snark Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Hey guys. I’ve joined the forum a while back, but frankly haven’t had the balls to say hello until now. I’ve been listening to heavy doses FDR for about a year now. I was initially most shaken by how Stef would repeatedly (though never in vain) denormalize familial abuse. This was the catalyst that got me to reevaluate my childhood, call things by their proper name, and begin the arduous process of self work. I’ve always had an inclination towards psychological and philosophical thinking, except I spent most of my lifetime not actually thinking, but rather reacting emotionally to things and ideas in a primal, comfort-based way. I had no principles, no sense of virtue, and subjectivity was applied to everything. I’ve grown up with a severed sense of self, and have been clueless to the fact that my needs and preferences matter. Reconnecting with reason and evidence has been a much-needed slap in the face! Inevitably, most of my existing relationships are now suffering, as most of the people in my life have no particular interest in empirical truth. I end up coming off as a douchebag to them, which is both frustrating and painful, since I do not want to hurt them. Now I find myself isolated, with little support, and a pressing need for meaningful connections. My goal is to live my values, and I think building a healthy community is among the most important first steps. If anyone reading this feels like chatting, just send me a message! Otherwise, thank you for reading this and see you around the forums. 2
Kevin Beal Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Hi snark! Welcome to the boards I'm sorry about the lack of reality in the people around you, and the previously severed sense of self. I'm very glad that you've decided to post on the boards. I find that the more I connect with other people who are on the same journey as me, the more real it becomes and the more motivated and productive I can be. So kudos to you for pushing past the anxiety and posting! As you're finding out, it's not easy to live a philosophical life. It's important to have someone in your corner. For me, I found it incredibly valuable to find a good therapist. Someone to have my back and help me navigate the high seas, the ocean of the unconscious. Someone to take my inner life as seriously as I would like to take it. Especially in what was easily the biggest transition of my life. Have you considered therapy? Also, how did you find the show? What do you mean about always having an inclination toward philosophy and psychology? How's your self work going so far?
jpahmad Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 You've come to the right place snark. There is no shortage of truth seeking and emotional support here. I think you'll find the FDR forums to be a great addition to your life. jp
Maciej Bembnista Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Hi from Zurich! Welcome on the journey into the future! I'm very happy for you, you've decided to show yourself here, to show who you are. And I admire it- I'm here for three years and still "didn't have a balls" to do this, what I consider as a part of healing-process- to introduce myself, to open myself to the world, to have a such strenght of vulnerability, that you have shown. I see the same path of suffering in your post, that I went through. So (projection! ) I assume you won't give up, there is no way back... I think, you can do it better than me- you look for the real time connection. Please share your experience, don't be ashamed of your childhood combat scars, be proud of it! "Strike this match"! I'm definetly on your side, {> m. 1
snark Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 As you're finding out, it's not easy to live a philosophical life. It's important to have someone in your corner. For me, I found it incredibly valuable to find a good therapist. Someone to have my back and help me navigate the high seas, the ocean of the unconscious. Someone to take my inner life as seriously as I would like to take it. Especially in what was easily the biggest transition of my life. Have you considered therapy? Also, how did you find the show? What do you mean about always having an inclination toward philosophy and psychology? How's your self work going so far? Kevin, I definitely agree. I was instantly sucked into the show after my boyfriend had me watch the Handbook for Human Ownership. Then it was Origins of War and the BIB series that truly blew me away. I was hit with the clarity of the unprocessed childhood events I’ve spent a lifetime trying to normalize and avoid. And it’s been a domino effect from there. Once you see it, it cannot be unseen. I have tried one therapist so far, who only ended up teaching me what to avoid in a therapist, haha. But IFS is very intriguing from what I’ve been hearing, and I am planning on getting into it at some point very soon. By the ‘inclination’ comment I just meant that I’ve always had a curiosity to analyze how and why things worked. Growing up, I was often made to feel like I was “over-thinking things”, especially compared to how much superficial non-thinking went on around me. Listening to call-in shows and the way Stef reverse-engineers the callers’ actions, makes me a total kid in a candy store. It feels like my natural curiosity would be celebrated in this community, where it was something for me to control and be ashamed of in the past. What was your experience with your transition, if you don’t mind my asking? JP, Thanks for your kind words! M, Thank you! Definitely no going back from here, haha. Vulnerability is something so many of us have to shove aside to survive. It’s like a muscle, and not using it means it gets out of shape. Based on your photo, you also look older than me (I’m in my early 20s), so comparing us may be unfair. These changes probably would come easier to those like me, with less to lose. The longer you live with bad habits, the more cdifficult they are to change. I can only imagine the bravery it takes to face philosophy further down in life. I definitely admire what you're doing, too.
Kevin Beal Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Sorry to hear you had a bad experience with the therapist you saw. I lucked out on my first interview with one, but I know a lot of people who were not so lucky. What was your experience with your transition, if you don’t mind my asking? I don't mind at all. In fact, I love talking about myself It all hit me like a tidal wave after reading On Truth. The cynicism I had all my life was validated, finally. Someone was willing to tell the truth. It was incredibly painful for me. For me, it meant not seeing my family. That may change in the future, but when I came to them for help, I was told that I was selfish, opening up old wounds & hurting people, that I need to forgive & forget and a constant minimizing of things which were traumatic for me. My family mythology was much more important than I was to them. So I was to either acquiesce or get away from them. And I had compromised my values enough for one lifetime, so I got myself in therapy and took a break. Fortunately or unfortunately (I'm not sure) I was already incredibly isolated. I was unemployed, had no friends, drinking daily and using illicit drugs. And I knew everything needed to change, and that I was the only one who could make that happen. I may not have had a real relationship with another human being in my life up to that point, so it was incredibly awkward, confusing, embarrassing and made me feel very insecure. I came to face a great deal of self loathing and shame. Because someone was genuinely compassionate, I gradually became compassionate toward myself, was able to relax my defenses and discover whole dimensions of myself that I never knew were there. During that time, I became interested in my own dreams and kept a journal. I looked at other people in the community who seemed to have some credibility in this area, and other people loosely affiliated that I liked (Daniel Mackler) and I emulated them. So, I went to therapy more frequently, started analyzing my dreams, connected with other people on this same journey as me, got into parts work (like IFS) and I feel like I grow more and more every year at an accelerating pace. (I'm 4 years in from reading On Truth). I'm very proud of what I've been able to accomplish. Thank you for asking
snark Posted October 9, 2014 Author Posted October 9, 2014 Yes! On Truth left a strong impact on me as well. “Cynicism validated” is a good description. I found it interesting how familiar a lot of FDR content seemed to me, which was my confirmation that these are not “new ideas” but stuff I’ve known, and we all know, but have to suppress to survive in the land of the irrational. I have more to respond with, but I’ll just message you.
Spenc Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 Hi. Also new here from the GTA. I came across the Meetup Group on facebook also recently and they seem to have a core of very active users who gather on a regular basis. I am looking forward to engaging that community more and hopefully attending some of the meetings. You discussed being in a position where seeking out new relationships would be helpful to you, so perhaps that is one starting-off point worth considering, as it might be for me as well. And of course, feel free to message me.
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