Mister Hugz Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 My name is Anthony I'm 26 years old and have been listening to fdr for about a year now. I enjoy fitness activities, snowboarding, camping, good conversations, road biking, reading and playing drums. I am going to be going into school to study psychology soon and i also have a fascination in the science of nutrition. I have been an aircraft mechanic in the u.s. air force for 8 years and am about to get out and start my life fresh. As for my early development... I had terrifying, emotionally disconnected, verbally and physically abusive parents. Here are a few instances: my dad had an extremely physically abusive mother which caused him to act out the unprocessed trauma. When I was a toddler, He would flick me on the top of my head at random and make me cry. To this day my nervous system has adapted to sudden or startling stimuli in a hyper flinching manner. My mother would scream in my face when i was young as well. She claims that she doesn't remember that ever happening. She also told me that she had postpartum depression which lasted for the first 6 months of my life. After reading and listening to peoples stories about narcissistic parents, the resemblance to the behavior of my mother is almost a perfect match. I plan on going straight into therapy asap. I want to undo soul melting trauma that was inflicted on me so i can be free.
regevdl Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Thank you for being so open and honest about your terrible experience growing up. It's amazing looking back what seemed 'normal' (even if we knew it wasn't internally) is now horribly damaging. I am a mother of two and have lost my temper on my kids a few times (shouting ...but no hitting or name calling, just making my point LOUDLY...bad enough...) I stopped myself and had flashbacks when I was a kid and was like..WTH am I doing?! So I stopped. I remember seeing a woman in the grocery store shouting at her child to stop shouting. That's when it really sunk in. lead by example. how can the child know/learn how to stop shouting by the mother teaching him while shouting. So it was a good 'mirror' moment for me. I too had the same experience with my mother when I called her out on some hurtful actions (not even from my childhood but adulthood!) and she played the 'gee...I don't remember that... card. It was devastating on two fronts. 1. That saying horrific things obviously is so normal for her that she doesn't distinguish it from her other comments and 2. she is totally disconnected with reading me and my emotions (or using it as a defense...equally painful). If I may suggest some healthy touch therapy as you mentioned you are prone to flinching etc as well as the therapy you had in mind. A massage by someone who also understands emotional healing can be useful to help your physical traumas heal as well! Remind your body that there is healthy, safe touch and to distinguish it from unhealthy, hurtful, threatening touch if that makes sense. All the best to you in your journey to health, peace and healing!
Mister Hugz Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 Wow I'm sorry you had a hurtful mum. I appreciate your reflecive reply. Your children are lucky to have a mother like you. If you don't mind me asking, did you explain yourself and apologize to them after that realization? I remember sensing these moments of regret and dissociation flash across my moms face after she would act out her trauma. I am going to have to prepare myself for both those responses when i get into therapy with her. I already know what is going to happen. Because she had done this to 4 children ( almost all of us are adult age now), The ratio of probability that she will be able to handle that level of honesty and criticism is extremely low. I'm sure it will detonate her. I need to watch her detonate to finally move on. Wow touch therapy via massage! That sounds like my kind of therapy I have never indulged a professional massage before, let alone one centered around emotional healing. Sounds great, I'll look into it. thank you
regevdl Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 To answer your question, yes. My children are 5 & 7 and I have stopped myself, took a deep breath and apologized, etc. I took another step further than even in a time when things were already calm that I made a point to tell them that mommy is working hard to stop yelling and getting angry, etc and it's ok for them to stop me if they see me in a weak moment. etc. Yes, I can understand your angst in what you are preparing for and you are very strong and brave and much better off in facing those challenges. I I wish you as much success in your therapy sessions. We never know what 'success' will look like. Success may look ugly and violent at first. Yeah, many people just need to be touched in a nice, healthy, non sexual way, you know? It has many benefits on so many levels, even if the person is not experienced in emotional healing it can still help with your nervous responses that your body still holds in memory (and I wouldn't recommend deep tissue massage)....just the nice relaxing kind. Obviously the choice is yours but I am a licensed professional therapist so why I would even feel credible in suggesting such things.
Mister Hugz Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 OH MY! one thousand deep bows for you! When i read the first part of your reply i had a deep well of emotion emerge. It was just the thing i was missing from my mom. intimacy and vulnerability. Its just awesome to hear that you did it!!! Thank you, it really helps hearing that. I am actually looking forward to really dissolve the wall to my just anger. I'm going to need that passion to propel me to my goals in therapy the deep tissue massage can come later. But for now a nice healthy massage sounds amazing. I'm starting to get really excited for my first massage!!
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