Hello from Israel

[asaf92]

(Keeping the titles going)

 

My name's Asaf, I'm a 24 year old computer science student from Israel and I work in IT. I was also the first caller in #3448 (http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/3448/selling-yourself-when-nobody-is-buying-call-in-show-october-7th-2016).

 

I found FDR about 18 months ago. I was already an atheist, but I had leftist & liberal views. I was also somewhat of a PUA not seeking to build a family and only interested in sexual relationships.

This experience has been the most significant life changing thing for me my entire life. I completely changed the way I view relationships and politics. 

 

It's not always easy. It gets lonelier when you climb up the pyramid of knowledge. I would never take the blue pill or give any of this knowledge back, but I have to admit that I fell into depression and decided to go to therapy (also a decision I would have never took if it wasn't for FDR).  

When I discovered IQ I felt a bit relieved to know that I have this quality in me, but also felt like I've wasted my life because I learned programming when I was about 11 and I ditched it in favor of other childish stuff in order to be more in line with people that I don't really love. When you learn about how to look for quality in women you're glad that you avoided so many bad relationships but you're also sad to know how many few good women are out there.

When you hear all these honest conversations about relationships, you're glad that you get to learn a lot but you also feel shit about the fact that conversations in your own life are not like that.

 

And that's why I'm here. I would love to associate with like minded people from this forum. I'd be happy to see a comment on this thread, a PM, a Skype conversation or even a meetup if you're from Israel or visiting. I'd be happy to talk with anyone who's interested in FDR (especially the more personal side of it).

[regevdl]

Hi Asaf, I'm Dana and I am an American living in Israel. I live in the South where it's calm and quiet.    Helps me get my thoughts organized. I've been following FDR for a few years now...3 or 4.  

 

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat. 

[Luisa]

Hi Asaf. I am also new to the forums. I found your call into the show very useful, as I am also experiencing a very similar situation. It is quite the conundrum we face by living in a society whose principles deviate so far from our own. I am at a point where I am willing to walk away from the majority of friends and family as I have to compromise so much of myself in my interactions with them. At the same time I take full ownership of this situation, because if I am honest with myself I can admit that these relationships were formed under the basis of convenience and status.

 

It is great that you are living so deliberately at such a young age, as you have so much time to design your lifestyle on your own terms. I guess the question is, can you be a reformed PUA?   

[asaf92]

Hi Asaf. I am also new to the forums. I found your call into the show very useful, as I am also experiencing a very similar situation. It is quite the conundrum we face by living in a society whose principles deviate so far from our own. I am at a point where I am willing to walk away from the majority of friends and family as I have to compromise so much of myself in my interactions with them. At the same time I take full ownership of this situation, because if I am honest with myself I can admit that these relationships were formed under the basis of convenience and status.

 

It is great that you are living so deliberately at such a young age, as you have so much time to design your lifestyle on your own terms. I guess the question is, can you be a reformed PUA? 

 

Hi Louise, glad you enjoyed the call!

 

PUA is just where young confused men go to when they have no better idea of sexuality and relationships (both of my older brothers are unmarried and I'm not gonna be an uncle).

For a lack of a better podcast to listen to for advice about relationships, I've listened to a certain group that was actually a lot more about motivation, confidence, entrepreneurship in general etc'... It was also an activity I did with a friend as sort of a "training" to help us cope with out fear of approach and confidence around women. When you close the video game and leave your room to a bar and start talking to women and see that they actually respond positively to you, it does help to jump-start your confidence. I'm now completely "converted" though. It was these 7 minutes that completely changed my mindset around women.

 

I moved away from many people in my life way before I even heard of FDR. I haven't talked to my older brother for 5 years. In my experience, relationships that are not based on love but rather on fear or inertia can be a black hole for energy and motivation. 

 

Do you think you would have designed your life differently if you were exposed to the knowledge you have now 5 years ago?

[Luisa]

Hi Asaf - We have interesting similarities in our lives. I have older sisters, and although one is twice married, it looks unlikely that both will ever be parents. When I was an impressionable teenager, my sisters and I would like nothing better than to watch Sex And The City (do you know it?) together, one of the very few activities we would do together (pretty sad I know). As I saw my older sisters live out their lives with almost complete absorption of the values and ideals presented in the show, the cracks and gradual soul-rot of the resulting life trajectories served a big enough warning. They had all the trappings that status can bring, one even moved to New York from the southern hemisphere, but as the wrinkles set in, discontentment grew and neurotic behaviours increased, the illusion of glamour was shattered. These women had somehow been conditioned to live an eternal adolescence, sacrificing such things as self-realisation, financial independence and even having one's own offspring and continuing the family line. 

 

So while my sisters were the primary cultural influences in my early life, I instinctively knew I didn't want to play this game. However, my self-esteem was very low, so I internalised a lot and believed there was something very wrong with me for not pulling-off a highfalutin lifestyle. I retreated a lot, spent a lot of time alone, played a lot of RPGs... so even though I'm grateful that I didn't necessarily risk a lot, I believe I wasted a lot of time. I would have preferred to have children a little younger (when I was your age I thought I didn't want children). I probably would have worked more hours and saved more. I also would have been a lot pickier with my friends, not spending as many nights as I did with people I only found tolerable with a steady dose of alcohol... like when I got married, we eloped because we are very much lone wolves in this world. But I still feel very fortunate where I am now.

 

What wounds me the most was that I played a part in the madness. The fact that I bought into the lies, even if for just one day, makes me feel quite gross. Listening to Stefan has vindicated my struggles and helped me to really focus on my goals. Do you think you'll do things much differently now after your call into the show? It would be great to hear on your progress.

 

Do you think you would have designed your life differently if you were exposed to the knowledge you have now 5 years ago?

[asaf92]

I can really connect to your story. Disconnecting from my oldest brother was really a no brainer (and actually supported by the rest of my family), but that left a lot of space for me to think that the other brother should be a role model and he's kind of like your sister that left to New-York. He has been a DJ for most of his life, lives in "the big city" Tel-Aviv (which is the Israeli version of New-York, a lot of short sighted 20-35 year old people who pay a lot for night clubs, rent. coffee houses and cry about the price of living and capitalism) and chooses not to have kids because "it's not like the world will be hurt if people will have less kids or something".

 

If by RPG you mean video games of that category, than I actually played a lot of RPG when I was young. I'd spend most of my time on the computer actually.

 

I'm happy to see that your answer includes a lot of stuff that I've done over the past year and a half. I became a lot more picky when it comes to friends,also removing a lot of my social circles that had a bad influence on me. I changed my mind over whether or not I want kids. I don't completely avoid alcohol, but I barely drink and I definitely don't have these relationships where it's all about the alcohol and you can't have a meaningful conversation ever. 

 

Do you think you'll do things much differently now after your call into the show? It would be great to hear on your progress.
 

 

Yes, I took the advice of meeting more real people to heart. Over the last year I spent too much time in the library of the university and haven't had a lot of socializing except for some awful people I met through Facebook. Now I work in IT so I'm surrounded by more high quality people, so I try to spend more time on meeting them and less on Facebook.

 

I also take to heart the part about leadership. I want to use my skills to bring these ideas to my country. Israel is a very high IQ country and I can see the potential, but I'm having those mental blocks every time I open the video editor. I'll probably do it someday, but I have more important issues to bring to my therapy sessions and I think it can wait to a better life situation so I can actually do a complete and not half-assed job at it.