Hello!

[twinklingwinter]

Hi, I'm from Argentina and I'm 20 years old. I first heard of Stefan when I stumbled upon his District 9 review (I like to watch reviews of the movies I just watched, to see what people think). His review blew me away. It focused on aspects that other reviewers didn't even scratch, and he seemed to be talking about something more important than what's normally reviewed in films: something more important than the movie itself. At the same time, everything that he talked about fit, it made sense and it was absolutely clear. I thought: "This can't be just another film critic on Youtube". And so I took a peek at his channel. Next thing I know, I was being bombarded with ideas about philosophy and anarchy in a way I haven't experienced before. Everything was so clear and beautifully simple. There was no shouting, no confirmation bias, no sophistry, no "My team (political party, plan of action, ideology, etc.) vs your team"-type arguments. It was just an amazingly intelligent and well-spoken man trying to get to the truth.

 

I was not used to this, especially when it comes to matters about the State. I had been trying to avoid politic debates or TV programs for as long as I can remember because I thought it was a fool's errand. It didn't matter what politician you support: You wouldn't change your opponent's mind, the debate will escalate, people will shout and generally, you'll just have a bad time. At the end of it, politicians will still lie, your vote will barely count, and no matter what, they'll still be in power. In my mind, that's what debates were, and I didn't want anything to do with them. And to a certain degree, I was right. That's how most people do it, and personally, that's how I've seen them ALL do it.

 

Stefan provided me with the words and logic of what I was feeling about this, much like how John Galt identified the moral values of the top industrialists and producers of the US, and how he convinced them, in Atlas Shrugged. I wasn't an anarchist. I didn't identify myself with any particular political idea, either. I just wanted to be away from all that as far as possible. At first, I thought I avoided it because I thought it was boring. Now I know why: It shows how insane people are, and how far they're willing to go to avoid the truth. It IS boring, I was right about that, but what is boring about it isn't the topic about the State itself, but how people choose to "approach" it; which is just a smokescreen of distractions. People approach these topics as they would approach a "debate" about football: "I invested a lot of time on team X/My parents indoctrinated me into cheering for team X, so X is better than your team Y, because A, B and C". The morality of the situation is never mentioned. The nature of the system itself is never touched on. The right for the people in power to enforce the policies they enforce is never discussed. It's all aesthetics to them. It's all a matter of "winning".

 

I a way, I regret having heard of Stefan. It made me realize how insane people are, how rare it is to find an honest, self-knowledgeable person, and how incredibly alone I am, and been, all my life.

 

</rambling> (Sorry about that)

 

I was raised along with my brother, which is 9 years older than me. My parents divorced when I was about 10. I wasn't abused or anything (ACE score: 2), but I feel like I didn't have a good childhood. I never had a strong connection with any members of my family. My dad was rarely even there, we're basically strangers. My mom always took care of me in the basic sense, but we never had meaningful conversations, or a strong bond. Honestly, if I feel something for her, it would be contempt. I tried to have a conversation with her about anarchy a few weeks ago. She ended up screaming at me, which is something she usually does. Extended family is even worse. Going to visit them for birthdays or Christmas is a torture for me (except for my mom's brother's family, which is nice). I remember being in my aunt's home for my grandpa's birthday last week. She asked me who I was going to vote (we had presidential elections last Sunday), and when I answered that I don't vote because I don't approve of the system, she immediately dismissed me and said to the air "Someone has to teach this boy...". Then they carried on with their worthless debate.

 

I'm living with my mom, at the moment. I quit my job 4 months ago. I was a SAP programmer. I've been there for almost a year. I quit so that I could have time to build my portfolio as a game developer, because I want a job in the game industry. But now I realize that time wasn't what I needed. In these last 4 months, I rarely did any work. I'm having extreme procrastination problems, and I fear that if I don't solve them soon, I won't have a good, happy life, especially considering my ambitions. This has become a pattern. First, it happened with university. I left it last year. Gradually, I started to lose motivation until there was none. I left it at year 2. At the time, I thought it was because the career really wasn't pointing to what I wanted to do, but now I realize that that's not the case. The same thing happened with my job 4 months ago, and now it's happening with my personal projects (games). This may have started way before university, now that I think of it. I also don’t have any friends. Anyway, that's what I'm mostly struggling with right now. I've been doing therapy, but that hasn't helped. I ditched the last 2 therapists because they were terrible. I'm currently looking for another one. Basically, what I've been doing these past few months is this: Wasting time on the Internet or playing games, oversleeping, jogging in the park (not frequently. It's hard because of my fucked up sleep schedule), and that's pretty much it. I try to look for a job, but I didn't invest that much time in it. And I rarely work on my games, lately. My goal right now is to get a job so that I can finally move out and get away from my mom, but that's proving to be difficult because of my depression. I'm beginning to suspect that employers can see the depression in me when they interview me. Something needs to change or else I’ll go insane.

 

Well, I think that's enough introduction... I hope someone takes the time to read this. Thank you so much if you do. I apologize for my English in advance (We speak Spanish here ).

 

Thank you, and I'm glad to be part of this community!

[luxfelix]

Welcome twinklingwinter! 

 

P.S. I can certainly relate to wanting to distance myself from politics, and then realizing the insanity inherent in society...

 

P.P.S. I develop audio for games and after reading your post I am curious about what other things you're doing to pursue a game development career?

[twinklingwinter]

Welcome twinklingwinter! 

 

P.S. I can certainly relate to wanting to distance myself from politics, and then realizing the insanity inherent in society...

 

P.P.S. I develop audio for games and after reading your post I am curious about what other things you're doing to pursue a game development career?

 

That's great! Maybe I could hire you for one of my games in the future . I'm trying to get some mobile games out so that I can build a portfolio and get hired. I'm interested in the programming and the game design aspects of game development.