Learned Paw Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Hi, I've been a FDR listener and donator for about a year, but have only recently joined the forum. This is my first post. Here I'd like to provide some information on my background and certain issues that I currently am facing. I am hopeful that participation in this forum will generate productive dialogue and insight for purposes of self-improvement. I am also excited to engage with a community of rational, virtue-driven individuals. On to the juicy stuff... Childhood: I was born and raised in suburban Ohio. I am now 28. My father was/is an abusive alcoholic and likely also has narcissistic personality disorder. I was spanked maybe a dozen times throughout my childhood by both of my parents, but the most dysfunctional aspect of my family life was the intense and constant verbal abuse from my father. I lived in perpetual fear and sadness as a child, and the impact of such abuse continues to cause me distress and other personal/interpersonal problems as an adult. My parents divorced when I was 20. I deFOOed from my father two years ago, and have not seen or spoken with him since. My mother, who is by no means innocent, has been receptive to discussions about my childhood and has made what I believe are sufficient efforts to rectify her role in my abusive upbringing. We have built and maintain a healthy relationship. I have one younger brother (23) who is a good person but, at this point, lacks self-knowledge. I occasionally broach discussions with him about our FOO, however, he does not seem to really "get it." Perhaps my approach is ineffective or maybe he's just not ready to face the past yet. I know that I wasn't ready either at his age, so it is hard to fault him too much. Education/Early Adulthood: Due to the abuse of my childhood, I developed a plethora of pathological schemas/defense mechanisms. I suffer intense anxiety and depressive episodes, I struggle with perfectionism, insomnia, and I routinely and frequently self-attack. With the help of the information and resources at FDR, along with therapy and independently studying psychology, I have been able to ameliorate these traits to some degree, but they have not been eliminated. Anxiety and perfectionism made me an excellent student. I attended public school through high school. I have an undergraduate degree in philosophy, politics, and psychology. I ranked third in my graduating class, was nominated for a Rhodes Scholarship, and went on to earn a JD at an ivy-league university. After law school, I worked for the federal government for a year in Washington, DC. I then returned to Cleveland to work at a large corporate law firm. I worked at the firm for two years as a business litigator before my past and the truth caught up with me and sent me spiraling into an identity crisis that has persisted for about one year thus far. I left the law gig and currently take odd jobs to make ends meet. I have no appreciable idea of what direction I should take professionally. I also carry over $200,000 of non-discharchable student debt. Given my growing opposition to statehood, most of my "accomplishments" now seem hollow and meaningless. In light of this, I am now chronically unmotivated and unsure how to change this. Relationships: Because of my background, I have repetitively invited abusive personalities into my life, and it has caused me considerable pain and suffering. In my mid-twenties, I was involved for three years with a horribly abusive girlfriend (who likely has borderline personality disorder). Unsurprisingly, she works at high levels of the U.S. government in DC. I find her and my own former involvement in government repugnant, and I am much relieved to have escaped that scene and the sociopaths that inhabit it. I now understand why I was drawn to such a woman, but the experience was severely traumatizing and has left significant, lasting scars. I follow and generally support the men's human rights movement, and I oppose feminist nonsense and indoctrination. I have three close friends that I consider to be rational and virtuous. I have some other acquaintances with whom I occasionally associate on a casual/social basis, but that's about it. Currently I do not really "date," but would like to get to the point where I can shed this aversion. A healthy partner (not necessarily spouse) is definitely a long-term goal. I think this should suffice as an introductory post, but if anyone would like additional information, just ask. I look forward to many productive discussions here at FDR! - LP
Timur Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Hi Learned Paw. Thank you for a well written introduction. I always take it as a sign of respect to the reader when people write at least reasonably well. Your writing is superb. Congratulations on building and maintaining a healthy relationship with your mother. Best of luck getting through to your brother. My deepest sympathies for what you've gone through as a child and what you are going through to this day. Welcome to the board
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