Hello

[alejvill]

Hello everyone my name is Alejandro.

 

I am 22 years of age living in Southern California and I'm in school for economics.  I have been listening to Stefan since about the beginning of this year and I can say that I have never agreed with anyone so much and truly was delighted to find that there are people here that are so like minded.  

 

Truthfully I am well below where I would like to be in my life and so often I get overwhelmed at how much work there is to do on myself. I am brought almost to tears when I think about what is necessary in order to fix myself.  I don't cry too much because I am afraid of dealing with head on the problems I face.  I know at some point I'l have to in order to move forward.

 

Perhaps I should stop complaining and man up, and am incredibly afraid that someone like Stefan would tell me all I need is to stop being such a pussy.  In my core, I don't think I feel like a man and to be told that I'm just being weak is telling me what I am afraid of the most.  This is what makes me cry and well, does it have to do with my childhood or should I just stop being a bitch?  That is what goes in my mind many times over as I'm thinking of my complaints of my life.

 

I look forward to healing and realize that if I want to accomplish my goals it will not be easy.  Sometimes it feels sort of hopeless and other times I feel like of course I can do this.  To be sure, I consider finding Freedomain Radio a real stepping stone to a good life.  I don't think I could clearly envision much of a future for myself as I do now thanks to having taken in a lot of Stefan Molyneux's work.

 

I appreciate you taking the time to read this.

 

 

 

[dsayers]

Welcome to FDR!

 

I am brought almost to tears when I think about what is necessary in order to fix myself.

 

When I first read this, I was curious if you've taken responsibility for what you view as your shortcomings or if you attribute them to your parents. Then as I read on, I cringed at verbiage such as man up, being a pussy, and being a bitch. Have you investigated these ideas that to be a man is to be strong, to be a woman is to be weak, to express yourself is weak, etc? I don't think any of those are true. And if they're not, where did they come from?

[Kevin Beal]

Hi Alejandro! Welcome to the boards

 

Perhaps I should stop complaining and man up, and am incredibly afraid that someone like Stefan would tell me all I need is to stop being such a pussy.

Stop being such a dick to yourself!!

 

You're afraid and overwhelmed by things in your life. I am too. And I'm sure Stef is too. That doesn't make you a coward or a pussy or anything like that. Lying to yourself about the things you fear in order to avoid dealing with it is what is cowardly.

 

If a lion charges at me, it is not cowardice to get the fuck out of there are quickly as I can. Fear is important. Fear is necessary. Fear is supposed to keep you away from danger. Cutting yourself off from your own fear is inviting dangerous situations.

 

What if your fear were the wisest and most important part of your life right now? What would that change?

 

If Stef called you a pussy for being afraid to tackle big issues, he'd have me and a lot of other people to deal with

[alejvill]

 

I don't think any of those are true. And if they're not, where did they come from?

 

They come from not engaging in certain activities as a child.  I hardly ever played sports, I've not had a girlfriend(not a major problem for me btw nowhere near that shooter from UCSB.)  I am either almost obese or obese and have been for quite some time and this certainly doesn't make me feel like a man.  It certainly has to do with my older brother and how he would treat me.

 

 

 

What if your fear were the wisest and most important part of your life right now? What would that change?

 

If Stef called you a pussy for being afraid to tackle big issues, he'd have me and a lot of other people to deal with

 

If my fears were wisest then I would get out of my house and start living somewhere else.  Because currently I'm cooped up having to live in the same room as my brother and I hate it.  If I look at my emotions as Stefan puts it, that they are the involuntary response to someone else's consistent actions, then I hate my mother, my brother, and my father, well not so much. I suppose my biggest problems stem from my family.  I hate coming home and seeing who is there.  If my dads around I'm usually okay.  I love it when there's no one there.

 

 

Hey thanks for responding and thanks for the warm welcome.

[Swollen_Goat]

Greetings and welcome.

[Carl Green]

Welcome to FDR.

 

If my fears were wisest then I would get out of my house and start living somewhere else.  Because currently I'm cooped up having to live in the same room as my brother and I hate it.

 

Is this an option?

[alejvill]

Welcome to FDR.

 

 

Is this an option?

  Yeah it's coming up by the time next semester rolls around but I will be incurring debt. (currently I am going to a university on grants)I can take out student debt in order to move out, if at least for a year.  I really do think it's worth it, as Stefan stresses many of our problems stem from the family and I need to get out.

 

Thanks for asking and thanks for the response!  

[Carl Green]

Sounds like a great opportunity. An IOU for a get-outta-jail card seems like a deal to me.

 

I was re-reading your post and thought of something that might help with the overwhelming feeling of how much there is to be done. You can see that the final goal seems like a million miles away and it's daunting right?  Well what I thought of was setting smaller goals that you can achieve earlier on the road to the final goal.  Achieving these will give you a sense of accomplishment and help fuel the fire so to speak.

[alejvill]

Sounds like a great opportunity. An IOU for a get-outta-jail card seems like a deal to me.

 

I was re-reading your post and thought of something that might help with the overwhelming feeling of how much there is to be done. You can see that the final goal seems like a million miles away and it's daunting right?  Well what I thought of was setting smaller goals that you can achieve earlier on the road to the final goal.  Achieving these will give you a sense of accomplishment and help fuel the fire so to speak.

 Yeah haha it is indeed a get out of jail card.

 

Smaller goals?  Perhaps I could do with some examples?  I mean moving out is a goal of mine.  Getting another car is a goal.  Getting a motorcycle is a goal.  Like that?  Hey thanks Carl.

[thelizardking52]

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing with us. 

 

I'd say it's a good thing if you can find a way out of an abusive environment.  You mentioned your obesity or near obesity as a part of the problem and being stuck at home. You don't have to engage in a sport per se but maybe can find some other activity that will A) get you out of your house and into a more positive environment. B) help you to get in a more physically fit condition and lose weight. 

 

A lot of us have been in tough family or other situations before and it takes guts to confront the problems head on. You are not alone.

 

Recognizing the issue is important and it looks like you've done that already. Without a diagnosis there is no cure to the affliction.  

[alejvill]

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing with us. 

 

I'd say it's a good thing if you can find a way out of an abusive environment.  You mentioned your obesity or near obesity as a part of the problem and being stuck at home. You don't have to engage in a sport per se but maybe can find some other activity that will A) get you out of your house and into a more positive environment. B) help you to get in a more physically fit condition and lose weight. 

 

A lot of us have been in tough family or other situations before and it takes guts to confront the problems head on. You are not alone.

 

Recognizing the issue is important and it looks like you've done that already. Without a diagnosis there is no cure to the affliction.  

 

Hey thanks for the response thelizardking52.  Yeah my obesity is certainly lodged into my subconscious but fortunately I have a certain belief that I will shed the pounds once I'm away from home.  The thing is, obesity is very much in my family and I believe my dad is incredibly ashamed of it which has shaped my own psyche.  My dad tells me how he used to be very athletic and thin and never believed that he would get fat, yet my whole life my father has been very overweight.

 

Never as much as my older brother though, who since he was 20 has been hovering comfortably over 300 pounds.  And I have shared a room with this guy for over 22 years. (he's 28, still lives at home)  So this certainly has had a profound impact on me.

 

If I manage to get a studio apartment, which is what I really want, I am going to start doing P90x which I have had for about 4 years.

 

The part of this that gets to me the most is that when I was 18 I had lost all of my excess weight, doing P90X, but I was so desperately depressed that I could just not believe that I was actually thin, and I developed body dysmorphic disorder which led to me going in for psychiatric help.  They put me on SSRI's and I gained all my weight back and gained even more, even though my depression did subside.  Now here I am trying to withdraw from them and I get really upset how much I lost due to the medications I was prescribed. Ultimately, it was faulty parenting and state indoctrination that made me so crippingly depressed, and now the anger and hopelessness about that is a lot to bear. 

 With no one to bother me at my new place I really believe I will be able to manage.  Now all that is needed is to make the shift away from home life to my own life, which will be very very difficult but I have to make it happen.  Thank you so much for the support.

[Carl Green]

 Yeah haha it is indeed a get out of jail card.

 

Smaller goals?  Perhaps I could do with some examples?  I mean moving out is a goal of mine.  Getting another car is a goal.  Getting a motorcycle is a goal.  Like that?  Hey thanks Carl.

 

I was thinking more specifically about smaller goals involving self knowledge. Like, setting aside a certain amount of time each day or week or whatever to journal or meditate or whatever.

 

I think moving out will definitely help tremendously. How much longer until you can make that happen?

[alejvill]

I was thinking more specifically about smaller goals involving self knowledge. Like, setting aside a certain amount of time each day or week or whatever to journal or meditate or whatever.

 

I think moving out will definitely help tremendously. How much longer until you can make that happen?

 

Hey Carl.  I believe I will be able to get my money after the 2nd of July, even though the website is a bit vague on when.  I was thinking moving out sometime in August but perhaps moving out sooner rather than later is better.  

 

I should be able to meditate and journal much easier if I leave home, but I do like to write in my journal and also on Word.  I should do it even more though.