Looking to become part of the community!

[coffeebean81387]

Hello everyone,

 

I've been watching Stefan for a couple years now I think and never really used the message board. I feel most alive when I use that mushy processor between my ears and sometimes I find it difficult to find like minded individuals. So I'm hoping I can fix that here!

 

My name is John.  I'm a 28 y/o man from West Michigan in the U.S. and I work in manufacturing as a Cut and Etch (Macro Etch) Technician. I've been divorced for about 3 years now and am the full time parent of two kids (their mother only sees them a few times a year).

 

I enjoy science and learning about the world around us and also the inner workings of the human mind.  I enjoy logic and because of that can become really frustrated with the world around me.  

 

I'm an atheist and sometimes I wish I wasn't.  Sometimes when I think about the possibility of no consciousness after death it chills me to the core. The thought of not existing to me is truly terrifying.

 

I love learning and crave knowledge. 

 

Most recently I've pondered the concept of "fair."  My daughter came home from school telling me about how one of her classmates had something she didn't and that it wasn't fair and that really got me thinking. I've concluded that fair is a terrible concept because it's not based in reality. The reality is that one person's concept of fair is completely different from another person's. I then thought of something my 11 year old cousin said while we were camping, "you get what you get and don't throw a fit."  Then I put the two together and decided we shouldn't strive for a world that is fair because that is unobtainable. Instead, we take what we have available to us in life and make the most out of it that we possibly can.  

 

I remember my first time looking at myself and truly questioning if I was living in a responsible manner. In middle school (6th or 7th grade I think?) I remember sitting in math class as the teacher went over test scores and told the class the highest scores (not who had them of course) and when she said mine I remember being so filled with pride I exclaimed that it was mine she had just read.  I remember the look on my classmates faces and couldn't understand why they looked so sad so I spent that night thinking about how I had interacted with them and decided that maybe I should put some of that effort to good use and help my classmates get their scores to where they can feel good about them too.  

 

The next time that really stands out in my memory is my sophomore year in high school in my German class.  I can't remember what brought this particular way of thinking on but I remember thinking that being happy for my own achievements wasn't really fulfilling so I made a conscience effort to come in the next day and start showing others praise and appreciation for the fruits of their own labor.  

 

The most recent time I had one of these moments is after my divorce I remember yelling at my kids for something and giving them spankings. Something just didn't feel right about it. Spanking was never a daily thing in the house but part of me knew that it was wrong.  It didn't stop there unfortunately, I was lost and dealing with plenty from the divorce but it was on my mind all the time. Shortly after that my friend had sent me one of Stefan's videos on the economy so I decided to see what else he had and discovered his peaceful parenting message.  It really helped give me some direction with raising my kids and I'm thankful for that.  I know I'm not 100% there yet and catch myself using some bad habits but I know I've grown a lot from where I was.  

 

I guess it's just really important to keep growing as a person and I'm hoping that I can help my kids learn some things the easy way so they don't have to do it the hard way like me.

 

Sorry if that was a little long winded lol. I'd love to hear stories from other members too. I find learning how others have grown fascinating as well.

[MiraiRonin]

Massive kudos on moving in the direction of peaceful parenting; it's a ton of work on top of everything else you have to deal with, but you will reap dividends of a thousand percent in your children's relationship with you.

[A4E]

Great and very positive post.

 

This forum is like what heaven is supposed to be. Getting to meet all the good people.

[coffeebean81387]

I'm certain my children will benefit from the changes I've made and I certainly hope to meet all the good people A4E!

[Stephen Jennings]

Hi John

 

I'm agnostic and too torture myself about not knowing what happens next, the not even knowing their is nothingness, the total absence of consciousness.  

I started about 28, i'm 34 now and sometimes have panic attacks at the mere idea.

The kids growing so fast doesn't help either, it goes so fast.

 

I suppose it is the cross we bare for knowing we have to make this life count.

 

Anyway welcome John.

[coffeebean81387]

Exactly, it's a scary feeling. Thanks for the welcome!

[J. D. Stembal]

Welcome to the forum, John. I hope that you will be willing to provide parental insights in the peaceful parenting section. You are in a unique position as a single full-time father to share your wisdom. Many men, including myself, are either single or childless around here, or so it seems.

Personally, I find atheism to be extremely liberating. I know that I have to do the best with the time I have left alive, and my actions are my own and not inspired by any higher power external to me. All of my contributions in life come from within.

[Stephen Jennings]

You're  mate.