Mason Brewer Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Hello to my fellow board members. I'd first like to say I've been a long-time FDR fan and donater. I discovered Stefan's show through similar movements like those of Ayn Rand or Adam Kokesh, and have listened to - at least - one thousand of his podcasts by this point in time. This show has changed my life, and the relationships in it, for the best. So to Stefan, as well as all of you for your role in the show: thank you. I've learned recently, through the use of unrelenting curiosity and maturity in my conversations and reflections, that my parents are nihilists. I won't get into the details of the situation I experienced right now, nor the complexity of my childhood (which caused in me a severe anxiety disorder and teenage drug use). However, I would like to explain how, after applying RTR and philosophy to my life and relationships, the information learned from their use causes everything to slide and click into place. What I mean is that, after a particular conversation with my father, and through days of introspection and note-taking after the fact, I learned that my parents are somewhat sociopathic nihilists. What it was that "clicked into place," so-to-speak, was the devastating realization that my anxiety disorder takes the form of my nihilistic fathers voice, which eats and has eaten through my thoughts and motivations throughout everyday of my entire life. This leads me to the rather depressing issue at hand: for the past few weeks, occasionally, I've been experiencing severe depressive states generally followed by serious considerations of suicide. The problem: I DON'T WANT TO DIE... as of now my eyes have teared up and I feel pressure in my sinuses. I've promised myself that I would never take such an action, but I feel so afraid that my future self won't be able to handle the stresses of life and be driven to do this; and I feel nothing short of pure terror. So, from the folks on here, I ask simply for connection. For people who care about life, philosphy, and the future to have serious conversations with, to know that I'm not alone in the world; there are so few I can consider myself close to. I'd like to talk about my experience with anxiety, with life stresses, with my parents, as well as share some RTR success stories. I'm also new to the board as far as posting goes, and new to forums in general, so I ask for empathy in that regard. Glad to join the group, Mason 2
Tyler Durden Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I DON'T WANT TO DIE... Great! Me neither. I'd like to talk about my experience with anxiety, with life stresses, with my parents, as well as share some RTR success stories. Go right ahead. I'd like to hear it, and I don't think I'm the only one.
surfingthoughts Posted September 16, 2014 Posted September 16, 2014 Go right ahead. I'd like to hear it, and I don't think I'm the only one. He is right, he is not the only one. Also Mason can I ask are you seeing a therapist on a regular basis? 1
MysterionMuffles Posted September 20, 2014 Posted September 20, 2014 Hey welcome Maosn. I'm really sorry for whatever was making you feel suicidal, but also glad for you conviction to continue on living. I don't know you personally or much about you, but I can sense you thirst for growth and knowledge and we need more people like you, not only on these forums, but in the world. Hope you enjoy your stay and gain a ton of value from parusing the boards and chatroom!
TheAuger Posted September 20, 2014 Posted September 20, 2014 Mason, welcome! Im sorry to read about your plight (DON'T DO IT!!!). If you're seriously considering suicide, then this board won't and can't help you! Please consider seeing a professional therapist immediately! http://m.therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php Its not that there aren't helpful/insightful/constructive people here, but the format is just too impersonal for the kind of connection/help that you're seeking.
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