Yeravos Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I De-FOOed earlier this year (like 4-5 months ago). I had realised that my parents we abusive and emotionally distant, and that there was nothing that could change that now. They won't change. So I sent my mother a message, telling her I don't want to hear from them anymore, and that I never want to see them again (my parents that is). Last time I saw my brother was last summer, but I havn't spoken to him in almost 2 years. Yesterday, I took up something I have thought of doing for a long time, but put of: To write a letter to my brother, explaining my De-FOO, that I was cruel to him when we were younger, and that if he wants to talk to me (he doesn't have to). To give him a hand, so that maybe he could leave that terrible family behind and start to heal as I have. I am open to it. It was very painful, thinking that this could very well be my farewell letter to him. When I came home today, I saw that someone had written to me on Facebook. It was my brother. He said he was sorry that he had been ignoring me for so long, and the reason was that he had been depressed for 2 years and had shut people out, but that he felt better now that he is going to university. It was very emotional to read this. I was on the verge of abandoning hope of ever having the chance to connect to my brother and here he was, reaching out to me! I told him that I was happy for him that he is feeling better, and told him that I had been depressed too and had concluded that it came from our home. He then told me that I should reestablish contact with our mother, because she has become depressed aswell. The reason? Because I broke of contact with her, and now she is afraid that my brother will do the same. I haven't said anything about this yet in my replies to him. Now, the question is, do I just say it? Or is it to much to early yet? To tell him that our childhood was horrible, and that I have no moral obligation to ease her depression? That I don't owe her anything?
Alice Amell Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I don't have much experience with this type of situation myself but I would just tell him. What is the alternative? I wouldn't go back to your mother, and I'd encourage your brother also to leave her especially if she's abusive 1
J-William Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 He then told me that I should reestablish contact with our mother, because she has become depressed aswell. The reason? Because I broke of contact with her, and now she is afraid that my brother will do the same. I haven't said anything about this yet in my replies to him. Now, the question is, do I just say it? Or is it to much to early yet? To tell him that our childhood was horrible, and that I have no moral obligation to ease her depression? That I don't owe her anything? Yeah it sucks to be the last one out that door. I'm sure he's getting all kinds of pressure from your mother and he doesn't want to have to deal with all that pressure by himself. I understand it and it puts him in a tough spot. On the other hand he is choosing to be in contact with negative abusive people so he can change that anytime he wants. This is just another example of bad behavior from your parents. What did they do to change or make the relationship better? They've done nothing they just guilt trip your brother and now he's putting some pressure on you because he's got nowhere to go. You don't have to tell him anything if you don't want, personally I think I would explain some about my reasoning and what I'm doing but then just see what his response is. See if he is curious, you don't have to push if he's not ready.
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