Hello!

[Cioran]

Hello, My name for now is Cioran. I found this show one day surfing facebook and found a youtube video link to the "Mythology of the Working Mom." The Title sounded interesting to me and peaked my intrest, so I decided to listen. I am so glad I did, as that is pretty much how I start my day, with a daily dose of Freedomainradio. Listening to the show has brought several things to my attention and has helped me feel not alone and it is greatly appreciated.Thank you again,Cioran 

[hitbox]

Hello Cioran!

[MysterionMuffles]

nice! welcome to the boards Cioran, feel free to share what other faucets of knowledge you unlock from continuing to listen!

[Cioran]

Where should I post current life dilemmas or expierences I have had?

[Kevin Beal]

Listening to the show has brought several things to my attention and has helped me feel not alone and it is greatly appreciated.

Welcome!

 

Tell me more

[Cioran]

Welcome!

 

Tell me more

Things my parents did to me as a child. People around me and how they treated me. I removed them from my life and it's all the better for it. I've even confronted my parents, my mom seemed apologetic but it was more of, what does Stefan call it, a fake sorry? I can't remember what he calls it, I will need to look for the videos where he talks about it. My father was completely blank, he just didn't care, he was to busy watching TV. I've realized that a lot of the people I would accosiate with weren't very virtuious and I always had a problem with that but I just kind of accepted it because I didn't have anyone and I didn't want to be alone. But, it's only now that I realized, after the several videos and some of the books I was reading on this website, where I was already alone if those people were treating me that way. Talking trash to me when I asked them not to, getting upset when I brought up the questions of morality in their actions. They would manipulate me with emotions and threats of being alone because they knew I didn't want to be alone. I've just had a lot of problems. I've had romantic relationships where things seemed fine, then one day they just decide I am not good enough, they start treating me differently and it hurts and when I try to talk to them about it, how what they did made me feel. They just sorta got upset, didn't want to listen, wanted me to come back to them when I was happy. I've noticed a lot of people I meet are hedonistic, they feel the ultimate goal in life is happiness and achieving that at any cost is ok. Your friend is sad? He listened to you when you were sad, but you don't need to listen to him because it's not happy for you to do so, type thing. I am just very glad I found these videos and it has helped me see the things I already saw but didn't want to face and hearing Stefan talk and give encoruagement to others facing similar problems gave me courage to face my problems. Does that make any sense? Even though this transition is tough from cutting out so many people who were part of my daily life and who had been around for so long, they were familiar, comfortable to me. My normal wasn't normal and adjusting to this new normal is challengeing. Yes it is nicer, my quality of life has improved termendously but, I cared about these people, especially one person in particular, and having them out of my life just hurts, to remember how cruel they were to me at times when I was nothing but supportive of them.This call in particular reminded me of myself.http://youtu.be/i8MVokW5hJs?t=9m30s 

[Cioran]

I know in my previous post I mentioned that I do feel alone, and I do, but what I mean earlier on in my earlier posts is that I didn't feel alone as in the person having issues like my own and knowing that there are others who are suffering the same way I am brought comfort. Make sense?

[Kevin Beal]

I know in my previous post I mentioned that I do feel alone, and I do, but what I mean earlier on in my earlier posts is that I didn't feel alone as in the person having issues like my own and knowing that there are others who are suffering the same way I am brought comfort. Make sense?

Sure does.

 

I think the term you were looking for was Bullshit Non-Apology (BNAP).

 

Unfortunately, I know how tough it can be to make a big transition like that. And I'm very sorry that's even a decision you had to make. 

 

Speaking for myself, I absolutely needed therapy. In order to more objectively evaluate my family, recognize the roles I was made to play, learn how to relate to people without jumping into those roles, having someone to have healthy disagreements with, and somebody I could reciprocate with in the form of financial compensation.

 

Friends are great and I've made really awesome connections with people in this community. And I've grown a lot as a result, but in my opinion, it can't be a replacement for therapy. There really is no replacement for therapy besides a happy healthy connected childhood, and since we can't ever get that back, we've got to pay someone to focus completely on us while we slowly build ourselves up from first principles.

 

When you do something so radically against your programming and where the people who've influenced you most (your family) negate and minimize what you say, you're naturally going to experience a lot of self doubt. Having a space where you can feel totally free to explore the doubt, the excitement, the ambivalence, grief and anger, with a good therapist whose job it is is to help you achieve closure, more deeply connect with yourself and relax your defenses so you can see things as intimately as possible, is really important.

 

Are you in therapy?

[Bipedal Primate]

Hi and Welcome! I am new to the forum too :-)

 

I agree with Kevin, therapy is a wonderful way to process what has happened. Stefan's quote from a podcast I watched earlier today was very accurate. The gist of it was that, -- We can't solve our problems in solitude, we need to connect to another human to work through our struggles. We need to be heard and validated in order to move foward. .... ugh, I wish I could remember the quote word for word. This is why I usually take notes :-)

[Psychophant]

We can't solve our problems in solitude, we need to connect to another human to work through our struggles. We need to be heard and validated in order to move foward.

 

 

If other people are the problem than solitude is the answer. There is no "we" there is just me in my life who has set his cause on naught.

[Bipedal Primate]

If other people are the problem than solitude is the answer. There is no "we" there is just me in my life who has set his cause on naught.

We are all unique individuals, and what works for one person might not work for another. Recovery from trauma is not a linear process, so at times, solitude might be needed before moving forward again. I tried solving my problems in solitude and all that happened was an attempted suicide. I now know that I absolutely need peer support whilst on *my* road to recovery from childhood abuse and adult traumas. My only other point for you to consider is that when you have a whole bunch of people, coming from a positive place, telling you that therapy has helped, then you might want to consider they are right :-) May I ask, have you tried Therapy? Did you have a positive or negative experience? My first few therapists were psychopathic assholes. Unfortunately a lot of Narcissists love to go into psychotherapy to feed their lust for control. Sadly it took me a year to finally fInd an empathetic human being who actually cared, listened, and gave constructive criticism.Have you watched The Fiat Currency of the False Self:

Stef does an excellent job explaining why human to human connection is so important in the recovery process.

[Kevin Beal]

"We become real to ourselves through genuine connection with others"

[dafreshmaker]

Welcome Cioran,

 

Breaking ties with negative people and influences can be difficult. It's great that you are going though this. While it does feel lonely in the beginning, hold tight my friend. On this path, the people you begin to connect with as you grow will amaze you.