice is only for sad people who thought they did not treat the dead better, they are ashame of it, therefore they prefer not talking about it and stay alone. Happy people gather with other people and openly talk about it and stay positive. is that the jewish culture? I hate the way this culture I was somewhat brought up in ritualizes grief (and almost everything) and makes it inauthentic it's like telling you how to mourn, how to respect, etc. it makes the whole thing disingenuous Its a Chinese culture. I think its just a way to control how other people feel. and the culture said "One must feel only sadness when your close one is deceased." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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