Hello from Sweden

[Ian_Malmstrom]

Hello! Really glad to be here. I´ve been listening to the youtube videos for about a year and have played around with the thought of really getting into this community for the same amount of time, and a couple days ago manned up and made the decision to join the FDR forums and becoming a donator.

I´m Ian, I´m a 16 year old Male from Sweden, Stockholm.

 

Now to the intro:

I´ve always been really critical of authority with incidents tracing all the way back to kindergarten. I´ve sought truth and thus come to several conclutsions politically, Before finding FDR, i identified as a Sweden democrat (Nationalist party of sweden), Before that i liked the green environmentalist party.

My childhood (that i´d say really isnt over quite yet) has been problematic but not very disfunctional to me. My parents divorced when i was two years old, With a result of mixed custody with parent shifts by a weekly basis.

My mother soon met a new man who she married after two years of being together, He too was divorced with two children, so the family was quite hard to get together, with big problems with parental relationships, i never thought of my moms new husband as a father and vice versa for his children with relation to my mom. 

My Mother is a liberal christian with who generally has given me relatively much freedom during my childhood, this, however was not without the involvment of her autoritative husband, who used verbal abuse and sometimes got physical (Grabbing my arm very hard, carrying me away and slamming me down on a chair and once slapping me)

 

Me and my biological sister where quite harmed by this divorce and new family constellation, with my sister first having a romantic relationship with a sociopath for two years, resulting in her becoming an Anorectic. I was 14 at the time and i was introduced to this person and formed what i at the time would have called a friendship, but likely in reality was an exploitive "relationship".

 

I´ve for a long time, and especially after my time in contact with said sociopath, had a hard time getting motivation to do stuff, ranging from simple tasks to life itself, As a solution ive explored different subjects, with the most serious being psychedelics as a way to gain self knowlege. However, i abandoned that approach because it´s better to gain self knowledge from logic and objective morality, even though psychedelics have shown great results in working through childhood trauma.

Now that i write this i realize that i´ve been a relativist for a large part of my life, not fully percieving people as fully human and treating them as machines. At times i analyzed everyone surrounding me as machines, simply carryiong out tasks, with input and output only based on their childhood and life.

 

My journey on the road of self-knowledge has only begun and i don´t really know how to take the next steps of exploring my early childhood and applyong morality to individuals in my surroundings universaly.

 

Currently i´m Studying on a Far-left school in Stockholm, with an as homogeneous a composition of opinions as the NSDAP. I chose that school as i thought it would give me a better perspective of the statist and more specifically the left position as well as getting experience in arguing the socialist position. I don´t think it was a mistake, but i have only gone to the school for a couple months. so i dont know what problems might arise in the future.

 

This text got much longer than intended.. Well anyways, Kudos to you who read through all through; I look forward to getting to speaking to you  .

 

[Tresor]

Hi Ian!

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

Quite a story and I think it’s really impressive you’ve already so much self-knowledge at this young age.

 

How is the relationship going with your parents, since you started, watching the videos?

[apes2gogo]

Välkommen till gänget!

[Ian_Malmstrom]

The relationship between me and my mother is going well, i have helped her realize some of her problems related to her own childhood which i think has helped the situation at home quite a lot (these behaviours are mostly making things about her, saying "i did the best i could" or "what did i do wrong?". She simply assumes the victim-role as a manipulative trick).

I havent made many advances with my father, sadly. He has many emotional defence mechanisms related to his childhood, so i never get far in discussions before him becoming defensive.

 

I have just made a commitment to self knowledge though, just started journaling and taking notes of my dreams for later analysis, but i really want to did deep in my childhood since i dont remember much from before i was 6-7.

 

I´d really apreciate advice on self-knowledge and ways of working on it withot a therapist, since i dont really have anyone close to me capable of discussing these things.