BrianBrian

This song helps me connect to the lonliness of my childhood. I imagine pulling my child self out from beneath the wreckage of shattered adults and lift the fuck out of some weights with teary eyes while this song cries to the loss.

Stabbings as a way to promote yourself on an NAP board?

If she was offering to do all those things for you prior to the email, the email was not the first clue.

That's a great point. The information about me being in harms way is fairly new to me and I had not made that connection. It was also more than harm, he said he planned to kill her but my dad said no. And no there wasn't anyone around the playground, my dad was neglecting me and spending time with his girlfriend up in her apartmentShe took me to a YMCA a couple states away. She eventually moved to the town where her parents lived, and at some point my dad, through court order, drove to get me and took me away when I was 9-18 months old for a one or two day visitation, but I cried the whole 8 hour drive to his house, all night, and then the whole 8 hour drive back to my mom. I didn't assign any measure of appropriateness to this, it is just evidence that he showed relative restraint with a child in a volatile circumstance, supporting that he contained his violence toward romantic partners or peers.

Both my dad and my uncle were physically abusive to romantic women in their lives. My Uncle and father never physically abused children, but they did have fits of rage around children which is of course very traumatic. I never saw my Uncle have one of these fits but I did witness my dad have several over the course of my summer visitations. When I was 8 years old I was once picked upside down and dropped on my head by a 14 year old at at a playground in an apartment complex and my dad picked the kid up and held him against a wall screaming at him, but he never hit him. My Uncle did not tolerate child abusers and was known for being violent or persuasive toward child abusers, compelling them to stop, but he would not draw the line with the women in his life.My mom knew my dad was violent prior to marrying him when she was 21/22, they had gone to high school together from the age of 14 and dated from 16/17 on, with breakups in between due to the violence. Her parents did not dissuade her from marrying him and did not support her during the abuse. My mom finally left when my dad started throwing things when I was 6 months old in fear that something would hit me, so though he never hit a child directly he did put children in direct danger.*Also, I have been told that my Uncle has been verbally wretched to his sons once they were teenagers and up.

This is the letter he shared with me, which he wrote to explain to his family and community why he would not be attending his fathers' funeral. The abuse was never talked about throughout my life unless I asked my Uncle directly. My Uncle was the only family member I had who supported my atheism or talked to me with curiosity and respect. On my dad's side he was the only adult who played with me, on the rare occasions he was home from the river, that is. The things my uncle did to me that were abusive were dominant "games" like squash the bug where I would be trapped against my will. He eventually heeded my protests and stopped, and telling me when I was 16 about the violent intentions he had toward my mother when she ran away with me when I was 6 months old.Here is his letter: "I am sitting here coming across the Mississippi sound with the window open, listening to the water wind and engines, thinking, I can not understand why he hated me so bad when i was young, I can remember no good words from him except for a few years when I was in my forties, none. I recall having three toys I cared for and vividly remember him destroying them, two times for infractions I did not comitt. I also remember beatings that went with the same infractions, he belittled me for being uncoridinated , but never, not once did he compliment my physical power. I worked the horses mad did most of the chores, rairly was it good enough, never one time did he say any thing good about accomplishments, my extra coricular activities where told to me to be a way to get out of work, on Saturdays and Sundays while I worked , as young as 8 or 9, he was very seldome with me, he went to auctions and coffee shops, usually came home and bitched, belittled or beat me for not getting enough done, until mom would pick a fight with him to distract him from me, I am sure the tasks I did not get done to suite him had little to do with his anger I am sure of this now, I don't think I have ever wanted to be sure, I am though. This all continued till Bampy started coming to get me in 1969 and taking me to ____ , I was not allowed to leave till barn was cleaned and hog feeders filled, I was always greeted with belittlement and or a beating, until I finally beat him in May of 1971 I was 14, mom asked me not to kill him, I was taken to Ma and Bampies to live that night, the last time he tried me was at my house in Tennessee , he got mad because my celler had flooded, I had just worked a double shift at ______, I came out of cellar, it was cold, he had been ranting, and jumped me as I came out with a pipe wrench, ______ watched and the nieghbor ______ asked me not to kill him. I joined the navy within a week.he never tried me physically again. Never quit belittling either As the years went by I became what I am but I never credited or blamed him, mom and _____ made mistakes Tonight I do feel sorrow for him, he was rairly happy for very long, he was not good at his job, he complained lots stood around waiting to be told what to do, I did a good portion of his homework on his apprentice homework, I was in 7 or 8th grade, got beat for taking to long once. His mother loved me, I do know that, my aunt did to, he did not, I did love him though, I can not honor him"I cry when I read this. To read the feelings and confusion and justifications of a child typed through an old man's fingers, a giant six foot 3 inches tall 300 pound man's fingers, it's so raw and devastating and it will likely never be processed properly. His stepfather was only 5 foot 3 inches, probably weighing not more than 135 pounds.

It's particularly intriguing since he's attractive and his voice hasn't dropped yet. I wasn't certain he was a guy til he talked about trying to get girls to like him. Way to go viral, good times.

I definitely caught it. Thanks for the article. Great resource.

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I appreciate your thoughtful and honest response, I think there is a lot of fantastic insight in your posts in this thread. Something about her reasoning for asking your roommate to run the errand is peculiar to me. Do you happen to have any other thoughts or feelings around her response, either while it was happening or now looking back?

I'm not dealing with anyone that needs these details clarified. I said explicitly it's for people who hear the analogy for the first time. And I'm not splitting hairs on whether female or male mutilation is worse. My suggestion argues for a parallel in terms of human anatomy for reasons already specified.I could be wrong but I'm not finding your feedback remotely relevant to my arguments.

Mutilation is mutilation, but removing male foreskin is not removing the head of a male penis. There are degrees of mutilation and to illustrate that removing a man's finger is the equivalent of removing a woman's hand in an attempt to illustrate that removing the man's finger is immoral is not accurate and serves to distract and potentially dissociate someone from connecting with the analogy as it offers an immediate intellectual opportunity for contention.Stef recently referenced the labia along side clitoris in his analogy, and I think the labia is much more appropriate for the analogy than the clitoris.Mutilation is mutilation and I'm clearly not arguing against that. I am arguing the efficacy of the analogy and how it can be improved to be more accurate and easily absorbed by a listener who hasn't already made the connection. The point of the analogy is to make the unaware listener aware that circumcision is mutilation, and the quickest way to do that is to illustrate the female parallel. My suggestion does not change the message that the west mutilating girls is seen as inhuman and mutilating boys is seen as religious freedom.

Presently, windowed PM notification is off by default so it's up to the user to be aware of the small PM mail icon at the top. I think the windowed PM notification decreases the likelihood that PMs go unnoticed (which further hampers the already stilted board communication). Rather than leave it up to the user to dig through settings to find the more effective PM notification I suggest making the windowed notification the default from the start. As it stands, the first PM is from Stef which is easy to perceive as automated/spam/rhetorical which I think desensitizes the user to the small PM mail icon notification. That was my experience at least. Then for some months I would sometimes randomly click on the PM mail icon to find unread messages, despite there having been no perceptible sign of unread messages. I was not aware of the option to have windowed notifications and since I have started using that feature my PMing is much more streamlined, new PMs are automatically open and ready to read as soon as I log in or as soon as I receive them while on the board.What reminded me of this is that I'm PMing members who visit my profile and have common interests and some of them are new or infrequent board members, so if they miss a PM it might be a long while before they have an opportunity to notice it the second time, which won't be likely if they don't use the PM option very much, and being new or infrequent would suggest they don't use the PM feature much, making it that much more important for them to see them first shot.