MysterionMuffles

Stephen that is an intense story. Im sorry that was how you were treated and even more sorry that our culture supports forcing the idea of "self soothing" parenting. Im growing skeptical about the smallest idea of leaving an awake and crying baby all on its own in a seperate room. Something similar to this happens in Being Erica when she has to babysit her bestfriends baby, not perfectly but better than most tv show solutions. When you revisitted this memory...did you have to be put under hypnosis or something? How were you able to vividly remember something that happened before your sense of memory developed?

Has anyone watched this great Canadian dramedy series called Being Erica? It's about a 30 year old woman who is too bright and beautiful for the dead end jobs she works at, and still single--meanwhile, the rest of her friends and family are beginning to piece their careers and marriages together. Lagging behind them and getting stuck in a rut of disappointment, she meets Dr. Tom; an insightful therapist who has the power to send her back in time. She begins by writing a long list of regrets, and in each session, she gets to undo her mistakes--while sometimes even making new ones that rewrite her history. Ultimately, whatever she's dealing with in her present life, the past regrets she gets to revisit are reflections of lessons she needs to learn and apply. The greatest thing about it...the therapy sessions sneak up on her unexpectedly! She'll be going about her business, but once a problem in her present life arises, any door, anywhere, and at anytime could lead into Dr. Tom's office. For anyone who is interested in self knowledge, therapy, and philosophy in general, and of course enjoys watching some meaningful entertainment, I would say that Being Erica would be right up your alley. Every episode is an epiphany that touches upon the philosophical principles we learn here at FDR; from Real Time Relationships and Universally Preferable Behaviour. The show explores human relationships, personal ambition and personal integrity quite realistically. IT...just has some of the most powerful writing that not many shows can compare to. ANYWAYS, that's enough of my salespitch, I've been enjoying watching it and just wanted to share.

LOL Classic Heath Ledger film.

Nah I don't feel any guilt about it. Im simply perplexed by how randomly she can turn on me after years of an ok but inconsequential online friendship. Though I have looked deeply about why I feel the need to "educate" parents on peaceful parenting. A lot of it stems from my own sub par upbringing obvioisly. Couple that with the eagerness to share new knowledge I acquire, I tend to seek instances where I can practice rationalizing abstract principles. I put them to use of course when I babysit but engaging in that conversation really was to see how conventional parents would view my opinion. Unfortunately it became an attack such is the case with crap parents. Jeez I rememher in college, this woman was furiously and proudly telling me how strict she is with her kids. Even as her kids hit the adult age she still imposed crazy cerfews with punishable results if it wasnt obeyed. This was before I really got into FDR and seeked a lot of parenting knowledge, but even back then I felt and innate cringyness from how anal she sounded. I knew her false demeanor was avoidance of some dysfunction but back then I couldnt even verbalize my beliefs and argue them rationally enough. These days I can, and perhaps not perfectly as you saw in the conversation, but I am galaxies ahead of my 2010 self. I dunno, is it wrong to engage in debates deliberately just to see how much you really know something? Or should I STFU and focus on applying these principles in my own life? And save the arguments for when its truly needed?

Hey dude, sorry it took so long for me to getting around reading your chapter sample. I am just about halfway through it and was wondering, would you still like my feedback on it? If so, in what form? A reply in that e-mail, an inbox message on the FDR board, or just a simple reply to this thread (which is what I would personally prefer to bump it back up the forum page and see if anyone else would like a go at it).

You guys have some really good points. It does seem like a reasonable thing to vent minisculy while reasoning with her kids in real life. Maybe I was even just a scapegoat for her unexpressed angst. Who knows if she even had a bad day, but shes usually been chill. Based on that quickness to defensiveness though, Im pretty sure she was in denial of some truth or fear in her parenting abilities. She seems like she could be a statistic of abusive mothers due to her dating habits and unexamined history. But cant judge too much cause again Ive never met her in person to know what shes really like.

within good reason. Any hardcore Brony should know not to take it too seriously because the target audience is little girls. However, I genuinely enjoy the show for the reasons I listed earlier and the movie kind of killed those things for me. Becoming human made the ponies less human if that makes sense. I mean on the show their personalities felt human, but the movie felt too much like people looking from the outside assume it to be. Shallow frilly girly stuff with depthless romance. I like whats going on between Spike and Rarity but Twilights romance in the movie...ehhh Its on Youtube for free with sub par sound quality. Still watchable atleast. Let me know what you think if you take the pirate route. Dont let my opinion saturate your experience.

how come?

hm you guys are right. My approach was tactless. Do you think there would be a different outcome if I never said the first comment and started with the curiousity? Or perhaps engaging at all was a mistake? as for what I was feeling before I posted was excitement to have a reasonable discussion about parenting to see if an actual one would contest my ideas or agree. Part of me also felt like I wanted to help her see an alternative to the narcicissm of simply wantinf the behaviour to stop. I suppose not everyone has had the luxury of even having the time to introspect, meanwhile shes the kind of woman to simply get caught up in the drama of her life. I mean her last boyfriend locked her outside of their house in the winter time for some miniscule argument. And shes got a pretty messed up history with step fathers that I would suspect has been left unprocessed, hence she has chosen men who have given her children and then abandoned her. Dont knoe if both kids share the same father but thats not the point. The point is I guess was that I simply lacked the empathy I was trying to educate her on by starting off with a snarky remark. Do you guys suppose that if she was anything short of rational the conversation would not have erupted the way it did? I strongly believe that my rudeness retractment was reasonable and these women were attacking me for possibly making their narcicissm apparent.

...that quickly escalated into an argument! A few hours ago a friend of mine posted a certain status that I kind of regret engaging in and I would like your opinion on what went down. I would obviously prefer if people had my back on my stance 100%, but please feel free to tell me where I went wrong. I can already admit that my initial response to the status was condescending, but thankfully that's not where the heat rose right away. For all intents and purposes, I will type out an unedited transcript of the conversation. My name is Marlon, and the women I spoke with are Faith (my no longer friend) and Bria (her friend who jumped in for some tag team action). Faith's Status: I am pretty sure that i was a good kid. Why are mine being brats. Marlon: Look in the mirror Faith: ....i am not a brat now...if thats what you mean. Marlon: No I mean how are you treating them? Are you simply annoyed by their behaviour and want them to just stop it...or are you taking the time to genuinely understand their needs beneath the behaviour? Faith: It was just a brat moment they had nothing big. I am treating my kids well. They are taken care of very well just a 1 year old and a 3 year old behavior that is annoying. Wait until you have kids you will understand what i mean then. Marlon: I've been babysitting. I know first hand lol Faith: Lol babysitting and being an everyday parent are two different things believe me. Marlon: Oh for sure. I'm just saying there's usually a need thats just left unmet so that's why they can be troublesome. Especially if they can't speak yet its a lot of guess work. Does your 3 year old speak yet and can they voice their needs? Faith: Ok i am going to stop you right here, and say this is over. my kids needs are met. And i am not going on with this convo any more because you know nothing about how i am with mychildren or what their needs are it was a simple like why wont my kids eat their dinner with out being a brat. It was nothing to do with every day behavior. But thanks for making this post something it was not. Bria: Faith's kids are saints! For me lol and my kid is a saint for her. Like faith said, day in and day out. Sometimes, after telling your kid not to do something for the 9 millionth time and they STILL dont listen, constitutes a brat moment. Like faith said, babysitting isnt even scratching the surface. Kids always listen better to people who arent their parents. My step son listens to me a million times better than my daughter! Kids are PEOPLE and sometimes they can be frustrating, just like anyone else. Marlon to Faith: Yikes no need to get defensive especially after I was empathizing with you and asking a genuine question. To Bria: You have a point Bria and I noticed a million no's do become ineffective. I usually just offer positive alternatives instead of imposing restrictions all the time. It gets tiring trying to control another human being all day. My neice is pretty bratty about eating too, but when she's hungry she will whine with an ear piercing cry. And she WILL eat when she wants to and its no big deal for me if she doesn't eat when I want her to. Faith: Stop where you be right now before i get ugly. And really what did you want me to say? oh thanks now that you say it like that i see your point. I see that maybe i am not beeting their needs and i am being negligent towards my kids...fuck off man. Thats a bunch of bull shit. Like i said in the last post stop before i am no longer this friendly. Because you opened up a conversation you have no right to talk about. Seeing as you onky baby sit. Good day. Bria: Kids need restrictions. Theyre the kid, youre an adult. I made the money to buy you groceries, i got the groceries, i cooked the food. Is it too much to say that your child is being a brat because they dont want to eat when you ask them to? Wait until you have kids. Then you can join this conversation. Until then, i suggest you stick to what you know, which apparently isnt parenting. Marlon: Ok there is a huge misunderstanding here. I wasn't even trying to undermine neither of your parenting abilities, just trying to have a good discussion so I can see what other views there are different from mine. If you're all gonna take it personally and think I am attacking you for simply sharing my views without imposition, I wouldn't even worry about your parenting abilities beyond this point. I would be more concerned with why theres such a strong reaction from me simply stating that children become brats when a need is unmet. No I do not know a single thing about your children's needs are and neither did I say you were negligent. If you think I was trying to undermine you or your intelligence, thats not my problem. Again, I agreed with some of what you said and empathized with it, and if youre more on the business of attacking me instead of actually reading what I said and gave it some thought--well then, I am starting to worry for your kids if you react to rationality this easily. But hey if when I said look in the mirror triggered something in you I'm sorry. --------------------------------------- And just like that, I got defriended and blocked. Good riddance, she was just a friend of an old exgirlfriend I had in high school who I never had the chance of meeting in person. I used to chat with her a lot but that dwindled over time. Anyways, I really hate that "wait til you have children" argument. My counter argument to that is "I don't have to! I've BEEN a kid! I know which parenting approach worked for me more." On the offbeat chance my parents did the right thing, there was no fuss no muss and I usually learned quickly about whatever I needed to learn. Anyways, hope that wasn't too long for some people, if you read that all I would love to thank you for taking the time to do so and I look forward to your feedback on my approach.

Sooo...has anyone seen the Equestria Girls movie or is thinking of watching it?

Something I don't think that is talked about enough in FDR is the care for the elderly. Assuming that a grandparent or parent HAS been good and virtuous to someone, I would like a philosophical discussion on how to persevere when it comes to being a caregiver of someone whose time may come soon. More particularly; the elderly who are truly feeble and are reverting to the dependance equivelant to a child's when it comes to being fed and brought to the washroom. Learning how to extend empathy towards them with integrity would be a nice topic to dissect because it can wear someone out when an elder may constantly ask for assisstance. You WANT to be there for them, they may have aches and pains you can't do anything about, and it may even drive the care giver NUTS to the point where they become the patient in a way, and they need to learn how to manage their sense of patience when it comes to helping someone out in need. I would greatly appreciate a show on this aspect of empathy, and if there are key similarities/differences between taking care of children and the elderly.

not sure about history but there is one on Iraq called a Decade of Hell.

they dont deserve to have guests to interview...that was one of the worst attempt at conversation ive watched.

Good choice, I really can't see why anyone qould get defensive from what you said.

Yeah I love his sense of humour. Search up in Youtube: Stefan Molyneux does stand up. Id post the link but my phone wont let me paste.

oh man I thought it was advocating child spanking but this...what?! How behind can these people be? I sincerely hope that its justba satirical thing...but then again...

Not my fault in making it personal, how else will I respond? The moment you made a claim about my beliefs based on assumptions duebto a lack of information, my defense for tasmlab became irrelevant. He's a grown man he'll speak for himself. You even disregarded the fact that I took your advice and became curious for more of your input, which would have been fine if you had not made blind assertions about my beliefs and my personal life.This to me communicates that you yourself are more interested in intellectual and moral dominance than you are in simple curiousity and philosophical reasoning. tasmlab's line of reasoning gave me some pause but did I start making claims about his being or how his kids are learning to hate him? No, I asked to understand his position because he wasn't blatantly advocating physical violence on children. Physical force isnacceptable if it isn't used to scare a person or modify their behaviour. Much like how it would be acceptable to forcefully pull a blind man from walking into traffice; I wouldnt find it violent to place a child in a buggy before heading into a parking lot unless the parent does so aggressively through threats and impatience without calm explanation--whether the child is capable of understanding dialogue or not. They do respond to calm speech however despite if its understood. but Joesito, I can understand where you are coming from and I may be wrong about your intentions, but I feel hostility coming from your responses so Im just going to choose not to engage with you anymore.

If I didn't take the time to understand your arguments there I would not have started making the argument from morality with my family like I said at the end of topic. And if I didn't take the time to understand your arguments I wouldn't have continued our private conversation to which you've chosen to ignore, which I find pretty shitty because I was genuinely curious as to what input you had to my questions. Nevermind tasmlab and whatever argument you have with him, I'm feeling deeply offended by this statement you made about me. The only basis you have on whether or not I've stood up to my family is what has been publicly written about it thus far. How could you safely assume I've done nothing since the time around that thread was still active? If you were truly philosophical, you would not be making assumptions rather simply asking the question if I have stood up to my family since that thread. And yes I have, using the argument from morality as you suggested. I had a talk with my neice's father, for the first time having a REAL conversation with the guy, about whether or not it's moral to use physical violence to modify someone's behaviour. He started off by saying no and getting really angry at his father for what he did to him as a kid (HORRIBLE shit and I am grateful he opened up to me about it), but like most indoctrinated people, he fell into the trap of defending the way certain cultures are and that "at the end of the day, he was still my father." I don't want to give away too much about his life, but it was absolutely wretched. I have no evidence if my talk with him has had any effect, but just like my last update in that thread, he has been the most peaceful with my neice that I have seen. She likes to play with my drum kit, and he has her on his lap as they sit on the drum stool, and she has the tendancy to swing the drumsticks so carelessly that she sometimes ends up hitting him in the face. Normally he would get angry, yell at her and eventually spank her, but now he just laughs it off. I then reassure him that she's fine on her own on the stool and that he just needs to help her get down when she's done, and he's fine with that and thankful because drumsticks hurt! lol Maybe that's some evidence, but not sufficient enough as of yet. I still don't know what happens at home. I haven't stood up to my family...I opened up to my mother about the beatings my father gave me. At first she wanted to play it off like she didn't remember what happened, but that didn't matter when she saw all the sorrow in me as I expressed how neglected I feel for her not doing anything while my dad beat me and my brother with the buckles of his belt! I had a 3 hour long conversation with her about the child abuse history in our family and how she is starting to see how ugly it is with the way my cousin gets upset too quickly with my neice. Sometimes even physically aggressive when she's doing something just not to her liking, and my mom has started standing up for my neice even after that one hand slap. Go ahead and assert that she was evil for doing it for that ONE time, but the evidence points to the contrary. Despite of the discrepancy between my mom and I when it comes to me accepting Atheism, she is at least on board with protecting my neice. I asked my mom the same question if it was moral to use physical violence to modify behaviour, and up until then she was allowing my cousin's aggression go uninterrupted. But once I asked her to universalize it like if she would use violence to modify a co-worker's work habits or a friend's, she started to understand where I've been coming from. I haven't stood up to my family...yet every time my cousin loses her temper on my neice, I respond to my neice peacefully which makes her feel stupid and uncomfortable. She knows this type of response is not only possible, but optimal. My neice screams while I'm watching a TV show, and everybody in the room has already been in a loud conversation before that, and my cousin yells "be quiet, uncle is trying to watch TV." I just say, "it's fine, there's closed captions and I've seen this episode already." My neice starts placing cards in a book, my cousin comes around with the fear that she might rip the pages, was just about to yell at her, I say "it's fine, she's not ripping any of the pages out." It looked like my cousin was going to continue yelling, but she took in a breath and just walked away to mind her own business. Anyways, I have too many examples of my own interventions and I think that's what this topic was really meant for, discussions of interventions when child abuse is present, and I'll be more than happy to provide some more of my own examples. As for my cousin, I've yet to have the talk with her, but I will simply ask her why she spanks my neice. If I can have a calm and rational discussion with her scumbag husband and actually be listened to, I'm pretty sure she can listen to me because there was a point in time I actually genuinely liked her company. So I have that to go on in letting her know that I'm not out to humiliate her with this conversation, just curious. My hope is that I stay objective as possible and as rational as possible, and if the talk doesn't change anything (you never know what may happen, whether I set her further in her ways or actually turn her around), then holy hell. As much as I love my neice, I will tell my cousin that neither of them are welcomed back at my house until she and her husband start treating her as well as they did in her first few months of existence. They will inevitably come to my family gatherings and they can all they want, but I will ostracize them and convince my whole family to do the same. So Joesito, before you go on the business about making random assumptions about people's beliefs and calling them illogical or anti-philosophical...try asking some questions first. And not in some passive aggressive way where they are pretty much forced to answer in the way you prefer them to answer to fuel the fire further...but real curious, honest and genuine questions about why they believe what they believe. Get a better understanding of what they really mean first before you even strike the match and start a flame war.

I haven't had anything published yet, but I did just finish writing my first novel; which is a psychological dramedy about a man who is haunted by his own reflection in the mirror...that actually berates him like a tormenting life coach. I'm in the process of gathering some of my friends and family as beta readers for the summer so that they can give me some feedback when they're done reading. So far my sister has been the most helpful since she reads fast and doesn't hold back punches in her feedback. I'm just wishing the rest of my beta readers would read as far as she would, then I would be so pleased to know that I can jump back into the story in a couple of months to revise it and also write a query letter for it like you have here. Anyways, here's my critique about your query letter. Again I don't know much about query letters (I forgot all about them till I saw this post) so my critique is on just the base idea of the story. Like I said, you raise some great internal questions for the reader to ask. I think I want to know more than Casey wants to know what the hell is after him and why it wants his blood. It's a cliche for a hero in any story to have a dead or missing parent, but I guess it always helps for people to identify with such a situation such as being orphaned. What I love about this is the element of reforming something evil. Maybe Rex isn't evil, but I got the sense that he might be, but it will be up to the book for me to understand how Casey reforms him to become a friend. If Rex talks, I get how he may have a connection with his parents, otherwise, I would like some clarification as to how they are connected unless it becomes a spoiler. Don't know if "a bit of a cliff to hang from at the end" is a professional statement to put in a query letter. I would go so far on the certainty as to say, "Blood Drawn IS the first of a series, for it will end on a cliff hanger that will have readers refusing to clip their fingernails, just so they can hang on with all their might," or something like that lol. Now I'm unsure if that's even less professional, or if that is just the right amount of snazziness. As for your manuscript, I'll PM you my e-mail. Just send me the first chapter to see if I'm willing to commit to reading someone else's work in the meantime as I have a few books lined up to read. I'm about to finish the Great Gatsby tonight so I can review it on my Youtube channel. I do a reviews series called From the Book Shelf to the Big Screen where I review novels that get turned into movies. Look out for that in this same forum heading of Freedomainers when I get Gatsby done, as I will present all three reviews I've done so far in the thread I'll make in the near future. I look forward to reading what you've got, just go check your inbox!

Oh I see thanks for the clarification. I was so focussed on the log that I forgot about fire safety lol. Joesito, what I mean by ad hominem is that you're attacking tasmlab's character more than his arguments. Telling people not to respond to him and claiming that he is illogical, when he is trying to make his case with his personal reason and evidence--I find that unfair. If you found his posts snarky and offensive due to the sarcasm, then fine, be offended. I would be too if I opened a topic and expected it to go a certain way, but didn't. Are you sure you aren't just upset because it seemed like he disagreed about the intervention you enacted in the story you started the topic with? Don't get me wrong, I'm all about protecting the rights of children. Don't believe me? Check out this topic I had a few months ago about protecting my neice from her abusive parents. All I'm saying is, no need to get too worked up about the disagreement and see if you guys can meet somewhere in the middle. Your position is that some parents want to dominate even when it comes to things as safety, for tasmlab his position is on preventing danger in a child's life, even if it requires force. Even Stef has said that it was unfortunate he had to force Isbella only a couple of times to change her diaper, and even sleep training, but it's something that needed to be done so that she doesn't grow up with a rash in her nether regions or insomnia when she grows up. It's just tiny discomfort and inconvenience that she won't remember, but will be thankful for in the future because it turned out to be for the best.

If you don't mind that I respond to that by asking this then I'd like to get to the bottom of it. Why wouldn't a two year old have the permission to pick up a log? If it's too heavy and she can't carry it, she'll learn from experience that she indeed needs help with it. If its light enough for her to lift but heavy enough to make it difficult for her to carry consistently, her strength will be put to the test and she can decide if she wants to continue. What problematic consequence do you think will happen or do you have a fear of happening that gives you some pause about it?

Whoa ridbuck your logic rocks! Sharp stuff I am sceptical of trusting in the hands of my niece but I'm with you on letting them climb stuff. If they fall they fall and they'll decide if they ever want to again.

oh cool nice to see another fiction writer here. Sounds like a nice misunderstood companionship story. I think you created a good amount of questions to be asked internally and that you concisely presented the idea with effeciency. I'd like to critique your idea better when Im more awake and have access to a keyboard better thaan my phone's--before I ask you forbthe manuscript.

Joesito, do you recognize that you may be using an ad hominem attack on tasmlab? I don't feel you responded with much reason or understanding, what I do feel is though, you happen to have a strong reaction to his posts. tasmlab I can agree with you that despite all efforts, a baby's last resort to communicate their needs is by crying. But I dont think it happens more often than just a simple whining fit if the child has been in a peaceful environment for the most part. Much like Joesito I do feel a bit offended by you list of dangerous examples. I really hope for your sake that you were being sarcastic and just exaggeratijg. Because if your kids are putting sharp knives and their mouths or tying curtain cords around their necks, Im not sure if youre in the right position to talk safety if you havent provided the most basic of safety by having minimized the dangers in yourbimmediate enviroment. If however, those drastic things have never happened to your children, why did you feel the need to make such drastic examples? Was your intention to evoke a reaction or something else entirely?