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Book recommendations on peaceful parenting, raising children, etc.


CaseyC

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Hey all!

 

Recently there's been a lot of talking about parenting and children on the call in shows. (Yay!) This has brought up some really great conversation for me lately, but I'm hungry for more information. It could be my biological clock silently screaming for me to have children, afterall I'm 24 years old and a woman... I rather be prepared and learn now and continue learning, because in the next 10 years I plan on having a child.

 

What books on parenting would you all recommend? Whether it's a good pre natal nutrition book or what to expect... And of course peaceful parenting. I'm just really curious as to what is out there.

 

Thank you all for your input!

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Hey Casey,

 

It is great to see others taking the path to learning about raising children, before actually getting to it. I had not wanted kids during 20's, and came to the realization it would be a very rewarding part of life and better begin learning.

 

Who has been initiating the conversations of children?

 

Here are a some vids , not books. May want to look up parenting podcasts .

 

Truth about circumcision

 

Truth about breastfeeding:

 

The business of being born:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvljyvU_ZGE

 

How children develop:

 

Avoid raising spoiled kids and the importance of allowance:

 

The perils of common core::

 

Untold truth about education:

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Hi Casey!

 

I think Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller is an excellent book to read in this regard.

 

It's about the ways in which we will inevitably put our children in unhealthy supportive roles when we haven't processed our own childhoods. An example being that because my mother had a crazy hypochondriac for a mother herself, and she didn't process this, when I was an infant and toddler and I became upset, she became triggered and went emotionally cold (and probably worse at times). She saw her own mother in me. Her mother was a narcissist who made everything about her, and I was a baby not even really aware of other people's needs.

 

We internalize the behavior of our caregivers even that early on, and especially that early on since we barely know that we are separate individuals. I learned that when I'm upset I need to go cold myself and retreat within my own mind, to spare my mother the discomfort of my pain. And this continued until I was in my twenties in ways which were ultimately unhealthy and against my own interests, even. (And it probably does still happen in ways I'm unconscious of).

 

I haven't had kids, but I think that one of the most fundamental ways that we can become good parents is to really process our own childhoods as much as humanly possible. (On Truth and Real-Time Relationships by Stef are also good here).

 

As far as actual practical tips, what to expect, that sort of thing, then I'm largely ignorant. Roslyn Ross seems to have a really insightful and unique peaceful parenting message. I don't know if she has any books, though...

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Alfie Kohn's book: Unconditional Parenting: Moving from rewards and punishments to love and reason. This one gives the research about different parenting practises. My review is here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/363506958?book_show_action=false

 

Dr. Laura Markham:Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. How to stop yelling and start connecting. Just finished this one. It's excellent and does what Kohn's book neglects: to give practical examples of how to implement the principles. Aha Parenting blog here: http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools

 

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka: Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic. This book helped me years ago when i had my first child. While she talks about children who are more intense, difficult, moody etc. than normal children, the suggestions she has (like prempting tantrums by leaving an event before the child is overwhelmed, like telling your child he will have to change activities before the last minute so he has time to adjust) also work with 'normal' children.

 

Lawrence Cohen: Playful Parenting Cohen tells parents that children need connection and time to play with a parent to keep their needs 'cup' filled. Play leads to connection to our child and to conversations. Play is also a way for children to work thru some issues they struggle with. He tells parents how to use play time to help the child work thru issues they have noticed including: sibliing rivalry, social skills and insecurities.

 

Kabat-Zinn Myla & Jon Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. My review here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/453126204

 

If you want to start off different than most here's one about infant elimination- Ingrid Bauer: Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene. Interesting to read, and i had some positive experiences with this. If you are patient and not stressed out it can save a lot of potty problems later on, as kids never lose their elimination control centre. I didn't start right away, and it helps if you have a toilet/ potty on the same floor as you usually are so you don't have to keep running up and down the stairs. At a year old my daughter told me in no uncertain terms that she'd rather go pee in her diaper than have to stop playing every hour or so.( By having a warm wet diaper just as we got upstairs, but i still took her to go poop and she was ok with that. When we finally did underwear under the diaper she was very quick. Rarely had a wet bed after she was potty trained. She also can hold her pee for a very long time. It didn't work perfectly well as we weren't the ones who went without a diaper by a year but it did connect us and saved a lot of exploding diapers!

 

David Elkind: The Hurried Child, Miseducation: Preschoolers at Risk, etc.

 

NB. Don't go buy all these books right off. Check your library and if it doesn't have them ask for an interlibrary loan. The library will then get the book for you -usu. for free-.

 

Happy reading!

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Roslyn Ross has is a nice list of reading recommendations on her blog:

http://roslynross.blogspot.se/p/reading-recommendations.html

 

Her list is sorted by:

  • If you are expecting
  • If you have a baby
  • If you have a toddler
  • If you have a child (3-12)
  • If you have a teenager (13-18)
  • If you have an adult child

 

She is an objectivist/peaceful parent and has some really interesting articles on her blog.

Here is a lecture of her´s which is well worth watching:

 

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  • 1 year later...

Regarding nutrition I would recommend the better baby book - https://www.amazon.com/Better-Baby-Book-Healthier-Smarter/dp/1118137132/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1465574690&sr=8-1&keywords=better+baby+book

 

The biggest complaint is it's so extreme, but like anything else it's dose dependent, so if you're unable to follow everything and just a portion you will still be way ahead of most people. Unfortunately doctors know very little and recommend even less on nutrition, if you're taking a prenatal and going for a walk every now and then they're happy. This really helps bridge that gap (P.S., Use a midwife, not a doctor).

 

Regarding parenting, I've found this book insightful - https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1465574805&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+talk+to+kids+so+they+will+listen

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  • 1 month later...

"Breaking Free" by Nathaniel Branden. It's an excellent primer in parenting, and also self-knowledge which in turn helps in parenting.


Roslyn Ross seems to have a really insightful and unique peaceful parenting message. I don't know if she has any books, though...

 

Happily, she does, "A Theory of Objectivist Parenting". :)

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