Life Transition - I'm ready, do you agree?

[D.D.]

I thought I’d introduce myself by explaining, in short, my current life transition and how I am handling it.

 

Starting on April 20, 2016, I started re-evaluating what I could do to turn my unhappy life around and what roadblocks were preventing me from doing so.

 

I suffered night sweats for approximately 3 nights. I was training an employee who had a different personality than mine, in fact, the company I work for is filled with emotionally stunted, irrational, conformist employees guided by the same authorities who have no problem harassing and threatening their employees. The Union are ineffective at resolving the root-cause, they wouldn’t have a job if they did.

 

I was also in a relationship that, now with 20/20 vision, was started on a shaky foundation and I didn’t help by kicking (not literally, of course) at some of the blocks. I have my share in that failure but boy oh boy do I have better insight of the issues I need to work on with a therapist. FDR has helped me take that step into psychology, thanks.

 

Solution: We ended the relationship on April 29^th. As for work, I need to resign.

 

What’s next? Well, I’m 34 years old, no debt, and I’ve been frugal my whole life; I have savings. It’s time to invest in me.

 

I have an invention I’ve singled out that I’ve been working on since Aug 6^th, 2015, it’s coming along very slowly due to the above issues. I believe I have the required knowledge and / or experience, the capital, and soon the free time and relaxed environment to develop, manufacture, and distribute it to the world. I’m aware there will be many challenges ahead but I think this goal is realistically within my grasp, especially compared to my abilities ~10 years ago when I had the original idea. Really, I’m holding back my excitement here.

 

I’ll also start seeing a psychotherapist, increase journal and dream journal entries (I like interpreting these crazy guys), and chatting it up with you guys here at FDR.

P.S. I’m into studying visual culture and if it strikes me, with more free time, I may analyze movies and put it out on the internet.

 

Right now, I’m letting these decisions soak in. I also want to finish my business plan and finances for at least the next year; remember, I’m frugal.

 

I’m scared, anxious, fearful, sad, tired, my brain hurts, angry, furious, happy, excited, and ….did I forget anything? It’s taken a bit to figure out why I feel this way and why I’ve felt like this in the past as well. Simply put, I’m not living the life I need to live. For me, an inventor (I’m not quite comfortable with that word, I don’t want to be pompous), producing other people’s creations pisses me off. I’m sick and tired of being suppressed or suppressing myself.

 

Let me know where you want more details. Later.

[EclecticIdealist]

If you don't like the term "inventor", how about the term "Creative Engineer"?

[D.D.]

 

If you don't like the term "inventor", how about the term "Creative Engineer"?

 

I should have been clearer, it's not the word but the implication behind it.  I don't hold a patent, yet.

I also think I don't like the term because other people have formulated an opinion about my level of knowledge and elevate me to a higher level than I may deserve; this elevation also becomes an expectation from me which can result in humiliation for me when I inevitably make silly decisions.

 

I never heard of "Creative Engineer" before but it is closer to what I have done for past employers, but I'm no Engineer, again it creates an expectation from me.

[Carl Green]

The informal term for a non profiting inventor would be tinkerer or 'aspiring inventor', if you've got time for all those syllables. If/When you start generating income from an invention, calling yourself "an inventor" will feel fine.

 

Welcome to this side of that liquid-y mirror that you go through right after the red pill. Glad to see you made it through

[D.D.]

Update - Aug 6, 2016

 

Overall, everything is going fantastically!

 

I definitely went through a difficult patch where I wasn't sleeping or eating consistently.  A lot of this was due to where I was working and my then girlfriend.  Neither of these exist in my life today and I'm very glad about that.  I have been going to therapy which has helped shed some more light on why I was in those unhealthy situations.  Sometimes this information makes me feel like a fool but I was raised by fools, to say the least, so it's not that surprising that I'm prone to act like them without consciously being aware of it - I'm reducing that day-by-day.

 

As for my project, I've shelved the original idea so I don't risk being dragged to court by the patent holder and/or licensee until that patent expires - this will also give me time to build experience to hit that market segment hard when I'm ready.  I've learned how threatening the patent system is.  I understand wanting to monopolize on an idea but I don't think using the power of the state is an appropriate method, instead I think the power of the free-market should be supported by allowing others to improve upon the idea which will allow me to improve upon their idea and so on, creating an elevating mechanism.  Anyway, perhaps that should be a separate discussion.

 

So I've morphed the original idea into a simpler and different one, which I didn't expect, and even then it's developing into a more robust product line and unique, if I may add.  Of course, I'll have my fingers on the pulse of the market for feedback but I do have a degree of confidence in the acceptance of the product line because it's not like I live in another dimension, outside of culture.

 

I've been surprised by my ability to find solutions to problems.  Whenever I feel anxious towards this project, I take a moment to explore what it is that is making me feel that way.  This has been helpful in keeping me focused on a realistic path, strengthen my confidence in the path I'm taking, and even constructing a creative environment - it's frustrating renting an apartment but it's the best place for now, especially considering the summer heat.

 

I'm really enjoying working on my project which just keeps triggering new future ideas

I'm excited to see where this one will go, even if it doesn't work out like I want it too, it won't be the end.

[D.D.]

Update - May 22, 2017

My 1 year allowed time is up at the end of this month.  Looking back, it's been a rewarding year.  I've created my first product and I even went further and formed a company so that the world could purchase it and give me feedback.  It was also important to me to share my product with the world since I've had negative past experiences doing this which contributes to my social anxiety.  I won't share the company name or the product here because I don't want to leave myself open to misconduct from others who don't agree with what I post here - sorry to be a tease.

The roadblock now is marketing.  Along with that, the one product I have is a little naked without others.  I'll need to create them to help complete the unique theme.  Unfortunately, I've simply run out of time to do this full time.  Originally, I wanted to create a product that turned out to be covered by a patent - to which I will not support by pursuing a license with the patent owner.  Damn principles!  The good news is that I know when it expires and I have all this experience from the past year to use in preparation for the expiration date. 

My time spent on self-knowledge has been helpful.  A lot of anxiety consumed me while working on my product.  At the time, I felt like my progress on the product was slow.  Looking back now, I can understand how anxious I was, and still am to a lesser degree, to expose a part of myself to the world - to be vulnerable.  For me, my product ideas are precious and I've experienced and seen how the world can respond negatively.

At the time, I also thought I was taking on too much; 2 big things - Self-knowledge and developing a product / company.  As it turned out, developing the product / company was necessary to expose my lack of self-knowledge and a way to exercise CBT techniques.  Through this and the expiration date arriving, I've researched a different career that is more compatible with my personality than some of my previous (not referencing the past year) work experiences.

My goal for the next year (plus training period) is to master the new career so that I can:

• be the "go to guy" since that's part of my personality
• fully recognize what specific path I want to focus on - specialize in
• maximize earnings potential to build up savings - it took a hit this last year
• identify where and when to put some god damn roots down - I'm tired of renting
• identify entrepreneurship potential in this career
• establish experience to be leveraged against my pursuit for the gravy jobs

Self-knowledge and product development will still be there but not the only focus.  Anyway, that's a quick snapshot of the past year.

[Jake Danczyk]

D.D.,

Enjoyed reading the thread and getting to 'fast forward' through the last year of your life. I relate to a lot of it - the end of your romantic relationship being a catalyst for self-transformation, the fight to develop entrepreneurial skills. Best of luck with the next step(s).